All's well that ends well

      And now the play is over. We didn't have the crowds I had hoped for, but we did okay, and those that attended applauded and laughed at the right places. What more can you ask?
      I'm not looking forward to tomorrow night. I've been through this before -- the let-down after a play or project is over. I have plenty of projects to take back up: Darkness, Oklahoma; Dragons Gather; Figments; the family newsletter (which is a month behind now), etc. But I will probably mindlessly surf the TV channels. That seems to be my pattern. It takes a few days before my focus can switch to something new. There's something obsessive in that, but I don't think I will look at it closely.
      Anyway, back to work tomorrow. Back to paperwork and problems. Bills and alarm clocks. Appointments and errands. Of course, that all went on while the play was going on, but somehow, those activities didn't seem to command much of my attention or be as annoying as they seem now. Oh well. Bills have to be paid, life goes on, etc.
      So ... I'll be blogging again and reading your blogs, too. And yes, FF, you were supposed to blog while I was gone! If I have to be gone again in the future, I will leave instructions to that effect. Lazy, lazy, lazy ...
      Having nagged and feeling better for it, I will call it a night. See ya tomorrow. Have a great week.

Two down, two to go

      I've only have about five minutes to post this before I head back to the theater, but I thought I'd use the time to give you an update on the progress of the play. It's going well, despite wild weather the first night.
      Thursday night, we had hail, heavy rain and a tornado warning! Despite that, we still managed to fill up nearly a third of the seats. Brave people. The cast made a few opening night flubs, but since the audience didn't know the play, they were none the wiser. The actors got rattled in the first act by a couple of crying and/or screaming babies in the audience. It was terrible, but the kiddos went to sleep so the rest of the play went okay. I don't know why parents bring babies to the theater.
      Friday morning, we received a nice review in the local paper. Didn't mention me, of course, sigh, but several of my actors got nice comments. And nothing negative was said, so it was a clear win. That evening we were nearly 2/3 full. Which isn't bad for our community on a Friday.
      I hope tonight we have a larger audience. The weather is a bit misty, but no rain and no storm warnings. So we'll see.
      Anyway, I have to get to the theater now. I hope things are going well for you. I'm looking forward to catching up on everyone's blogs soon. You are blogging, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?
      Hope things are going well for you.

Posting from backstage

      It's a post! Yes, I am posting a post. Or blogging a post if you prefer. Or just babbling if we get right down the nitty gritty. I have been chastised by Crystal, who said I should post even though she herself posts only once in a blue moon! Talk about the pot and kettle ... No, really, talk about the pot and kettle. Tell me what's going on with them. Of course, she did blog a post over on the Great Slim Down that discusses her darkest cravings. Shhhh. Don't let her mom know.
      Last night, after play practice, we worked on the stage lights for the theater. We got most of the working and solved a couple of problems we'd been having. It made for a late night. I have been sleepy all day. And it will be a late night tonight, also, as we are doing tech and dress rehearsals for the next three days. Because -- tada! -- we open Thursday.
      What else? My family newsletter? What family newsletter? No, I will get caught up with it next month. I'm just running so far behind. And also I will resume work on Darkness, Oklahoma next month, too. And Crystal and I are talking about updating and expanding one of our one-acts into a full-length play. And the usual work and life and chores and writing and blogging and emailing and printing and submitting and mailing and how I'm looking forward to it all!
      This has been a good play, though. A good cast and a good crew. Pleasant atmosphere. Very little friction. I have to say it's been one of the best ones I've worked on. I was trying to count up the various plays I've been in, written, worked on or directed over the years at school, colleges or community theaters. I think my total stands at about 60 or so. Here's a partial list. See how many you know. Hogwild, There's a Body in the Closet, A Lion In Winter, Man of La Mancha, Long Day's Journey into Night, Aunt Miranda's Will, An Apple for the Teacher, Louder I Can't Hear You, Romeo and Juliet, JB, Macbeth, Oklahoma!, Darkness at the Top of the Stairs, A Man for All Seasons, Becket, Circles, Night Mother, Writers in the Hands of an Angry God, Rumors, Turnabout, The Lady's Not For Burning, Bite My Tongue, Shut My Mouth, A Black Summer Day, Barefoot in the Park, Into the Woods, Mame, Auntie Mame, Mary Mary, Please Don't Eat The Daisies, A Thousand Clowns, Dracula, The Lark, Last of the Red Hot Lovers, Bats Off, Butterflies Are Free, Suddenly Last Summer, Murder on the Rerun and so on. That list represents a lot of hours and a lot of good times. Even if I never make another cent from my theater endeavors, I can't say I've been short-changed.
      And now I need to get ready to go the theater. Talk to you tomorrow. I hope.

The play's the thing ... the ONLY thing ...

      And that's what I've been doing: Working frantically on the play. We open next Thursday. We rehearse every day until then. There are tons of things on my list that still need to be done. I've crossed off a lot of things on my list today, but I still have plenty to go. I'm writing this before I have to go back to the theater.
      My niece is out of the hospital and maybe doing some better. She's still having problems, but she sounds more like herself and is able to do more for herself. I'm hoping and praying this upward trend continues. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep nagging the Big Guy on her behalf.
      My IBD flare continues, but I have it under control with being careful and taking my meds. After the play is over, I'm sure it will finally settle down.
      One last thing before I go. Nightrider sent me an email Scrabble game. So far, she is beating the stuffings out of me! It's a lot of fun, and I want to thank her for starting the game.
      And now, good night. Have a great day. I hope to be back here tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

bumpdebump

if yr inkin
what i be inkin
then cld be
bumpdebump we
all nite long
like crazy song
what say u
bout us 2

if yr inkin
what i be inkin
crazy we get
everything fit
like glue
or good shoe
stars in sky
laughin up high

But if not,
then never mind.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

Rant (Ver 1.032106)

...
LOADING ANGER MODULE...
RIGHTEOUS FURY EXECUTING...
BEGIN RANT...
      It works like this: If you write a book, you own it. If you write a song, you own it. If you write a short story, you own it. What is so hard about that? What is so hard about understanding that you shouldn't steal from other people's works? Are you stupid or what?
      Forgive me if I seem abrupt, but I've had it up to here with hacks stealing other people's work and listening to them justify it. They toss around "fair use" even though they don't have the slightest understanding of what it means. They say that it's okay to use other people's words because "it's for charity." They say that it's okay to photocopy plays, books, articles in large quantities because "we're giving them away free." They say that they have a friend who has a cousin who has a brother who is dating a lawyer and she said it was okay.
      And if you call them on their twisted thinking, they look at you with wounded eyes and quietly say they were just trying to be "creative."
      Let me make it real simple for you. If you steal someone's work, it's theft. Forget about "copyright infringement." Those two words have been tossed around so much that they've practically lost meaning. Let's call it what it is: It's theft. It doesn't matter if you bought the book, the CD, the video, the script, you still have no right to use it to create new works, to adapt it into other forms, to film it, to tape it, to sample it. WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THIS?
      This will be even simpler. If you steal someone's work, you have no morals. You can babble on about fair use and claim your theft hurts no one and even misquote the copyright laws, but you're nothing more than a common crook. That's all you are.
      If you think you might be in violation of copyright, please go to the site for the United States Copyright Office. They have plenty of explanations of what is and isn't copyright theft.
END RANT
EXIT PROGRAM
...

Set

      I thought you might like to see the set for my play now that it's mostly painted and constructed. It still needs a stair rail and a few other minor touches, but basically that's it. I'll take more photos when the furniture and decorative items are in place.

This is the left side of the set.














This is the center of the set.














This is the right side of the set.














Here are all three photos merged with the aid of Photoshop Elements.

A few things about today

      My minor IBD flare turned into a major IBD flare. So I spent most of last night and all of today being sick. Not fun. But I still got the poster designed. I hope to get it copied tomorrow so that we can start putting it up next weekend. Depends on how I feel.
      Tomorrow I intend to design the program. We won't print it until the week of the production, but I want it done so that I won't be rushed that last week. There are enough last minute things to do then. I don't want to have to try to do something creative in a rush.
      The play is coming together. They had a good practice last night. I think the play is going to be a high point in the theater season.
      Holly Lisle has released another episode in her podcast series. If you're interested in writing professionally, give it a listen. This installment is titled "The One With Fangs." Click here to hear.
      My niece remains in the hospital. Not much improvment. Please continue to remember her in your prayers.
      Not much else going on here. I hope you have a wonderful tomorrow. Good night.

The Ghost Breakers *

      "What oh what did Tech do on his night off from play practice?" I hear you asking yourself. In fact, you're consumed by the question, unable to work, sleep or eat as you wonder. Rest easy, my adoring fans. I'm gonna tell you.
      I watched Ghost Hunters on the SciFi Channel and talked on the phone to Crystal. Yes, that's right. I spent most of my evening watching guys (and a couple of gals) attempt to catch a few wayward spirits in the act. I also did do a bit of laundry and moved some papers around, but that was it.
      Crystal is addicted to Ghost Hunters, so I watched to discover what the attraction was. Some of the stories are bit spooky, but most of them seem explainable. What fascinated me was the gadgets. They have such cool equipment! Infrared cameras, remote sensors, EMF detectors, ultraviolet flashlights, etc. I want that equipment. And I already have some of it.
      So naturally we're all going to have to go ghost hunting. That's right. Ghost hunting. I'm trying to find as many supposedly haunted sites as I can, and then I and some friends are going to go out and lasso some spirits. Of course, you will be invited to participate, in person if you can make it, by photos, audio files and blogging if not. It should be a blast even if the spirits are unwilling. And apparently they frequently are.
      Of course, if you know me at all, then you know that I don't believe in ghosts, goblins, vampires, etc. I'm a rational person and proud of it. So what's the attraction for me? The equipment, of course! I love gadgets. And even though the Ghost Hunters don't use them, I know that I'm going to use a couple of lasers. I don't know for what yet, but by golly, I've got them, and we're going to use them.
      Beware, spirits, we're comin' for ya!

(*The title of an old Bob Hope movie about busting some ghosts.)

5

      It was a bad practice last night. My fault. They stumbled on lines they had before, forgot blocking, and got side-tracked on little bits of business when they are still struggling with the main action of the play. And I couldn't figure out how to get them back on track. I let myself get distracted with set problems and personal problems, and I couldn't get the energy going. As director, it's up to me to set the tone and the pace of the play. It wasn't a terrible practice, of course -- they're too good a group to have a terrible practice -- but I'm not sure if we accomplished much. And we need to be moving forward every practice. The play opens in just 15 days. Yikes.
      Despite the looming deadline, I gave everyone the night off tonight. I think part of the problem is that we're all tired. A night off to recharge and refresh is better than spinning our wheels in a frustrating practice. And let's be honest, I need the break, too.
      So what am I going to do tonight?
      More play stuff, of course. I need to finish designing the posters and start on the program. I like doing creative things like that so it should be fun. And some laundry and a little housework. Maybe watch some TV if I can find anything that's not boring. Or just sit down with a couple of books I've been wanting to read. The thing is, I might just veg out and do nothing. Wouldn't that be nice?
****
      I figured out what fueled some of the malaise that has been affecting me recently: I've not been able to do any real writing since the play practice started. There simply isn't enough time in the day. One of the cool things about National Novel Writing Month -- maybe the coolest from my perspective -- was the uninterrupted hours spent writing. I fell into a creative state when the words were flowing. The world recedes. Sounds rather mystical, but that's what happens. I think most people experience this if they intensely concentrate on a project.
      That's when you look up and realize that you haven't eaten supper, it's midnight, and you wonder where the hours went. Time is relative to what you're doing. Compare your time in a doctor's office with watching an exciting football game in which OSU beats OU. (Hey, it's happened before! It could happen again.) One is slow; the other is fast. Relative.
***
      Holly Lisle has started a podcast. This is a major cool. Holly will be discussing writing on her shows as well as answering listeners' questions. This is just another part of Holly's "pay it forward" philosophy of life. She's an excellent writer and excellent human being. Check out her podcast here.
**
      Someday I'm going to snap and strangle one of my customers at work. He came in yesterday, and I was treated to another 30 minutes of his bigoted, backward thinking. He is a self-proclaimed Republican, but he's one of those Republicans that make the other Republicans flinch. He hates blacks, gays, Mexicans, Arabs, Native American Indians, Catholics, Mormons, Jews, etc. He thinks the best solution to every foreign problem is "nuke 'em!" He's 82 years mean, and I don't think he will ever die since Heaven won't take him and Hell is scared of him, But if on some blessed day he does croak, he will be so filled with bile and meanness that his liver will continue to function for years after he's dead.
      I used to feel sorry for him. His wife left him years ago, his children moved away and don't speak to him, he lives alone in an old house that is filled with newspapers and cans. He looks frail and lost until you hear him speak. Then you realize his mind is still sharp, but not as sharp as his tongue. If I owned where I worked, I tell him to take his business elsewhere, anywhere but here. But I don't so I smile a lot and think about the pleasant sounds his neckbones would make as I crushed them. Ahhh ... Hmm, could this be my dark side that people keep harping about?
      Could be.
*
      All praise Dave Ramsey! You will recall that I've been following his principles to get out of debt. One of the most important things he recommends is to have an Emergency Fund. He says you should save that first.
      Yesterday at lunch, while reconciling my checkbook, I discovered that I had written down a paycheck twice. Yikes. This meant that the checks I mailed Monday would bounce, bounce, bounce ... except I have a small Emergency Fund. I went to the bank and transferred the money from the EF to my checking account.
      Before Dave Ramsey, I would have panicked and been unable to cover those checks without borrowing money. So ... all praise Dave Ramsey! Learn more about Dave Ramsey here.
      And I think I'll close on that and get ready for work.

Trixie's Meme

      Trixie tagged me with this meme several days ago, but I'm running behind on everything. I'm slow, but I get there eventually.

      Trixie's Meme
      Let's make this a meme, shall we? Answer these questions here, and if you wish, tag five folks and have them answer the same on your blog.
      Fasten your seat belts; here we go!
      1. What is the best thing you've done this week? Probably the work on the play. I had a shaky actor that confided in me about a problem with stage fright. I talked to the actor and gave a few exercises, which seemed to really help.
      2. What's the most meaningful personal issue you've thought about this week? Getting myself back on track with my diet. I will have a loss to post when the Wednesday Weigh In rolls around on The Great Slim Down.
      3. What's the biggest nuisance task you have gotten out of the way this week? I finally sorted through a file of miscellaneous stuff and threw a lot of it away and put the rest into the proper place.
      4. What's the biggest annoyance hanging over your head this week? Not really an annoyance, but I need to finish the mailing of the theater group newsletter, and I'm having to wait for a couple of people to give me their names. If they would, I could get it finished and checked off my list.
      5. What has made you happy this week? I can't think of anything in particular, but the play rehearsals have had a lot of laughs in them.
      6. Have you cried this week? Why? Well, yes, actually. I went to my boss's dad's funeral. I didn't really know the deceased, but I was moved by the sorrow of many of the family.
      7. What are you looking forward to most this week? Getting more items checked off my list. And the weekend where I have some free time to work on the March family newsletter. Yes, I know it should already be mailed. Sue me.
      8. What has just flat made you crazy this week? The stupid way we humans will choose darkness and self-destruction over all the thousands of alternatives out there. I keep hoping that we will finally grow up, but we don't. I know we're a fallen people, but I think we can do better. We don't have to wallow in prejudice, pride and sorrow. I try to not watch the news because my blood boils as I hear about what those idiots in Washington, DC -- both stinking parties -- have done this week.
      9. What bliss have you experienced this week? I'd have to say that it was when I was working on a creative project. There's an emotional state that I get in when the work is going well. The world disappears. Hours literally pass without notice. It's cool.
      10. What have you prayed to change this week? Well, I asked for health, wisdom and happiness for my niece, my family, my extended family, Mikey and his mom, my friends, my church and our nation. I also asked for wisdom and patience for me. When I get tired, I can be short with people. I'm trying to be kinder and more supportive. I want to be able to lift people up, not drag them down, even when I have to correct their acting.

      I'm not going to tag anyone because I think most may have already done it. But if you haven't, meme away and let us know so we can read your answers.

The long dark tea-time of the soul *

      I'm here. I'm still alive. I think about posting a lot. Particularly when I'm at the theater and it's midnight and I realize that if I had only not volunteered to direct, I could be posting. Except I would have posted earlier since I try to go to sleep before midnight. Sleep ... Once I knew what that was.
      The play is going well. The actors are coming along. I have a couple of problem areas to work on, but overall, it's shaping up nicely. The set should be finished this weekend, although it won't get its furnishings until the week of the performance. We're borrowing the furniture so we try to limit its time at the theater. I'll take a picture of the empty set after we paint the floor Saturday so you can see how it turned out. A friend of mine, an interior decorator, is decorating the set, and she's doing a great job.
      Work and the play. That's pretty much my life until the end of the month. Why I ever direct is a mystery to me. It's a lot of work if you try to do it well, and I'm incapable of not trying to do my best. I hate to see plays where the set has been slopped up there and the actors stumble over their lines. I'm determined that my actors have the best available and as much time as they need to master their characters. I want the play to be something they're proud of having been in when April 3rd rolls around. (The play's performances are March 30 - April 2.)
      Everything is getting done on schedule. I have a list of what has to be done, and I check items off daily. Too few items, but at least things are getting done. Some things won't be done simply because we'll run out of time, but the major and most of the minor items will be completed. I think most projects are like that. Eventually a deadline rolls around, and you go with what you have.
      They sent my niece home from the hospital. Basically they pumped her full of steroids and pain meds, said they didn't know what was wrong other than something was, recommended she get some more tests, and that was that, another fine example of the medical care for the uninsured in this nation.
      I choose the title to the post due to the malaise that has affected me over the past few days. It's been busy and exhausting, what with work, the play, a funeral, an IBD flare, general aches and pains, etc. I need a vacation. A few days away on a beach. A new life. All the usual things I long for, but don't make happen. Ah, there's the rub.
      Anyway, it's 6:40 p.m. now, and I have to get to the theater. I'll try to stay in touch more. Night y'all.

(*With apologies to Douglas Adams for borrowing the title of one of books)

Office orchid

Orchid in my office.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

Frustration

      There are few things more frustrating than knowing someone you care about is suffering and there is nothing or little you can do.
      My niece is in an ambulance on her way to a hospital in Tulsa. She's in the middle of a Crohn's flare. All I can do is pray and tell my sister to tell my niece that I'm praying for her and that I love her. It doesn't seem enough. Oh, I believe in the power of prayer. I don't think I could live in this world if I didn't, but at times like these, I wish I was a doctor. I wish that I could do more, that my help was more tangible. I wish I could ease her pain. I uselessly wish a thousand things. And knowing that there is better care out there available, but we can't afford it, can't get it because we're poor -- is it any wonder that I'm a screaming liberal? Of course the kicker is that none of my self-serving angst helps her at all. It's not about you, jerk, I tell myself. So I pray.
      I'm in that same situation with someone else. Someone that I still care about even though the bridge between us is a smoking ruin. I stand on my shore and watch helplessly as she, like my niece, hurts. Oh, I thought about a phone call, an email, a postcard, a letter, a note, but it might hurt her, might add to her burden, might increase her pain, and she made it clear months ago that she didn't want anything else to do with me, that I only cause her sorrow. So I can only watch and pace and wish I could be there for her, wish that I could do something, anything. I can't, so I pray.
      Maybe it's a lack of faith on my part, but it doesn't seem to be enough. Not even close to enough. Sometimes I really hate the world we live in. We deserve better, but I don't see us getting it. Not here. Not while we live in a world ruled by greed, fear and violence.
      It's a bad night following a bad day. That's how it goes sometimes. Tomorrow will be better. Please pray for my niece and all the other people suffering out there. It may be the only hope, the only chance we all have.

Perspective

       I had forgotten how physically demanding directing a play is. Last night we blocked Act 1. I was on and off the stage, up and down the stairs, across the stage a couple of hundred times. I was exhausted when the rehearsal was finished. But we got it done, and it looks good. And I got a workout without going to the gym!
      Tonight we will go over the first act again, just to the cement the blocking. That will be our agenda for Wednesday night, also. Thursday we will block the second act. The second act is about 20 pages shorter than the first so it should go faster. I hope.
      The cast is doing well. I think they're all going to give strong performances. The play itself is good, although the ending isn't quite as dramatic as it could be, but if we play it right, it will still be satisfying.
      I had also forgotten how much fun directing can be. Oh, it's tiring and can be emotionally frustrating, but it can also be a lot of fun. So far, I'm having a good time. Catch me later in the month when the new wears off, and the cast goes through the inevitable emotional turmoil. Naturally, I hope that doesn't happen, but I've never seen a play that didn't have some backstage blow-up. When I was younger, it used to really upset me. Now I just shrug and move on. That's community theater.
      Or really, theater anywhere. I remember reading an article about a huge blowup on a Broadway play, one that actually came to blows between two of the female cast members. Later, they became best friends, one of them serving as bridesmaid for the other. People are funny.
      I think it helps if people realize that it's just theater. Don't get me wrong. Theater is wonderful. It's exciting. It's fun. It enriches both the audience and the actors. It's well worth the effort. However, it's not feeding the poor or healing the sick or doing a thousand other worthwhile things. You have to maintain your perspective.
      I think that applies to a lot of things. You have to keep your perspective, try to see the broad picture even if that picture doesn't include the success you wanted. Back in college, I was helping a friend of mine through a messy breakup.
      "I'm going to die," he told me. "I miss her so much. The world isn't worth living in!" Two months later, he was dating someone else. When he broke up with her and started the "I can't live without her; life has no meaning" routine, I reminded him that he had lived through the first breakup and would doubtlessly live through this one. He looked at me, frowned and said, "You're taking all the fun out of this."
       Maybe so.

Ships

       The radio is playing Catie Curtis.

"And I recall in my sleep
how you changed my life
on Magnolia Street
and I dream but it's true
I'm not the same since I met you
And I feel like I'm going home
but not to the one I've known ..."

      I was talking to a friend of mine Friday. She's still searching for that one, the man who will know and love her. "He's out there," she said. "Somewhere. And he's looking for me, too, even if he doesn't know it. I've just got to hold on until I meet him. Then it will be ..." She smiled.
      "I hope so," I said, thinking that she was waiting for her life to begin, but that was her choice and hadn't we had this conversation a thousand times before. I wasn't the one for her. I was just her friend. That's what she wanted from me.
      I was talking to a friend of mine in Tulsa last week. He needs to get married, he says. He's so lonely. Somewhere there's a woman for him, he says. He's just got to keep searching.
      "Good luck," I said, thinking of the many times he had told me of his fruitless search and how he could fill his life with so many things. But I didn't say anything. I'm his friend. I support him even if his quest never ends.
      Another person would have matched them up. Would have thought that fate was bringing them together, but I know better. Oh, I introduced them at one of my plays a few years back. I thought maybe some sparks would fly. I even questioned them about the meeting later. "Too old," she said. "Too plump," he said. "Too out of shape," she said. "Too much make-up," he said. "Too intellectual," she said. "Too young," he said.
      And so they go on, ships that pass deliberately in the night.

San Diego

This was sent to me by girl named Tammy. Sadly enough, I don't remember who she is.

Postcard from Hawaii

This was sent to me by Mary. I used to work with her.

Biltmore Estate, North Carolina

This was sent to me by Joan and Jerry. The Biltmore has over 250 rooms in it.

Weight Loss Prayer

      My aunt sent me this prayer from The All-New Free To Be Thin by Neva Coyle & Marie Chapian. I thought it was worth sharing.

The Weight Loss Prayer

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me discipline.
Thank you, Lord, that I am now free to be in charge of what I put in my body.
I choose to receive from You the strength I need to be faithful to my commitment to You.
Your strength fills me.
You show me that I can be responsible for what I choose to eat.
I thank you, Lord, that I am victorious in You.
I will accept the discipline of my Daily Prayer Time.
I will read the Word in the strength of the Holy Spirit.
I will keep my daily food diary and be aware of the contents of the food I eat.
I will not be a slave to food any longer.
I am victorious because You are victorious!
In Jesus' name.
Amen.

      The authors recommend saying this prayer twice when you are tempted by foods you shouldn't eat. I cross-posted this at The Great Slim Down. You can purchase The All-New Free To Be Thin from Amazon.com by clicking here. My aunt recommends the book, but I haven't read it yet. Let me know what you think of it if you do.

My plate overfloweth ...

      I realize blogging has been hit or miss here lately. Sorry. My plate seems to be fuller than I can comfortably swallow these days. I'm working on that.
      The play is cast. I think I have a good group. We should know for sure when we start rehearsal Thursday night, but I'm not worried about it.
      Instead I'm worried about building and painting the set, updating the web page with the cast info and pictures, and producing the posters, the programs, the theater group newsletter and the publicity articles for the local newspaper. Yikes.
      Well, that's why they play me the big bucks … except ... I’M NOT GETTING PAID! This is, once again, another reason why I think I'm not very bright.
      Naturally since I have no time to devote to them, my mind buzzes with ideas for Darkness, Oklahoma and Figments. They're shameless, flirty tarts, that's all there is to it. But I know if I suddenly started working on them, they would dance happily away. My muse is apparently a come-hither-go-away. The story of my life.
      So ... what else? I'm behind on housework, but I'm going to make a good try on it this evening after I finish this. I need to read the play again and continue working on my director's copy. I need to update the group weights on The Great Slim Down. (Congrats to Michelle who is losing so much more weight than me that I'm not sure if I like her anymore! [Would it be cheating to mail her some chocolates? Just kidding ... sort of ...]) I need to do some minor work on the theater web page. So ... I have a lot to do.
      Except ... I seem to lack the motivation to get to work. I don’t seem to lack dots, however. See, here are some more ... Three dots in a row are properly called an ellipsis. Except I'm not using them properly. So we'll just call them Fred. Here's another Fred ... What's a Fred or two between friends, right? Right ... The plural of ellipsis, by the way, is ellipses. Just so you know. The plural of Fred is Freds. I seem to like italics today, too.
      Okay, I must get to work now. I'll talk to you later. You talk to me, too. I'm feeling lonely. And overwhelmed. And sad. So send money. Or come by my house with gifts. Gifts are nice ...

Auditions and review (Rebel Ice)

      The auditions went okay. I have enough people to cast the play except for one role if no one else tries out. It was funny how it turned out. I had worried about having enough men try out, but I had plenty of them. I thought I'd easily have enough women try out; naturally I didn't. I hope that I have more women audition tonight. If so, I will be able to make the final cast decisions tonight. And we will start rehearsals Wednesday night. I hope.
      I'm afraid that, for the next month, the play will be all I'll be talking and obsessing about. Bear with me. I'm sure I will come out of it with a few disasters that will make funny stories. That does seem to be how my projects go.
      I intended to write a longer review of Rebel Ice, the new SF book by S.L. Viehl. I haven't had time to do so, but here's a short one. It's good, intelligent, exciting science fiction that focuses more on relationships than hard science. In other words, you don't have to hold a doctorate in physics to enjoy it. It's part of a series (Stardoc), but the book stands alone well. If you've read the previous novels, it will make the experience richer, but if not, it's still a good read. I hope I don't spoil it for you to say that Viehl takes a tremendous chance with a main character. I'm curious to see how it plays out in future books. Click here to purchase it from Barnes and Noble. But be warned. If you read one Stardoc novel, you'll want to read them all. Dr. Cherijo Torin grabs on you and doesn't let go.
      And that's all for now. I'll try to be back later tonight and let you know what happens.

Paying the tax man

      A busy weekend. I've spent it working on my taxes and finally doing the February Gazette. The Gazette is printing now and still needs to stapled and put in the envelopes. My taxes took a while because I'm itemizing this year for the first time so I was collecting receipts and adding various expenses in their categories. Yuck. But it's close to being finished. I should put file them on Tuesday or Wednesday.
      March will be a busy month for me. Tryouts for the play are tomorrow and Tuesday night. We'll start rehearsals Wednesday. And that will be my evenings until April 2 (the last date of production).
      Otherwise, I did laundry and other housework. I also went down to the theater and worked on the set for a few hours. The set is about a third done. A door frame and stairs need to be built, and one wall needs to be moved back. Then it needs to be taped, painted and trimmed. After that, the furniture. I'm fortunate that my roomie is going to be the set foreman. He will do a good job, and I won't have to worry about it. My former secretary is going to be my stage manager. My crew is shaping up nicely.
      It's going to be a lot of work, but it feels like it's going okay so far.
      Anyway, have a good night and a great week. I'm outta here.

Postcards from Key West & Mexico

Wouldn't you like to be sitting here?


O la la!

Scrabbling

      It's surprisingly difficult to beat the computer when playing Scrabble. It has a complete dictionary at its disposal so it comes up with some very strange words. For instance, LARKY. I had to look it up. It means: "1. High-spirited, zestful. 2. Silly; zany." At least Websters says it does. You can even be larkier or larkiest. Who knew?
      It's very good at using Z. When I get a Z, I look for a chance to play: ZIT, ZOO, ZINC, ZEBRA, ZAP, ZONE, ZITHER, ZEAL, ZERO, ZIRCON and ZOOM. That's my Z's. But it used ZED, ZEBU and ZEITGEIST. ZEITGEIST won the game because it played it on a triple word score! You can't come back from that. And it incorporated two other words when it did it. (I changed the game's setting from champion to intermediate after that.)
      Now I keep a dictionary by the computer to look up the words it plays. I had thought I was fairly literate, but frankly I've been humbled. Despite this I'm winning more games than I lose. Eventually I hope to be up to facing the champion setting, but give me few months.
      I've been trying to figure out how to play it online. It does have an online option, but when I click it, nothing happens. Probably the computer game company that produced it is out of business. The game was in the bargain bin, and it was old, not even mentioning XP or Windows ME on the system requirements. I'll have to find my online fix some other way.
***
      Crystal asked me about how crystals formed last night. She home-schools her son, and it came up as a science lesson. I gave what I remembered from my high school chemistry, but later began to doubt what I said. So I started researching it. As it turned out, I was correct, but I kept clicking on various links and wandered across the Internet, following whatever caught my interest. Eventually I ended up on a page that sold crystals as tools for "healing and contacting The Other Side." Ooookay. Apparently by attuning your mind to the "dimensional vibrations" of the crystals, you can do all sorts of things. Curious. You'd think this would be big news, but no one is reporting it. I wonder why.
***
      Can you ever truly trust someone who doesn't find Monty Python and the Holy Grail funny? I think not. And now for something completely different ... Good night.

Update

      Since I don't have any particular topic in mind, I thought I'd just update you on a few things.
      My niece: At home, on pain meds, will see a specialist on the 27th. Otherwise, we don't know much more than we did. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. She's a brave little thing, that's for sure.
      DRP: The Debt Reduction Plan is still in place. I should pay off another credit card in November of this year, barring unforeseen events. Another in 2007. The final card will go in 2008, leaving only my first and second mortgage. The second mortgage should go in 2009, leaving only the house payment. And that should go in 2010. It seems weird to be planning that far ahead. Almost as if I'm asking for trouble. Did you know that most major Japanese corporations have 100 year plans? Many have 200 year plans. Wouldn't you like a look at them? I would.
      Global warming: I made a mistake yesterday and started discussing global warming with a rabid Republican. I also lost my temper. He didn't know what he was talking about, quoting talk show hosts and Internet columnists. When I suggested several science journals, he said, "People can twist facts to mean anything. Scientists hate Bush and God." The only sane reply you can make to that is to leap the table and choke the speaker to death.
      The terrible thing about global warming is that it has become political. Liberals use it to attack Bush. Conservatives use it to attack liberals. Both of them are totally missing the point. Global warming itself should not be political; it should be science. What we should do --if anything -- about it, that's politics. And neither side is willing to actually look at the science. Instead they trot out pet scientists.
      My rabid Republican brought out that the Antarctica ice cap is growing. I explained that its growth was predicted back in the 1980s as a consequence of global warming. I even attempted to explain why the raise in temperatures would cause the growth using a salt shaker and a fork. (It has to do with the fact that the earth orbits the sun at a tilt and that it wobbles as it does so and that the Arctic melts first, releasing fresh water into the oceans and raises the freezing point of the ocean. [Saltwater freezes at lower temps than fresh so the fresher the water, the easier it is for the ocean to freeze.] Antarctica, while warmer, is still below the freezing point so it grows. Also, the Arctic melting increases the amount of moisture in the atmosphere, and that increases the amount of snowfall on Antarctica. But back to our story.) He cut me off. "I don't care about that. I support our president."
      I gave up at that point and kept attempting to change the subject. He kept on. I finally told him that I didn't want to talk any more about it. He got a triumphant look on his face and said, "I would have never imagined that you would censor anyone. That's a liberal for you!" So ... I told him what I thought: He was an idiot, and I didn't want to be his friend any more because his idea of a discussion was to beat the other person into submission and that I was sure Bush would appreciate it if he'd stop defending him since the president has defenders that don't make Bush look like a fool. It was not one of my more successful social occasions.
      Scientists are certainly not blameless in this mess. They've lost the public's trust. They've allowed themselves to become corrupted by politics and the desire for money. Science has moved from being the pursuit of knowledge to the pursuit of personal glory and wealth. Maybe it's always been that way and I'm just naive to assume otherwise. All in all, it's pretty depressing.
      As for my rabid Republican friend, he called to apologize later that afternoon and I apologized back. It might have blown over, but he just had to say, "But I was right." I hung up on him and didn't take his other two calls. He called me at home, but I let the answering machine pick it up. Some doors need to be closed.
      Scrabble: This computer Scrabble game is going to be the bane of my productivity. I've played nearly 20 games over the past two days. It's not as much fun as playing with people, but it is fun.
      Play: Tryouts for the play I'm directing will be Monday and Tuesday night next week. After that, I will be in rehearsal every night (except Sunday) until the play opens March 30. I'm already missing my free time.
      Darkness, Oklahoma: I'm still wrestling with the "Town Meeting" problem, but I think I have it solved. I simply skipped the set-up for the meeting and started with them meeting with a few quick lines to explain how they all got there. It's a bit rough, and I need to add a few lines to some other scenes to make it seem more plausble, but so far, so good. I won't have it finished by the end of February as I hoped, but I should have no problems in getting it done in April and then off to my first readers. (I'm hoping you folks who volunteered are still interested.)
      Figments: I've mentioned this play here a couple of times. It's been slowly coming together. I think I will be able to finish it this summer. I'm cautiously excited about its potential. It's funny (I think) and exciting (a murder in unusual business enviroment). I might really have something here.
      The Gazette: My family newsletter is running very late this month. Yes, this is the February issue! I should be able to finish it this week so that it will at least get mailed in February. Sigh. And then I need to turn around and do March's immediately. So really, I shouldn't playing computer Scrabble. Maybe I should use it for a reward.
      Diet: Question: If you cheat constantly, is it really a diet or is it more of a vague suggestion of a diet?
      And now I'll close. Have a great day!

The game's the thing

      I was raised in a highly competitive family. We were taught to do our best, yeah, sure, but we were also taught to win. Getting the A, the trophy, the prize. That's what we did. Yeah, it was pressure, but the pressure also led me and my siblings to achieve things that we might not have. Impossible to know now since it's not like things could be done over.
      However, over the years, I've come to realize that the winning isn't as important as the playing. I know, I know, that sounds so lame. "It doesn't matter who wins or loses; it matters how you play the game." And I won't go that far. It does matter who wins, but it's also fun to play.
      I've noticed this in playing Scrabble, Hearts, Spades, Monopoly, Chess, etc. It's the interaction of the game, the thrill of playing that I enjoy now. It's nice to win, but it's also a letdown because the game is over.
      My father enjoyed games. He could keep a family Monopoly game going for days by lending money and bending rules. I don't really recall a game ever ending. My mother would finally insist that the game be put up so that she could have her kitchen table back.
      Strangely enough, this relates to religion. I was raised in a faith that emphasized that our time here on earth was a misery and we just needed to hold on until we reached Heaven. World joys were to be avoided, condemned. The reward was the afterlife. In fact, the more you suffered here, the better it would be in hereafter.
      I still remember the first time a Mormon friend of mine quoted a verse from the Book of Mormon that said, "...and men are, that they might have joy." I've always thought there was some truth in that. It was certainly something that my mother believed, that we can have joy in the journey. At her funeral, we sang this song: "There's joy in the journey. There's good times in the going. It's not all in the reaping. There's plenty in the sowing." She would have liked that.
      Sooo ... maybe that's my philosophy in life. To seek the joy in this journey, secure in my eventual destination, but enjoying the sights along the way.
      I really started this to say that I bought a computer game of Scrabble at Wal-Mart for $9.99. Pretty cool. I've played several games this evening. I can see where my spare time is going for a while. Anyway, good night. Take care and have a good week.

Between

Now, in this moment between
what was and what will come,
is the only place we can live.

I take your hand. We run across
the park through the trees
laughing for no reason we can explain.

We stop beneath an old oak
trying to catch our breath
holding hands like children do.

And then my eyes linger
on your face. I reach out to
touch your cheek. You sigh.

I move close. We kiss. Your lips
taste like cherry sweet sweat.
Our bodies press together.

"It's late," you say. "I have to go."
"I know," I say. "I wish."
You nod, try to smile, and turn away.

We walk back to the motel
to our cars to our separate lives
living only in these betweens.

Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

Cherokee alphabet postcard

      I don't know if I've ever mentioned on here that I collect postcards. This is one from my collection. I will be featuring others over the next few weeks.


A postcard that features the Cherokee alphabet.
Scan copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

Math and other useless things

      "Why the long face, sunshine?" I asked my wonderful and clever niece (Can you tell I'm a doting uncle?) as I wandered by the kitchen table on my way to the wonderful and food-filled refrigerator (Can you tell I need to lose weight?).
      "I'm studying for my math test," she said, a frown only slightly marring her perfect 10-year-old features. "Would you help me?"
      "Certainly, oh wondrous child," I said. "First, does your teacher have any children? And does she love them enough to give you a good grade if, for instance, they turned up missing and she received a ransom note demanding just that?"
      My niece looked at me sadly. "Mama told me that you were a math moron, but I didn't believe it."
      "And well you shouldn't," I said. "Ask her the last time her checkbook balanced. Here, watch this." I placed my checkbook on my thumb and balanced it, but when I looked up, my niece had left the room, apparently looking for someone who doesn't think sign and cosign are the math equivalent of Mr. and Mrs.
      I have never been math-minded. All those numbers simply confuse the issue as far as I'm concerned. I have never done my own taxes and do not intend to start. I, however, can balance my checkbook, but only because I'm dealing with low numbers and almost anyone can subtract $5 from $12.
      To be honest, I haven't used much math since high school. I can't even think of the last time someone wandered up to me at a party and said, "If person A was traveling toward person B at half the speed of B, how soon would they pass each other if they were 12 miles apart at the start and B was going at 40 miles per hour?" Actually, that has never happened, and if it ever did, I would be well within my rights to punch the asker in the mouth.
      I know I shouldn't say things like that. I should encourage young people to stay in school by telling about how what I learned helped me. And I do think everyone should stay in school and avoid the real world as much as possible. It keeps them off the streets, and they're not competing to get my job. College is a particularly nice place to avoid reality. I'd be in college now if my parents hadn't ran out of money after my tenth year.
      Truthfully, a lot of what you learn in school seems useless. Students are forced to memorize a lot of facts that their instructor thinks is important even though he may send flowers and little romantic notes to his spleen. Of course, the real importance of those facts is that you need to know them to pass his tests. You won't need them afterwards unless you end up on a game show.
      And what strange facts they are. For instance, did you know the average man's large intestine would wrap around a common light bulb approximately 18 times? I remember quite clearly when a biology instructor shared that with my class. I also remember wondering who checked and why. It may have only been an example that my instructor thought would make the subject clear to us. Still, you have to wonder if he didn't eventually turn up on America's Most Wanted.
      Another strange tidbit that has stuck with me is that the abbreviation of Tasmania is Tasm -- not that anyone ever explained who wrote enough about Tasmania to need an abbreviation. And did you know that a blatherskite is a talkative, foolish person? Or that a gnu is a large African antelope with an oxlike head? Or that a kohlrabi is a garden vegetable, similar to a cabbage? Why would I remember these things when I have trouble remembering my social security number and where I parked my car? An even more important question is why my teachers would think it was important to share those facts with me. Other than now, I've never used any of them since school.
      As for tests, surely the educational establishment can find another way to grade students, some better method to evaluate their knowledge of a subject without subjecting them to such intense pressure and discomfort. Perhaps the instructor could personally interview each student. That would allow every pupil the perfect opportunity to offer a bribe. I myself have always liked the blanket 'A' idea. (Naturally you have to be careful where you place the blanket. Otherwise, people will see and maybe call the police.)
      Still, I know my teachers tried their best. They may have been hampered by what they had to work with. I guess tests are a small price to pay for avoiding reality -- yeah, and blood is just another liquid. I also know school and college enriched and my life by providing me with exposure to masterpieces of art and literature and earthshaking theories from the sciences.
      But as for math, count me among the unnumbered.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

An almost history of Valentine's Day

      It's Valentine's Day today … or as it's called in my household "Passover." I hope you have exciting plans with your loved one, perhaps going to an expensive restaurant and gazing soulfully into each other's eyes and then you glance out the window at the lovely night and exclaim, "Hey! What is that guy doing to my car?" Just so you know, I'm letting the air out of your tires, thus ensuring you a night to remember. I hope you brought a jack.
      Not that I'm bitter that you're with a loved one while I am alone as I scurry around dark parking lots. I wish you much happiness and joy and perhaps a plague or two. Nothing serious, mind you. Just an inflamed pimple or a hacking cough or leprosy.
      That might seem harsh, but Valentine's Day has a harsh history that I will now share with you. I did extensive research on this, mostly by making it up, but a few facts did creep in despite my best efforts so be warned.
      The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different martyred saints named Valentine or Valentinus. All three died in terrible agony, thus giving rise to their remembrance with candy hearts and chocolate. That might seem odd, but most people mark Easter by eating chocolate bunnies and hiding hard-boiled eggs. So it does follow the general theme.
      The most commonly held legend says that Valentine was a priest in Rome during the third century. When Emperor "Killjoy" Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's marriages were discovered, Claudius had Valentine thrown in prison.
      Supposedly, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, Valentine fell in love with his jailor's daughter. (Why the daughter was visiting men in prison, the legend doesn't say.) Before his death, he wrote her a letter, which he signed "From your Valentine." He also healed her blindness through his faith. (Her first words upon regaining her sight were "Who are you? And why am I in this dreary place?") For Valentine's good works, Claudius had him beaten, tortured with hot irons, beaten some more, more torture, another beating because you can't have too much beating, and then finally beheaded. They beat him after the beheading, too, but all the fun seemed to have gone out of it.
      Some historians say Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to mark the anniversary of Valentine's death and/or burial. Others claim the Christian church decided to celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. Still other historians don't care and have gone out for a bite to eat.
      We do know that, in ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and a time for purification. Houses were cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and wheat throughout their rooms. (This was centuries before the invention of Lysol and those nifty Swifter mops.) Lupercalia, which began on February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus (the god of agriculture) and Romulus and "Uncle" Remus (founders of Rome as well as the Romulian Empire that bedeviled Captain Kirk so much).
      To begin the festival, the Luperci priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus were believed to have been raised by a she-wolf or lupa. No, seriously, that's what they believed. The priests would then sacrifice a goat (for fertility) and a dog (for purification) and then several lawyers (for fun).
      The boys of Rome then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips. Supposedly, Roman women enjoyed being touched with the strips because it was believed the strips would make them more fertile. I don't know what would happen if you slapped a modern woman with a goathide strip dipped in blood, but it wouldn't be pretty.
      Later in the day, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage and sometimes bloodshed and feuds. This is quite similar to the Oklahoma Lottery of today.
      Pope Gelasius declared February 14 as St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D. The Roman 'lottery' system was condemned as un-Christian and outlawed. The Church tried to replace it with a system where the young men pulled out the name of a saint and then would spend a year trying to be like the saint, but for some reason, the public wasn't as interested in that as you might suppose.
      No one really knows where the tradition of sending greetings to your loved ones on Valentine's Day started. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. The greeting, written in 1415, is almost unreadable but most scholars think it goes: "Roses are red, Violets are blue, The Tower is stinky, I have the flu" or something not even close to that.
      In the 17th century, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated in Great Britain. (So it's really the fault of those dang English.) By the middle of the eighteenth century, friends, lovers and chimney sweeps commonly exchanged small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters, and decreasing postage rates helped spur the popularity. (Postage rates weren't much of a problem for the royal family due to their tendency to date cousins. Many times they would just walk across the palace and hand their Valentines to their relatives.) Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s since we were still aping the British then. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland started selling the first mass-produced valentines in America. Hallmark maintains a shrine for her with a perpetual chocolate fountain.
      The Greeting Card Association says an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.) Valentine's Day is celebrated in the United States, Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France and Australia. The rest of the world is free of it.
      And now I must go. There are many more cars out there to visit. Be seeing you in the parking lots. Oh, Happy Valentine's Day.

A Valentine Primer

      It's the day before Valentine's Day. If you're a guy, you're probably saying, "What? Valentine's Day is tomorrow?!" Yes, you moron, despite all those ads on TV -- even on Spike TV -- you've once again let the high holy holiday of romantic blackmail and relentless marketing slip up on you.
      Now, calm down. I'm here to help you, even though I myself have no one badgering me for goodies this year because my girlfriend chewed through the duct tape and escaped. Just remember this helpful phrase: Cats Can't Fly. Immediately you're thinking that maybe if they had bottle rockets tied to them, they might be able to, but don't go there. Trust me, it isn't pretty. No, we remember that phrase: Cats Can't Fly because the capital letters will remind you to buy: Card, Candy, Flowers. That's it. That's all you need to do to keep your love cupcake happy.
      Yes, I see the sweat beading on your forehead. I see your reddened face. I see your body tremble. You're either having a heart attack or you're thinking about actually going into a shop and buying those things. Calm down. Let's make our phrase just a bit bigger. Cats Can't Fly High. The 'H' will remind you to simply go to your local Hallmark store. There you can purchase a card and candy along with a thousand other items whose sole purpose seems to be look cute and collect dust.
      Hallmark loves Valentine's Day with a passion that's frankly unseemly. When you walk into their stores, you smell nice scents, hear romantic music and confront 1,548,302,743 cards from which you must select the totally correct one. Listen, that's a lie. Walk toward the Valentine's cards. Stop in front of the rack. Make sure you're in the proper section for your particular love (Wife, Girlfriend, Garage Mechanic, Ex-girlfriend You're Stalking, Emu, etc). Close your eyes and stick your hand. The first one your hand touches is the right one. Pick it up.
      Next, head for their candy section. You can identify it by the stacks of hundreds of red boxes that are not shaped like a human heart but are called heart-shaped nonetheless. Don't pause. Find a medium-sized box. Pick it up and take it with you. Do not pause. Go directly to the counter. Pay for it. Snarl if they attempt to sell you anything else, and they will.
      There, you're outside now. Take a deep breath. Sit down and put your head between your knees if you feel sick. This will make you feel worse. I don't know why they have you do that except you do look funny and other people laugh at you, thus easing their heavy burdens.
      Okay, now drive to a florist. This one is going to be tricky, but just remember these words: "bud vase." Enter the store. Walk to the counter. Say, "I need a bud vase." Now, the florists will attempt to get to you buy something else. They will say something like, "Well, sure, you can have a bud vase, but if you really want to show your love, doesn't she deserve more? Because you can bet that your neighbor is watching her and he thinks she deserves more and even now they're planning to run away together to the islands and leave you a lonely, broken man doomed to spend your drunken life alone and to die in a rest home, unloved and unsung, but you can stop all of this if you'd just give her two dozen roses that only cost as much as the gross national product of Bolivia, but isn't she worth it?! What is wrong with you? GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD NOW!"
      Don't let that happen. Use force if you must, but get that bud vase. Leave the store. Take another deep breath. (From this point on, I'm going to assume that you can breathe on your own.) There. You're ready for Valentine's Day. It wasn't that bad, say compared to a root canal or a complete physical exam.
      If you follow this, you will impress the living daylights out of her. For a day or so. If you'd like for her good feelings toward you to last a week, take her out to dinner, maybe dancing, and then give her a nice back massage without expecting anything -- and I do mean ANYTHING -- in return.
      Admittedly, this is a beginner's course on Valentine's Day. I'm sure you can probably think about it and devise something better for your love muffin. A few important points to remember as you do so:
      1. Lingerie is not a gift for her. It's a gift that will benefit you. Don't be misled. And if you make the mistake of getting it too large, you are a dead man.
      2. It's a rare woman who likes tools or appliances for Valentine's Day. Should you have one of those paragons, you'd better make sure you keep her. She's worth her weight in screwdrivers and multi-tools.
      3. It's never right to give them nothing, even though they say they don’t want anything. That is a trap that has broken many a proud man. Don't fall for it.
      4. A boat hitch is not an appropriate gift, and it will look bad on you in divorce court.
      5. Don't bankrupt yourself buying diamond jewelry. Yes, I know a diamond is forever, but let's be honest, a marriage usually just lasts twenty to forty years, six hours if married in Vegas. Why put that diamond pressure on your relationship? (Note: This doesn't apply to Mormons as they have eternal marriage. This means they need to be extra careful in choosing a mate because they don't have the escape of death.)
      6. Remember that Valentine's is an escalating holiday. Next year you will have to top what you did this year. One year Bill Gates gave his wife a $2.7 million dollar necklace. The next year he was forced to buy her several states, including Rhode Island, as a gift. Learn from his mistake. Keep it simple.
      7. Most of all, remember that women deserve the loving attention. After all, they put up with us. And, buddy, that ain't no easy life.

Babblerock

      I spent the weekend being sick, running a fever, stomach problems, etc. I'm finally feeling better tonight -- just in time to return to work tomorrow. My timing really stinks.
      I did get the theater group's web page updated this afternoon. I'd been having a problem with getting the changes to load onto the server, but I finally figured it out. Very annoying how a simple syntax error can screw up a whole web page. Makes me crazy.
      Otherwise, I didn't do much. Watched a couple of old movies. Listened to some ocean waves. Slept. What? The ocean waves? I have a CD of ocean waves. Very calming. Helps me relax and/or sleep. I have several "environment" CDs, including a running river and a bayou at night. If you're interested in relaxation techniques, I recommend them.
      Talked to Crystal on the phone tonight. She said that she didn't find me dark or evil at all, and she's known me since the fifth grade. So there, all you dark sayers. Although ... she might have been saying that just because she's scared of me ... Naw. That couldn't be it. She's a nurse. She's not scared of anything!
      Did I mention that Michelle has great musical taste? She gave a link to Michael Buble. The song "Feeling Good" convinced me to order the CD. I recommend you check him out if you like contemporary, smooth jazz. You can listen to three of his songs on his site, including "Feeling Good.
      And now I'm going to head to bed. Hope you all have a good week. Talk to you tomorrow.

123454321

      My niece is at home again. The hospital didn't help much. She will see a specialist on the 27th, which was the soonest he/she/they could see her. Until then, she will survive on pain meds and willpower with occasional trips to the hospital. It's bad, but that seems to be the best that can be worked out. Health care in this country is expensive, slow and discouraging. If you're poor, you don't ever get the care you should. Somehow I'm going to get some money and rescue my family. Don't know how yet. Maybe selling kidneys and other organs on the black market or robbing banks or selling national secrets to ... well, does anyone still want our national secrets? Our media seems to tell them all anyway. There are reasons beyond greed that make people turn to crime.

#

      Got told again that I'm "surprisingly dark." I was having lunch with a friend who said that my writing was filled with "joy, life and laughter," which was nice, and she found that odd since I have such darkness in me, which wasn't that nice. I wanted to know what she found dark about me. She said it was that it was because I was sad a lot.
      Well, that made me feel like I was a whiney hiney, and I told her that I didn't think I was that dark.
      "You are," she said. "You just hide it very well, and most people don't ever know to look any further. You're very good at keeping people at a distance. Answer me this honestly, have you ever trusted anyone enough to be completely open and share your deepest thoughts and feelings?"
      "Of course not," I said. "I'm a guy!"

##

      A friend of mine shipped me a bottle of liquid vitamins. (Thanks ... I think.) Apparently his mom is either selling it or pushing it. It's loaded with hundreds of minerals, vitamins and plant extracts. In fact, it's so loaded with nature's goodness that it looks like river mud. Tastes somewhat like it, too. That's an understatement. It tastes BAD. You could follow it with a chaser of battery acid, but you'd still be able to taste its terrible health. There's a reason they don't carbonate it and sell it in the soft drink aisle.

###

      I pulled a muscle or something in my left side. It's been giving me a lot of problems. Well, really just one problem. It's hurts! Thank goodness for Advil. And aspirin. And morphine ...

####

      It's cold here. We've had unseasonably warm weather until now, but it was in the teens last night and only in the thirties today. Of course, for those up north, that probably seems mild, but I don't enjoy it. I dream of warm beaches and clear skies. I miss the green grass and the leaves on the tree and the flowers in the fields.
Do not tarry, Spring.
Winter holds so hard ...

#####

      Have I ever mentioned how much I admire people who can walk away and start a new life? They cut their ties, they set sail, they head for a far-off place. They may look back but only to make sure they aren't drifting off course. I always wonder if they find what they're looking for or do they just find more of the same.

####

      Two of my blogging friends have declared war on each other. I don't expect this will end well. I've been on the Net for a long time, long enough that I remember when Prodigy and Delphi were the thing. I've seen these email/chat/bulletin board/comment/post battles over and over. The Net will always be inferior to face-to-face communication and interaction because we lack the visual cues and tonal inflections that can defuse the most incendiary statements.

###

      I've been better on my diet this week so I'm expecting a loss when the next WWIN takes place. See The Great Slim Down for details. Our fearless leader Crystal has returned and will doubtless lead us all on to slimness. (Yeah, the pressure is on!)

##

      I need a nap.

#

      I should be doing housework, writing, errands, but I think I'm going to go back to bed and nap some. Talk to you later.

Wobble

      Still no good news on my niece. She remains in the hospital. Her doctor has the bedside manner of a psychopath, and that comparison is almost an insult to psychopaths everywhere. My sister is working on getting her into another hospital. We hope that will take place soon. My niece is in terrible pain, but she's being very brave. I'm very proud of her. The nurses on her floor are treating her very well. One told my sister that they just loved my niece. If only the doctors were as compassionate and caring as the nurses.
      Or at least competent. It's frightening to discover that an Internet search turned up more information than the doctor knew. I know they can't stay up on everything, but you'd think a specialist would, well, specialize in their field. But this particular doctor was several years behind on current thinking and treatment. It makes you wonder what happens to patients who don't have an active and caring family.
      My good friend Crystal, RN, says that a patient gets better care when they have an advocate with them. Family members or friends who work to understand treatments and help the patient keep track. She recommends that if you have to go the hospital, you take someone with you to help you. It literally can make the difference between life and death.
      Speaking of Crystal, she's in her new place now and getting settled in. She has to buy a new monitor for her computer, but she might be back online this weekend. She's doing well, but not enjoying California as much as she had hoped. Smog is more of a problem than expected, and it's playing havoc with her allergies.
      I haven't been doing anything except watching TV and being worried. It somehow feels wrong to be laugh or have a good time while my niece is in such pain. I know she wouldn't want me to shut down, but I find myself not able to carry on as I normally do. My life revolves around the people I love, and when they're suffering, I suffer, too. It's not necessarily a good thing.
      Anyway, that's where we're at now. I hope we get to a better place soon. Remember my niece and her family in your prayers. Thanks. I hope things are going well for you.

Morning

      A long, worrisome weekend that is leading into a long, worrisome week. The main worry is my niece's condition. I keep hoping and praying that the doctors will figure something out and help her. She has an ob-gyn consult today, and maybe we'll learn something, but more likely, more tests will be ordered. I'll let you know. She thinks they're really trying to help her, but it's frustrating to know she's suffering. I don't like it when the people I love are in pain. It's weird, but I'd much rather it be me than her. It's somehow easier when I'm sick than when they are.
      Otherwise, I mostly slept this weekend. I've been experiencing a mild IBD flare. It's cut into my sleep time so I'm napping constantly. Last night I got about six hours of uninterrupted sleep so I feel a bit better today.
      My local theater group met yesterday. Tempers flared. Not much fun, but I'm hopeful that things will improve. I sure didn't enjoy the stress. I don't know why people take it so blamed seriously. It's not like we're saving the world, folks. It's just so that some people can get on stage and enjoy themselves. That's all. Chill.
      I wrote a bit on Darkness, Oklahoma. I still haven't fixed the "town meeting" problem, but I had several early scenes that needed to be rewritten and new scenes that needed to added. I think I have a way to fix the TM problem, but I need to write on it some more.
      And now it's time to get ready for work.

Today's news on my niece

She had a bad day today. A lot of pain. She had to take so much pain medication that she's really out of it. Tomorrow she will have a consult with the ob-gyn doctor. We're hoping that will result in some sort of answer and treatment. Please continue to think of her and pray for her. Thank you.

Update on my niece

We still don't know anything for certain. They're still running tests and waiting for the results of tests. It could be the Crohn's disease or the endometriosis or some combination of the two or something new like a tumor, God forbid. But she is on pain meds, and that has improved her spirits, and she was able to get some sleep for the first time in days. They allowed her to take some liquid food today, and so far she has been able to tolerate it. I spoke to her briefly over the phone and told her that you guys were praying for her. She told me to tell you 'thank you.' I appreciate her being in your prayers and ask that you continue to lift her up. Thank you.

Prayer request

My oldest niece is in the hospital tonight. Things look a bit grim. I would appreciate you remembering her in your prayers and thoughts. Thank you.

If I Were A Wasp

My stinger would sizzle red hot
as I flew around having great fun
aiming my barb at the deserving lot --

like jerks who will honk at cars run
slow by elderly folks as if such
rudeness could undo what years have done

and talk show hosts who wallow much
in people's pain for crowds who titter
at those who could be them if fate touched

and slobs who casually litter
dropping hamburger wrappers on trails
like we can move when this earth lies bitter

and flaccid fools who slaughter whales
because they unthink precious oils will
put the manly boing back in their quiet bells

the list goes on and now I feel
one wasp could be squashed or even caught
we need an army -- that'll be the perfect deal.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

The Masters & Johnson Diet

      The late great 4-Star chef Louis Saismara once said, "There are two great joys in life: food and sex. And food lasts longer if prepared properly and stored correctly." There, you have it from straight from the mouth of a Frenchman (which sounds unsanitary, but the quote was washed before you read it): Food is better than sex.
      Food has always been attracted to me. It's a curse that I eat under. The good Lord knows I've tried to be less appealing to the vittles. I carry a health-club card around and point it at any German chocolate coke that comes too close (that is, within a mile to me). I wear jogging suits because I've been told that sweat scares food away. I've tried, honestly, I've tried. Do you think I like eating this much?
      But nothing works. I'm just irresistible to food. The minute I go into a restaurant, cherry cheesecakes begin to smile sensuously, and potatoes brush sour cream away from their eyes to wink at me. Tarts pull down the corners of their pastry coverings, revealing the rich, dark blueberry fillings. Lush Italian pizza pies slink toward me, their large pepperoni somehow poking through their thick covering of cheese and tomato sauce.
      "Nothing's better than beef," a steak sizzles. "Sink your teeth into me."
      "The setting sun and pounding surf will satisfy your every appetite," a lobster leers.
      "Lettuce entertain you," the salad bar says, its eyes dressing me with blue cheese and buttermilk ranch.
      "Be strong like a sailor man," the spinach quiche says.
      "Why don't ya just skip all them and let me show a really good time, big boy," a cream pie suggests, swirling its white topping to show me just a glimpse of red, ripe strawberries.
      "We're the best, above the rest," the fried shrimp chant. (For some reason, shrimp always speak together in bad rhymes; I know that's fishy, but it's true.)
      "Are you trying to start something?" the steak asks bullishly, shoving the lasagna. The spaghetti cracks its noodles like a whip at the tacos. The lobster slithers sinisterly toward the cheesecake which heaps more cherries on top of itself in an attempt to be more appealing to me. The shrimp cheer on the steak which intends to defoliate the salad bar.
      A food fight is about to break out. I must choose one of them quickly. But which one? Steak or lobster? What about the salad bar? And those desserts ...
      Then it comes to me, the solution to the problem. I hand the menu to the waiter and say, "I'll take everything."
      It's a curse, I tell you, a curse.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

Closing The Book

It surprised me when I swept off
all the books on the shelf. I thought
I had long since spent my passion
in purchasing your faithless heart.

You feel uncertain of our life,
you tell me. What you mean is your
better love than me may still be
out there. Why settle for less here?

So go. Leaving is how you show
how little you care, how little
you understand the rarity
of love in this non-fiction world.

If this were a story, you would
come back broken and I would let
you love me or even better
introduce you to my new love.

Since this is not, I will pick up
the scattered books and set them back
on the shelf, being sure to set
yours to one side to box later.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

Not boring but not interesting either

      I've had a computer problem all weekend. Not fixed completely, but my computer can continue to limp along a bit longer. The time is coming for a new one, but I hope this one will hold on for a few more months.
      Otherwise, I've not done much to blog about. Read a couple of books, saw The Island, which was a better movie than I expected. Filed a few things, did housework and laundry, worked on Darkness, Oklahoma, enjoyed the rain we received and prayed for more. That's about all for this weekend, and it is all for this post. Catch you tomorrow. If we're lucky, I'll be more interesting then.
     Before I forget, Crystal is fine. She doesn't have her computer set up yet, but maybe we'll see her online sometime in February. And now, good night.

Occasionally

      Occasionally life decides to shock you. It's like that. It wants you to pay attention. So every now and then it throws a surprise at you. Sometimes those surprises are good. Sometimes they're bad.
      Today I was reading blogs at lunch. I have several that aren't my regular reads, but I still have them in my favorites, and I drop by from time to time.
      On one of them, in its latest entry, I noticed an odd reference to a loss. I scrolled down and I discovered the blogger's husband had been killed in a traffic accident in August. I was floored. Somehow I had missed those few posts where she talked about his death, the memorial service and what came after. I don't really know this person. We've been in the same chat room a few times at Forward Motion and exchanged a few "Howdys," but that's it. I know she writes. I know she's friendly with several people that I'm friendly with. How did I miss hearing about the accident? Was I that oblivious to what was going on? I wanted to tell her now how sorry I was to hear of her loss, but it's been several months. Maybe she doesn't want to be reminded of her pain. And after all, we don't know each other. I don't want to cause her any additional pain. I guess I can just remember her in my prayers.
      While wondering about that tragedy, I went to another blog. Mostly to see if it had been updated. The last time it had a new entry was in September. Still no new posts, but I noticed that the last post had several new comments. I had read the old ones before. I opened the comments page and scrolled down to the end to read that the blogger had passed away in November. He caught pneumonia, went into the hospital, and then picked up secondary infections while he was there. He slipped into a coma and never woke up. His blog will continue, I guess, unless Blogger finally decides to do away with it. Until then, his blog remains, a memorial of sorts in cyberspace, a remembrance of what he thought and wrote as ephemeral and fleeting as our lives are but still making an impact on those who surf by.
      If you're expecting a conclusion to this, some grand sweeping statement, sorry. I don't have one beyond the banal and obvious: Life is short. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Today is the first day of the rest of your life ...
      It just makes me think. Uncomfortable thoughts. The ones I push to the dark corners of my mind. I see them, but I steadfastly ignore them, concentrating on what I have to do to get through another day. But they're still lurking, their eyes gleaming yellow. Hear that faint noise? The click of tiny claws. The rustle of paper. Sometimes, just sometimes, when your mind is quiet, when you don't expect it, you feel their hot breath on the back of your neck.

Darkness update

      You may have noticed that I haven't been blogging about Darkness, Oklahoma much. That's because I'm in trouble with it and haven't written my way out. I do know one thing that will become a rule for me: DON'T CREATE A CHARACTER TO FIX A PROBLEM.
      Here's what happened. I have a lot of people in the book who all have pieces of the puzzle. These people need to get together so that they can exchange information. The problem is that many of these people have never even met. I need, in a sense, a town meeting where our heroes can talk to each other.
      So … to fix this, I created a character. A sort of wise man. A player to move all the game pieces. My heroes would all get together because he would get them all together. I wanted him to be quirky and interesting. Wise and funny. Something out of the ordinary run-of-the-mill sages that seem to populate various fantasy books.
      However, this new character created a whole bunch of problems. Why was he withholding information? Why not gather everybody together at first and send them off to do what has to be done? Why play games when so much is at stake?
      Oh, okay, I'll fix that. There'll be a prophecy so that things have to be done in a particular order. But who will give the prophecy? Oh, I know, I'll create an ancient prophet and an ancient, powerful society. But if they were so powerful, why aren't they still around? Okay, there was a war or maybe the gods stuck them down for their pride. Ahem. Recognize the plot yet? If you read much fantasy, you do. And all of this came about just so I could get my heroes together. Which, by the way, still hasn't happened.
      I knew then what I had to do. The wise man had to go. I'd lose nearly 7,000 words, but he had to go. The prophecy stayed but in a much reduced and mysterious form. The ancient prophet and the ancient society, gone.
      I felt ill as I removed the wordage. I still feel a bit queasy. I saved the character in a different file. He had some cool quirks. Maybe I can use him in some other story someday.
      Anyway, that didn't fix the original problem, but at least I don't have all the new problems. Somehow these folks are going to share info. I don't know how yet, but it's going to happen one way or another. I hope you'll be reading the solution soon.

Explanation Of My Survival

When

Darkness draws close and I hunger
for the killing pain, the final fury
and the dead quiet ever after --
When I'm weary, sick of living
in this world where evil rages free
and good lies captive of fearful hearts --
When I long to finally shatter
and let the jagged bloody pieces fall
pass my silent and uncaring hand --

Then

I remember holding you in
the awkward cradle of unsure arms
as you looked at your three-month-old world
with brightly curious eyes and waved
tiny hands and actually smiled when
I made inane baby talk and in
that moment, I gather the pieces
of my heart, shake off my burdens and
let the light shine down on me once more.

Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.