Monday yet again. Another day without a job. Another day trying to find one. Trying to fill the hours. Trying to write. Trying to keep from thinking too deeply about my situation. Trying to count my blessings. Trying to pray and believe.
It was a trying day.
Hard to believe in my future. Hard to write any stories that don't end in despair. Hard to pray when my words seem to stop at the ceiling. Hard to stay busy when I want to hide away and eat and watch mindless TV. Hard to get out of bed.
It was a hard day.
At this point, I usually add a "but." "But there were good things in the day, too." "But my blessings outweigh my sorrows." "But I know God loves me still." "But life is worth living." "But tomorrow things could change."
No "buts" today. Feel free to add your own. I have none.
Stubborn.
I'm just plain stubborn, you know. That's my real talent. The thing that keeps me going. Keeps me up and about. Keeps refusing to accept defeat. Nothing really fancy about stubborn. A set jaw and a head ducked down to take the blows. A defiant eye and a sharp tongue and a willingness to get my hands dirty. Those are my real gifts.
And now I think I can finally go to bed. Tried enough for today. Talk to you tomorrow.
2 comments:
:( I know this day. I've had many. But, I share your gifts and being stubborn has it's benefits. Like, insisting on Joy until you feel it, and saying "I will" until your accomplished. Be encouraged, Stephen, and never Pray for patience.
Thank you, Michelle. Nice to know someone out there understands and has gone through it. :)
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