I thought I was finished for the night, but I guess not. Something happened tonight, something bad. That seems to be way of it lately. It's not something I can share since it's not my secret. It belongs to other people who are trapped in a terrible dance of lies and deceit and God only knows where it will end.
I gave my usual advice when asked -- that the truth is always best since it will eventually come out anyway, that there are trained professionals who can help, that life will go on, and that God really does care for us no matter what.
All the usual truths, the advice that no one takes, the words we all nod our heads to while thinking, You don't understand.
So now I'm realizing how outdated I am, how old fashioned. How utterly ... romantic.
See, I still believe in love in first sight. I still believe that two people can heal their broken hearts. I still believe in babies and puppies and apple pie and vanilla ice cream. I know all the words to The Star Spangled Banner and sing them loudly at ballgames. I like church and the people who go there. I also like books and old movies and playing Scrabble and Uno.
I told a girl a long time ago that I believed in people having space in marriages and that they should have their own lives. I only said it because I wanted to not scare her off, but I tell you now and will tell her if I get the chance that I didn't mean a word of it. I believe in best friends who love each other and would rather spend their time together than apart, and if you don't have that in your marriage, you should fix it or get out. And I believe you can fix it if you both want to.
Why state this all of this when it is probably not much of a secret to anyone who reads this blog? Because I feel threatened lately. I feel pressed. I feel the world closing in. I watch people I love tear themselves apart, and I have to repeat to myself to what I believe and why this life is worth living.
It's a promise to myself. It's a reminder to keep my head up. It's a binding of heaven and earth. It's a prayer.
It's a prayer.
There's a Zen story that goes something like this. A man was walking along a path near a cliff when a bear began to chase him. To escape, he started to climb down the cliff, but halfway down, he hear a growling below him, and it was a pack of wild dogs leaping up at him. He couldn't go up and he couldn't go down, and his hands were getting tired. Just then he saw, growing out of the cliff, a wild strawberry plant with one ripe berry. The berry was red, plump and beautiful. Letting go with one hand, he reached out and picked the berry and ate the berry. It was delicious.
And he smiled.
6 comments:
"So now I'm realizing how outdated I am, how old fashioned. How utterly ... romantic.
"See, I still believe in love in first sight. I still believe that two people can heal their broken hearts. I still believe in babies and puppies and apple pie and vanilla ice cream. I know all the words to The Star Spangled Banner and sing them loudly at ballgames. I like church and the people who go there. I also like books and old movies and playing Scrabble and Uno.
"I told a girl a long time ago that I believed in people having space in marriages and that they should have their own lives. I only said it because I wanted to not scare her off, but I tell you now and will tell her if I get the chance that I didn't mean a word of it. I believe in best friends who love each other and would rather spend their time together than apart, and if you don't have that in your marriage, you should fix it or get out. And I believe you can fix it if you both want to."
I keep hoping to meet someone like this. I don't know if it's realistic if it hasn't happened in 50 years, but I still dream that it's possible.
And I'm sorry you keep finding yourself caught up in hurtful situations with people who don't seem to share those wonderful values.
I think the ZEN story sums up my philosophy of life. But you my friend have a problem; you have yet to develop a tough outer skin to protect you from life's grasping hands and eager mouths. You are like the strawberry in the story- soft on the outside and soft on the inside and tempting for other people to chew up for their own gratification. Perhaps when the strawberry matured it gained a tough outer skin and became a mangosteen - equally delicious but more difficult to bruise.
I agree with you Tech. Some say it makes me naive and prone to hurt. Perhaps, But I still think all those things exist. Hopefully, for me. (and you too!)
I don't know your secret. Or rather, their (whoever they are) secret. But I wish them the best. The truth is always revealed, how much better if you take the step to reveal it yourself?
One thing you have to say about Tech is that he is tough. I know some of what has been happening around him. Other people would have broken long ago or ran away. That he stays is a tribute to his loyalty and strength.
But I'm wondering, Tech, if maybe you should let go. I know that's foreign to you, but the people who are clinging to you are not good people. OK, some of them are, but most of them should be cut loose. If they go under, it's their problem. Some of them deserve to go under and stay there. I know what binds you to this situation, but in the final tally, will you be able to do anything to protect who you're trying to protect? If that sounds hard-hearted, I'm sorry. I support you and will continue to do so, but I'm tired of seeing you take damage. You deserve to be happy, too, you know. Those people don't love you as much as you love them. I think it's time you find people who do.
A bit grim these days, buddy. Just remember that all things including bad things eventually end. Think how happy you'll be when this current trouble (whatever it is) passes.
Re: story.
Enjoy the moment.
Post a Comment