4:40

Was very sick last night and this morning. Up until 4:30 a.m. Almost decided I'd just stay up and greet the day by watching the sunrise, but too exhausted. I hate IBD. Too much stress over the past few days. My body decided to punish me for not taking better of me. I get very tired of it happening, but that's the thing with a chronic disease. You learn to live with it. You don't really have a choice.

Very unpleasant. Wish they could figure out a cure or what causes it. We know it's because my overactive immune system attacks my body, but why? What triggers it? Stress contributes to a flare, but I've had them happen for no apparent reason. I can't really find any particular food that's a trigger. Over-eating contributes as does too much sugar. But eventually you just feel helpless. Nothing you do really seems to help. All you can do is live as healthy as you can and know that a flare will eventually go away. And that's how I endure them: knowing they will eventually end.

Truthfully, that's how I get through a lot of things. I was very unhappy at my job at times. I can remember many days when I would tell myself, "Look, it's only four more hours. You can survive four more hours." Or I would get out of bed and dread work with a terrible sick feeling, but I would tell myself, "It's only eight hours. You can survive eight hours."

Or sometimes I would have to cut the time into smaller increments: an hour, 30 minutes, five minutes, even a minute. And that's how I'd make it through the day.

That's how I survived my parents' funerals. I worked out how long the funerals would be, how long until the funerals, how long I'd be at the graveside, how long I would have endure ... and that helped me survive.

Anyway, exhausted now and going to call it a night. Talk to you tomorrow.