Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Hopeless

      Yes, I'm standing on the edge of despair. Once again I need an idea for a humor column. I don't have one. Not the gleam of one.
      Oh, I tried to write something about wanton Betsy Ross and why she really sewed that flag, but it just didn't come together. There's a column there, but not yet.
      Then I called my friend Crystal thinking she would give me a funny subject. She, instead, abandoned me so that she could read a book by Anne Rice. ABANDONED! I wrote three plays with that woman! You'd think she'd be more loyal, but no, she wants to read about men with dental problems and the women who love them and then die horribly. Sigh.
      So now I'm forced to wander the streets of my imagination, lost among the statues of Pamela Anderson and Lucy Lawless. I'm a poor waif crying out, "Columns, columns, ER's kidneys for a column ..."

5 comments:

Unknown said...

Why don't you write a column about some of your goals? Writing, for instance. Fitness efforts. Or dealing with finances.

Trixie said...

How about something on chandelry?

night-rider said...

"lost among the statues of Pamela Anderson and Lucy Lawless. I'm a poor waif crying out, 'Columns, columns'"... now if that doesn't sound like a funny column or at least an interesting dream, I don't know what does.

Erudite Redneck said...

Just keep my body organs out of this!

--ER

Mark said...

I'm not so sure, after the amount of whiskey ER seems to drink, that his kidneys are worth a column.