The truth men dare not utter

By Stephen B. Bagley

I’ve been thinking recently about my failures with relationships with women, and I think it boils down to this: Women are universally insane.

Yes, now you know the truth that no man dares utter. At least he doesn’t dare if he intends on having a date any time soon, but since I’m traveling through the Desert of Romance riding my camel Clarence and leading a train of surly Republican mules right now, I feel fairly safe in my utterance, although, of course, I will deny ever having said it should my dream girl appear in real life.

Women are bonkers. Do you understand? They’re loony tunes. Nuts. Several bricks shy of a load. A bunch of bananas from the crazy tree. Mad as hatters. Batty as bats. Steeples without bells. Bells without clappers. Clappers without hands. Hands without fingers. Fingers without prints. Prints without ink. Ink without cartridges. Cartridges without guns. Guns without triggers. Trigger without Roy. Roy without Dale. Dale without a valley. Valleys without a river. Rivers without water. Water without wet. Wet without a suit. Suits without a tie. Ties without a knot. Knots without a rope. You get the point, right?

What? You need evidence? Just a few days ago after church, I was talking to a married couple I know, and the wife asked why I wasn’t the lesser half of a twosome. I told it was because women were crazy.

“If women are crazy, men drive us there,” the wife said. She proceeded to tell me all things that her husband said and did to drive her around the nutty bend in the road.

He suffered silently, but gave me a look that said I was going to get a beating first chance he got.

And I gave him a look that said he wasn’t big enough, but I was sorry I had said anything.

And he gave me a look that said it was okay, and he was looking forward to fall when football season started again.

And I gave him a look that said I missed football, too, but I hated cold weather and wouldn’t it be awesome if they played football year round.

And he gave me a look back that said yeah, that would be grand particularly if they also played baseball.

And my look said that baseball was okay, but I had never really enjoyed it the way I did football.

And he gave me a look that said one of us should be paying attention to what she was saying in case she wanted a response.

And my look told him that I had tuned in briefly and she was still going on and on about having to pick up his underwear even though the clothes hamper was only two steps away from anywhere in the tiny apartment that she was trapped in.

And his look said that she was the one who chose that tiny apartment when he had been content for them to keep living with his mother who had always taken good care of him and didn’t burn dinner the way his wife did.

Then his wife gave him a look that said that he’d be lucky to EVER see her in the kitchen again if that’s how he felt about it! Then she burst into tears.

They both moved off with her giving me an angry just-wait-until-you're-married-and-I-talk-to-your wife look and him giving me a trapped kill-me-now look and me giving them a you-should-see-a-marriage-counselor look.

But you’ve not heard the craziest thing about women, and to paraphrase a country sage, it’s this: I like ’em. I love ’em. I want some more of ’em.

It’s obvious that I’m perfect for them because I’m as bonkers — or even more — than they are. So what I’m really looking for, what I need, is a woman to be crazy along with me.

We could wear our clown suits as we skip happily through life, throwing pies, spraying seltzer water, tripping people with our huge shoes. We could have lots of kids and get one of those tiny cars and travel around the country spreading happy insanity as we go.

There are worse lives, you know.

Copyright 2011 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the author and publisher. Excerpted from Return of the Floozy.

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One of those days

One of those bad days when the black dog won't leave me alone. I get so tired of being down. Seems to take all my effort just to do the simple things, much less anything complex. I've got to figure a way out of this.

Let's see. What good things did I do today?

I walked 2 miles at the fitness center with a friend. I folded and put away a load of laundry. I went to lunch with a friend. I filed a bit. I washed my car. I prepared the envelopes for mailing the family newsletter for two months. I had a delicious ice cream sandwich.

I'm afraid that's it. And I've certainly had worse days, you know.

Well, tomorrow will be a better day. Talk to you then.

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Oakleaf Harbor

I've been updating my Cafepress store for the past few days. A new look, new products, general rearranging, etc. Stop by and have a look at it and tell me what you think. Here's the link: Oakleaf Harbor. I'll be letting you know as I add new products. Naturally, they are all products that I designed. Well, the graphic part of them, I designed.

Otherwise, my time today had been taken up with housework, errands, doctor's visit, etc. Nothing much to report.

Oh, I'm getting words on Murder by the Mile, too. Woohoo!

51,354 is my word count so far. Need another 24,000 or so. Wonder how long that will take. Trying to get 500 words a day. Sometimes that's quite hard.

Nearly midnight so I should get in bed. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Intermediate

I went to my second Excel class (Intermediate Excel) at the local technology center today. I didn't do as good this time. We rapidly got over my head. I had to ask for help several times. I think the instructor was somewhat frustrated at me, but when I stopped asking, other people started asking questions. Although I had taken the beginning Excel class, the material and instructor assumed more familiarity with the material than I had. Still, I got my certificate for taking the class and can add it to my ever growing resume.

My resume, by the way, may be my finest writing. I see a time in the future when it will hang in a museum, and people will come from around the world to marvel at its simple, clean beauty. The placard by the resume will read: The Resume. By Stephen Bagley. Early 21st century example of Post Modernism Resume. Unfortunately, Bagley starved to death while searching for a job so this is the only example of his work.  

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The Importance of Pool Maintenance - A Horror Story

Listen, I don't know if anyone is left out there, but I wanted to let the world know I was here. That I existed if nothing else. If anyone survives this nightmare.

It's been hours since the screaming stopped. Perhaps IT has sated its hunger for a while. No way for me to get out of my house now. When the house collapsed, something blocked the door. Perhaps a rafter. And the only other way out leads to IT.

There's just me now, and my cell phone. No one answers when I call 911. Just an automated system repeating the same emergency message. I think they're gone. Same for the fire department. For everyone. I'm using my phone to record this message in case anyone comes. Maybe my words will help them fight IT.

I didn't know what happened. Oh, I know the sequence of events. How we put up my pop-up pool too soon in the season, and then the spring storms came. How the pool turned green afterwards, but we thought we could put chemicals in and fix that. Maybe we waited too long. Maybe the rain carried this nightmare. Maybe IT was simply the result of all the poisons man has dumped into the environment. But the green cloud in the water fed on the chemicals. The pool began to bubble. Even then we thought we could simply drain the water. Send our problem down the sewer and start over. Maybe that would have worked, but we were busy. We didn't drain the pool. We ignored the problem. Waiting for the weekend.

How foolish we were.

It took me too long to understand. I noticed when we didn't get mail for a couple of days. The yappy dog next door stopped yapping at all hours of the night. One day the doorbell rang. When I answered it, there were only a few scattered religious pamphlets. But I didn't put it together.

Not until last night when I looked out the patio door and saw the pool was glowing. And then IT stretched forth a slimy tentacle and flowed forth to hunt.

I called the police. Naturally they didn't believe me, but they came, probably intending to arrest me for using 911 for a prank call. They rolled up, lights flashing, and walked to the door. I watched from the kitchen window. I yelled at them to run. I pleaded with them. But they just shook their heads at me.

One of the policeman told me to calm down. Those were his last words. IT flowed over the roof, engulfing them whole. I heard a couple of shots. Then silence. But IT didn't go back to the pool this time. ITs hungry aroused, IT swept through the neighborhood and then the town. I listened to the frantic reports until the radio went dead.

IT was huge now. A monster beyond a pool boy's imagination. I packed a few things, planning to run toward the north. Far north when the cold climate might hold IT off until scientists and pool service technicians could devise a plan to stop this horror.

That's when I heard IT returning. IT flowed over my house. I listened to the roof creak and the boards break and the windows shatter until the house collapsed under ITs immense weight.

I crawled to my living room to where the patio door once stood. Through a little crack, I could see IT pulsating, crouching over the popup pool which somehow still stood. I saw what IT was doing in that pool. I stuffed my hand into my mouth to keep me from screaming.

I crawled back here, to this little alcove in my entranceway, huddled against the unmoving door.

I don't know what will happen now. If the army can stop IT. Even if they even can. But they need to hurry and drop the atomic bomb or whatever they're going to do.

Because what IT was doing back there in my backyard ... the horror I saw ... small blobs dropping from ITS body ... IT's reproducing. Making copies. Soon there will be hundreds ... thousands of IT. And THEY will all be hungry. Oh so hungry.

Wait ... I hear something ... I hear ... oh no ... oh no ...

(Copyright 2011 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the author.)

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What now?

Reached 85th level on World of Warcraft tonight. Sort of anticlimactic. Got a banner across my screen, and my mage got another spell and some hit points. Sigh. Where is the parade? When do the dancing girls arrive? What about a victory feast? And once again, how do I find those dancing girls?

A friend of mine asked what players got when they reached 85th level, the highest currently allowed. I told him, "You get an email from the company that says: Think of what you could have accomplished in the time you've spent on here!" And that's somewhat true. I have spent hours in the World of Warcraft.

But ... considering what I paid for it and how much enjoyment I got out of it ... it's cheap entertainment.

So I ask: what now?

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Blog Announcement

We interrupt our regularly scheduled postings to tell you that Stephen is engaged in watching monster movies on Turner Classic Movies and thus will be unavailable for your reading pleasure this evening. TCM is featuring Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, and other men in monster suits crushing tiny towns. He realizes that you may think this shows an appalling lack of taste on his part. He can only reply in the immortal words of the King of Monsters: GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

We will resume our regular schedule tomorrow.

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Productive morn, afternoon slog

Had a productive morning, but my afternoon was a slog of exhaustion and sloppy work. Don't know what happened. I had a normal lunch, one I've had many times before. I don't understand what happened to my drive. I guess it drove away.

Anyway, finally got the March family newsletter mailed! Woohoo! Now I can start work on the April and May newsletters. Yes, I'm still behind, but I think I can catch up this month.

And speaking of months, can you believe it's already June 1? I'm amazed. It seems like the year is rushing by. I was supposed to be rich and famous by now. I'm running a bit behind schedule.

It's nearly midnight. That's all I have to say about today. Talk to you tomorrow.

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It's not the heat ...

It's hot and humid here. I like hot weather, but detest high humidity. Ready for some relief.

I have a working car again! The part arrived, and I spent about two and a half hours getting it put it, but it worked. Woohoo! Not that I'm really going anywhere in particular, but it's cool to be able to go if I wanted to.

Been walking at the park while the gym was closed for the holiday and weekend. Intended to walk at the gym today, but that's not working out. Working on my car in the heat did me in. I was shaking by the time I got finished.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about today. Hope your day was good. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Definites

Well, it's time for another timed writing. Just to force me to post. Not sure why I'm so reluctant to get on the computer and write today. It's been a good day, even productive. Maybe that's why. I've noticed a certain amount of angst prompts me to write. Even when I'm writing humor. I don't why. Couldn't even hazard a guess. Just one of those traits I seem to have picked up over the years.

Today I got most of the March family newsletter done. Yes, I'm running nearly two months behind. No good excuse for it because I've certainly had the time. I just didn't do it. Once again, can't say why. I'm beginning to think my mind is a mystery even to me. Maybe mostly to me.

I am overusing "maybe." Need some definites in my life. Some certainty. That's what we're all looking for. To know the future or part of the future and to be able to plan accordingly. To have the perfection of hindsight in our plans. To be certain our decisions will reward instead of punishing us.

But I think I'm done with regrets for a while. Done with shame and guilt. Done with self recriminations. Done with defeat. Done with doubting.

Not that I have achieved perfection or even come anywhere close. Just done with those things I can't change, done with regretting my decisions, done with being ashamed of my failures, done with feeling guilt over what I can't fix, done with beating myself up for mistakes and missteps, done with believing I only deserve defeat, done with doubting that I was meant for more.

Nice words. But I mean them as much as I can. I believe tomorrow, tonight, right now, I'm making the right moves, the right changes, the right decisions.

Sometimes we -- I -- just have to believe. Sometimes those big dreams have to seem possible. Sometimes we just have to hope even though we know where that leads.

The odds against us are also the odds for us. It's 50/50, place your bets, jokers wild. Some gambles we just have to take, even if we're only playing against ourselves.

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A drive in the country

My roomie and I just got back from a drive in the country. I was restless and wanted to go out and ride around. There's a little lake about a mile from my house that we circle every now and then to see what animals we can see.

Tonight we saw two raccoons and four deer. The raccoons were scrambling alongside the road and disappeared into the trees. The deer were bedded down near the road in a meadow. They raised their heads and watched us for a long time. We drove on when another car approached from the other direction.

The frogs were in full chorus as were the crickets. The air rushed through the open car windows bringing the scents of the lake and woods.

I could see the stars in the dark water. I could see the porch lights of a house across the lake. I could see the shadows the trees cast.

I felt something in me relax, something that I didn't even know was clenched. For a little while, there was only the country road in front of the headlights and the woods alongside. I stopped thinking, stopped fretting, stopped doing anything except experiencing the moment.

I remembered driving in the country with my brother and sisters. We would wrap blankets around us and scramble into the back of a pickup truck and ride arms outstretched as my dad and mom drove us around the section line. Sometimes we sang. Sometimes we were quiet. Sometimes we talked.

I hadn't thought of those times in years. To my surprise, I found my eyes watering. Had to be the wind. Or maybe allergies. Or maybe it was the stars.

It was late so we drove home filled with the lovely quiet and dark.

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Floozys for sale!

Yes, I'm selling Floozys!

That's right. Floozys for sale! Right here or rather there at Amazon.com where you will find my latest book, Floozy and Other Stories. Buy a few copies. Dispose of that pesky disposable income! Make my creditors happy!

Here's the link: Floozy on Amazon.com.

There. Isn't that easy? Just click the link, use that credit card, and in a few days, you too will be enjoying the wonders of Floozy!

But wait, there's more! You can also buy Floozys from Barnes and Noble!

Here's the link: Floozy on Barnes and Noble.

Surely that makes you happy? Well, happier? It will as soon as you use those links to buy yourself a Floozy!

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Turning Tables

Excellent song.



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Look at this!

Floozy and Other Stories on Amazon.com

Yes, it's finally on Amazon.com. Lulu came through. I'm relieved and pleased. Now, go and buy one! Or review it! Or just look at the page and marvel at its beauty!

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Latest email for what it's worth

My latest email to Lulu.com. We'll see if it does any good.

New Ticket ID	00572479
Your email address	issacskye@gmail.com
Type of Distribution	GlobalReach Distribution
What is the Problem?	Book not yet available at retail sites
Order Number	no response given
Item ID	no response given
ISBN	978-0-557-53355-8
Existing Ticket ID	no response given
Describe the problem	For your attention: It's now been 12 weeks since I approved my book and purchased GlobalReach Distribution. The book is not there, nor does it show up in Books in Print or Lightning Source or anywhere else. I had a previous ticket open, but the customer service rep has not responded to my last two emails. I feel Lulu owes me the distribution or my money back. Also, Lulu continues to offer the GlobalReach Distribution with the stated time period of 6-8 weeks even though you can find many authors on the forums who have either not received the distribution at all or at a much longer time frame. This does not seem honest. Stephen B. Bagley

Running Up That Hill

You might recognize this song from The History Channel's latest commercial for their Civil War mini-series.



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Rolling in the Deep

Saw her sing this on TV. Awesome.



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Lulu vs. me

I'm continuing to battle it out with Lulu.com about the GlobalReach distribution that Floozy and Other Stories has yet to receive. (GlobalReach: the book would be available on Amazon.com and other online retailers for lovely customers to buy.) Of course, the battle isn't anything more than emails and support requests, but battle sounds more manly, ya know.

I have a garage sale planned for Saturday. The first one went well, so I'm hoping this one will. But every bit of money helps. And every sale is one more step toward decluttering this overstuffed house.

Nothing else to say today. Hope you have a great night!

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82

Busy day today. Gave a presentation about publicity for the local writer's group in the morning. I thought it went well, although I was less organized than I should have been. And in the afternoon, I went along with my roomie to Duncan to see his granddaughter's last soccer game this spring. It was a good day.

We came home and then grilled steaks using our outdoor grill for the first time this spring. They were good, although they caught fire and had a bit of a charcoal taste to them.

I got too much sun at the game and got a little sunburned on the back of my neck and my ears. The wind was blowing, and it didn't feel warm. I didn't think about sunscreen until too late.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the evening doing housework and playing World of Warcraft. I'm now at level 82. Whee. It sure is taking me a long time. Just three more levels, though, and I will have reached the highest you can with my current toon. Other people start over with new toons then, but I don't think I will do that. It's taken too long to reach the 80s.

Going to close now. Hope you had a great day and a wonderful tomorrow. Talk to you then.

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Beat Friday

Busy day today. I did a lot of physical things -- vacuuming house, walking, housework, chores, etc. -- until my get up and go done got up and went. Ran myself and my blood sugar down.

Not much else to tell you. I'm still attempting to get Lulu.com to fix the distribution problem with Floozy and Other Stories. But I think they're about to beat me down. I've about decided to ask for the distribution fee back. I don't know what else to do. This has truly been a discouraging situation.

Anyway, I'm going to call it a night now. You have a good one. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

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Crazy clown life

I've been thinking recently about my failures with relationships with women, and I think it boils down to this: Women are universally insane. Yes, now you know the truth that no man dares utter. At least he doesn't dare if he intends on having any loving in his life any time soon, but since that's not a remote possiblity in my life right now, I feel fairly safe in my utterance, although, of course, I will deny it later should my dream girl appear in real life.

Women are bonkers. Do you understand? They're loony tunes. Nuts. Several bricks shy of a load. A bunch of bananas from the crazy tree. Mad as hatters. Batty as bats. Steeples without bells. Bells without clappers. Clappers without hands. Hands without fingers. Fingers without prints. Prints without ink. Ink without cartridges. Cartridges without guns. Guns without triggers. Trigger without Roy. Roy without Dale. Dale without a valley. Valleys without a river. Rivers without water. Water without wet. Wet without a suit. Suits without a tie. Ties without a knot. Knots without a rope. You get the point, right?

But you've not heard the craziest thing there is, and it's this: I like 'em. I love 'em. I want some more of 'em.

It's obvious that I'm perfect for them because I'm as bonkers -- or even more -- than they are. So what I'm really looking for, what I need, is a woman to be crazy along with me.

We could wear our clown suits as we skip happily through life, throwing pies, spraying seltzer water, tripping people with our huge shoes. We could have lots of kids and get one of those tiny cars and travel around the country spreading happy insanity as we go.

There are worse lives, you know.

Copyright 2011 by Stephen B. Bagley. Excerpted from Return of the Floozy. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the author and publisher.

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Inspirational quotes

Most days I read these quotes before I start writing. They help me. Maybe they will help you, too, since they apply to the creative life in general and life beyond that.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
-- Henry David Thoreau

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out."
-- Robert Collier

"Frankly, I'm tired of writers talking only about inspiration. I'm sick of books that help you find the creative inner you, the idea that will spark that spark and finally compel you to write your novel. Novel writing isn't always about finding the right ideas. It's about finding the time and the energy."
-- Sarah Domet

"Forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you're inspired or not. Habit will help you finish and polish your stories. Inspiration won't. Habit is persistence and practice."
-- Octavia Butler

There are other quotes I like, but these are my current favorites. Do you have a favorite quote? Share!

I've got a lot to do today, so I'd better get to it. Talk to you tomorrow. Have a great day.

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Worn out Tuesday

Not a very good day today. I slept badly last night. Kept waking up from bad dreams. Stomach was unhappy, and my head hurt. Got up this morning and tried to do a few things, but finally went back to bed at around 10:30 a.m. and slept until 1:30 p.m. Pulled myself out of bed then, but felt tired all day. As a result, nothing much was done around here besides a few chores and housework.

Been trying to get the pop-up pool clean the past couple of days. Got lots of leaves and twigs in it from the past couple of storms, and it turned a murky green. It looks better now, but still needs some work. It will be easier when it's warm enough to get in. The bottom needs to be vacuumed and the sides swept. That will go a long way toward making it sparkle.

I thought of something I wanted to share a few minutes ago, but it's gone completely out of my head now. I worry about my memory sometimes. Well, I do when I remember to do so. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

I put together a wooden box the other day and finished the painting today. It turned out well, I thought. I'll try to post a photo of it, so you can see how I'm keeping my hands from being idle.

Anyway, I'm exhausted so I'm going to bed now. Have a great night and a wonderful tomorrow.

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Monday yet again

Monday yet again. Another day without a job. Another day trying to find one. Trying to fill the hours. Trying to write. Trying to keep from thinking too deeply about my situation. Trying to count my blessings. Trying to pray and believe.

It was a trying day.

Hard to believe in my future. Hard to write any stories that don't end in despair. Hard to pray when my words seem to stop at the ceiling. Hard to stay busy when I want to hide away and eat and watch mindless TV. Hard to get out of bed.

It was a hard day.

At this point, I usually add a "but." "But there were good things in the day, too." "But my blessings outweigh my sorrows." "But I know God loves me still." "But life is worth living." "But tomorrow things could change."

No "buts" today. Feel free to add your own. I have none.

Stubborn.

I'm just plain stubborn, you know. That's my real talent. The thing that keeps me going. Keeps me up and about. Keeps refusing to accept defeat. Nothing really fancy about stubborn. A set jaw and a head ducked down to take the blows. A defiant eye and a sharp tongue and a willingness to get my hands dirty. Those are my real gifts.

And now I think I can finally go to bed. Tried enough for today. Talk to you tomorrow.

Sad Sunday

Not a good Sunday. People I love are having a rough time of it. No way to help them other than prayer. And prayer is powerful, no doubts about it, but when you want to do more and there's nothing to do, it's hard. Of course, the people are making mistakes, and in some instances, what they're going through now is the result of their previous mistakes. While there is a sense of karma in that, it doesn't make it enjoyable to watch them suffer. Or at least, I get no enjoyment out of it.

I've met people who do. The world is filled with people who delight in other people's miseries and setbacks. Regrettably, I've met several writers who take the success of other writers as a personal insult. I try to stay away from those folks. Thinking like that is an invitation to waste your life in bitterness and regrets. Don't need none of that, children.

I do have regrets, of course. Lately I've been surrounded by the results of past bad decisions, but I try to keep moving forward. Hard to keep my eyes up, but there aren't any answers down in the dirt. The answers are upward and onward. I really believe that even if I have trouble doing it at times.

Anyway, hope your Sunday was better than mine. Have a great Monday, okay? Okay.

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Slobbish

I think it's important at this point to say that I'm a lazy slob. Although I seem to be busy all the time, when I go to list my activities, apparently I am a lazy slob. Particularly in writing and publishing. Which are supposedly my favorite activities. Instead I spend most of my time on chores, housework, yard work, errands, phone calls, worrying, watching TV, listening to music, reading other people's books, going to the library, watering my flowers outdoors, watering my plants indoors, laundry, testing my blood sugar, etc., etc., etc.

This is not to say that I don't have times when writing is the most important thing to me. Unfortunately, those times are in the minority. And often happen at two in the morning or when I am at some activity that's utterly bores me. But let me sit down at the keyboard and all inspiration vanishes just like a Republican’s heart or a Democrat’s morality. (I've decided to be an equal opportunity political party offender. If I haven't offended you yet, please understand that I will get to you as soon as I can.)

I've always been baffled that my lack the commitment to writing when it's been the only constant thing in my life (besides God and the church) since I was a child. I've often wondered if I'm more in love with the ideal of having written than writing itself. Or it could be that I'm a lazy slob. I'm leaning towards a lazy slob answer myself because it's probably more true than I would like, has lots of evidence to support it, and it's an easy answer, which appeals to the lazy slob side of me.

I'm so lazy I'm not even typing this right now. I'm using Dragon NaturallySpeaking, which is a voice dictation program. (I purchased Dragon NaturallySpeaking because I was worried about my ability to type if the arthritis in my hands worsens… And because I'm a lazy slob.) So when I talk about slaving over the keyboard, I'm really talking about talking over the keyboard.

It's a relief to finally tell you all that I'm a lazy slob. No more pretending about being productive or using my time wisely. I need to get me a bag of pork rinds and turn on some world championship wrestling, and I will finally be content.

Are you content? Are you a lazy slob? Let me know. But speak softly. I may be taking a nap. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Disappointed in Lulu.com

I've published three books with Lulu.com and have often recommended it to my poetry and writing classes and to the readers of my blogs. I withdraw the recommendation because Lulu.com has messed up the distribution of Floozy and Other Stories. After all this time -- 10 weeks and counting since its approval for their so-called GlobalReach Distribution -- it's still not available anywhere except on Lulu.com. You can't buy in on Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble or anywhere else.

And their customer service has been abysmal. Never any answers. Just canned responses and a plea for patience. I'm not even sure I've ever actually talked to a real person.

This is so disappointing. And so different from the previous books. I don't know if Lulu is going through growing pains or having personnel or money problems, but they have changed me from a satisfied customer to a non-customer.

This means Murder by the Mile will not be published by Lulu. I'm looking for other publishers now. If you have any recommendations, let me know.

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Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com
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Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Confession

It's time for a confession: I've been watching Glee. I hope you're not too shocked. Well, actually I turn it on and then do things on my computer until someone sings. Then I watch the singing. The Glee plots are so foreign to my life that I can't work up much interest, but the singing is wonderful. They have a talented class with a couple of outstanding singers. The actress who portrays Rachel is spectacular.

I'm surprised the show has done as well as it has as most people don't like musicals. Well, I've noticed a lot of people in my town don't seem to care for musicals. At least that seemed to be so when the local theater group would put one on. We never got the crowds that we expected. Admittedly, it is a local theater group, but there were some talented singers and actors in it.

As for the plots ... sigh ... basically it's about teenage dating and sex. The drama is overblown and tedious. And there is just about no morality. The only two virgins on the show are the aforementioned Rachel and Kurt, the gay teen. Well, I guess they know their audience.

Anyway, I've confessed. I hope you don't think less of me. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Nearly midnight

Well, how are you? I often wonder what’s going on in your lives. I catch brief glimpses on Facebook or Twitter, but of course, the information is sketchy and moves on, so I’m sure I miss things. I do think about you, though. I wonder how your jobs are going. I wonder if you’re keeping up with your chores. I wonder who you’re dating or how’s your married life going or are you making it okay as a single. If you got ‘em, how are the kids?

It’s late, of course. Nearly midnight. That seems to be my pattern lately. Twelve o'clock stares me in the face, and I find myself sitting at the computer, wondering about things.

Of course, everyone has blogged, posted, Facebooked, etc., about Osama bin Laden this week. So why should I be any different? I don’t find myself rejoicing in his death, but I do find grim satisfaction in it. He was evil. The world is better and safer with him not in it. Oh, I’m sure he was kind to animals and children; I’ve noticed madmen usually are. And he had people who loved him and grieve for him now; madmen usually do. But he killed a lot of innocent people and wanted to kill more. I’m glad he’s not planning more attacks. I hope his death gives closure to the families of the 911 victims. I pray other madmen don’t use his death as a rallying point. And that will be the only time I mention him here.

So it’s late, and I’m typing again. No timed writing this time. And no music, either. It’s a bit late to listen to music. Usually if I have anything on, it’s one of the Sunrise Earth programs that I have recorded on my DVR. Peaceful and calming. I’ve already watched one, hoping it would help me sleep.

And I am getting sleepy. Think I’ll get in bed and try again. Hope you have a peaceful night and a great tomorrow. Talk to you then.

First class

Today I completed my first class at a local vo-tech. The class was “Excel 2007 Beginning.” I had a good time. I struggled a bit in the morning with the unfamiliar terminology and activities, but the teacher was very patient and helpful. By the afternoon, I was doing okay.

I had no idea that Excel was so capable of doing so many things and doing them so well. This evening I created my first spreadsheet just for me. I made a monthly budget using formulas and formatting. I am pleased how it turned out. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what else I can use it for in my personal life. I may make an exercise and diet spreadsheet as soon as I figure out what I want to track and how to configure the page.

I had worried about being the oldest one in the class, but there were several who were my age or older. I should not have worried about that as much as I did.

The facility is quite nice, and I'm jealous of the computer and monitor I used there. A lot of people use this facility for various classes and company training. Not surprised at that because it is first class all the way.

The next class that I wish to take is “Excel 2007 Intermediate.” It will be in June. I'm going to look to the catalog and find other courses to take, also. If you're wondering why I'm not taking more classes, it's because my budget is tight, and it's hard to find an extra $100. Somehow I will work it out. I need to update my knowledge of technology. I used to keep up with the current trends, but when I started the debt reduction plan five years ago, I didn't have the money for the latest tech. So I am behind.

I'm hoping with several of these classes on my resume, I will be more attractive to employers. Or maybe even figure out a way to go into business for myself. At least that's my plan. We'll see how things work out.

Anyway, it's late. You have a good night. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor

Nervous Monday

I've spent the whole day being nervous about my class tomorrow. It will be the first time I've been class since college, not counting a few continuing education classes for insurance years ago before my boss decided that he'd rather I do my CE online.

What am I nervous about? About being too old, about not being able to keep up, about not being sharp enough to understand the material. Look, I know I've slipped over the years. My focus isn't as clear as it used to be, my wits not as sharp, and my knowledge absorption rate not as fast. Well, tomorrow will be a good chance to find out what I still have.

Of course, I have the tendency to underestimate my abilities. I'm hoping that's the case in this in this, too.

It will be an easy drive to class. The technology center is just a mile or so away from my house. I've been there once before years ago when I attended a presentation. It's much larger now.

Anyway, that's what I've been worried about today. How has your day gone? Any worries you'd like to share? I hope not. I hope your life is clear sailing.

Talk to you tomorrow and wish me luck!

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Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Barnes & Noble.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at BooksAMillion.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre in hardcover at Lulu.com
Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor