From "Twice Around the Crazy Tree"

Cynthia followed me down to the lake. I sat in the stone beach watched the setting sun turn the muddy water into gold. She walked closer to the water's edge. I could hear a couple of cars leaving up at the house. I wondered who was escaping.

"You could have told me," she said, and in her voice was something quiet and final. I caught my breath as I realized what I had done and what it already cost me. Apparently I wasn't done paying. There's always the sinner and the sin.

"I didn't know how," I said when the silence became unbearable.

"I would have believed you," she said.

"I know," I said. "I didn't have the words. No, that's not true. Keeping those secrets, keeping that secret ... it defined me for so long. Everything I did ... It was all in relation to that."

She turned, but the shadows covered her face.

"What happens now?" she asked.

"Well, I don't know," I said. "I figure they won't build the statue, but maybe so. You can bet Grandmother is busy with damage control. I suspect I won't get invited to any more family reunions. My sister won't talk to me for a few months, but she will get over it. And behind my back, she will defend me. My cousins ..." I paused, feeling my eyes well up. "I never knew about them. We need to talk, I guess."

"It wasn't your fault," she said, coming to me.

I wiped my eyes with the palm of my hand. "If I had only said something."

She sat beside me and rested her hand on my leg. "You were a kid. Scared. You did the best you could. Nope of this is your fault. None. It's all his fault. I wish I could scratch his eyes out. If they build that statue, I promise to God, it won't be up long. As for your grandmother, if she thinks you Thorntons can hold a grudge, she has no idea how long and mean and strong I can hold one!"

She sounded so fierce, I had to laugh.

"I mean it," she said.

"I know. That's what makes it so funny. And wonderful."

"I wish I could have been there for you back then," she said. "I wish someone had been."

"That's the thing with secrets," I said. "No one knows you have them, so they can't help you." I spread my hands. "I wish I had done things differently."

"You have to forgive yourself."

I nodded, not trust myself to speak.

"You have to forgive yourself," she said again. "I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy."

I looked at her. "So there's still an 'us?' After all this mess? All this yelling and lies and all those terrible things?"

Tears glistened on her cheeks in the dying light. I felt more than saw her smile. "You bet your brass buttons, buddy."

I grabbed her hand, and we watched the sky turn black and stars came out as a little sliver of moon danced on the lake.

We sat there for a long time. And then we got up and went twice around the crazy tree.

Together.

(Excerpt from Twice Around the Crazy Tree by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express prior written permission. Thanks for reading.)

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