Q&A on MBDD, Part 3

      We'll continue with our enthralling discussion of Murder by Dewey Decimal and how it came to be. Contain your excitement and pay attention as I answer a few questions and comments from my readers, friends, neighbors, and court-appointed shrink.

Why did you write a murder mystery? (Gloria)

      Whom among us hasn't wanted to kill someone after first making them beg for mercy? I can just see them lifting up their pitiful hands to plead for their lives as I laugh cruelly and order my robot monkeys to throw them into the volcano!!!! BWWWAAAAHHHH!
      Ahem. Actually I enjoy reading murder mysteries a lot. It made sense to write a mystery that I would enjoy reading. And then there's the whole justice aspect. In real life, the bad guys frequently get away. In most mysteries, they are captured by those meddling kids. No, wait, that's Scooby-Doo, but it still applies. The bad guys get stopped.

How are you going to promote MBDD? (Slim)

      Let me count the ways.
      1. This blog naturally. I figure if I talk about MBDD until blood drips from your ears, you'll buy a book to get me to stop.
      2. Postcards. I will be mailing out three postcards a day to various people. Fortunately I have a lot of friends or at least a lot of people who think it's better to be friendly to me than be on my list of enemies who must be humiliated and destroyed. The postcard will have a brief, honest blurb about MBDD (Buy this book and all your problems will go away and you'll be rich, rich, rich!) and give ordering information.
      3. E-mail. Likewise, I will be emailing three people a day. Once again, I have a huge number of email addresses belonging to friends and other victims. These people will, of course, be delighted to hear from me. Or else.
      4. T-shirts! Yes, I'm creating a MBDD t-shirt that people can purchase and that I can give as gifts and that my friends, family, and victims can wear while they're going around town or giving testimony to the grand jury before going into protective custody, but I will find you, you squealers!
      5. Other people's blogs. I'm hoping my dear precious friends will place a small ad on their blogs for the book and thus receive my gratitude rather than my undying, terrible enmity.
      6. My family newsletter. Since I'm the editor, I think I can put in few plugs for my book. I hope I don't have to threaten me.
      7. Posters around my small town. Our local theater group puts up posters for various productions. Well, actually I do since I do the publicity. I can put up a few posters and hope that my friends in other towns -- where they think they're safe from my robot monkeys, but they are mistaken -- will put up a few, too.
      8. Book signings. I've already arranged one in my hometown at the local library. (Not that hard to do since my sister is the librarian. Thanks, sis!) I figure many of my high school bullies will show up to push me around again for old times' sake. If they buy a book, I may let them … before the robot monkeys tear them limb for limb and present their heads as a trophies for my office walls.
      And I intend on doing a book signing here, also. Probably in conjunction with a production at the local theater or at the library or local book stores or possibly just pitifully going door to door begging.
      I have a few other ideas floating around in my head. We'll see how they go.

You seem a bit violent today. Do you want to talk about it? (Dr. Shrink)

      No.

Where is my dog? (Next door neighbor)

      I don't know, Mrs. Wilson. I don't know why everyone always suspects me when pets go missing. Use one cat for a rocket experiment, and suddenly I'm to blame for every mysterious disappearance.

Where is my husband? (Neighbor from across the street)

      I don't know, Mrs. Hoffa. I don't know why everyone always suspects me when spouses go missing. Use one for a rocket experiment, and suddenly I'm to blame for every mysterious disappearance.

What is an ISBN number? And why does your book need one? What is the meaning of life? Who's going to win the next presidential election? Do you really think Paris Hilton has turned over a new leaf? (Libby)

      First, an ISBN number is -- to quote Wikipedia -- "…a unique commercial book identifier barcode. The ISBN system was created in the United Kingdom, in 1966, by the booksellers and stationers W.H. Smith; originally it was the 9-digit Standard Book Numbering (SBN) code and still was used in 1974; it was adopted as the international standard ISO 2108 in 1970. A similar, numeric identifier, the International Standard Serial Number (ISSN), identifies periodical publications such as magazines. Since January 1, 2007, ISBNs are of 13 digits."
      Second, your book has to have it to be ordered through your Amazon, Borders, Barnes and Noble, local bookstores, etc., but why are we talking about your book? This is about my book.
      Third, 49. Some people think it's 47, but they are wrong.
      Fourth, I don't know, but I'll vote for anyone who buys my book.
      Fifth, who?

Will you marry me? (Tammy)

      Are you rich? Will you allow me to never work again another day of my life?

No. (Tammy)

      Then, no, but get back to me if your financial status improves.

It's time to take your medication. Come along. (Dr. Shrink)

      Is it the blue pill? I hope it's the blue pill. I quite like that one.

Tell the nice people that you'll see them later. (Dr. Shrink)

      I'll see you later, nice people. I hope you have a good day.