MBDD put down & July 2007 Giveaway

      Wednesday night, I received my first put-down about self-publishing Murder by Dewey Decimal. A lady – and I use that term loosely – called me and requested that I send some information to her. At the end of the call, she said, “I heard you were self-publishing a book. Too bad you couldn’t get a real publisher to buy it. But I suppose they’re looking for professional writing.”
      There was a pause in the call as I ran thorough possible responses much like the Terminator did in the first of those movies.
      
1. Hang up
2. Eat dirt and die, you bitter old hag.
3. I’m going to reach through this phone and snatch you bald headed, you scabrous sow.
4. Eat dirt and die, you bitter old hag. I’m going to reach through this phone and snatch you bald headed, you scabrous sow. Hang up.
5. Something involving explosives, timer, and duct tape.
6. Yes, explosives, timer, duct tape, and a fire ant mound!
      
      Instead I said, “I’ll get that information to you. Unfortunately I don’t know when. I’ll be working on becoming a professional writer.” Then I hung up.
      She immediately called back and left an apology on the answering machine, adding that she really needed the information. I hope she gets it somewhere. It won’t be from me. Ever.
      Of course, I knew that people have a low opinion of self-publishing. Probably because a lot of self-published books aren’t good. But truthfully, a lot of traditional books aren’t good. The famous science fiction writer Ted Sturgeon had words that we can apply to this: “Ninety percent of science fiction is crud, but that's because ninety percent of everything is crud." This is known as Sturgeon’s Law.
      And because I primarily write poetry, I’m accustomed to self-published chapbooks and books by various poets. (Did you know e.e.cummings was mostly self-published? And that Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass was also self-published? And a thousand other well-known poets self-published their work? Now, you know.) So I’ve never developed that particular snobbery.
      Of course, I could spend a whole post discussing this woman’s many faults, including the fact she worships the Dark Gods and once dated Hitler’s nephew, but that wouldn’t really do much other than open me up to attacks from her demonic henchman.
      So I guess I did the best I could, although it reminds me of this old story: A man had his new boat stolen. The next week he put this notice in the paper: “To whoever stole my boat. I hope you enjoy it. In fact, I hope you take it out on a large lake. I hope that you can’t swim, that the boat sinks, and that your mother is unable to attract help for you as she runs barking along the shore.”
      Well, she’s the barker.
      How would you have responded to the "lady"? Post your reply in the comments to this post (no profanity, please) and be entered into the July 2007 Giveaway drawing to win Holly Lisle's (not self-published) exciting, romantic, sexy, masterful, dark fantasy Talyn. This is the attractive hardcover version with dustcover. Talyn (not self-published) will make you think about culture clashes, patriotism, and honor in a time of war. It's an amazing book. This giveaway is open to everyone in the world, even if you've won a Giveaway before. The drawing will be July 7. And if you can't think of a response to the "lady," just comment to enter.
      And now I have things to do today. Talk to you later. Hope you have a great day free of "ladies."