"Please Mr. Postman ..."

"Please Mr Postman look & see if there's any junk mail for me ..."

       So basically I have a cell phone, a home phone with four cordless receivers, an answering machine, email at home and at work with several different accounts, four blogs, a shoe phone ... Okay, that’s not true. I only have three blogs. My point is that I'm connected to a ridiculous degree. The CIA isn’t as well connected as I am.
       And I'm not sure I want to be that connected. There's a lot to be said for being disconnected. I was thinking about that this week while on vacation when my office called and emailed me several times. If the only way they could reach me was by snail mail -- also known as the United States Postal Service -- they might have attempted to solve those little problems themselves instead of whining to me. Like I can do anything about the building being on fire in the first place. Or would want to, in the second place, after having paid that arsonist all that money.
       I've always liked letters. They seem more special than email or a phone call. You know the sender put some effort into a letter. And money, too. If USPS keeps raising the cost of stamps, they will eventually price themselves out of the market. You'd think this would cut down on the amount of junk mail we receive, but fortunately USPS has special rates for bulk mailers so we will continue to receive those amazing 2-for-1 offers from our local mortuaries.
       From all the thousand offers I've received in the mail over the years, I’ve never bought a thing. I confess that I do like reading about the amazing things that Vitamin E enriched cactus pulp cream can do for the unsightly blemishes on my skin, but I've never sent off for any of their incredible products. You can tell they know that, too, by the increasing frantic tone of their mail: “This product will change your life. It will make you into a more successful person. WAIT! It will also grow back your hair and make you RICH! Don't throw this away! Rich, rich, RICH! Are you listening to what we're saying?! No, no, no! Please, not the shredder! Aieee…"
       Overseas, sending a letter already costs $1 or more in our currency. Some countries charge as much as $5 a letter. A Christmas card IS the gift over there. But fortunately their postal services also offer a bulk rate for junk mailers so that their citizens can receive amazing 2-for-1 offers from their local yak retailers. Let me tell you, if my office had to pay $5 a call, they would leave me alone.
       Of course, you might suggest that I ditch the cell phone, unplug the answering machine, cancel the Internet accounts, and buy a new pair of shoes. But what if some beautiful movie star -- such as Nicole Kidman -- needs me to rewrite her script? She would be heartbroken, simply devastated, when she couldn't reach me. For Nicole, I'll have to stay connected. Hey, it could happen!
Copyright 2007. All rights reserved.
 
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