Monday, August 09, 2004

    A friend of mine is going through a hard divorce, although I don't know I've ever seen an easy one. Fortunately no children are involved so it's simpler than most. I'm only hearing his side of it so I can't judge or lay blame. As always, both sides will have to shoulder part of it.
    I attended their wedding about five years ago. It was a large church wedding with a line of attendants that stretched back to the third pew. A beautiful reception with flowers, dancing and champagne. They honeymooned at a tropical island resort. They were cute together, finishing each other's sentences, always holding hands, two peas in a pod, snug as a bug in a rug, and any other cliches you can think of. They had such plans. Kids, house, careers, growing old together but staying youthful forever.
    And here we are today. He can't speak her name without swearing. They are selling their huge perfect house and splitting the money. They're fighting over the furniture, electronics and automobiles. Both are accusing the other of being unfaithful, he has a lawyer, she has a lawyer, blah, blah, blah. It's the same tired and painful story that we see repeated a thousand times over daily.
    I don't know why love is so strange. Why it works for some people when it shouldn't and won't work for some when it should. It both breaks and heals our hearts. It's everything and nothing. You can't hold it in your hand, but some value it more than gold. Others walk away easily, hating what just the day before they loved. Others spend their lives in hopeless longing and deep devotion.
    I do know this. It's work. It's not an instant thing. It's something that you have to get up each day and work at. To remember why you loved and find new reasons to love. To forgive them for not being perfect and for them to forgive you. To grow together and not apart.
    Sure, there will be easy times, when love overflows. You'd better cherish those times. You'll need to remember them when the well is empty, and you need to believe it will be filled again. This applies to lovers and friends and all that fall between.
    Easy words, but hard to do. It's still worth it. We are nothing if we aren't loved. I have been blessed in my life because I have loved and been loved and love now and will love in what is to come.

Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.


Anonymous said...

This is so true. It's something we should all remember.

TECH said...

Thank you, whoever you are. :)

Erudite Redneck said...

My wife and I fell in love with each other's ideas quite awhile before we even met. We met -- drumroll -- on-line, and corresponded for a few months before we decided to meet. We did, and we said we did, then we said we do, and now we have been for seven years in November. :-) It's usually work, and sometimes it's a dang chore. It's a marriage. :-)

Joel said...

Re: We are nothing if we aren't loved.

That's not true. You are YOU, whoever you are, worthy of love to at least yourself. What a relationship/marriage is to the folks involved is the creation of another form of love shared only by those two people. But each person, separate, is somebody who loves themselves (usually).

One should never enter a relationship feeling like nothing for then they'll have "nothing" to contribute to the love between the two of them.

TECH said...

Re what Joel said: Hmm, I didn't mean it in that fashion. I certainly didn't mean that we have no value if we aren't in a relationship, but I do believe we are best when we love -- even if that love is unreturned or unknown or simply a belief that we are worthy of love.

Gloria Williams said...

I wrote the first comment. :) I didn't see that statement as Joel did. I saw it like you were saying, through loving, we achieve our full potential. While you were using this idea in terms of relationships, I saw it as a way of looking at our connection with the world and with God. We are nothing if we don't love ourselves, our fellow man and woman, the environment and God.

Anonymous said...

I have found that ppl are too quick to give up on marriage. They decide to divorce at the first sign of trouble. "There is a fine line between love and hate" I can't remember who said it, but it is true. Marriage is work, it is easy to drift apart if the fire is not stoked on a regular basis. My husband and I have had our share of problems, and we have found that the easiest way to resolve them is to talk. Talk it out, yell, scream, cuss, whatever, but talk it out. If you have to agree to disagree, do it, but talk! About Joels comments, I understand what you were trying to say Tech, we all need someone. We are individuals, but God put us on earth to have someone. susan2