Protecting the shoots

I was reminded a few minutes ago by an on-line acquaintance about the importance of having supportive people in your life. This particular on-line acquaintance is a great critic in an writing circle I participate in. In fact, he can point out all the shortcomings of your latest novel. Or of any published novel. He knows all, he shares all, he tears down all.

This is not to say he's wrong. He often is right. But he is unable to be right and still support a person's dream. He's only capable of finding faults. Every compliment has a "but" attached. "Your plot moves fast, but your characters aren't real." "The setting is realistic, but you put too much detail and not enough action." "Your plot doesn't make any sense, but I like the way your characters talk." Every criticism is delivered with an authority that Moses would envy.

He's never read any of my work, and I don't intend for him to do so. I've watched him criticize people out of writing. In fact, that's what happened a few minutes ago. He delivered his clever, funny, no-holds-barred critique of another writer's romance novel. Everyone jumped on the band wagon; some were quite gentle, but wolves at a feast nonetheless. She abruptly left the group.

Since I know her, I got in touch, and what I feared would happen, happened. She had decided to give up. Of course, I gave her a pep talk -- that's what I do, God help me -- but his words had taken the wind out of her sails and sank the boat as well.

Of course, it's easy to say that she didn't have what it takes to be a writer. Maybe so. We have to able to take a lot of abuse. My training is mostly from the various newspapers I worked at, and I got used to abrupt editors. We were always under a deadline, and sometimes -- and this is wrong, I realized years later -- there wasn't time to be polite. Anyway, I developed a thicker skin than most. I also have a lot of faith in me. So I survive drubbings intact for the most part.

Here's the thing: Supportive can be more important than critical. It's almost much rarer. You can find critical people everywhere, but finding supportive people is much harder.

What I find most interesting is that he hasn't ever written a book. Oh, he talks about one all the time, but he tears it apart as soon as he writes. In his quest for perfection, he never completes anything. Or maybe that's just his excuse. Maybe he lacks the strength to stick it out, to put your words out to a hostile -- or worse -- indifferent world. Takes a lot of faith to do that.

Maybe he lacks faith. Maybe she does, too. I don't know.

I do know that dreams are fragile. They need faith and nourishment at first. They can be stronger than the greatest armies, but they need time to grow.

Some people, though, pull up the tender shoots with the weeds. And that's simply and totally wrong.

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