4 Days Until Christmas Launch ...

Christmas Facts
(Some Of Which Might Be True)

      Kissing under the mistletoe dates back to a 17th century English kissing game. Back then, a berry was removed from the mistletoe every time a kiss was made, which meant no more kisses when all the berries were gone, and then everyone would just laugh and laugh. Yeah, I know, but you have to remember that they didn't have TV so they had to fill their time as best they could. Mistletoe, by the way, was used by the druids in their secret ceremonies. The druids, a cheery group, used to place mistletoe wreaths around the necks of their victims before the victims were sacrificed by having their entrails nailed to an oak tree. You don't see that on a lot of Christmas cards, do you?
      Christmas trees started in Germany in the 16th century. On Christmas Eve, Martin Luther was walking home under a starry sky, which was so beautiful that he wanted to recreate its beauty for his children. He decorated a large evergreen with lit candles. He followed his creation of the First Christmas Tree with the development of the First House Fire Caused By A Christmas Tree.
      Since 1947, the people of Oslo, Norway, have given a Christmas tree every year to the city of Westminster, England. The gift expresses Norway's gratitude for Britain's help during World War II, despite the fact that the tree is never on Britain's Christmas list. Britain would prefer a gift card.
      The first president to decorate the white house Christmas tree in the United States was Franklin Pierce. This is the only notable thing Pierce did while in office and as such should be remembered, but not by me. I've already cleansed it from my memory.
      Traditionally, Christmas trees are taken down after Epiphany or whenever the husband has been nagged beyond endurance.
      "The Nutcracker" is the most famous Christmas ballet and was used by the Chinese to break the wills of political prisoners. It is outlawed by the Geneva Convention as is the playing of "Jingle Bells" more than 1,754,322 times during the holiday season.
      If you received all of the gifts in the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas," you would receive 364 presents, none of which you could return. By the way, why are there so many birds in that song? Doesn't it seem rather fowl?
      Holly berries are poisonous, which does explain why holly berry cookies aren't popular even though there was a heavy marking push for them during the 1950s. It joined the ranks of other failed food products: stone ground hemlock bread, foxglove fajitas, poop pie, and of course, green tea.
      In 1843, "A Christmas Carol" was written by Charles Dickens in just six weeks. Many of us feel he should have taken more time with it and added some spaceships and several hot alien females.
      The first state to recognize the Christmas holiday officially was Alabama. Afterwards, Alabama had to lie down and wasn't able to recognize other things for years, which is one of the reasons they lagged so far behind in civil rights.
      Christmas became a national holiday in America on June 26, 1870. When the news was announced, many retailers swooned, but got right up as their floors were dirty.
      Coca Cola was the first beverage company to use Santa for a winter promotion. This would be the beginning of a lucrative career as Santa signed endorsement contracts for all sorts of products, including gardening tools (Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!), pies (Whole, Whole, Whole!), dynamite (Hole, Hole, Hole!), and even laser removal of facial disfigurements (Mole, Mole, Mole!). And no, we're not going to do a Viagra joke here.
      The government actually banned a Christmas tree decoration. Tinsel was once made of lead. (It's now made of plastic.) The tinsel maker's jingle of "Decorate your tree with a silver rain; You'll be laughing as you damage your brain" was remade into a hip-hop hit in the 90s.
      "Rudolph" was created by Montgomery Ward in the late 1930's for a holiday promotion. The rest is sheer greed and marketing history.
      The Christmas card was started in England in 1843. Louis Prang, a Massachusetts printer, printed the first Christmas card in the United States in 1875. There’s more to the story, but I got bored. Feel free to look it up. Merry Christmas!

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