How to beat blue funks

      Recently one of my friends seemed down. She had just fallen over a book bag that someone had inconveniently left on the sidewalk in front of the library. I helped her stand back up.
      "You seem down," I said, helpfully dusting off her clothes and receiving a slap in the face for my efforts.
      "Don't be fresh!" she snarled.
      I shrugged. Many times people don't realize they need help, but I didn't want to push so I didn't mention that she had torn the back of her skirt.
      "I've been in a blue funk lately," she said, sighing. "I guess it's winter."
      "Yes, it is winter," I said, amazed at her ability to grasp the obvious. "Was the 20 degree weather your first clue?" I picked up my book bag.
      "No, you idiot," she said in that sweet affectionate way that so many of my friends adopt when speaking to me. "I mean winter depresses me. The trees are bare, the birds are gone, and the days are short."
      I looked carefully at the trees across the street. Sure, they were missing their leaves, but what did she mean by bare? But I had focus on what was important: I wondered how long it would take for a cold draft to alert her to her torn skirt.
      "There are many ways to beat a blue funk," I said. "First, I'd find a stick --"
      "You do know that a blue funk means a depressed state," she said. "And don't say New Hampshire."
      "I wasn't," I said, offended since I was going to say Montana. "I'm going to tell you ways to get out of a blue funk."
      She raised an eyebrow. Of course, it belonged to a guy who walked past her and then did a double-take.
      "I know I'm going to regret this," she said. "What do you do?"
      I outlined a few quick methods to beat a blue funk without using sticks.
      1. You can count your blessings and realize how much better your life is than most of the world because you live in the USA, but most people think that's no fun.
      2. Wear a chicken suit to work. It will lift your spirits and those of your fellow workers and possibly give you more free time. But if you think that's too fowl and nothing to crow about, read on.
      3. Enjoy a whole, delicious, double-chocolate cake, but be sure to drink a diet Dr Pepper to cancel out all the calories.
      4. Streaking. This will definitely cheer you up as you dash breathlessly through the town, chased by dogs, the police and men with white coats.
      She interrupted me at this point. "Don't be ridiculous," she snapped. "I would never ever streak."
      "Really?" I said, opening the library door and letting her go inside in front of me. "Then you might want to fix your skirt."
      For some reason she blamed me, but her anger lifted her depression. So I had helped her, after all. I'm just amazing.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

"Are They Shadows"

      I've mentioned before how much I love poetry. I picked up that love early and have never wavered from it. Over the next few months, I thought I'd share a few poems that have always spoke to me.
      We'll start out with one by Samuel Daniel. Born in 1562, he was the son of a music teacher. He was educated in Oxford, worked in Paris and Italy, and returned to England to become a successful court poet, writing verses for special occasions, and penning dramatic entertainments. He died in 1619 at his farm in Somerset, England.
      This poem was probably written around 1610 after Daniel was the guest of honor at a masque commissioned by Queen Anne. (A masque was, in the words of Wikipedia, "... a form of festive courtly entertainment. ... Masque involved music and dancing, singing and acting, within an elaborate stage design.") But the poem goes deeper than its surface subject, as all good poems do, and illuminates pleasures remembered. As typical with untitled poems, the first few words are given as the title now.

ARE THEY SHADOWS?
By Samuel Daniel

Are they shadows that we see?
And can shadows pleasure give?
Pleasures only shadows be
Cast by bodies we conceive
      And are made the things we deem
      In those figures which they seem.

But these pleasures vanish fast
Which by shadows are expressed;
Pleasures are not, if they last;
In their passing is their best.
      Glory is most bright and gay
      In a flash, and so away.

Feed apace then, greedy eyes,
On the wonder you behold;
Take it sudden as it flies,
Though you take it not to hold.
      When your eyes have done their part,
      Thought must length it in the heart.

If you were wondering

      If you were wondering why I haven't been writing much this week, I've been busy working on my family's monthly newsletter. I finally received all the articles from the various family members, and I've been typing and editing for the past three days. I hope to finish tomorrow.
      If you were wondering how Crystal was doing in her move to California, I talked to her today. She's currently in Sacramento doing some sightseeing before moving into a temporary place on Saturday. A couple weeks after that, her apartment will be ready, and she'll move again into that. Her job will be near the Mojave Desert, and she and her son are looking forward to exploring the area. I hope they share photos with us. They made the trip fine, despite being pelted with rain, hail and some snow.
      If you were wondering how Darkness, Oklahoma is going, it's going okay. I should have something for my first readers to read at the end of February as per my plan.
      If you were wondering how my Debt Reduction Plan is doing, it's still on course. I'll pay off another credit card in October or November of this year. I'm hoping maybe sooner, but that will depend on how my job goes.
      If you were wondering how the diet is going, check The Great Slim Down 2006 for details.
      If you were wondering how Mikey is doing, he's doing okay. He and his mom have moved away from here, which is disheartening and I miss him a lot, but he seems to have adapted. Kids bounce back sometimes better than we do. I hope to see him soon.
      If you were wondering when I'm going to end this entry ... Now.

Sunset this evening

Sunset this evening.
Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

Beautiful orchid

      My good friend AmberClear raises orchids, among her many other talents. She sent me this photo and allowed me to post it here. This particular orchid is a "potinara Danny Adams 'Edith North'" variety.
Photo is Copyright 2005 by AmberClear. All rights reserved.

Clarity

       Apparently I wasn't clear in my previous post about comment moderation as I received a couple of emails from people who believe that I am under an obligation to post their comments, however smugly snide they are.
      So this doesn't apply to 99.9 percent of the people who come here. But for that .1 percent, let's go over it slow, and I will use small words. This is my blog. I determine content. If I don't like your comment for whatever reason, I won't post it. I don't have to explain. I don't have to be fair. If you don't like it, don't come here. Why is this so difficult to understand? Apparently you want attention of some sort. You won't get it here. Move on.
      This is all the time I'm going to spend on this. I've changed my filter so that emails from those people will simply go straight to the spam filter. This is my final, high-handed, undemocratic word on it.

Comment moderation

      With great reluctance, I have enabled comment moderation. The troll returned today, posting profanity and vulgarity. Its comments have been deleted and will no longer appear.
      Comment moderation means your comments might have a delay in showing up, but they will eventually show up.
      I apologize to most of you. I welcome your comments and will attempt to check my blog often to allow them to show up quickly. I know this will cut down on the number of comments, but I'm willing to do that so that 51313 Harbor Street remains what I intend it to be: a positive, family-friendly blog.
      For those few who apparently dislike this blog or its contents, you are not welcome. The Net is huge place. I'm sure you can find some other blog that will welcome your profanity, vulgarity and insulting comments. Seek them out as you will no longer be allowed to comment here. Also, because of my email filter, I am able to never see the comments at all. You will be speaking into a void. I find that both amusing and sad.
      Anyway, once again, I apologize to my faithful readers for this inconvenience. Know that I value your input and your friendship. Thank you.

Recent reading

      A couple of days ago, Erudite Redneck asked what books his readers were reading. I meant to answer over there, but I didn't. So I'll share what I've read recently and what I'm currently reading.
      What I read:
      Ansel Adams at 100 by John Szarkowski. A short biography about and substantial number of photos by the famed American photographer.
      The Amorous Busboy of Decatur Avenue by Robert Klein. Klein's memoir is fast, funny and interesting as he covers his life until he's 25. I hope he writes more.
      Where Trouble Sleeps by Clyde Edgerton. A New York Times bestseller in which we learn some of the past of Edgerton's fictional Listre, North Carolina.
      The Goodbye Body by Joan Hess. This is the first of this series that I've read, but I'm going to find the others. It's a good, fast mystery with lots of humor.
      Side Effects by Nancy Fisher. A medical thriller (think Robin Cook) about a drug that restores youth but has a terrible side effect that someone is killing a lot of people to conceal.
      The Sugar House by Laura Lippman. Another mystery series, but I didn't like it as much as the one by Hess. Tess Mongaghan is a female detective, tough with lots of family problems. Not bad, but a bit grim.
      Origami: 30 Fold-By-Fold Projects by Paulo Mulatinho. Truthfully I only got this book because it had two folding models that I hadn't done or seen before. But it's well illustrated and accessible to a dedicated beginner if you'd like to try your hand at origami.
      Currently reading:
      202 Digital Photography Solutions by George H. Wallace and Chuck Gloman.
      The Complete Photography Course by Michael Joseph and Dave Saunders.
      A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson.
      All these books, except for A Short History of Nearly Everything, belong to my local library and are, as of today, overdue. Sigh. Oh well, my fines will help them buy more books, I guess.

Cool photo

A cool photo of my friend Randall that he took of
himself with his camera phone.
Copyright 2005 by Randall. All rights reserved.

Why I had to blog today

      Today I wasn't going to blog because I was feeling down about the troll yesterday. Yes, I know that I shouldn't let his/her opinion matter to me, and I know he/she isn't worth the time, but it happened, and it got me to thinking about how easy it is for us to be cruel to each other and wondering why that is so.
      Don't think that I'm going to go and on about how worthless humanity is, because I'm not. We're the best and brightest to come along so far, and we do some pretty amazing things. We also do some really stupid things. And I've been wondering lately how is that going to balance out. When will we tip the scale toward the light finally and permanently?
      Of course, a lot of people believe we won't get better. That eventually we will get so bad that the world will have to be destroyed in fire. They back this up with a lot of Biblical scholarship. And they're probably right. I certainly haven't studied the issue enough, but I think that it will be sad if that is so. I find many good things in this world; I'd hate to think of them fading into that long night. But that's me in a nutshell. I'm always hopeful, but I plan for the worst.
      Considering how hard this world is, how many burdens we all carry, you'd think we'd try to be kinder to each other, even to those who have opinions and lifestyles of which we disapprove. But we're not. We shout at each other, we blog terrible things about each other, we attack beliefs, faiths, lifestyles, politics, their very lives. And we give no quarter and take no prisoners. We smile when the other guys are hurt or humiliated. Because we know we're right, we don't feel pity. Just contempt.
      Are we so small? If that is all we are, then bring on the fire. Let it all be swept away. I'll strike the match.
      But.
      Then I think of other things.
      Like my babies, some of whom have grown up and are having babies of their own.
      Like my siblings, who have traveled this wild road with me so far.
      Like my friends, some of whom have known me for more than 30 years now, and we're still close.
      And you, my blogging buddies. Those folks whom I've never met in "real" life, but still care about me and are cared about by me.
      And all those people out there working to make the world a better place in hospitals, soup kitchens, homeless shelters, schools, homes, churches, small towns and large cities, all those keeping themselves above water and helping others stay afloat.
      And finally the God I serve, a God of hope, a God of joy, a God who enjoys a good joke and maybe a Dr Pepper every now and then between creating universes. A God that is my friend however unworthy I am.
      And so maybe this troll did a good thing because as I thought about those things, I realized I didn't feel sad after all.
      What I feel is, what I mean to say is that we are blessed. And it's still a pretty good world. So let's not have that fire just yet.
      That's what I wanted to say and why I had to blog today.
      So good night, pleasant dreams, and someday we will rise to greet a new, wondrous world.

Troll

      Well, if you've been watching my comments today, you know that I've been dealing with a troll. At first I responded, but now I've simply deleted everything he/she has said as well as my responses. Life is too short, and I should have never given him/her the attention. He/she may continue to comment, but I will be deleting them.
      I appreciate those that defended me so much, but I've deleted your comments, too, since they didn't make any sense without the troll's. I will continue to delete his/her comments until he/she gets tired of this and goes somewhere else to play. I don't want to turn on comment moderation since that's a pain, but I will if I must. 51313 Harbor Street was never meant to be a place to debate anything. Those who wish to do so should check out the blogs of 4 Rows Back or Erudite Redneck. You'll find plenty of people there who like to rumble.

We Move In Darkness

We move in darkness
We know our way
around our bodies
where the touch
dissolves in sinsation,
where my/your breath
becomes our breath.
where we forget
what we've been told,
where our words fall
and moans shout

We untangle dreams
We know how
to gingerly do that,
to take what we need
while leaving enough,
to focus on ourselves
without losing sight,
to satiate without
extinguishing,
to fall into heavy night
and land to walk away

We know these things
We've learned the art
of giving only so much
that we are not taken,
of going only so far,
of keeping ourselves,
on safe ground,
careful to never lose
ourselves wholly,
of not going where
we couldn't return.

If only we could hurtle
into the empty night
our bodies ablaze
with glorious hunger,
our flesh melting
into one creature,
our dreams meshing
into one far-off city,
our mingled passion
bringing forth
light in the dark.

Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

Why cavemen would be ashamed of us

      As I have always pictured it, Marquis de Sade was sitting in his imitation-leather throne, resting his feet on Toady, his lawyer. Although the Marquis had just finished torturing some small children by making them watch presidential debates, he still felt displeased.
      "Toady, I feel displeased," he said.
      "Why, oh great one?" Toady asked.
      "Well, for one thing, the lack of wide-spread enthusiasm for torture," the Marquis sighed. "I had hoped that many people would discover the joys of this good, clean pastime besides the CIA."
      "You did sponsor those rap concerts," Toady pointed out.
      "Well, yes ..."
      "And what about your success with Paris fashions for women?" Toady continued. "Women are wearing uncomfortable rubber clothes that make them look like an explosion at a tire factory. What more could you want, mighty and huge lower colon?"
      "True, I have had my little successes," the Marquis said. "Still, if I could just involve more people, get whole families involved in painful and humiliating activities." He strode to the window, past the large portraits of heavy metal bands and television evangelists, and looked out over the wilderness. Suddenly inspiration struck.
      "I have it!" he announced. "The perfect activity that whole families will do together! It'll cause them pain and misery! They'll bicker, they'll fight, they'll try to stab each other with sharpened sticks! We'll call it camping!"
      "Camping?" Toady asked.
      "Yes, yes, people will go out into the wilderness and sleep in tiny tents that force them to bend their bodies like pretzels," the Marquis said. "They'll suffer with half-cooked food, horrible weather and fight off mosquitoes as big as albatrosses! There'll be snakes and bears and gigantic blood-sucking ticks and chiggers!"
      "I don't know, oh great and bloated one," Toady said, doubtfully. "You actually think it'll catch on? Surely people are too smart."
      Toady, of course, was wrong. Each year, millions of families spend millions of dollars to return to the wilderness that their forefathers spent thousands of years getting out of. It's enough to make a caveman weep.
      Now, don't think that I'm criticizing the great all-American sport of camping. I like being miserable just as much as the next guy. The way I look it, you just can't measure such things in terms of the number of mosquito bites and poison ivy hives. No, the proper way to rate a camping trip is how many weeks you have to spend in a hospital following it.
      And I know what I'm talking about. I went camping a fair amount in my teens because my parents forced my participation in the Righteous Rangers, a church organization similar to Boy Scouts. In fact, the only difference between us and the Boy Scouts was that we worked harder; after all, if we didn't get those badges, we knew we would suffer eternally in torment.
      Every Wednesday night, our parents would drop us boys at the fellowship hall of the church. Our commanders would lead us in reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, the Lord's Prayer and, of course, the Ranger Credo (which went: "As a Righteous Ranger, I promise to be truthful, kind, honest and caring, and promise to obey my commanders in all things even though they don't have the combined intelligence of a wart-hog" or something like that).
      After which we would sing a few hymns and then devote the rest of the evening to discovering exactly how many ways we could burn, cut, fold, mutilate and spindle ourselves with the assorted tools of wood carving, leather working, knot tying, etc.
      A few words at this point spring to mind about our commanders, but they are mostly unprintable. I'm probably being unfair to those men. After all, they could have stayed home and watched television; instead, they gave up their hard-earned leisure time to come to church and make some boys very, very miserable. They were sick men.
      About once a month, our supreme commander would stand and announce our monthly camping trip. We greeted this with groans and pleas, but it was to no avail. Off we would go into the wilderness.
      I am exaggerating somewhat when I say wilderness. Usually we would camp in someone's pasture in which cows had thoughtfully left little surprises to keep us on our toes or actually to keep our eyes on the ground. In fact, our campsites taught us the joys of shoes. Most of us country boys ran around barefoot; that changed. After you've plopped your foot into a wet, cold pile of cow surprise and felt it ooze between your toes, you realize that shoes are a gift from heaven and not just something your mother wants you to wear for appearance's sake.
      After we set up camp, we would then work on the outdoor badges: stargazing, tracking, camp cooking, fire-starting, etc. Don't think these were easy, either. For instance, to get your fire-starting badge, you had to start a fire with only one match. You got one chance each camp-out. The wind would be blowing, the leaves and grass would be wet (it always rained on us), and you only got one match. It was practically impossible, but one camp-out, Harry Havelock actually did it.
      After he had received his badge, we boys took him off into the woods and forced the truth out of him. He had carefully soaked some twigs in charcoal starter and then slipped them into his fire teepee. With that information, several of us rapidly received our fire-starting badges at the camp-outs that followed.
      All of us would have claimed that badge, but Max Latimore soaked his twigs in gasoline. Not only did he start a fire, he also took his eyebrows and most of his hair clean off. The commanders finally caught on (probably the fact that a log in Max's fire took off and actually pierced the side of our bus was their first indication that something was wrong) and thereafter required us to gather the firewood and kindling while they watched.
      After we had a fire going, it was time for one of us to earn his camp-cooking badge by cooking breakfast, lunch and supper for the entire troop. For some reason, we all cooked the same things: scrambled eggs with bits of twigs and bacon and burned toast for breakfast, Sloppy Joe hamburgers (take one pound of hamburger and drop it on the ground at least twice; brush off the worst of the dirt; drop it into the skillet; add two cans of soup; spoon onto hamburger buns; tell everyone that you're not hungry) for lunch, and stew for dinner (some veggies, breakfast and lunch leftovers, and a couple cups of water). None of us
ever brought dessert, although Rolaids-Tums-Jello would have been perfect.
      After the last meal of the day, it was time to bed down for the night. I always dreaded this. The commanders assigned us our two-man pup tents in alphabetical order. This meant that I would share a tent with Rudolf Chester. Rudolf wasn't a bad sort, despite the fact that he was named for a cartoon deer. His problem was that his mother always packed him cabbage and corned beef sandwiches that Rudolf's stomach and lower intestine found hard to digest. There were stomach growls and belches and, ahem, other natural body noises. I won't go on, other than to mention that starting a fire with one match in our tent would have been easy. In fact, we would have gone up like a rocket.
      After the miserable nights would come miserable days. Days at camp would be given over to various activities, such as hiking up steep trails, falling off steep trails, running from hornets, treating stings, putting lotion on poison ivy, setting bones, etc. For some reason, every single one of us had his First-Aid badge.
      I haven't even mentioned the worst part of camping, which is the restroom problem; the problem being, of course, that there weren't any. Depending on the length of the camp-out, we sometimes had to dig latrines, but for the most part, it was find a convenient place near a tree and dig a hole. You needed to be near a tree so that you had something to hold on. Choosing the proper tree was important. It needed to be small enough that you could get a good grip on it or have a convenient branch for that purpose. The variety of tree is also important as Billy Watson once found out. He dug his hole near a small tree and squatted to do his business while holding on to the tree trunk, not realizing that he had chosen a cottonwood tree. Cottonwood bark comes off easily. I think we'll leave Billy's story there -- which is what we wanted to do with Billy afterwards.
      Now having said all this, you probably are thinking, "Hey, it couldn't have been that bad. Surely you have at least one good memory of camping." And to be fair, there were those glorious mornings when the sun would rise and spread a rosy symphony across the sky and a single bird would be singing softly in the evergreens. And the only other sound would be me gasping for breath in my tent.
      The Marquis would be pleased.

Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

List this

       If I have any claim to organizational skills, it's only that I live by lists. I make them almost daily. It keeps me focused on what I should be doing to have a productive day. Unfortunately, lists have a downside. At the end of the day, I can look at all the items not done and be really depressed.
       Be that as it may -- and that it may be -- here's my list for today.

       1. Make bed. I try to make my bed daily just because it's nice to pull back the covers at night and slide beneath the sheets. I like cotton sheets because I find flannel are too clingy and satin are too slick. You have to be careful with satin sheets. I once jumped into bed and slid clean off the other side.
       2. Clean fridge. This one has been on my list for about a month now. It needs to be done. I have leftovers in there from Thanksgiving. Right now, there's a three-bean salad that's plotting its takeover of the world.
       3. Fix the local theater web page. There's a minor formatting problem on it, and I need to add the audition dates for the play I'm directing as well as its performance dates. I did mention that was going to be March activity. I don't know if you've ever been involved in local theater. It can be a thrilling, fulfilling activity. It can also make you want to seek the nearest bell tower with your heaviest artillery.
       4. Wash whites. I'll need some clean undies soon. You were dying to know that, weren't you? Actually I always wear clean underwear because I don't want to be in an accident and have the EMTs refuse to treat me.
       5. Wash colors. Mostly shirts that all have to hung up to dry because they're 100 percent cotton and if you dry them in the dryer, they shrink.
       6. Wash dishes. A dream of mine is to have an automatic dishwasher. Or a maid. Really, I dream more of the maid. I already have her cute, tiny uniform picked out …
       7. Write on Darkness, Oklahoma. I'm not sure if "write on" is the correct way to put that, but I like the sound of it. Write on, man!
       8. Work on the family newsletter. The January issue should already be out, but it's barely started. I want to finish it this week. My contributors, however, need to submit their articles. I think we're all in the January doldrums. I need to call sister, sister, brother, aunt, cousin, aunt, aunt, aunt and aunt for their articles and info.
       9. Empty indoor trashcans into large outdoor container. Gotta do this every Monday and Thursday night because trash pickup day is Tuesday and Friday. And trash pickup waits for no man.
       10. File. I have this huge stack of recent bills, magazines, newspaper articles, computer program warranties, appliance manuals, business cards, notepads, address labels, article ideas, poems, poem ideas, notes, sheets of music, play information, patron stuff, meeting minutes, etc., that all need to find a home other than my desk. Truthfully, I will probably only pick out the important stuff, wait a couple of months and discard the rest. I try to be brutal about what I keep and don't keep since I'm a natural packrat. I'm always afraid I'll end up like those little old men who get crushed to death by piles of clutter in their homes.
       11. Pay bills and work on monthly budget. Sigh. This is depressing, but hey, I'm keeping up. Nothing is late. Or not so late that people are threatening to break my knees.
       12. Water houseplants. They appreciate this.
       13. Feed fish. They also appreciate this. But neither houseplants nor fish have ever bought me card or even said a word of thanks. Gratitude is a dying thing.
       14. Charge cell phone. I'm carrying my cell phone all the time now so I have this reminder to charge it each night so that I always have a full charge. I've been told this is bad for the battery, and then I was told that it wouldn't hurt it. I'll let you know how that works out for me.
       15. Blog on 51313 Harbor Street. Doing that now.
       16. Blog on The Great Slim Down 2006. Will do that later.
       That's it for today. I'll consider it a success if I check off 10 of them, which shouldn't be a problem barring unforeseen events. And I think we're all agreed that they should be barred and maybe locked in a cell, too.

A fishy story

      I bought another fish this weekend to keep Churchill company. It's a fan-tail goldfish, and its name is Bo. Let's hope it survives for a while. The other fish at the store had apparently heard of me. While my back was turned, I quite clearly heard the phrase "aquarium of death." I ignored it.
      Churchill is now three years old and fat and healthy. So far he's outlived all the other fish I've purchased. There's something sinister about that. I've often wondered if he hasn't been doing the other fish in, but he seems totally innocent. Of course, he's a good actor -- you should see his portrayal of Hamlet -- but still, I think he's sincere. I've thought about asking him, but if he's innocent, I'll just offend him. And if he's not, I'll be tipping him off. He might decide that I need to be filtered.
      Sometimes as I sit in my recliner, I can feel him watching me, his unblinking eyes showing that unfathomable look. I try not to look at him then. I don't want to seem as if I know anything. I don't want to sleep with the fishes. For one thing, it's wet and cold, and I can never get comfortable.
      Don't misunderstand me. There are a lot of good qualities about Churchill. He did great in school. He never talks at the movies even though he does hog the popcorn. And he's a very safe driver. But still there's just something fishy about him.

Not much to say

      Not much to tell you about today or yesterday. I worked both days and worked on my weekly list at night, getting 16 items out of 20 done so far. Not bad. I'm making a new list for this weekend.
      I wasn't even going to post tonight, but Crystal is having to work tonight so I thought I'd give her something to read in the morning when she gets home. A shame it's not more interesting.
      I actually commented over on ER's blog today as well as Mark's. I don't usually comment on either because they're so political, but I rolled up my shirt sleeves and ranted into the battle. Fun but tiring. All the shouting gives me a headache after a while.
      We need rain here in Oklahoma. I understand that California has plenty. Please send us some rain, Frenzied. And quickly. Otherwise, we won't be a dust bowl as much as a burned bowl. Grass fires are everywhere, several apparently caused by cigarettes and fireworks. I wonder how they know. I mean, the fireworks, sure, you can see people setting them off, but cigarettes? How do they trace that?
      The Great Slim Down 2006 blog is doing well. We have seven team members so far, and we should have eight when Jeanne Diane accepts her invitation. If you'd like to join us in losing weight, check the blog out and see if you'd like to participate. I'd sure like to get a few guys on the team. So far, I'm the only one. Are all you guys perfectly fit? I don't think so.
      I've been working on Darkness, Oklahoma. Corrections, additions and plotting new scenes. I'm hoping to add another 30,000 words to it by the end of February. Then it will be off to my readers for their comments, corrections and suggestions. In March, I will be directing a murder mystery play for the local theater group. Then in April, I will be polishing Darkness, Oklahoma and getting it ready for agents and publishers. In May, I'll dive back into Dragons Gather and will devote the rest of the summer to it. In the fall, I'll be sending it out to agents and publishers. Then I'll be working on the outline for my novel for National Novel Writing Month in November. I hope I can convince some of you to join me in it. We had a good group from Oklahoma in 2005, but we need more Okie writers. Be thinking about it.
      Well, I've rambled on enough now. Good night and take care. Catch you tomorrow.

Christmas street lights in Texas

Another cool photo by Randall.
Copyright 2005 Randall. All rights reserved.

Christmas tree in Texas

Christmas tree photographed by my friend Randall.
Copyright 2005 Randall. All rights reserved.

I realize it's after Christmas, but I really liked this photo and decided to share it anyway since I might have lost it by next Christmas. Randall took this photo with his camera phone.

Resolutions 2006

      I always make resolutions the first week of January. Occasionally I keep them. Once I made it all the way to March before breaking the last one. Oh well. Anyway, I think I've mentioned I like lists so here's my list (plan, resolutions) for the new year.

      1. Be a better person. As I've said before on this blog, the whole point of Christianity -- and most other religions -- is to help us be better people. We're all imperfect. But we need to be working on being better people, being more loving, more giving, more supportive and more compassionate. Well, I do, anyhow. You may be fine.
      2. Lose weight. My goal is to lose 50 pounds this year. See The Great Slim Down 2005 for reports on my progress.
      3. Finish Dragons Gather and Darkness, Oklahoma. Both books deserve to be finished.
      4. Outline a novel for the 2006 National Novel Writing Month in November. (Yes, I'm plan on doing it again. It was worth the work.)
      5. Continue my Debt Reduction Plan and play off two credit cards this year. I'm already on course to pay off one, but it would be cool if I could figure how to do another one. This leads us to number ...
      6. Make more money and help my church, family and friends. I'd like to be able to ease some of their concerns.
      7. Continue to produce my family's monthly newsletter.
      8. Continue to maintain this blog and increase its content so that it remains clickable.
      9. Write more humor and poetry, and submit it to magazines. It can't get published when it sits on my computer and remains in my head.
      10. Don't get too upset if I don't keep all of these. I'm only human. I need to be kinder to me.

      Those are my resolutions. What are yours?

Crystal's great idea

      Crystal Diggory has started a new blog: The Great Slim Down 2006. Trixie, Michelle and I have joined as team members. (Frenzied Feline has been invited, but so far she hasn't accepted the invite. I suspect she has some secret plan.) We'll be encouraging each other to lose that weight and win the Slim Down race. We'll share tips, recipes, exercises, fitness sites, and more. Just anything to help us drop those pounds. Check out the blog and feel free to comment and to join if you'd like. We're all going to get thin together.

Excerpt from Darkness, Oklahoma

      Excerpt from Darkness, Oklahoma where an evil little man discovers exactly how small he is. Copyright 2005. All rights reserved. You may not copy it in any form. Otherwise you will be cursed with a really terrible curse. Something involving your armpit hair and angry fire ants.

      Inside a circle drawn with animal blood, Troy Bing waited in the old barn at his parents' vacant farmhouse. His parents had lived in the Hintz Senior Village for the past three years. Troy wanted them to sell the old place, but they weren't willing yet. Eventually Troy would have to force the issue, but for now, it provided a secluded place for his ... activities.
      He was nervous. He had Summoned what the coven had unknowingly birthed last night. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but he knew it was powerful. The old book that he had found in a pile of trash outside his office gave few details. He often wondered where the book came from. Most of its pages were gone, but the ones remained carried true power.
      He had tried a small one, a spell to increase his ability to influence other people. Its effects were immediate and impressive. He became the top car salesman at the lot. Soon after, the owner decided to retire and sell the business at a huge discount to Troy. The spell benefited him in other ways. The women he had bedded numbered in the dozens now. Any woman he hadn't had, he believed it was because he hadn't tried to get her. And it allowed him to completely control his wife Holly. She raised their three children and made few demands on him. She totally supported his run for mayor just as she supported everything he did.
      But there were people who seemed immune. His parents, for instance. And some of the people he worked with. In fact, some people seemed to have an instinctive dislike for him now. Not only did were they able to overcome the spell, they seemed capable of freeing others. Troy couldn't have that.
      Troy wanted to be mayor and then state representative. Then state senator. After that, governor or senator. He wasn't sure if his ambitions included the White House; that seemed too far to dream. But he knew he needed an edge. He was certain that other politicians used magic. After all, look at some of the losers who got elected.
      He saw the coven as necessary evil. He discovered that he needed a group to cast the stronger spells. Without sufficient people, backlash could kill a caster. But a coven was dangerous. The more people who knew that he was a pagan, the more chance that the wrong person would hear. Let the media found out that he dabbled in the Art and his career would be finished. But if he could gain the power he wanted, the coven could be taken care of. Plenty of politicians built their careers on convenient automobile accidents and suicides.
      The strongest spell in the book called a Power into existence. A Power that would be beholden to him. The coven hadn't realized that it would kill the Marked man. He knew that David White's life was forfeit from the moment he agreed to the Mark, but when no Power manifested itself immediately, Troy had been as panicked as the others. Only later after the body was dumped and Troy had a time to think did he realize what some of the more obscure passages of the spell could mean. By that time, the police had arrived, and Troy didn't dare make his interest known.
      So he taken the book and found a Summoning spell. Now he waited in the decaying barn, feeling sweat trickle down his back and bead up on his forehead as the day warmed. Perhaps the spell had failed. Or they had cast it wrong. He didn't think he could convince the coven to cast it again.
      "What have we here?" A woman's voice broke the silence.
      Troy turned, his heart pounding. A tall woman stood in the barn door.
      She walked toward him, her hips moving on a slow, seductive motion. Her shoulder-length black hair fell in lush cascades. And any movie star would envy her full breasts, narrow waist, and rounded hips. Could she be the Power?
      She stopped in front of him outside the circle.
      "I seek the Summoner," she said, her voice low and throaty reaching all the way to the bones of his body.
      Troy licked dry lips. "Yes." He remembered the phrase from the book. "I have called you by life, I have called you by death, I have called in you by blood, now give your will to my Purpose!" He threw up his arms.
      She cocked her head and then stepped toward him. She smiled, revealing too many gleaming teeth. Troy had the impression of something huge, something twisted around her body, as if heat radiated from her.
      Troy panicked. "You cannot cross the circle! I am protected!"
      She looked down at the circle and then back at him. She began to pace around the circle like a huge cat stalking its prey.
      "You found a book," she said. "You used the book. You used others. You thought to Summon a Power to turn to your uses. But I cannot be bent. You sought a slave. But I cannot be mastered."
      This was going all wrong! Tory thought frantically. He had to end this, stop this madness. He had been a fool. He dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of pure salt. "Begone!" he shouted. "Begone!" He flung the salt in the air.
      She stopped. The salt fell around her. Then she stepped forward, crossing the circle.
      "Fool," she said. "Fool. From where did you think your spells drew their strength? They are the language of the Void, and I am the Void's Chosen Vessel."
      Troy backed away.
      He turned and ran.
      About three paces before he was grabbed and thrown across the barn to land against a stall. The old wood collapsed beneath his weight. He looked up to see her stride toward him. Her mouth split further open to reveal rows of gleaming teeth.
      "No!" he screamed. "No!"
      Easily she picked him up with one hand and held him in the air.
      "Such a stupid creature," she said. "To summon one as vast as the universe when you are tiny. Such is the lot of man."
      She pulled him close. Her tongue reached out and licked the side of his face, not sexual, but tasting. His bladder let go.
      She laughed.
      "I have the Mark!" he babbled. "I have the Mark! I have the Mark!"
      She paused.
      "I'll do anything," he wept. "Anything! Don't kill me! Please don't kill me! Please." He sobbed.
      Closing her eyes as if she heard beautiful music, her hold loosened. She dropped him into his urine. He started to scramble away, but a gesture from her stopped him.
      "Show me," she said. "Show me your Mark."
      He fumbled with his shirt buttons, his fingers clumsy with fear. He opened his shirt to reveal the design he had copied from the book onto his stomach using a black marker.
      "You chose the Mark freely?" she asked as if astonished and amused.
      "Yes, yes," he said, hardly daring to hope. "I thought ... I didn't know ..."
      "Yes, it's clear to me now," she said. "I see it in your mind. You tricked others into birthing me. You thought you could control me. But you doubted. You were afraid of the spell. You are a true coward and only care for yourself. And your soul is so empty. You have no faith, not even in yourself. So you Marked yourself as one of my creatures. But why should I allow one such as you to serve me?"
      "I can help," he said urgently. "I have contacts. I can help you do whatever you want."
      "Unlikely since I seek something that has been hidden for eons," she said. "But you might have other uses."
      "Anything," he said. "Just tell me what to do."
      "Address me as your Queen," she said. "And you can serve me until I have no further need of you. You may thank me."
      "Thank you, my Queen," he said, tears running down his cheeks. "Thank you."
      She reached down and picked him up. "But we must do one thing." She smiled slowly. "My Mark is given in fire."
      She drank his screams like poisoned nectar.

Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

A bit more

      I've got another five minutes or so before we leave for dinner so I thought I'd blog a bit more. One of my Christmas presents this year was an HP Scanjet 4670 See-Through Scanner. I installed it today. Major cool and highly recommended so far.
      And now we're going. Be back in a bit.

What begins

      It's been a busy day, and it's not over yet. I'll be back later to post an excerpt from Darkness, Oklahoma, and to talk about what my plans are for the new year. I hope you are doing well and survived the turning of the year with all your fingers and toes intact, both physical and emotional.
      Frenzied Feline and I are co-running a race to lose 50 pounds this year. Crystal may join us since FF and I are going to sign a non-aggression pact in which we won't mail fattening food to each other ...
      Speaking of food, I'm going to go eat dinner now. Probably Subway since it's easy to know your Weight Watcher's points with them. Catch you in a bit.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year's Eve!

      I hope you're all having a good time, whether you be out or at home, and I hope you are healthy, happy and safe. I can't stay online for long right now. Mikey is spending the night so he requires my attention. Right now, he and my roomie are shooting Nerf darts.
      It's been a good day. Long but good. My roomie's kids visited us this morning and stayed until late afternoon. We had Christmas with them. I only have one more gift exchange -- this with some good friends of mine and my godchildren -- and Christmas 2005 will be over. We will do that tomorrow afternoon.
      It's been a good holiday season. As always, it was filled with joys and sorrows, laughs and tears, the hustle and bustle and the quiet times, the crass commercial and the priceless sacred. Now a new year dawns.
      I have a bunch of resolutions. I make them, break them, make new ones every year. I'm like everyone else. We set goals, we adjust, we change.
      Mikey needs me. Apparently I'm needed to help him defeat the evil badman. Catch y'all in 2006.

7

      ER tagged me so here's the meme.

A. Seven things to do before I die
1. Write and publish many books.
2. Write and publish many plays.
3. Have a home with an indoor swimming pool.
4. Make a lot of money so that I can use it to fund research into cancer, strokes, Crohn's, diabetes, etc.
5. Spend time on a beach with clean white sand and people bringing me drinks with umbrellas in them.
6. Have a woman who loves me as much as I love her.
7. Travel to a lot of cool places in America.

B. Seven things I cannot do
1. Play basketball.
2. Watch golf on TV.
3. Listen to Rush Limbaugh or Al Franken without feeling like the top of my head is going to blow off.
4. Play any type of musical instrument well.
5. Suffer fools gladly.
6. Put my foot behind my ear (not that I want to).
7. Fly a jet … for very long. It would be a short flight.

C. Seven things that attract me to anyone
1. Intelligence.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Spirituality.
4. Kindness.
5. Compassion.
6. Cleanliness and neatness.
7. Good smile.

D. Seven things I say most often
1. Howdy.
2. Fascinating.
3. Cool.
4. Crap!
5. Good grief.
6. I'm writing. Go away.
7. I can't believe it.

E. Seven books (or series or genres or topics) that I love
1. The Bible.
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Hobbit.
3. The Discworld series.
4. The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever series.
5. Sherlock Holmes series.
6. Any book by James Rollins.
7. Carolyn Hart's mystery novels and Holly Lisle's fantasy novels.

F. Seven movies I watch over and over again (or would if I had time)
1. The Roger Moore James Bonds.
2. John Wayne's later-year Westerns.
3. The Tomb Raider movies.
4. "The Lion in Winter."
5. "Contact."
6. Star Trek movies 1, 2, 4 & 6.
7. "Mindwalk."

G. Seven people I want to join in, too.
1. Crystal.
2. Michelle.
3. Randall.
4. Gloria.
5. Roen.
6. Amber.
7. Patriot.

      If you don't have a blog, feel free to answer it in the comments.

Cruising to the end of the year

      I had a good Christmas. Well, it's not over yet, but it's mostly over. I still have two more Christmas get-togethers, but then it will be done. By New Year's Day, Christmas 2005 will be finished.
      Most of my family came to see me after Christmas. We had a good visit. I cooked a huge meal. Everyone ate a lot, but I still have plenty of leftovers. I just don't know how to gauge the right amount of food. So I'm looking at having turkey, dressing, ham and veggies for most of my meals this week. :) Fortunately I like all those.
      In health news, I've got to resume Weight Watchers. I've been sort of doing it, but it works best when you keep it religiously. I'd like to lose another 50 pounds in the coming year.
      Currently I'm suffering from back problems again. But I have my cane and am getting ultraound and massage treatments. I'm hoping that it's already on the healing path, and I think it is.
      How was your Christmas? Did life treat you okay? Did you get any quiet time to yourself? Any good loot? Any good stories? How did it go? Do you have any plans for New Year's Eve? What's happening in your world? Let me know you're out there!

And in the darkness ...

Luke 2:1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.
2:2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
2:3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
2:4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
2:5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with Child.
2:6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
2:7 And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling clothes, and laid Him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
2:9 And, lo, the angel of the LORD came upon them, and the glory of the LORD shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the LORD.
2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
2:15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into Heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the LORD hath made known unto us.
2:16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger.
2:17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this Child.
2:18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
2:19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
2:20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
2:21 And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the Child, His Name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before He was conceived in the womb.

Matthew 2:1 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem,
2:2 saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.
2:3 When Herod the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him.
2:4 And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he demanded of them where Christ should be born.
2:5 And they said unto him, In Bethlehem of Judea: for thus it is written by the prophet,
2:6 And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, art not the least among the princes of Judah:
for out of thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people Israel.
2:7 Then Herod, when he had privily called the wise men, inquired of them diligently what time the star appeared.
2:8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, and said, Go and search diligently for the young child; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also.
2:9 When they had heard the king, they departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was.
2:10 When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
2:11 And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.

A Christmas Prayer

We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow,
for the work, the health, the food,
and the bright skies which make our lives delightful
for our friends in all parts of the earth.

By Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894).

Carol of the Bells

Hark! how the bells, sweet silver bells
All seem to say, throw cares away.
Christmas is here, bringing good cheer
To young and old, meek and the bold
Ding, dong, ding, dong, that is their song,
With joyful ring, all caroling
One seems to hear words of good cheer
From everywhere, filling the air
O, how they pound, raising the sound
O’er hill and dale, telling their tale

Gaily they ring, while people sing
Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here!
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas!
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas!

On, on they send, on without end
Their joyful tone to every home
Hark! how the bells, sweet silver bells
All seem to say, throw cares away.
Christmas is here, bringing good cheer
To young and old, meek and the bold
Ding, dong, ding, dong, that is their song
With joyful ring, all caroling.
One seems to hear words of good cheer
From everywhere, filling the air
O, how they pound, raising the sound
O’er hill and dale, telling their tale

Gaily they ring, while people sing
Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here!
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas!
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas!

On, on they send, on without end
Their joyful tone to every home.
Ding dong ding dong

Merry Christmas in 37 languages

Afrikaner: Een Plesierige Kerfees
Argentinian: Felces Pasquas y felices Ano Nuevo
Armenian: Schernorhavor Dzenount.
Bohemain: Vesele Vanoce
Bulgarian: Chestita Koleda
Chinese: Kung Hsi Hsin Niene bing Chu Shen Tan
Croatian: Sretan Bozic
Danish: Glaedelig Jul
Esperanto: Gajan Kristnaskon
Estonian: Roomsaid Joulu Puhi
Finnish: Houska Joulua
Flemish: Vrolike Kerstmis
French: Joyeux Noel
German: Froehliche Weihnachten
Greek: Kala Christougena
Dutch: Vrolyk Kerfeest en Gelukkig Nieuw Jaar
Hungarian: Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket
Iraqian: Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish: Nodlaig mhaith chugnat
Italian: Buon Natale
Japanese: Meri Kurisumasu
Jugoslavian: Cestitamo Bozic
Lettish: Priecigus Ziemassvetkus
Lithuanian: Linksmu Kaledu
Norwegian: God Jul og Godt Nytt Aar
Oklahoman: Merry Christmas, y'all
Polish: Boze Narodzenie
Portuguese: Boas Festas y Feliz Ano Novo
Rumanian: Sarbatori vesele
Russian: S Rozhdestvom Kristovym
Serbian: Hristos se rodi
Slovakian: Vesele vianoce
Spanish: Feliz Navidad
Swedish: God Jul
Turkish: Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian: Chrystos Rozdzajetsia Slawyte Jeho
Welsh: Nadolig Llawen

12 Factoids About Christmas

      1. One acre of living Christmas trees generates enough oxygen to meet the daily requirement for 18 humans. Approximately 1,000,000 acres are used to grow Christmas trees yearly.
      2. The top six Christmas tree producing states are: Oregon, Michigan, Washington, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and North Carolina. About 30,000,000 trees are harvested in an average year. Two to three Christmas trees are planted for every one harvested.
      3. Mango and banana trees are Christmas symbols in India, where Christians use mango leaves for holiday decorations.
      4. The poinsettia is named for the first U.S. ambassador to Mexico, botanist Joel Roberts Poinsett. Poinsett introduced the plant that would become known as poinsettia into the United States in 1829.
      5. The word yule, from Middle English, means "to cry aloud."
      6. More than 3 billion Christmas cards are mailed each year in the United States.
      7. With some 50,000,000 copies sold so far and still climbing, Irving Berlin's "White Christmas," recorded in 1942 by Bing Crosby, is still the best-selling single in history.
      8. Geographically speaking, the North Pole is the point on Earth that is the true top of the planet where all lines of longitude converge. The Geomagnetic North Pole is the point on the Earth that marks the northern focus of the geomagnetic field that surrounds the globe. It lies in Greenland, 78 degrees 30 minutes North, 69 degrees West. Compasses, however, point to the Magnetic North Pole, which is about 1,000 miles south of the geographic North Pole, near Ellef Ringness Island in northern Canada. A lesser-known North Pole, the Northern Pole of Inaccessibility, represents the furtherest point in all directions from any coastline. About 700 miles from the nearest land, this pole is located north of Alaska at 84 degrees 03 minutes North, 174 degrees 51 minutes West. By the way, illustrator Thomas Nast was the first to put Santa Clause's home at the North Pole. In 1882, he drew Santa sitting on a box labeled, "Christmas Box 1882, St. Nicholas, North Pole."
      9. There are about 5,000,000 reindeer in the world. They are threatened by habitat loss and global warming and are seeing their population drop yearly.
      10. Making popcorn garlands is one of the few Christmas traditions born in the United States.
      11. The post office handles more than 70,000 letters each year addressed to Santa at the North Pole.
      12. The Twelve Days of Christmas traditionally started on Christmas. Many European counties still keep this tradition, particularly parts of Spain and France.
Sources: The Christmas Almanac, The National Arbor Day Foundation, The Association of Popcorn Producers, The United States Postal Service and MTV News.

12 Wonderful Things About Christmas

      1. Presents. I like getting them. I like giving them. Here are some inexpensive gift ideas: Candles, candy bars, six-packs of favorite soft drinks, chocolate-chip cookies, small picture frames, bookmarks, Christmas ornaments, decorative computer printer paper, hand lotion, etc. We have a tendency to think that good presents have to cost a lot of money. They don't. Something to show that you're thinking of them this holiday season is all that is needed for your co-workers, friends, etc. It's not about the money.
      2. Lights. I love Christmas lights. I like to drive around my town and see all the displays. I appreciate the hard work that went into them. I like the way the way the lights gleam in the night. It's a metaphor for what Christmas really is about.
      3. Shopping. It's where I catch the bustle and hustle of the season. Yeah, it's hurried, and it makes my feet hurt. But I like thinking of people and what they might like.
      4. Christmas bags. Oh, I still wrap a few gifts, but otherwise, brightly colored bags have freed me of hours of wrapping.
      5. Carols. I like singing them. I like hearing them.
      6. Church and school Christmas children's programs. Nothing is as sweet or as funny. Makes my heart melt. No apologies for that.
      7. The way people will give more during this time to the needy. It's like we're reminded of how blessed we are and how much we really have. So we share. Some people say that it's guilt. I don't believe that's true for most of us. I believe it's compassion. It's where we show that we have incredible potential as a species. It's where we justify our existence.
      8. Food. I love turkey and dressing, pineapple adorned ham, fluffy garlic and chive mashed potatoes, fresh green salad, golden pumpkin pies … Hmmmmm ….
      9. Get-togethers with friends. We're all busy, we're all tired, we're all broke, but we all enjoy sharing time and raising a cup of cider together.
      10. Family time. They make me crazy at times, but I wouldn't give up any one of them. We're connected by blood and history. We're loud, opinionated, funny and brash. We love as hard as we fight. We're family. And that's that.
      11. Quiet, worshipful Midnight Masses and other church Christmas services. It's a time of quiet in this incredibly busy season. I remember sitting in the local Catholic Church at Midnight Night Mass a couple of Christmases ago as the day became new and listening to the silence between the prayers and songs. I felt renewed in spirit and grateful for the many undeserved blessings in my life.
      12. Nativity scenes. The heart of the mystery. The God coming to earth in the form of a babe. Remembrances that we were loved enough for someone to give up glory for us. The beginning of a journey that would change a world. A light in the darkness. A star in the ebony sky. A gift to humanity.

12 Annoying Things During Christmas

      1. People who talk about the commercialism of Christmas like they're being sophisticated. Look, back in the 1920s, they were bemoaning the commercial aspects of Christmas. It's nothing new. We live in a crass, profit-oriented society. Less than 48 hours after 9/11, companies were selling "commemorative" items. That's just the way some people are. Get over it. Don't give them any airtime. And don't use the commercialism of Christmas as an excuse for your lack of generosity. There are a lot of soup kitchens, homeless shelters and other charities that always need your help. Rather than just talk about how everyone has lost the true meaning of Christmas, why don't you go out there and show it to everyone.
      2. The whole Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas mess that has been reported exhaustedly by TV, newspaper and bloggers. Seriously, do you think saying Happy Holidays makes anyone forget it's Christmas? Do you think calling names and generally behaving like a jerk makes anyone feel like it's Christmas? Do I think it's right for retailers to remove mention of Christmas? No, but I don't expect retailers to spread the Gospel. Guess what? They're trying to make a living. If I don't like their policies, I don't have to shop with them. And I won't.
      3. People who get upset by Nativity scenes on public property. Don't they have any real problems? We've got starving, poor, homeless people who are sick and need help. We have children going to bed hungry in the United States. We have rampant drug use that is decimating our young people and draining society. And you want me to be upset because your poor little eyes were offended by a Nativity scene? What complete, utter nonsense. Our courts should be ashamed to even hear such cases.
      4. Anyone who doesn't give to a charity because they've decided that charities are corrupt. Here's a lesson in the real world, bucko: Charities are ran by people. Some people are corrupt. There will be corruption in any human endeavor. That's the way of the world. But you can do a bit of research and discover what charities give more of their donations to their causes. You can make sensible decisions about your charitable giving. But if you still want to hang onto your money, then once again, haul yourself to your nearest homeless shelter. Make the world a better place that way. Side note: I particularly detest people who decide that the homeless are lazy and deserve to starve. A lot of the homeless, a third at last count, are children below the age of eight. Exactly what did they do to deserve to starve? Another side note: Anyone who justifies not helping the poor because the Bible says the poor will always be with us should be beaten. I don't have words to express my contempt for that lazy, selfish, smug attitude. One last side note: If you're broke, you're broke. Give what you can when you can. We can only do what we can do. But we should do that.
      5. Rock, rap and pop stars who insist on singing carols but have to add their own special touch. While driving to work today, I heard a pop star sing Silent Night on the radio with many moans, ahhh's, soft sighs and general all-around grandstanding. I wasn't sure if she was singing a carol or giving a mating call. Then I heard a hard guitar version of Come All Ye, Faithful. I turned off the radio. I won't turn it back on until it's safe.
      6. People who sing the praises of snow. It's cold, wet, makes roads dangerous, kills animals and people. I rate it up there with the flu.
      7. Speaking of wet, cold and dangerous, why don't people slow down when it's icy? WHY? Four-wheel drive doesn't make you invulnerable, folks. SLOW DOWN.
      8. Any more animated specials about Santa's early life. We now have The Adventures of Santa, Young Santa Claus, The True Story of Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus, Santa and His Reindeer, Santa and the Magic Flute, The Year Without Santa Claus, etc. Next up: Santa VS. Alien and Santa and The Wise Guys. Enough already.
      9. Christmas cards without return addresses. Don't make me look it up. Put the return address on the envelope. That's all I'm asking.
      10. Surly clerks. I know your job isn't fun at the holidays. I'm sorry about that. But don’t take it out on me. It's not my fault. Just let me make my purchases and leave and no one gets hurt.
      11. Anyone who has to share the pagan origins of Christmas like they're imparting some new earthshaking wisdom. That's old news, folks. Not very interesting news at that. Recently a pastor I know spent his Sunday morning giving us the pagan putdown. I debated several times about walking out, but annoying good manners kept me in the pew listen to him babble on about what things meant centuries ago. It doesn't really matter what they thought in the 9th century. It matters what we think now.
      12. Bloggers that produce lists of things that annoy them about Christmas. That's the most annoying thing of all.

One down, a couple hundred to go ...

      The Gazette is done and mailed. One task down, a couple hundred to go. Well, not that many. Just a hundred or so. Have a good night y'all. More tomorrow. I promise.

Busier than an elf

      I spent the entire evening once again on the Gazette. I have five pages of it done. Just one page left. Unfortunately that page is the one that I'm supposed to fill with a humor column. Sigh. Maybe something funny will happen tonight. Or tomorrow. But this baby is going to be done tomorrow night, funny or not. Once it's done, all I have to do is finish my Christmas shopping, wrap the presents, grocery shop and then have a nervous breakdown. I'm quite looking forward to the breakdown. It should be fun.
      Good night and cheerio!

Busy as an elf

      I've spent all today working on my family newsletter. It's about half done. I'm hoping to finish tomorrow night, but it probably won't be until Tuesday night. Anyway, I'm beat and going to call it a night. I hope you have a great week.

Nativity scene

      Have I mentioned that I have a collection of Nativity sets? This is one of them.


Nativity scene.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

Christmas ornaments on my tree

      I thought I'd include a few photos of the various Christmas ornaments on my tree. This officially starts the 51313 Harbor Street Christmas Celebration. Finally.


Christmas ornaments.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

Just when you thought it was safe ...

      I'm back. Cue ominous music ...
      I've been fighting this cold, which turned into something rather larger than a cold as another example of my inability to do anything simple, but finally I think I'm on top of it. At this point as I deal with all the side effects of all the medication I'm on, I'm not really sure if the original germ even exists anymore. It's probably mutated into something stronger, an evil genius germ that even now rubs it mucus hands together and contemplates conquering the world. I shared this fancy with one of my doctors who acted very peculiar about it, whispering to his nurse who regarded me with huge, frightened eyes. Possibly they thought I was delirious, I reasoned. To reassure them of my firm control of my faculties, I launched into a retelling of Robin Hood and Maid Marion, but the part of Robin Hood was played by Daffy Duck and Elmer was Maid Marion. It was hilarious, I think, but things got a bit confused around then with all the shouting, injections and general chaos, so I'm not sure.
      Anyway, I'm back. I haven't had a chance to visit all the blogs I haunt yet, but I'm looking forward to catching up with everyone. My Christmas plans are sort of shot. I'm hoping to feel well enough this weekend to finish my Christmas shopping. Pray for me. Seriously.
      I'm hoping to finish my Christmas cards tonight. Actually, I don't see why I wouldn't unless the evil germ throws me another curve. With the cards, I've included a short story from my Bethlehem Tales. I hope people like it.
      That's my news so far. Talk with you later. I hope you're having a healthy and happy day.

The cold has kicked my butt

      I think the headline says it all. I've done nothing this weekend except sleep, be sick, take medicine, etc. I'm about to go to bed now. I hope that I improve quickly. My Christmas plans are falling apart. Truly I need warm weather. I'm ready for spring, ready summer. A friend of mine asked me, "What are we doing here in this cold weather?" I don't know.
      I did watch the Fantastic Four movie on DVD. I'm glad I didn't pay for it in the theater. It isn't a great movie. Nor even good. It's just okay. It had no depth and no story. I think the Spiderman movies have set my expectations high.
      I'm going back to my cocoon now. Hope y'all are doing well.

...ooo000OOOO0000ooooo.....

      That's me moaning. This is a mean cold. Very mean. Almost Republican in its meanness and definitely Democratic in what it's costing me in doctors bills. Bad cold. Bad.
      I have lots of stuff planned for this weekend, but I suspect I'm just going to be resting. Rest good. Cold bad.
      The Net is a lifesaver since I can order lots of stuff for Christmas on it. Then I just wait until the items arrive at my office. Some businesses even wrap the presents for you. Wrapping good. Cold bad.
      Anyway, I still fighting the cold. That's all my news. Completely. Well, I did get my tree decorated last night and put up a few other decorations around the living room and kitchen, but that's it. Otherwise I slept. Sleep good. Cold bad.
      I have been reading Robin Hobb's Tawny Man series. Very good. It's a sequel to her Assassin series. I'm glad that she didn't leave Fitz alone and tired. I'm hoping these books end with him having some happiness and peace. Books good. Cold bad.
      I've just about got my Christmas cards finished. I try to include a little something extra in all the cards I send. I hope I'm able to do that this year. I know the real life addresses to several of my blogging buddies and commenters so I'm going to send them cards, but if you're one of them whose address I don't know, please email me with address if you'd like a card from me. I'd like to send one to you. Christmas cards good. Cold bad.
      More later if I can.

Touchdown

      The cold finally landed after a few days of hovering around. I feel absolutely miserable. I'm fighting the cold with gallons of orange juice, Airborne, Advil, two different nasal spray, vitamin C chews, Theraflu, chicken and rice soup, hot Earl Grey tea, and so on. I still feel like someone attacked me and didn't have the decency to finish me off.
      My IBD and my general health move around each other in a sort of dance. In its simplest terms, my IBD is an immune system disorder. Inflammatory Bowel Disease causes my immune system to attack me, mostly the lining of my intestinal tract. I have a powerful immune system, and it reacts frantically to any and all invaders. Unfortunately it's not very bright and ever so often, it mistakes my gut cells as invaders. We control the IBD by giving me steroids. Steroids suppress my immune system. They also have some unfortunate side effects, like enlarging a person's heart and also giving me that lovely Charlie Brown face and body. The dance or interplay comes in that if the steroids suppress my immune system too much, then I'm prey to any and all germs that wander by. Not enough and my IBD rages.
      When I get sick, the doctors take me off the steroids, but they have to taper me off. It can cause real problems if you suddenly just stop the steroids. So slowly the doctors drop the dosage, but they also prescribe antibiotics to help battle whatever infection I'm fighting.
      They used to give me a lot of antibiotics, but over the past few years, I've been balking at that. There's some evidence that shows IBD might have an antibiotic connection. (The thought is that the antibiotics kill off certain organisms in our guts, some of which are supposed to be there. Eventually marker cells that tell your immune system what is and isn't an invader get killed off or reduced so that your body gets confused and starts attacking the intestine.) When I was younger, doctors prescribed bottles and bottle of antibiotics for me. It's interesting to note that my IBD wasn't as severe then. To achieve some sort of balance in my body, the doctors also prescribe probiotics to help restore the missing gut organisms. The medicine bottles line up like a pharmacy shelf on my bedroom dresser.
      I confess that I don't always take everything I'm supposed to; sometimes the side effects are worse than what the medicine is treating. And I've noticed that sometimes my doctors just prescribe stuff without really examining me. I don't like being dependent on medication, anyway, a trait that I got from my dad.
      Anyway, that's where I'm at now. Tapering off the steroids, fighting the infection with over the counter meds, and hoping that I won't have to have antibiotics. And now, God help me, I have to go to work. The only bright spot is that I fully intend to cough on any rude customers today.

In the swamp

Saturday
      It always starts some small thing. An idea or a simple project. You think, "This won't be hard. I can do this." You should remember that moment. Fix it in your mind before you set off on your happy journey. It will be ironic later when you're in the swamp surrounded by hungry gators in a sinking rowboat while battling frantically to reach some part of solid ground that won't bite or drown you. Before you sink in the dank water, you will remember what you thought earlier and you will realize with a complete understanding usually only granted to prophets that you were a dolt.
      This seems to be story of my life. I always start out with such good intentions, but eventually I find myself in a basket hurling toward a warmer clime. I'm always perplexed, of course, since it doesn't seem any of my actions would lead to this sudden drop, but they do. I know this says something about my lack of foresight, but I think I'm going to refuse to figure out what it is.
      I had a busy day. I cleaned house, put up Christmas lights, worked on my family newsletter, did laundry, went Christmas shopping, ate at Chinese buffet, watched part of the original War of the Worlds and worked on reading/editing Darkness, Oklahoma.
      I'm pleased to report that Darkness, Oklahoma is not crap. I had worried about it during NaNo. I had to write so fast that I couldn't really get a picture of how the book was shaping up. So reading it was interesting. A lot of it is rough. Very rough, but there are the bones of a story there. And some of the scenes are written exactly as I saw them in my head. That is cool. After I finish this reading/editing, I will go back and add more words, fixing errors, changing characters, and in one instance, removing a character completely. (She didn't pass the interesting test. If I'm bored by her, you can bet my readers will be.)
      Blogger isn't letting me post so I'll just save this as a draft.

Sunday
      I woke up today feeling a cold coming on. I immediately took Advil, drank a half gallon of orange juice, chewed on some vitamins, and went back to bed. I'm feeling better now, but not healthy. I am going to take it easy today.
      I'm writing this on Word because my cable internet is down. I tried calling my provider's 24-hour service, but I waited for 30 minutes on hold -- never speaking to a real person -- and finally gave up.
      I intended to keep working on my Christmas cards and the family newsletter, but I'm going back to bed now. I'll try again later.

Sunday evening
      Internet is still down. Arrggggghhhhhh. I hate that. Who knows what interesting things are happening? I don't. I tried the support line again. This time the recorded message said there was an outage in my area. At least a lot of people are suffering with me. Somehow that's not comforting.
      So far, I'm holding off the cold. Go immune system go! I don't know if cheering helps, but it couldn't hurt.

Sunday evening later still
      Still no service. I'm calling it a night.

Monday
      Work was particularly grueling today, but some good things got accomplished. It was a successful day.
      I had to rush home after work to start putting together the program for the theater group's play this weekend. I should have done it Sunday. I had to be at the theater at 7:30 p.m. to take a cast photo for the program, and I wanted to take a rough draft of the program with me. I barely made it but I did.
      The program looks good. Nice, clean design. I'm pleased.
      Internet connection is dicey. It goes on for about five minutes and then cuts off. Once again, I can't get through to the support line. I'm not happy at all. And Blogger is apparently having problems, too.
      I got to watch a little of The Triangle on SciFi Channel. So far, they've got me interested. I want to see where it goes.
      My Christmas tree is up with lights on, but it's not decorated yet. I'm going to do that tomorrow night, I hope. And finish the family newsletter. And my Christmas cards.
      Well, it's late, and I can't post this anyway so I'm going to bed. Maybe tomorrow I can go early to work and post it from there. Or post it during my lunch hour. We'll see you soon. I hope.

More than you wanted to know about tea

      The little green tea people are after me because I made some unkind remarks about their elixir of life, their beverage of the gods, their cure-all for any and all ills including baldness and the dreaded creeping earlobe fungus. So I thought I'd send them into a stupor with a long discussion about the various teas.
      Tea is basically the dried and processed leaves of one plant species called camellia sinensis. (Herbal teas are not really teas, but simply dried flowers and/or herbs. They are more correctly called herbal infusions. Remember that. It will be on the test.) Even though all teas come from only one species, there are three major varieties: the China, the India (or Assam) and the Hybrid. All have a slightly different taste. Americans are most used to the India or Hybrid teas, both of which are easier to grow than the China variety. (Which is why China teas are more expensive. Please note, though, you can grow the China variety in other places than China, but that seems sort of silly.)
      You will find four main types of tea on the shelves: white, black, green and oolong. The difference in them is mainly in processing and, of course, how they're spelled. Basically, processing is taking the raw green leaves and deciding how much oxidation (or fermentation) if any should take place before drying them out. (This is not unlike what AA does for its members, but they stress the drying out portion and discourage the fermentation.)
      Tea leaves have enzymes in their veins. Don't be shocked. They're supposed to be there. When the leaf is bruised or crushed, the enzymes are exposed to oxygen resulting in oxidation. The amount of oxidation depends upon how much of the enzymes are exposed and for how long. Just trust me on this, and let's move on.
      White teas are the least processed of any tea and therefore taste the most like fresh leaves or grass. Yummy. They also have the lowest amount of caffeine and most likely have the highest antioxidant properties. Tea leaves meant for white teas are immediately fried or steamed after letting them air dry for a short period of time. (The steaming and frying neutralizes the enzymes, thus preventing oxidation.) There is no rolling, breaking or bruising of the leaves. The tea police see to this, and violators are forced to drink coffee. Black. No sugar. While standing on their head and balancing a box of knives on their feet. The tea police don't fool around.
      Black teas are the most processed of the four types of teas. They are the highest in caffeine, but still have antioxidant properties, just not quite as much as others. They are rolled, crushed, bruised and generally folded, torn and mutilated and then allowed to completely oxidize, thus giving the leaves their blackened color. You can find places that boast that their teas "age three months," but that really doesn't mean anything, as the oxidation is pretty much complete as soon as the leaves turn black. We'll let them keep bragging about that because frankly if that's all they have to brag about, who are we to rain on their parade?
      Green teas processing is similar to that of white teas in that they aren't allowed to oxidize. They might want to so that they can get that rich, strong, delicious taste of black tea, but once again the tea police step in (and then step out and put their right foot in and shake it all around. The tea police are good dancers, but let's be honest, our brave members of the FBI are much better.) After the leaves are plucked, they are laid out to air dry (or wither or Bushized) for about 8 to 24 hours. This lets most of the water evaporate. Then the leaves are steamed or pan-fried (or Clintonized).
      Oolong teas are the hardest to categorize, despite having the most fun name to say. I often go into stores and ask the clerks if they know where the oolong tea is at. Oh, the look on their faces is simply priceless, I tell you, priceless. Man, I need a life. Anyway, oolong tea requires only a partial oxidation of the leaves. After the leaves are plucked, they are air-dried for about 8 to 24 hours. Then the leaves are tossed in baskets in order to bruise the edges of the leaves. Much rejoicing is heard from the happy leaves who never get to play in the fields. But it does leave them bruised. This bruising causes the leaves to partially oxidize because only a portion of the enzymes is exposed to air. Next, the leaves steamed in order to neutralize the enzymes and stop any more oxidation for happening. Oolong tea can have varying degrees of oxidation. Some are closer to black teas, and some are closer to green. Some would like to be orange or even purple, but they are whisked away by the tea police and never seen again, although I'm sure you've heard the rumors.
      Now hopefully the little green tea people are safely asleep and won't take me away in their spaceship. But if they do, and you never hear from me again (although if the evening news starts featuring reports about someone running wild, naked and free through the suburbs and shouting, "The success of any serious relationship depends on complete honesty, true compassion and lots of duct tape," you'll know I'm still out there, watching and waiting and scratching) let me say right now that I love all green teas equally. I'll let you work that one out for yourselves.

TEST

1. Isn't oolong a great word? Use it in a sentence in which you make it into a verb. For instance, I want to oolong with you.

2. Do you believe in alien abduction? Have you ever been probed for your genetic secrets? What are your genetic secrets? Come on, tell us. We know you have them after seeing your six toes.

3. Have you ever been herbally infused? Really? Did you feel used afterward?

4. Did you read the question number 2?

5. What about question 3?

6. How about this one?

7. Discuss the Boston Tea Party and why they didn't have any of those delicious almond cookies.

8. Are you dating anyone? I mean, in real life, not another of those creepy Internet things where you send fake photos back and forth and talk naughty and then meet and discover your netpal was Jabba the Hut's older, less mannered sister and get all upset even though your photo was of Brad Pitt that you PhotoShopped your head on, but enough about my life.

9. Would you like to date anyone? Say, someone that collects explosives and comic books? Why not?

10. I'm lonely. And I have lots of duct tape. Why does that seem to upset people, particularly the police? Answer true or false.

Time's up. Pass your papers to the front. Now, let's all take a break and have a nice cup of orange juice.