How to beat blue funks

      Recently one of my friends seemed down. She had just fallen over a book bag that someone had inconveniently left on the sidewalk in front of the library. I helped her stand back up.
      "You seem down," I said, helpfully dusting off her clothes and receiving a slap in the face for my efforts.
      "Don't be fresh!" she snarled.
      I shrugged. Many times people don't realize they need help, but I didn't want to push so I didn't mention that she had torn the back of her skirt.
      "I've been in a blue funk lately," she said, sighing. "I guess it's winter."
      "Yes, it is winter," I said, amazed at her ability to grasp the obvious. "Was the 20 degree weather your first clue?" I picked up my book bag.
      "No, you idiot," she said in that sweet affectionate way that so many of my friends adopt when speaking to me. "I mean winter depresses me. The trees are bare, the birds are gone, and the days are short."
      I looked carefully at the trees across the street. Sure, they were missing their leaves, but what did she mean by bare? But I had focus on what was important: I wondered how long it would take for a cold draft to alert her to her torn skirt.
      "There are many ways to beat a blue funk," I said. "First, I'd find a stick --"
      "You do know that a blue funk means a depressed state," she said. "And don't say New Hampshire."
      "I wasn't," I said, offended since I was going to say Montana. "I'm going to tell you ways to get out of a blue funk."
      She raised an eyebrow. Of course, it belonged to a guy who walked past her and then did a double-take.
      "I know I'm going to regret this," she said. "What do you do?"
      I outlined a few quick methods to beat a blue funk without using sticks.
      1. You can count your blessings and realize how much better your life is than most of the world because you live in the USA, but most people think that's no fun.
      2. Wear a chicken suit to work. It will lift your spirits and those of your fellow workers and possibly give you more free time. But if you think that's too fowl and nothing to crow about, read on.
      3. Enjoy a whole, delicious, double-chocolate cake, but be sure to drink a diet Dr Pepper to cancel out all the calories.
      4. Streaking. This will definitely cheer you up as you dash breathlessly through the town, chased by dogs, the police and men with white coats.
      She interrupted me at this point. "Don't be ridiculous," she snapped. "I would never ever streak."
      "Really?" I said, opening the library door and letting her go inside in front of me. "Then you might want to fix your skirt."
      For some reason she blamed me, but her anger lifted her depression. So I had helped her, after all. I'm just amazing.

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