Garden

      A few days back, ER posted about people who were working to bring about the end of the world. (See here.) He dismissed them by calling them "crazy." Maybe from his perspective, but I disagree.
      First, I know those people well. I was raised in a church that preached from The Late Great Planet Earth by Hal Lindsey and other End Times works. These people were not crazy. They fervently believed the end of the world was right around the corner, and they needed to get everyone saved before the Rapture. Films like A Thief in the Night and A Distant Thunder only fueled their convictions.
      When I was a pre-teen, I remember listening to ministers talk convincingly about the possibility of the Rapture taking place the very next day or even in the next few seconds. And I would think and pray, "Not yet, Lord, not yet." I still had things to do. I wanted a girlfriend, a career, nice things, children, and then the Christ could return when I was at death's door in my 50's. (Fifty being, of course, incredibly old in my mind then.)
      Naturally these ministers had all sorts of theories about when the Apocalypse was going to take place. They would point out events in Bible that seemed to correspond with events taking place in world as fulfillment of prophecy. They had number schemes and hidden codes long before the Da Vinci Code ever reared its empty head.
      As far as I know, none of these people ever drank poisoned Kool-Aid or stood on a mountaintop like Homer Simpson waiting for God. But they all shared an important characteristic with the loonies: Namely that they didn't have any hope for this world.
      Let's be clear on what I'm saying here. People who passionately work for the End Times do not believe the world can get better. They believe that it's going to continue to get worse until it falls into a pit of war, disease, starvation and despair. They believe that the only hope we have is that if God appears and saves us. They have no faith in humanity. They despair. Not crazy. Despairing.
      I personally do believe in the Rapture and the End Times. I was raised that way, and I have a somewhat jaded view of humanity. However, I also believe such events are out of anyone's control, and I'm not willing to allow the eventual destruction of the world interfere with what I've got to get done here. The Bible tells us to help the sick, feed the poor, raise up the fallen and generally get off our lazy butts and work. In no place does it tell us to raise red heifers, make golden vessels or wear aluminum foil cloaks. The Bible doesn't tell us to work to make the END come about. It's more of an informative, hey, this is going to happen one day in case you wanted to know.
      It's easy to despair these days. You can watch the news and read the paper and rapidly be overwhelmed by the problems that face us. In fact, if you're not overwhelmed, then I suspect you've become so jaded that you're part of the problem. Or worse, you become angry and lash at other people. I witness this all the time from angry, vicious posters on Erudite Redneck and Casting Pearls Before Swine. I'll read something particularly harsh about conservatives on ER's blog and think, Well, that's it. I'm becoming a Republican, and then I'll read a narrow, vicious attack on liberals from a commenter on CPBS and run back to liberal side as fast as I can.
      Middle of the road. That's where I plod along. And I worry about that. The Bible talks about preferring people to be hot or cold, while those lukewarm people get spat out. I'd sure hate to think I'd end up on a puddle of spittle. I like to think that I practice a practical Christianity. One that realistically looks at the world's problems and says, "I can't feed the world, but I can work at the local food bank. I can't heal the sick, but I can work as an hospital volunteer and give money to organizations that help fight various diseases. I can't fix people's problems, but I can give them love and support so that they can find their own way." It's a backyard faith, a way of managing the world's problems by working at them locally. True change is created one person, one problem at a time.
      Practical Christianity is a way to battle despair. It's a way to channel anger into something constructive. It's a way to battle the darkness. Let the End Times come as they may. I intend to keeping doing what I'm doing as long as I can continue to do it. A few friends of mine have questioned my faith in this at times. They don't understand how I can hope and work for a better world and still hold the view that eventually the world will end in fire.
      It's not always easy. And I see many fellow Christians who don't even try. They have decided that since it's all going to end anyway and God will sort things out, then they don't have do anything except sit on their ever-expanding hineys on Sunday and nod a few amens and sing a few hymns and that's enough. It's an excuse for laziness, for being smug, for being self-righteous. However, the Bible is loaded with verses that tell us to work, to work, to work.
      Don't think it's just Christians that are lazy. I see it all the time. People who say they believe something, but don't work to make it happen. If you truly believe in something, then get out there and work for it. Love without works is dead, dead, dead.
      So my answer to despair is work for good things. Not original, of course. In fact, I think I will end this by quoting the conclusion of Candide by Voltaire, published in 1759.

      "Human grandeur," said Pangloss, "is very dangerous, if we believe the testimonies of almost all philosophers; for we find Eglon, King of Moab, was assassinated by Aod; Absalom was hanged by the hair of his head, and run through with three darts; King Nadab, son of Jeroboam, was slain by Baaza; King Ela by Zimri; Okosias by Jehu; Athaliah by Jehoiada; the Kings Jehooiakim, Jeconiah, and Zedekiah, were led into captivity: I need not tell you what was the fate of Croesus, Astyages, Darius, Dionysius of Syracuse, Pyrrhus, Perseus, Hannibal, Jugurtha, Ariovistus, Caesar, Pompey, Nero, Otho, Vitellius, Domitian, Richard II of England, Edward II, Henry VI, Richard Ill, Mary Stuart, Charles I, the three Henrys of France, and the Emperor Henry IV."
      "Neither need you tell me," said Candide, "that we must take care of our garden."
      "You are in the right," said Pangloss; "for when man was put into the garden of Eden, it was with an intent to dress it; and this proves that man was not born to be idle."
      "Work then without disputing," said Martin; "it is the only way to render life supportable."
      The little society, one and all, entered into this laudable design and set themselves to exert their different talents. The little piece of ground yielded them a plentiful crop. Cunegund indeed was very ugly, but she became an excellent hand at pastrywork: Pacquette embroidered; the old woman had the care of the linen. There was none, down to Brother Giroflee, but did some service; he was a very good carpenter, and became an honest man. Pangloss used now and then to say to Candide:
      "There is a concatenation of all events in the best of possible worlds; for, in short, had you not been kicked out of a fine castle for the love of Miss Cunegund; had you not been put into the Inquisition; had you not traveled over America on foot; had you not run the Baron through the body; and had you not lost all your sheep, which you brought from the good country of El Dorado, you would not have been here to eat preserved citrons and pistachio nuts."
      "Excellently observed," answered Candide; "but let us cultivate our garden."

      That's good advice, don't you think? I do. See you in the garden.

"The Second Coming" by William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of "Spiritus Mundi"
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

1921

A summer cold

      I've ended up being sick all weekend with a crappy summer cold. I'm not happy about it. I've coughed, sneezed, ran a temp, had a sore throat, etc. Name a symptom, I've had it. And despite gallons of hot tea and chicken soup, vitamin C and zinc tablets by the handful, Advil, Contact and every other OTC med I could find, the cold is still lingering on. Very annoying. So basically I did nothing this weekend except sleep and stare dully at the TV. Tomorrow I have to return to work even though I probably won't feel well. The only bright spot is that I'm probably contagious and can spread my cold to annoying customers.
      Anyway, that's all I did. I have nothing new to share with you. I did really a couple of books. Outfoxed by the wonderful Rita Mae Brown and Writing to Change the World by Mary Pipher. The first was an excellent mystery as well as an extensive look into the complicated world of fox hunting. The second was a book that espoused writers tackling hard issues in their writing. It was long on anecdotes and short on writing info, I thought.
      I also read Death on the Cliff, A Gilded Age Mystery, by Mary Kruger. A pleasant enough book, but no surprises and it was obvious who the murderer was just a few chapters into the book. It also featured the stereotypical romance between the detective and our heroine in which they were rude and angry at each other most of the book, but as soon as she was in peril, he realized he loved her and she realized she loved him, and of course, they married even though it didn't seem like they had anything in common. Apparently this is the first book in a series. We'll see if it improves.
      So now I'm going to fall into my bed. I hope you are doing well and had a good weekend. I hope we all have a wonderful -- and healthy -- week. Night.

What I did

       Worked all day by myself in the office. Fortunately it wasn't too busy so I was able to go home on time.
      Worked this evening on finishing the June issue of the family newsletter. Received and edited my brother's article and placed it. Called several people for the monthly Roundup. Just need to finish that and my article, proofread and correct any mistakes, print and mail. Then I go to work on the July issue.
      Called my siblings and worked on the details of a family gathering. We're planning on going to the Oklahoma Aquarium in Jenks, Oklahoma. Should be lots of great photo ops. I'm looking forward to it.
      Attempted to find a hard drive enclosure kit that will accommodate my old hard drive. No luck in finding what I need so far.
      Wrote five new pages on Murder at the Witch's Cottage and worked on marrying the new and old material. The play is coming together in a new and unexpected way. I think I'm pleased.
      Keep thinking we were going to get rain. No luck. Some wind. Lots of black clouds. No rain beyond a sprinkle. Maybe tomorrow.
      Promised myself I'd be in bed by 10:30 tonight. Gotta close now to keep that promise. Have a good night and great tomorrow. See you then.

Over the hump

      I got more sleep last night so I was less tired today and got some things done this evening instead of just staring blankly at the TV. I used a sound generator to listen to ocean waves for about thirty minutes before I went to sleep. It seemed to help. I will use it again tonight. The sound generator will also produce the sounds of a brook, the wind and a forest. So far, I find the ocean the most soothing. The generator is from Timex. I bought it several years ago, but have never really used it for anything except for a clock.
      My play Murder at the Witch's Cottage takes place on the Atlantic coast. I had wondered how I was going to produce the ocean sounds. I think this sound generator will work well. I worked on the play tonight. It's finally coming together. I think the changes I'm making produce a more coherent storyline as well as more dramatic moments. I still have some scenes to rewrite and several to write, but I feel confident that it should be finished by the end of July. Then back to Darkness, Oklahoma.
      This weekend I intend on finishing the June Gazette and get it mailed. That's my project. I still need an article from my brother. I hope he gets it to me before Friday. I'll call him tomorrow and lean on him.
      Joke for today:
      Two cannibals meet one day.
       The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender."
      The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"
      The reply, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."
      "Aha!" the second cannibal replies, "No wonder -- those are friars!"
      And on that note, good night!

Counting the ways

      As I've worked with my new Dell computer, I've discovered several things I really like about it. In fact, I'm close to being smitten with it. Here are a few things about it that make me happy:
      1. The 13-in-one media card reader on the front of the computer. On my previous computer, I used an USB port and had USB cables connecting to various card readers. It looked like a Radio Shack had exploded on the top of my computer. Now everything is nice and neat, and I've retired the hub.
      2. The 8 USB ports. My old computer only had two, and they were on the back of the computer, which is another reason I had to use the hub. With an USB printer, USB keyboard and mouse combo, USB scanner, USB headphones and mike, and USB external drive, I was hurting for USB ports. Now, everything is plugged in, and I have three USB ports left.
      3. Windows XP. I know it has problems, but so far, it's worked almost perfectly for me. Of course, I was coming from a computer that ran Windows ME, which CNET recently listed as one of the top ten worst computer products of all time.. (I say almost perfectly because there's a conflict with the video driver and it won't run the pre-installed 3D Space Screensaver. A very minor annoyance. Apparently it can be fixed if I will completely uninstall in the old driver and install a new driver that came out after I received my computer, but frankly it's not worth the trouble so far.)
      4. Speed. It's a lot faster than my old computer and can handle multi-tasking easily without freezing or crashing. Last night I had my scanning program, Microsoft publisher, GMAIL, AOL and Microsoft word all open at the same time. No problems. Wow.
      5. It simply works. No restarts, mysterious blue screens, lost data or strange beeps. And that's the best thing of all.
*      Time to get ready for work. I'll be back later. Talk to you then.
*      It's later. Much later. Nearly midnight. I sat down tonight and took a long nap. I seem to be running on empty lately. If this continues, I think I'll schedule a check-up and make sure it's just lack of sleep and not something else.
      I haven't mentioned The Last of the Summer Wine for a while. I watched it tonight on the local PBS channel. Such a gently funny and warmly wise show. I highly recommend it. It may take you a few times to learn the characters, but it's worth the effort.
      Going to shut down now. Have a good night and great tomorrow. Night!

Postcard of redwoods & a cross post

Crystal sent me this postcard from California. Beautiful.

      I posted this on The Great Slimdown. I'm not sure who all is reading it over there so I thought I'd cross post it here.

PERSEVERANCE!

      The Weight Loss Word of the Day is PERSEVERANCE! It's easy to start a diet, easy to say you're going to make a life change, easy to follow the latest fad diet, but starting the diet isn't the trouble for most people. It's continuing on. It's having the determination to follow through to the slim end. How do we gain that determination? Here are five suggestions that I've found helpful:
      1. Every day tell yourself these statements: "I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to be comfortable in my own skin. God made me so I have worth. My body is the temple my soul inhabits. I will not let food control me. With God's help, I will overcome." Phrase them as you like, but that's the idea. If you say these positive statements ten times a day, you'll be amazed how it will change your attitude.
      2. Avoid people who tempt you with fattening foods. Friends who push desserts on you aren't your friends. They're trying to sabotage your new life. Don't let them. Be firm.
      3. Pick yourself back up after every slip and keep going. A life change only fails if you stop. Let's not confuse this with diets. There are a thousand diets out there. If one isn't healthy for you or simply isn't workable, find another that will work. As long as you continue to pursue your goal, you will reach it eventually.
      4. Remember that you didn't gain weight all at once, and you won't lose it all at once. It's going to take time, but everything worthwhile takes time. Love, relationships, happiness, they all take time and work. Why would losing weight be different?
      5. Most importantly, remember that you have only one life down here. It's up to you to make the most of it. Approach losing weight as an adventure with ups and downs, but you have the certainty that you'd going to make it through and come back with lots of great stories and a new healthier you!

      Busy day at work. I'm worn-out. I haven't been sleeping well for the past couple of weeks. I hope my sleeping patterns will straighten out soon. Anyway, I'm going to call it a night. Take care. Have a great night and a wonderful tomorrow. Adios.

Long, long, long

      It's been a busy and somewhat frustrating past few days. Lots of things that needed to get done, but didn't get done. Projects where I made some progress but not as much as I planned. The usual complaints.
      We had a bad storm yesterday that took down the cable and, of course, Internet access all over my town. Obviously it's back up, but they took long enough. To add insult to injury, we only got a trace of rain out of those high winds and lightning.
      I've been working the ticket booth for a play that the local theater group is performing. I have to go down there again in a few minutes. I have so much to do here. Oh well, that's what happens when you volunteer. I want off the board so bad, but I can't see how to do it and still satisfy the obligations that I agreed to do. Duty sucks swamp water, folks. But my term will be up after this next year so I guess I'm committed until then. It's not that being on the board is so bad, it's that I want time to devote to other projects, and it seems to take a lot of my time.
      My town had a fly-in this weekend. If you're not familiar with that, it's when a large number of pilots fly in to our airport to show off their planes. We had a couple of World War II biplanes and a two-man helicopter that visited as well as a lot of other planes. Very cool to look up and see them flying overhead. No hot air balloons as in the past, which is disappointing, but the fly-in was cool. I forgot my camera, though, and so no photos. Sigh. Someday camera phones will finally take a decent photo and then I'll always have a camera with me.
      I'm having to rewrite Murder at the Witch's Cottage to accommodate the local stage. Oops. Gotta go and take tickets. Be back in about an hour or so.
*
      Back. I'm finally cooking lunch. Or grilling lunch actually. I have a package of chicken legs on the grill and seasoned veggies in the microwave. I'm going to have some baked beans and cut up some tomatoes and carrots for a salad tray. And maybe some watermelon for dessert. Sounds good. Particularly since I'm hungry right now. Gotta go check the chicken. Be right back.
*
      Back once again. Chicken was done. Veggies are done. Baked beans are in the microwave. I have to go back outside in a few minutes and turn the grill off. It's still on so that it can carbonize the drippings and make the grill easier to clean. I'll have to cut the tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers and lettuce in a few minutes. It's nice just to sit down and rest. I've been running all week.
      It's hot outside today. Mostly clear skies. I was going to take a few pictures of clouds today, but I'd have to drive a while to find them.
      I think I'll go and eat lunch now. Be back in a bit.
*
      It's later now. Seven. Time for the Simpsons. I've been a fan for years. They're a strange, funny family, but they have that weird love that only families can have.
*
      It was two Simpsons tonight. One I'd seen, the second I hadn't. Typically funny and odd.
      Speaking of TV, I'm looking forward to the Stargate: SG1 premiere coming in July. They ended on quite a cliffhanger. I'm interested in seeing how they resolve it. And Jack will be back for at least five episodes this summer. They need him. The series has been suffering without him.
      If you're wondering why this post is titled "Long, long, long," I just thought I hadn't posted much lately so I decided to ramble on for a while today. Don't know if it's that interesting to you, but hey, it's something to read.
      Can you believe we're already halfway through June? The summer is rushing by. How does that work? When I was a kid, a year was a huge amount of time. It took forever for Christmas to get here. Now the years roll by faster and faster, approaching the speed of light. Really, this should stop.
      A whole bunch of music came already preinstalled in on my computer. Some of it isn't to my taste, but a lot is. It's a cool way to introduce people to new artists. I've already purchased one CD from a preinstalled group.
      I was talking about Murder at the Witch's Cottage earlier. I have to change it to adapt to the limitations of the local stage. It's going to take some work. I've decided that will be my July project. I will be able to keep three-fourths of what I've already written. I will just have to change several scenes and probably drop two -- one for sure because I know it won't be possible now -- and write new ones. In proper play format, a full-length play runs about 90 pages or so. And each page will run about a minute when performed. At least that's the idea. I've discovered, though, that I write long. I will have to watch that. The audience can only enjoy as much as their butts can endure. Long plays had better be exceptionally good.
      Well, it's late now. I'll close. Talk to you tomorrow. Have a good one!

      Okay, a busy day. I got a lot done. A lot still needs to be done, but I'm going to bed anyway. I don't think I'm getting enough sleep so I'm trying to correct my sleeping habits. Just another project on my ever-growing list. Eventually I will be perfect, and then what will I do with my time? I guess I should keep a few faults just so I have something to do ...
      This will probably create trouble, but listen, I'm tired of all those super thin women on TV. I wouldn't date them. Except maybe to take them to an all-you-can-eat buffet. I'm not saying that women should be fat because that's unhealthy, but I prefer women who don't look they just survived a three-month death march through the jungle. Curves are good. Curves, do you hear me? Curves.
      I also am disenchanted with the cult of youth that seems to rule the TV. Frankly, a lot of young people are shallow with all the interest of bathroom mold. Admittedly, there are notable exceptions, but I think people need a few years on them, some miles on their road, a few stories in their past, to be interesting.
      I think I'm getting grouchy as I'm get older. Eventually I will be sitting on my front porch, rapping my cane on the ground as I yell at those pesky kids in the neighborhood. I'm think I'm looking forward to it.
      Night!

Dizzy day

      Ever heard of Dizzy X? They're a pop/rock group I wandered across recently. You can listen to some of their music at here. You'll probably be a bit surprised by me liking them. But I like a lot of different music. Depends on my mood and what song speaks to me.
      My house is a pit. Why doesn't some lovely woman drop by and clean it for me? She could wear a little maid outfit. Hey, if she would wear the outfit, I'll do the cleaning! Or if she would wear one of those nice white nurse uniforms with the starched cap -- too much information, I'm sure.
      Does anyone really now what's taking over? Does anyone really know what's going on?
      Still listening to Dizzy X. The song is Lost Angeles.
      I may be off work tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to come right home and try to sort through these piles of files. Darkness, Oklahoma keeps growing, like some Lovecraft creature sending out paper tentacles everywhere. I need to sort it out and try to impose some sort of order on it. Or start giving it blood sacrifices. One of the two.
      Here's to the hearts in the back alleys. Here's to the dreams burned like gasoline. Here's to the friends I could not save.
      I'm in strange mood tonight. Too much stress this week. Too many defeats. Too many moments of slow suicide. Isn't that how it goes, though, these days? The center can't hold. It's run away with the spoon.
      Does anyone really know what's taking over? Does anyone really know what's going on? I'm lost and I'm found in Lost Angeles. I'm breaking some ground in Lost Angeles.
      I need the weekend. I need a long weekend. I need somewhere where I can forget all these obligations and responsiblies. Atlas not only shrugged, but he's gone to the beach.
      Remember the days when we used to try? Gone is the sweetness that's in your eyes. Here's to the souls that never will mend. Here's to the lovers who love to pretend.
      It's late, and I'm tired. I'm going to bed. You have a good night and a good tomorrow and a thousand tomorrows after that.
      I'm moving around in Lost Angeles. I'm lost and found ...

Same old song

      So here I am. Finally. I had trouble again with my cable modem this evening, but I followed several procedures that the cable tech guy had explained to me, and they seemed to work. According to the tech, my computer is functioning perfectly. The problem seems to be on their end, he told me with great reluctance. But I don't really have an explanation for why it messed up. I just hope it works okay from now on.
      Anyway, not much going on here. It's hot. Muggy. Work has been rather grinding. I've gritted my teeth until I'm surprised I have any left. I think the heat makes some people mean. Or makes them reveal that they're really mean deep down.
      Still, I'm catching up on things and staying up on my work despite not having a secretary. It sure does make for a long day, though.
      Today my good friend Ms. M called me, and we went to lunch. She had surgery to remove a cancer in her breast about a month ago and finished a round of radiation for breast cancer. She's doing well. She's had a few minor side effects, but so far, everything looks good. The doctors think they got all of the cancer, and we hope the radiation mopped up any errant cancer cells. Cancer affects so many people. Someday I hope we conquer it. It will be one of humanity's greatest achievements.
      What else can I tell you? Mickey had a good birthday with a couple of parties, swimming, lots of gifts and wild times. And now he is five. They grow up fast. Because I don't see him regularly, it's always amazing how much he's grown and changed since the last time we were together. Makes me proud of him and sad that he's growing up.
      It's a month for birthdays in my little world. Besides Mikey, my nephew, my grand niece and one of my godsons have a birthday this month. I can't wait until they're all old enough to get money and like it. Well, I can wait. I do like buying toys. That's fun.
      And now I'm going to bed. Y'all have a good day tomorrow.

Up again

      Well, my cable internet connection is up again. Let's hope it lasts. Gotta go back to work now. Talk to you later. I hope.

Down again

      My cable connection is down again. I’m blogging this quickly from work. A technician is scheduled to come to the house today during my lunch. Maybe he or she can get it working. Talk to you later. I hope.

If it's not one thing ...

      Sorry to be gone. I get a new computer, and then my cable internet goes out. Arggghhh. Anyway, once my cable modem was switched out, my connection started working again. It still seems a bit flaky, but maybe not. It's hard to tell its problems from Blogger's problems. Must be sunspots.
      Well, what have I done the past few days? Lots of writing, filing and housework. I also helped the president of the local theater group prepare and mail tickets out to our patrons. The play is this coming weekend. I'm not in the cast or crew, but may work the ticket booth for a night if they need me.
      It's been horribly hot and dry here, and my house's air conditioner isn't keeping up. It probably needs to be serviced soon. I hope I can get an appointment. This is the busy season for air-conditioning folks. I've heard that it takes two weeks before they can get to you. (I may get a small window unit for my bedroom. They're fairly inexpensive at Wal-Mart. I know a couple of people who use them, and they seem to be economical and efficient.) The central air unit on this house is at least 16 years old. What is the common life for one of them, anyway? Anyone know?
      Otherwise, not much to report. I've been using my smoothie maker some. It's okay. I figure these fruit and veggie smoothies would be better if I could put sugar or ice cream in them, but I can't because I'm on this diet. So I'm drinking their natural goodness straight. Whee. But hey, it's good for me. WHEE!
      I've been posting the Weight Loss Word of the Day at the Great Slim Down. So far the response has been less than overwhelming. I'm not sure anyone besides Michelle and Frenzied Feline are reading them. But that's okay. They've both very cool, and to have their attention is awesome. I'd just like others to particpate. I'm trying to lose weight, too, and I need the support!
      Mikey turns five this week. What a wonderful little boy he is. Such joy. A fireball of energy. Every time I see him, I want to sweep him up and run away to someplace safe where he will never have to lose his childhood innocence and joy. Problem is, I'm not sure anywhere safe exists in this world anymore. Maybe it never did.
      By the way, how much TV are you watching a week? Cut the time in half and you'll be amazed at how much better your life is. You'll get more done, spend more time with family and friends and enjoy life instead of just watching other people pretending to enjoy life. Seriously, try it for two weeks. The results will astound you.
      My favorite smoothie recipe so far is this one: a quart of strawberries, a container of blue berries, a container of low-fat blueberry yogurt, a can of diet lemonade, a container of raspberries, two cups of crushed ice. Blend them into a liquid. Drink. Loaded with vitamins. A bit strong taste, but you get used to it.
      Since I've been gone, I feel like I should ramble on, but I don't have anything to add. Maybe tomorrow -- returning to work, sigh -- will contain more things of interest, a bit of excitement, a twist of kind fate, a touch of romance ... or I could just go to work and then come back home. Either way, I'll see ya tomorrow.

Lost & Found

I was lost in my town
living in back alleys
of lost youth and wasted time
until you found me

I wandered aimlessly
from one love to another
all just as sad empty
until you found me

Blind to important things
my light taken by ashes
with sorrow as my friend
until you found me

until you found me
I didn't know
how a real kiss (sweet and sharp)
tasted

until you found me
I didn't know
how true passion (sweat and shouts)
burned

until you found me
I didn't know
I really wasn't
alive

Until you found me.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

A young man's fancy

      I'm listening to music on my new computer. I'm typing this on my new computer. I've been downloading programs on my new computer. I've been installing programs on new computer. I think I'm in love with my new computer.
      It's like every new love. I can't see any flaws.
      I'm dazzled by its speed and its charming screensavers. I like how it looks, all shiny white and silver case. I like how it turns on and how it actually works. My old one didn't do that. My old one didn't do a lot of things this one does.
      It's like every new love. I love its quirks.
      So far it has taken every piece of data I've installed without a hiccup. No weird restarts or failures to read CDs. It just runs the programs. I don't have to worry about whether or not it will die and take everything I've written.
      It's like every new love. I find myself wanting to spend all my time with it.
      I've discovered that I have quite a few programs that will run eagerly on XP. I've discovered a couple that run better and have more features when installed with XP. If XP is as stable as it’s said to be, I foresee a long and happy relationship.
      Of course, this honeymoon won't last. Eventually I'll find its flaws, get annoyed at its quirks, resent the time I spend with it. It's probably not true love, but hey, it's okay.

It's here!

      I'm here online with the new computer! I've worked on it all evening, trying to figure out how to manage XP and get my printer, scanner and necessary software programs installed. It's been ... ah ... interesting. Yeah, that's the word. But it's going to be okay. I just have to learn what I'm doing. The computer itself is much faster than my old one with a lot of new features.
      My thanks to everyone who helped me get this new computer. I promise to write on it until its keyboard falls apart and the hard disk catches fire. But not tonight. Tonight I'm actually going to bed early. Y'all have a good evening, and I'll see you here and at the Great Slim Down tomorrow.

Bad day

      It was a very bad day at work. I got yelled at by five different customers. They were mad at my company, nothing that I had done, but I was the recipient of their rage and rudeness. After the fourth one, I seriously thought about just locking the door and walking away. But I have debts, responsibilities. I was taught that a man just didn't do that. So I didn't. As a reward, I got yelled at again. Sigh. Well, it made coming home even better.
      But there was good news. My computer is on the way! It shipped this morning. I've been following its progress across the country with its UPS tracking number. It might even come in tomorrow, but probably it won't be here until Thursday or Friday. Or early next week. I'm ready for it to arrive.
      I've added a new blog to my blog list. It's Rainy Day Wonderings. Check it out. It's well-written and interesting with a lively take on art and life. I think you'll enjoy it as much as I have.
      I got a smoothie maker this weekend on sale. Does anyone have any good smoothie recipes? It's definitely the time of the year for cool fruity drinks.
      Well, it's been a long day. I'm going to finish reading another book and then go to bed. I'm one tired fellow. Hope your day is good tomorrow.

Rainy Monday

      More rain, thank God. Not a lot, not even a half inch, but it's some moisture, and we need it. Some thunder and a little lightning. It's supposed to clear off later today, more's the pity.
      You may have realized that I've been mentioning the weather a lot here lately. This is tornado season here in Oklahoma, and a lot of us watch the skies these days. Of course, you can have tornadoes at almost any time of the year, but when it gets really hot or really cold, it's almost impossible.
      I don't have much else to add this morning. I blogged last night, and frankly my life isn't all that exciting. I am reading an interesting series of books about a wizard in Chicago, written by Jim Butcher. I've read Storm Front, Fool Moon and just started Grave Peril. If my computer doesn't arrive soon, I will have made my way through the pile of books waiting to be read.
      I'm hoping to get out with my camera this weekend and take some photos that I will post here. I keep seeing things that I think would make good pictures.
      If you read last night's post, then you know the local theater group will be doing my play Murder at the Witch's Cottage in October. I guess I will be directing it. I had hoped to get someone else to direct it, but no one stepped forward. The group seemed quite content to have me do it. That means the month of October will be booked solid for me. And naturally I intend on doing National Novel Writing Month again in November. So that's another month booked. And I will be directing the Easter play The Vigil in March 2007. Three months down. Somewhere in there, I want to finish Darkness, Oklahoma and Dragons Gather. And I want to put together a book of my humor pieces, something I've already started on. More poems, of course. And I've got to continue my weight loss program. Throw in church activities, the family newsletter, poems, this blog, the Great Slim Down blog, the 100 or so emails I send a week, my fish, my plants, books I intend to read, Stargate SG-1, Lost, Stargate Atlantis, the theater group web page upkeep and changes, laundry, housework, my job, lunch with friends, my indoor and outdoor plants and a few other miscellaneous things and you have my life. Seriously I don't know I get it all done, but somehow it does.
      I got asked a few weeks back what I thought the secret of happiness is. I said and believe it’s a relationship with God and family and friends, but there’s a lot to be said for being busy, too. For working hard for something good, whether that’s a book, a play, a poem, a new recipe, a cake, a marriage, a civic group, a charity, your life. Sometimes I think people put too much emphasis on leisure – although I’ve noticed people run themselves ragged on their vacations – without acknowledging the power and worth of work.
      Well, now it’s time for me to get ready for work. Talk to you later.

Short Sunday

      Is it my imagination or is the weekend getting shorter? It seems the week drags, then Saturday sails and Sunday soars. Sigh. I want longer weekends.
      I also want my new computer to arrive. It's supposed to ship on Wednesday. Maybe I'll get lucky and it will ship sooner than that. It would be so cool to have it next weekend. Won't hold my breath, though.
      It looks like the local theater group will be performing one of my plays in October. Murder at the Witch's Cottage is a go. It's a suspense play with a supernatural element. Not too much of one, but just enough -- I hope -- to give a few shivers.
      I meant to write more, but I need to do a few things before I go to bed. I hope your weekend was good and long enough. Talk to you tomorrow.

Clear skies Friday

      Good morning. The skies are clear today, the clouds and rain having moved on through. We only got a half inch of rain -- we needed more -- but every bit helps. The air was astonishingly fresh this morning. We are fully into spring now, and green dominates the landscape everywhere you look. Absolutely wonderful.
      I'm mostly over my angst of last night. Buying the computer is a good purchase for me. It will get lots of use and give me hours and hours of enjoyment as well as allow me to continue to write as much as I do. Naturally I wanted to save the money, but this purchase is, at least, justified. Yes, it is, Dave Ramsey. Get off my back!
      Do you have plans for this weekend? I'm mostly going to putter around my house. I will be clearing a space for the new computer and figuring out what parts of the old one will be useful in the new one. I'm wondering what to do with all the programs I have that won't run on XP. (I'm currently using Windows ME.) I have probably forty or fifty games that are meant for 95, 98 or ME only. I haven't played any of them in years. I need to try to sell them in a garage sale or just throw them away. It doesn't make sense to keep things I'm not ever going to use again.
      I'm looking for a new template for Harbor Street. I'd like to continue the nautical theme, but so far, I've not found anything that I like better than the one I have now. Still, don't be surprised one day if you visit and everything looks new. Change is good sometimes. Keeps us from being bored. I try to remind myself of that when life takes an unexpected turn.
      Did you visit the Great Slim Down and learn the Weight Loss Word of the Day today? You haven't? Well, git over there now! We are resolved to be slim and trim, and we're going to do it together. Join us.
      Well, I need to post this and get ready for work. Y'all have a wonderful day.

Rainy Thursday

      Well, I ordered my new computer this evening. Pardon me while I go and throw up. Why the angst? Because I didn't want to spend the money. I had worked so hard on another solution, but I couldn't find a way around it. My old one couldn't be repaired -- in fact, I couldn't even find anyone who could tell me why it didn't work. I spent literally hours and hours on trying to repair it. The one I'm using now wouldn't run the programs I need to publish the family newsletter or any of the photo software I need. And by buying now, I took advantage of several special offers. But ... but ... I've worked so hard to reduce my debt. To finally get these credit cards off my back. I hate to divert money from that goal.
      Well, it's done. It's ordered. And it's going to be faster than my old computer with better software. With luck and care, it will last another six or seven years. I'll raid the old one for as much stuff as I can. I can use a DVD writer that's on it. And the graphics card. And the sound card. I'll take both hard drives, too, and use one as a secondary drive and the other as an USB back-up.
      The new one will arrive in about three weeks. I didn't want to pay for any faster shipping than that. I hope it will serve me as well as the old one did for most of its life.
      How did your day go? Did you have a good one? I hope so. Did you drop the Great Slim Down for the Weight Loss Word of the Day? What did you do today? Anyway, it's late, and I have to be at work early tomorrow. Talk to you then. Night!

Cloudy Wednesday

      (Singing) Oh where oh where have my readers gone? Oh where oh where can they be?
      (Not singing) Since my computer died, I’m only getting a handful of hits a day now. Sigh. How fickle some of you are. I miss a few days posting and you go off and find yourself other blogs to read. You shameless hussies.
      But my faithful remained: Michelle, Crystal, Gloria, Randall, Frenzied Feline and Slim with occasional pop-ins from Trixie. You will all be rewarded! REWARDED, I say! When I’m king of the world, you will be my court and you will be the lords and ladies of this earth! LORDS AND LADIES, I TELL YOU! RELEASE THE ROBOT ARMY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
      Ahem.
      Anyway.
      Besides posting here, I’m also posting daily at the Great Slim Down. Stop by and discover what the weight loss word of the day is. Can you say the weight loss word of the day? Let’s all say it together! But let’s use our inside voices -- although that’s hard to do as I don’t have a voice inside me. Oh, my stomach makes noises sometimes and there was that nice opera composed and jointly sung by my kidneys and pancreas, but I have to use my outside voice to speak. I think most people do, don't you?
      Moving on, it’s cloudy this morning if you haven’t gathered that from the title. We actually had a higher chance of rain yesterday than today -- according to those crazy weather people (see yesterday’s post about predictions) -- but it looks more like rain today. I wish it would. We need rain. An inch or two will do. Our area is about 10 inches below the average rainfall in years past. If you have extra rain that you don’t need, please send it our direction. Use airmail and a huge waterproof envelope.
      My friend Randall is off to Boston on a business meeting. He’s going to stay an extra day and see the sights. He’s quite an adventurer, always willing to travel. He once just got into his car one evening and drove to New Orleans. No packing, no suitcase, he just decided to go and he went. I admire that in people. I’m more of a planner myself. When I travel, I always have enough stuff that I could restart life anew wherever I end up. There are expeditions into the darkest jungles of the Amazon that aren’t as well equipped as I am on a daily basis.
      To make Slym happy (see his comment on previous post) it's time to mention the computer again. I’m looking forward to the new computer in July. I appreciate Lori L. loaning me the one I’m using (Thanks, Lori; you’re a peach!) but it’s so sloooooooooooowwwwwwww. It will make me appreciate the new one all the more.
      Well, I have to get ready to go to work now. We still haven’t hired a new secretary, but I hope we do in the next couple of weeks. Otherwise, things are going to get really behind. Have a wonderful day!

Hazy Tuesday

      Hazy skies today. I didn't watch the forecast so I don't know what is predicted. Forecasters are amazing at times. In May 2001, Dan Milkins of KOZY TV in Ryton, Oklahoma, predicted a tornado would hit Ryton on July 18. And on July 18, Dan stepped out of the station building and was hit by a large halibut that had fallen from a cargo plane. Amazing. Luckily the weather was clear so the ambulance had no trouble getting him to an emergency room.
      If you think that story is fishy, you should put it up there with most weather forecasts. They're wrong about as often as they're right, according to a recent survey conducted by some government agency that spends taxpayers' money to do that. Forecasting is really just an educated guess. But at least they don't claim that God told them a storm was coming.
      Unlike the Rev. Pat Robinson who recently said, "If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms." Later he added, "There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest." Several things bother me about his predictions. Particularly the phrase "If I heard the Lord right." How come Pat wasn't certain? Was the Lord whispering? Does Pat need a hearing aid? Of course, this prediction is coming from a 76-year-old man who says that he leg-pressed 2,000 pounds on a weight machine when he was 73, so I'm not sure how solid any of his statements are. (He says his amazing strength comes from clean living and the protein shake that he invented. If only Samson could have chugged that shake, things would have turned out differently for Delilah.)
      Naturally Pat is giving himself some wiggle room. If bad storms and the tsunami don't happen, Pat can always say that he must not have heard the Lord clearly. I think he's fairly safe on the bad storms part since they get one or two each season, but I hope and pray that he's completely wrong on the tsunami part. No volcanoes either, please. Or plagues.
      Predictions have always been tricky things. Psychics seem to be successful largely because they give a lot of predictions and people only remember the ones they get right. The late Jeane Dixon gave thousands and thousands of predictions in her life, and a handful turned out to be correct. Which only goes to show the truth of the old adage: You can hit more birds with a shotgun than a pistol. (I guess because you could swing the shotgun like a baseball bat and have more reach than swinging a pistol. Although you have to wonder why the birds were attacking, unless, of course, they’re vampire birds. I’m sure there will be a docudrama on the SciFi Channel soon telling us all about those pesky vampire birds and how they prey on hapless teenagers who sneak off into the woods or are at some isolated camp near a lake.)
      I don’t want to be left out of this so here are my predictions for the coming years.
      1. The Republicans and Democrats will continue to fight until one day, after reading several Harlequin romance novels, they will realize that their anger is the expression of hidden hot passion and deep true love for each other. They will marry, but divorce soon after.
      2. Weather will continue to happen, except in Canada, which will outlaw it after discovering it can’t be forced to speak French.
      3. Brittany Spears will continue to have no talent, but will win a Grammy, an Oscar, an Emmy and a seat in the House of Representatives before being chosen as the first female pope.
      4. Several people will eat meals.
      5. Americans will continue to move to Mexico due to the low cost of living down there, and Mexicans will continue to move to America in hoping of having a higher standard of living. Eventually the whole populations will have switched place; then the process will start again. Canada will pass a law against this.
      6. Someone will land something on Pluto someday or maybe not.
      7. 51313 Harbor Street will win the Net award for being the Best Blog on the whole Internet. The author will be given the $10,000,000 cash award and will promptly disappear to an island with white sand beaches where he will be served fruity drinks in coconuts served by half-naked happy natives. Canada will pass a law against this.
      8. Canadian citizens will rise up in outrage and demand reform of their over-zealous government. Well, really, they got up to get something from the kitchen, but they're disgruntled, that's for sure. I sure hope they get their gruntles back soon, poor people.
      9. I predict this post will end after four more words. I got this one right ... oops.

Sunny Monday

       Did you have a good three-day weekend? I did. I wrote, shopped, watched a couple of WWII movies and basically puttered around. I'm trying to get back into the habit of posting every day again. Amazing how quickly that fell away. Of course, not having a computer readily available was part of it.
      I posted a recipe over at the Great Slim Down and will be attempting to post daily there, also. GSD is, I think, too important a resource and a support to dieters for it to be allowed to fade away. I'm hoping I can lure a few people over and help keep the ones there fired up about losing weight.
      Remember when I was bragging about how I had all my data backed up and hadn't lost anything when my computer died? Well, this will teach me to run my mouth. Turns out that the directory containing a lot of the local theater group patron drive info is gone! We're talking hours and hours of work there to replace it if I even can. I had backed the files up to a CD, and the CD is unreadable. So once again, I learn that terrible lesson: You always need at least two backups of important data. Do you ever think that Bill Gates is the love-child of Satan?
      By the way, I wasn't thrilled with the Lost season finale. I don't know what I was expecting, but that wasn't it. I was hoping for some real explanations. Instead we got more questions and naturally several cliffhangers. Don't mind the cliffhangers, but the confusing story is getting old.
      Time to get to bed. I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. The secretary quit last week -- no notice, thank you very much -- and I will have to cover her job as well as mine. I hope we find a replacement soon. You have a good tomorrow, and we'll talk then. Night!

Book Reviews and more

All-Star Zeppelin Stories
Edited by David Moles & Jay Lake
      This collection of twenty stories that feature zeppelins is a must for fans of lighter-than-air craft as well as anyone who enjoys adventure stories. The collection is very strong, with only a couple of stories that missed the mark with me but might be up your ally. My favorites are:
      "Voice of the Hurricane" by Paul Berger, where you're introduced to the idea of herds of zeppelins who roam the Great Plains the way the buffalo once did.
      "Instead of a Loving Heart" by Jeremiah Tolbert in which a mad scientist is undone by his creation.
      "Sky Light" by David Brin, where the Internet and the future of mass media co-exist with fleets of zeppelins.
      "You Could Go Home Again" by Howard Waldrop, in which Thomas Wolfe gets the chance to choose a different life.
      I'm hoping there will be another collection of zeppelin stories because I really enjoyed this one.

Bio Rescue
By S.L. Viehl
      This well-done space opera introduces us to Dair mu T'resa, a SEAL (surgically enhanced/altered life-form) who heads up a Bio Rescue unit, which responds to off-world medical emergencies. That would be exciting enough on its own, but add in the opposition of her own species and the arrival of a race of refugees who have their own agenda, and you have a true thrill ride. There is a twist at the end -- an almost Deus ex machina -- that I hope will be explored in a sequel. Viehl seems to specialize in strong heroines. Diar joins the proud ranks of Stardoc's Cherijo Torin and Blade Dancer's Jory Rask.

Boundary
By Eric Flint and Ryk E. Spoor
      This hard science fiction novel starts with a paleontologist discovering an alien fossil on Earth, a fossil that dates back to the K-T Boundary, which marked the end of the Mesozoic Era. The story eventually leads the paleontologist to join the first expedition to Mars to study an alien installation. The characters in this story don't have much depth, but the story moves quickly and the science is given in nice, easy chunks. It's good summer reading, and hey, it has a spaceship and a dinosaur on its cover. What more could you ask?

Dead Days of Summer
A Death on Demand mystery
By Carolyn Hart
      Annie and Max Darling are back in this latest entry in the Dead on Demand series. This time Max disappears, and the body of a murdered woman is found near his abandoned car. Annie has to find Max, and then she had to clear his name of murder. Carolyn Hart is the undisputed queen of the cozies, and she's at the top of her form in this book. If you like your mysteries flavored with humor, compassion and intelligence, you need to read this books and all the rest of the excellent books in the series.

Geodesica
By Sean Williams with Shane Dix
      This Science Fiction Book Club edition combines two novels: Ascent and Descent. They tell a story that takes humanity from the future to the far-future to the end of time and beyond. I want to warn you that these books take careful reading. The tech lingo comes fast and furious with little or no explanation, and you have to carefully sort out what the characters are talking about and what they're doing. However, after you wade through the first 50 or so pages, you'll find that events start making sense. There's an interesting philosophical statement running underneath the books, but it has enough action and emotional content to not overwhelm the story.

      And now you know what I've been doing without a computer. I've been reading. You can find all these books at Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble and other online retailers.
      However, I do have a computer now. It's not a replacement; a friend offered her old one, but it will let me work and write until I can afford a new one. And speaking of a new one, I should be able to purchase it in July. I've decided to treat myself for my birthday.
      I appreciate all the contributions to the computer fund. Randall, Crystal, ETC, JNE and Slym, you guys are very cool. I'll have to dedicate some books to ya! (Note: I may be able to afford the computer on my own, which is what I'm working for, and if so, I will return your money with much thanks that you believe in my writing and this blog.)
      Anyway, how's your holiday weekend going? Anything interesing going on? I'll be posting later at the Great Slim Down as well as back here. Talk to you later.

Friendly

      I was having lunch with a friend the other day, and she was telling me how her boss hadn't bent the rules for her. The infraction was minor, but she felt he should have given her some leeway because she and her husband and her boss and his wife had gone to several social occasions together, including a couple of trips to the lake.
      "I thought we were friends," she said. "But now I can see what his friendship is worth."
      Because she is my friend and she wasn't asking for advice, I didn't point out a few things that I personally believe about the boss-employee relationship. I just sympathized.
      But I learned a long time ago that rarely is your boss your friend. It's a hard thing for some people, but let's look at it for a few moments.
      Your boss -- if he's doing what he is supposed to be doing -- is trying to make money for your company. Ultimately what he does impacts the bottom line. I have a jaded view of businesses -- particularly corporations -- and I believe a corporation would cheerfully sell your bones to a fertilizer company if they could get away with it. They exist to make money and to grow. If they demonstrate caring about their employees, it's because having their employees happy and sane usually means their employees are working harder for the company. (There are many companies that run counter to this stark view, but we're going to deal with the basics on this.) My point is that your boss has to follow the rules or he won't be your boss very long. He has a different set of priorities than you.
      We'd all like to believe that our bosses support us and would go to the wall for us. Sometimes they do. But to expect as a condition of the boss-employee relationship is a mistake. I've had more than one boss who would leave his/her employees hanging in the wind to protect himself/herself. I don't expect anything else now and make sure that I cover my butt as much as possible. That's the way of the modern corporation. To expect otherwise is to endow capitalism with virtues that only naive people give it. Capitalism is not about charity or compassion. It does what it does and it does it well. It does what it's supposed to do.
      It may be impossible to be truly be friends with anyone who has a superior or inferior position to you. Lord Bacon said that true friendship is only possible between equals. Despite being named after the delicious portion of a pig, he has something there. Naturally I'm over-simplifying things, but I think it's hard for unequals to be friends.
      This applies to money, too. I'm friends with a person who has quite a bit more money than I have. He is totally baffled by my computer budget woes. He doesn't understand why I don't just go and buy one. He doesn't understand being broke. So sometimes that puts a strain on our relationship. He's a good guy and he does try to be sensitive to my budget constraints usually or we wouldn't be friends at all. But the money gulf between us does cause strain on our relationship at times.
      Basically I approach the boss-employee relationship as follows:
      1. I resolve to be friendly to my boss and to my employees. Being pleasant and polite is simply good business sense.
      2. I don’t make the mistake, though, of thinking that being friendly is the same as being friends.
      3. I don’t presume that a relationship outside the office will translate into any advantages in the office. I don’t expect favors nor grant them. I know that office politics often makes this impossible, but our work life would be better if cronyism was a thing of the past.
      4. My personal life is just that: My personal life. I don’t want to mix the two. What goes on in my life outside the office isn’t anyone’s business in the office unless I have a relationship with them outside the office.
      I know this sounds like I favor a cold, impersonal office environment. That’s not true. But I think there has to be a clear-cut line between your personal life and your office life. I also think that if your office life is your personal life … well, you’ve got a big problem because jobs will come and go. You need a life and identity separate from your job. Otherwise, someday you’d going to be fired, laid off, downsized or retired, and then where will you be?

Lunch blogging on all sorts of things

      I'm trying to do a brief post during lunch so that you, my faithful readers, have something here to look at rather than just my computer laments. Did you read in the comments a couple of posts ago where I thanked all the contributors to the computer fund? I haven't actually received any money yet -- and I totally understand if your budget turned out to make that impossible -- but the thought of people caring about this blog and my writing really lifted my spirits. Thank you.
      Not much else to tell you. I'm busy pricing computers, trying to get the most computer I can get for my money. I did watch the Alias series finale last night. It was okay, but I expected more. It answered many questions and ended the story as well as giving you a glimpse of the characters' lives afterward -- the ones who survived, that is -- but I thought it would go out with more of a bang. After all, we were talking about "the end of nature."
      Wednesday night, I'll be watching the Lost finale. I'm hoping that we will finally get some answers instead of just more questions. I also hope they stop killing cast members. Eventually there won't be any left if this keeps on, which could be how that series ends. I also detest the whole Michael storyline now. I'm quite willing for him to be killed as soon as possible. But I've always thought he whined too much.
      My flowers and other plants outside are doing well. I'll try to post some photos when I have a way to do so. My lawn needs help, though. It's more like a dirt and mud patch than a lawn. Oh, I shouldn't forget the weeds. The weeds grow well. Why doesn't science create a grass with the growing power of a weed? Someone needs to get to work on that.
      A three-day weekend is coming up. Woohoo! Except ... ordinarily I'd use that time to write ... I guess I can write without a computer, but I haven't done so in such a long time that I'm not sure how it will go. It will be an experiment of sorts. Do you have big weekend plans?
      Are you tired of me mentioning that I don't have a computer? You're probably not as tired as I am of the whole thing. Let's talk of other things. Stop bringing it up, okay?
      It got warm here this week. Unseasonably warm in the upper 90s. That reminds me: One of my customers came in the other day and talking about the weather and how it was predicted that we might hit 100 this week. She said, "If it hits 100 in May, it'll probably hit 200 in August!" She was totally serious.
      I got my fountain going on the patio again. I might have mentioned this in an early post, but I set up my patio table and chairs, set up the fountain, set up the grill, and am now ready to spend some slow lazy days back there. Except for the mosquitoes, it's very nice. Those bloodsuckers treat me like an all-you-can-eat vampiric banquet. Not fun.
      Mikey and his mom have moved down to Texas. So far, it seems to be going well for them down there. I hope so. Both need some stability in their lives. Please keep them in your prayers.
      My niece is doing much better. We hope she will get to return to school this fall and finish her nursing degree. Ditto her on the prayers. Thanks.
      I need a nap.
      All the wonderful spring produce at the local farmers market! I love this time of the year. And the selection will improve as the summer progresses. Good eating.
      I have to work now. Y'all have a good day. See you soon.

Moving forward

      The computer is dead. I spent all weekend working on, even buying a new hard drive, thinking that might be the problem. No go. I got it to boot and even reinstall the operating system, but the errors, shutdowns and blue screens multiplied unrelentingly despite everything I did.
      Last night at 1:30 a.m., I sat back in my chair and realized that I couldn't fix the computer. Somewhere in its silicon innards something has broken. Perhaps the motherboard has decided to give up parenting electronic impulses. Maybe the computer chip itself is gone. I've replaced everything I know how to replace and then wandered into places where I had to tread lightly because I had no idea what I was doing. Basically it's broke, and I can't fix it so it's time to move on to whatever computer is next.
      That might sound ludicrous to phrase it in such dramatic language. After all, it's not like the computer is a person, but strangely enough, it is a relationship. I've spent more time with it than with anything else. It's seen me through numerous poems, five plays, four books, my first NaNoWriMo, several hundred blog entries, thousands of emails and a lot of goofing around. Like most geeks, I've grown attached to it. It's not quite an electronic friend, but maybe it comes closer to that than I'm willing to recognize.
      But it's gone, and I have to let it go and move on. I'm not good at letting go of anything. I have this pack rat tendency, this little voice that says maybe someday I will desperately need that piece of paper or that broken gadget. Accordingly, I have parts of every computer I've ever owned somewhere in my house. I've been working on getting ridding my life of debris -- electronic and otherwise -- but I have a long way to go. I do recognize there has to be point where you say, That's broken. I can't fix it. Time to let go. Time to move on.
      Of course, I'm not just talking about gadgets now. I'm talking about relationships that have gone bad. That don't fulfill your needs. That are keeping you mired in pain, lost in sorrow and defeated in depression. Somewhere in there, you have to have the courage to say, This is broken. I can't fix it. Time to let go. Time to move on.
      Otherwise, you will stay trapped for the rest of your life. I know people like that. They stay in an ugly place, their past controlling their present and crippling their future. A friend of mine, divorced for seven years now, can't let go of her hatred for her ex. She watches him from afar, makes vicious remarks about his new wife and their baby, resents any happiness in his life. She'd be happier if he were dead, but maybe not. Maybe she'd still cling to her pain. For some people, their pain is what defines them.
      When I was younger, I used to think that was noble. "Pain is good because it lets us know we're alive." Now I see that pain is only an indication that something is wrong and you're supposed to fix it if you can, even if means cutting free of the thing that harms you. There is nothing noble in choosing pain and sorrow.
      Naturally I'm not saying you should cut and run at the first sign of trouble. You're supposed to get in there and fight. Put your best foot forward. Accommodate as much as you can while retaining your self-worth. Bend. Have faith. Give it everything you have and then some. If you do and it still breaks ... Well, you take what you're learned and earned and you move forward.
      Anyway, that's what I'm going to do now. Move forward. A new computer is out there just waiting for me to muck it up. Time to get to it.

Warning. Core meltdown. This is not a test.

      My computer has died. So far I've been unable to get it to boot again. I don't have enough money yet to purchase a new computer. I hope to by July. Posts may be scarce around here until then. I'll post when I can and when I have access to a computer. I'll be thinking of ya no matter what. When I do post, I'll try to post lots and lots. Anyway, that's what's going on. Wish me luck. Take care.

May newsletter

      I spent most of the evening working on the May family newsletter, and it's printing now! I will actually be caught up. Well, not tonight because I will only get half of it printed, but that's all it lacks. Tomorrow it will go into envelopes and off it will go.
      That gives me a good feeling. I get to check it off my list and move on to other creative projects. Awesome.
      Otherwise, not much is going here. I did take on a part-time, commission only job. It will end in August, but if it works out, I should be able to finally fully fund my emergency fund, buy a computer and maybe even help pay off a credit card one month ahead of time. Be thinking of me and sending positive vibes this way. This summer could be a good one for me financially. I'm hoping so and working for it to be so.
      All this sunshine and wonderful weather are helping my mood lately. Apparently it's supposed to get hot over the next few days, but yesterday and today were nearly perfect. They would have been completely perfect if I could have been outside enjoying the rays fully, but I had to work. Sigh. Oh well. It keeps me off the street where I would certainly start a vicious gang and rise up through the underworld until I was the top crime boss of the world and be surrounded by beautiful women and live in luxury ... Wait, I know there's a downside in there somewhere. Give me a moment... Nope. I got nothing.
      Yours in crime.

A rose by any other name I'd forget

       "What's in a name?" Shakespeare asked in Romeo and Juliet. "That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet." Maybe so, but if it did have another name, I doubt I could remember it. I have a terrible time remembering names. Let me give you an example.
      Recently a man approached me at a restaurant. After making sure he wasn't serving me another protective order, I shook his hand.
      "Hello, it's good to see you," he said heartily. I replied, and we spoke for a few minutes with him asking about my job, my work with the theater group, my friends and my family.
      He left to take a seat after we decided we needed to get together soon for a real visit. I still don't know who he was. His face looked familiar, but I couldn't recall his name. I'd like to blame this on age, but the truth is I've never been good at remembering people's names. I'm introduced, and their names just flow right on by, like our tax money through a Congressman's hand.
      I've worked at remembering names. I tried those association tricks you're supposed to do. Like, if a guy is named Bob White, you're supposed to link his face with the mental image of the bird bobwhite. But when I meet the guy again, I can only vaguely recall he's named for a bird. Or maybe that's his wife.
      And what do you do with a name like Andrew Simmons? I can't think of any association to go with it. This is why I always look distracted when I meet people. I'm wondering, Do I know them? Do they know me? Have we met? Is there anything to eat? I'm thirsty, too. Why am I here? My feet hurt. Who is this guy and why is he talking to me?
      And then the person I'm talking to you finally gives me a clue as to his/her identity, and I realize that it's my doctor or the girl I dated for six months or my current parole officer. So I remember him or her, but still not the name.
      I read in a book that you can sneakily get them to tell you their name by saying something like, "Say, I was wondering what nationality your name is. How do you spell it again?" Unfortunately I seem to run into too many Smiths and Jones. After someone spells J-O-N-E-S to you, the only thing to do is to set fire to the place as a distraction. At least that's what I do. Your mileage may vary.
      Not remembering names is a problem I have at work. I see a lot of people daily. Some of them I remember, but most I do not. Naturally they remember me. After all, I'm always at the office behind that desk and so they have something to jog their memory. And let's not forget how devastatingly handsome I am. I sure that helps them, too.
      That's why I'm great supporter for name tags/badges. Admittedly there's those awkward moments when you’re staring at their chest trying to make out what their name is, but after that, it's clear sailing.
      Badges can be tricky, though. A friend of mine went to a business meeting and was talking to an older woman. He kept trying to read her badge and then realized it was upside down. Without thinking about it, he reached out and swiveled it right side up. Then he realized the room had got quiet. He also realized where his hand was. And if that wasn't awkward enough, the woman's husband had entered the room just then.
      Things were a bit tense after that, my friend told me, but luckily a fire broke out and distracted everyone.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

Mother's Day

      My mother took nearly a week to die. She struggled in a Tulsa hospital as long as she could, but at the end, her body betrayed her.
      It was a Sunday when she was stricken. A stroke or blood clot. One minute she has walking to her bedroom, and then she was struggling for her life.
      And I don't doubt she fought. She loved life fiercely. Loved her children even more. She came from a poor background. My mother was the oldest, and she had to start caring for her sister and brother when she was a child herself. She kept the house clean, cooked meals, got them and herself to school each day, went to bed exhausted each night and dreamed of a far off time when she'd have a home of her own and it would be different.
      I don't know that girl she was then. When she talked about her childhood, it was like she describing a stranger. A tall, skinny girl who played basketball and went to movies. She had large, expressive eyes that my father once told me were like looking in the blue sky.
      They married young. Made a home. Traveled to California and other places. The photos of those years show a woman of movie star beauty. Like Stanwyck or Hepburn, she was at her best when in motion.
      They were trying to have children, but it wasn't happening. My mother prayed for children. Finally my older sister arrived. A year or so after, my older brother. But that seemed to be that. My father came from a large family, and he wanted more children, but perhaps it wasn't to be.
      My mother told me that she told God that she was grateful for her children, and while she wanted more, she wasn't complaining.
      My older sister has told me how glowing and bright my mother was then. My sister said, "I wish you could have known her. She was a different person."
      After three years, I arrived. A complete and welcome surprise, my mother told me. My dad's family ran to girls, and they never thought they'd have a second boy. A year later, my younger sister joined us. And then my youngest brother.
      My mother said it was the happiest time of her life. It didn't last long. My younger brother was born with a heart defect. He was what they called a "blue baby." Now they have surgery to fix the problem, but then, he died.
      It crushed my mother. It broke an unspoken contract between her and God. She told me that she had always thought that, if she kept her children clean and fed and loved them, that God would protect them.
      I don't have many memories as a child, but I remember parts of my brother's funeral. I remember being carried by my Uncle Jack past the casket. The hearse had electric windows, and I had never seen them before. I played with the buttons all the way to the cemetery. I don't remember my little brother at all.
      His death changed my mother. She held us tighter. She lost a lot of faith in the world. But she was a fighter and a lover and a Christian. She didn't give up. The world was darker, though, and she often dreamed of holding my younger brother. A friend of hers told her that the Mormons believed that children who passed away were given to their parents in heaven to raise. She didn't become a Mormon and later on would find that wasn't exactly true, but she would be sympathetic to their faith her whole life and passed that on to me.
      She rebounded. Recovered. She began to experience fainting spells. Dizziness. At first, she thought it was the strain. But it wasn't. A tumor was growing in her neck, cutting off her blood supply.
      She had surgery. They cut nerves to remove the tumor. It took away her voice. She had always loved to sing. Now she could only talk in a harsh whisper. Even worse, she had trouble swallowing. If she wasn't careful -- and even when she was -- she could choke on food and liquid.
      Life became a struggle. She lost a terrible amount of weight and never really regained it, but she had a will that didn't know defeat. She told me that sometimes she wanted to die, but she had her babies to raise and she had to see to that before she could let go.
      So she hung on and raised us. Kept us fed. Encouraged us to make good grades, to go to church, to live life as fully as we could. Oh, she held on too tight at times, and she made us afraid of some things, but she kept pushing. She was a little woman made of iron will and stronger love. And she could be so funny. She had a sharp wit and a clear eye. She was one of the best judges of character that I've ever known. And she never let us doubt that she loved us.
      Her health got better, but it was never good. She had bad spells of skyrocketing blood pressure and terrible bouts of pneumonia. She endured another surgery for another tumor. But she got us all through college and launched on our lives. She and my father made a home for all of us to come back to at holidays and any time we wanted or needed to. We were always welcome.
      Grandbabies arrived, and how their Granny loved them. She called me and my brother -- we'd both moved away from our hometown -- at least three or four times a week. My sisters were always on the phone to her and visiting her.
      Until that Sunday.
      I spoke to her the night before on the phone. Nothing important. Just catching up. She told me she loved me and I, thank God, told her that I loved her. I wouldn't get the chance to speak to her again until I held her hand in the Tulsa hospital in the ICU, and she wouldn't be able to respond.
      My father was with her when she slipped away at night. He would never really recover. She had been the sun that he had orbited his whole life. It would cast him free, aimlessly wandering in the empty night.
      After my father called me and told me that she was gone, I called a few friends. I remember one conversation well. I told Peggy that my mother was wonderful, that my mother was a remarkable human being. And then Peggy said one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said to me. Peggy said, "Of course, she was. I know she was incredible. After all, she made you." I never told Peggy how much that meant to me or how much it comforted me. But she'll know now.
      It comforted me because I realized that something of my mother survived in us. Her children. We were her work. All our accomplishments she shared. All our joys were hers. It was the legacy she fought for. It was the life she chose.
      If I am anything good in this world, I owe it to her.
      I miss you, Mama. Love you. See you someday.

Sunny Saturday

      Busy day working outside in the warm spring sun. I planted flowers, set up a fountain and table on the patio, and picked up tree limbs. Then I went to WalMart, shopped until my feet couldn't take any more, returned home and did housework and laundry. Hey, did I mention that I mailed the April family newsletter yesterday? Yeah, that was cool to have it off my list of things to do.
      Tomorrow, I have church and then a board meeting for the local theater group. I hope to do some items on my list. I had 72 items on it when I started this morning. Now I have 49. Wanted to get more done, but I'm pleased with what I did get finished.
      Anyway, how was your day? Did you have a good one? Are the alligators getting you? Or are you sinking in quicksand? Might I suggest that you turn those reptiles into luggage and grabbing a vine and pulling yourself out of the muck? We are too good to let the weasels beat us down.
      Al Gore is on Saturday Night Live. Frankly, I don't know what to say about that. I've often thought our politicians were bad comedians, but I never thought to have any of them admit it.
      And on that snarky note, night!

A few thoughts about writing plays

      I can't say I have enough experience in writing plays to set rules for any playwright, but I do know what I want to see in a play. I want to see a play that doesn't make me want to throw up or pass out from boredom. Here are few thoughts along that line.
      1. Unless the play is set in prison, I think some of the cast members should be women. Preferably attractive women that I can dream about. An ideal production would have lots of attractive women who would single me out in the audience and realize that I was their one and only, but were willing to share me with other women.
      2. I don't want to see the uncut version of anything. A few years back, I saw a long, long, long production of Twelfth Night. I thought it was actually going to take 12 nights to finish. By the time the curtain dropped, I felt that I had given up several bad habits.
      3. Because the rampant use of profanity in movies and modern society, it doesn't amuse, shock or move me as much as it bores me. And having children say four-letter words is only funny to people lacking maturity and taste. Likewise, I outgrew my fascination with body noises when I was 13.
      4. I prefer happy endings because I see plenty of unhappy ones in real life and don't need the reminder. But if you must write a tragedy -- and apparently some people are so driven -- it should be meaningful. Having a character die of a heart attack at the end of the play even though there's been no mention of heart trouble is just stupid. And don't lay the doom and gloom on too thick. I watched a play in which a abusive husband beat his wife, his daughter, his son, their dog, two neighbors, his brother and a policeman. After the fourth beating, it started to become funny in a horrible way. Oh, he tripped during the last five minutes of the play and broke his neck. Sadly enough, it was part of the play, and so the actor came back to the next night to beat again.
      5. When the characters laugh a lot on stage, I've noticed the audience rarely joins in. That is significant.
      6. I like some sort of resolution to the problems raised in the play. There are enough loose ends in real life. I like to feel that the playwright has done a bit of work before we enter the theater.
      If you have a play you're working on, try to keep in mind these suggestions from a dedicated audience member.

Short

      I spent all evening -- and I do mean all -- working on the April family newsletter. It's now three-fourths done. I should be able to finish it tomorrow night and mail it Friday. Woohoo!
      Unfortunately, I'm worn out, so good night!

Excerpt from Darkness, Oklahoma

      The corridor descended into the limestone. They had been walking steadily for nearly a half hour.
      "Is this natural?" Darcy asked, touching the smooth walls.
      "Could be," Luke said. "Darkness has a lot of underground springs." They reached steps that descended into the dark. "But someone carved these." He looked at her.
      She gazed back.
      "Things have gotten real crazy," he said.
      "That's the word," Darcy said. "But what can we do? We have to stop the Bone Queen."
      "If I can get you out of this, I will," he said. "You're not like me. This wasn't meant to happen to you." He reached out and touched her cheek.
      She covered his hand with hers. "If it hadn't, I wouldn't have met you. That would have been too high a price to pay."
      He stepped forward and kissed her, drank in her scent and sweetness. He pulled back, feeling his heart ache in ways he hadn't felt before. "We've got to survive this," he said.
      She nodded.
      He turned the flashlight to the stairs and led the way.
      They descended more, the stairs dropping them faster into the depths. The air became damp and heavy.
      "Look," Darcy whispered. Ahead of them, a glow cut into the dark.
      "Get behind me," Luke said. He drew his gun and led the way into a huge chamber of straight rock walls. A vein of clear crystal glowed in the rock above them. The chamber had no seams, the rock seemingly having flowed to form these impossibly straight angles.
      Darcy stepped forward and then stopped. She looked back at the stairs, fear on her face.
      "I sense her," she gasped. "The Bone Queen, she's following us. Alice failed."
      Luke grabbed her arm and ran with her toward the other corridor. It led them to a smaller chamber with no other exits.
      "Luke," Darcy breathed.
      A sword in a plain silver scabbard floated in the middle of the room, lit by some light that didn't seem to have a source.
      Luke started to step forward, but Darcy gripped his arm.
      "No, look." She pointed to the floor. A labyrinth path was worked into the stone. "We have to walk the Way. Carefully. I don't know what will happen if we misstep, but it won't be good."
      Luke took a deep breath. He could hear something coming down the stairs, heavy steps echoing like a monster walked it. He made his decision.
      "You walk it," Luke said. "Get the sword. I have to stop her."
      "You can't, Luke," she said. "She's too powerful. I can feel her."
      He looked at her. "I am the Protector. I'll stop her. Or die trying." He turned away. His body blurred as he raced down the corridor back to the outer chamber.
      "Luke!" Darcy called. He didn't turn back.
      Luke reached the outer chamber as a tall woman stepped into the room. He stopped. He didn't know what he had expected, but this tall, beautiful woman wasn't it. He saw her eyes then, the glittering hatred and spite chilling him.
      Luke aimed his revolver at the woman. "Stop."
      She smiled. "And if I don't, human, what will you do?"
      "I'll shoot you, but I don't suppose my gun will do much," Luke said.
      "No, it will not," the Bone Queen said. "I am Senkarn, the Bone Queen, and no weapon of this realm can harm me."
      "You will pardon me for trying," Luke said and emptied the gun into her body. She jerked with each hit, but remained on her feet.
      She laughed. "This is the Protector? This is the best Substance can do?" She closed the distance between them. "I shall feast on your heart."
      Luke backed up, keeping himself between her and the inner chamber.
      "Maybe, but you should know one thing," he said. He raised red glowing eyes to stare at her. "I'm not human." And with that, he cast his humanity aside.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

Whispers

He whispered as he held her

This could get messy --
this thing between us.
We could lose everything
for a stolen moment.

Stolen from this empty world
that breaks everything
eventually. We will break
too, you know.

A cross word, a sideways glance,
a silence at the wrong instant.
I'll be cold, you'll be hot,
timing is everything and all
clocks wind down.

We shouldn't. It's not wise.
It's beyond stupid. We're
risking battered hearts.
We might not survive.

So we walk away now.
We forget. We go back.
We do the smart thing.
The smartest thing.

She whispered

I'm sure you're right
but if it's so,
why then am I
still in your arms?

He didn't reply
and held her close
as the moon sailed toward
the shores of morning.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

Finally

      I'm back. Finally. I can concentrate on my projects. I can't tell how relieved I am. I'm looking forward to days to come where I can have some downtime and me-time and general all-around creative time.
      First up, get caught up on the family newsletter. I have most of April done. Just have to get one more article and write a humor column. Then I'll turn about and do May. Concurrently with that, I want to get some more wordage (significant wordage) on Darkness, Oklahoma and Murder in the Witch's Cottage. I've been jotting down scenes and ideas on both. I'm eager to get started.
      I've also been playing with the idea of self-publishing my humor pieces and trying to sell a book of them here. I have over 200 columns, and it would be nice to get them down all in one place. And if I raised any money from it, I would put it into my computer fund. Speaking of which, I have $100 in it so far. I sold some photos and have been eating lunch at my house to save the money I usually spent on eating out. And I have a little web page design job lined up to do this week that will make me some money. Might not seem like much, but every bit helps. I don't want to go into debt to buy the computer. I've been working too hard to get out.
      So now I'll close. I should be blogging regularly again this week. Hope you have a great tomorrow. Night!

Sigh

      The play is taking all my time. At least it will be finally be over this time tomorrow, and I'll get my life back. When I'm not at the theater, I'm either doing theater things or frantically trying to do the things I usually do when I'm not at theater.
      Anyway, I have about 15 minutes and thought I'd let you know that I'm still breathing should that happen to be a concern of yours. I did get some things done today. I started out to find some notes for Darkness, Oklahoma, including a scene that I hadn't incorporated into the book yet, found those and the scene, then started sorting papers, found other stuff that needed to be filed, found a bill that needed to be paid -- yikes -- last week, filled a trash can with junk mail and other stuff that needed to be discarded, did all that between doing laundry, dusting my living room and bedroom, cleaning the kitchen, watering and caring for the flowers and the plants, filed some stuff but not enough, and now I have to go to WalMart and shop before I go to the theater tonight to work in the ticket booth.
      Speaking of which, I have go now. Be back tomorrow. I hope.