It's beginning to look ...

(Written for the July issue of my family newsletter)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas especially at Walmart ...

       Last year, on December 26th, a local retailer put up a sign that read "Only 365 shopping days 'til Christmas." I thought the sign was funny then. Now I'm not so sure. I just went to Wal-Mart, and they already have two aisles devoted to Christmas decorations and gifts. Christmas shopping? In the middle of JULY?!
       What happened to Labor Day? Or Columbus Day, Veterans Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving? Are we going to ignore them the way Congress ignores the Balanced Budget Act?
       Of course, I know people who have their Christmas shopping done months in advance. I've never really trusted them. Who knows what else they’ve done in advance? Besides buying presents before they even have an idea about what the receiver needs or wants, maybe they're already selecting gravestones for other people, too. Are they the people for whom funeral homes run 2-for-1 specials? (A local funeral home -– I’m not kidding -– actually ran a June Special ad that said, "June is for brides –- and for securing your future with a beautiful gravestone." Grooms, don't give your bride a tacky ring; give her a tombstone! And if you do, trust me, it will get promptly used.)
       I'm all for advance planning, but I think we need a month or two after summer and Back-To-School Sales (which retailers have elevated to the ranks of a holiday) before we plunge headlong into the Christmas shopping frenzy. Just to catch our breath. Particularly since the days are blurring by until we’re meeting ourselvescomingandgoing.
       I'll tell you what I felt when I saw the Christmas aisles. I felt panic. Sheer unreasoning panic. I had a sudden urge to sweep down the aisles loading my cart with whatever items I could grab and figure out later who was going to receive the reindeer salt-n-pepper shakers —- the salt comes out of the nose and you don't want to know where the pepper comes from -— just as long as I had done some Christmas shopping before I left that store, so help me, Josephine!
       I wasn't the only one who felt that way. The Christmas aisles were filled with women and men blindly throwing things into their carts without even looking at what they were grabbing. One woman was weeping as she swept a shelf of hideous pinecone elves into her car. Several people were struggling to reach the one remaining miniature tree.
       "People! Listen to me!" I shouted. "Listen!" Slowly they turned their faces toward me. "Don't give in to this shameless attempt to manipulate us into starting Christmas now! Don't let their greed panic you! Take control of your holiday!"
       The people looked shamefacedly at each other and began to move out of the aisles, leaving their carts behind, items dropping out of their hands.
       "That's right," I encouraged them. "Be free. You have months to Christmas shop. It's just July."
       After the aisles had emptied, I looked out over the carts, the cluttered shelves, and the floor littered with gifts. I shook my head sadly. What is this world coming to? Then I sorted through the items and got everything I wanted, including the miniature tree with a whole grouping of pinecone elves. Merry Christmas!

Copyright 2007. All rights reserved.
 
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