Hazy Tuesday

      Hazy skies today. I didn't watch the forecast so I don't know what is predicted. Forecasters are amazing at times. In May 2001, Dan Milkins of KOZY TV in Ryton, Oklahoma, predicted a tornado would hit Ryton on July 18. And on July 18, Dan stepped out of the station building and was hit by a large halibut that had fallen from a cargo plane. Amazing. Luckily the weather was clear so the ambulance had no trouble getting him to an emergency room.
      If you think that story is fishy, you should put it up there with most weather forecasts. They're wrong about as often as they're right, according to a recent survey conducted by some government agency that spends taxpayers' money to do that. Forecasting is really just an educated guess. But at least they don't claim that God told them a storm was coming.
      Unlike the Rev. Pat Robinson who recently said, "If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms." Later he added, "There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest." Several things bother me about his predictions. Particularly the phrase "If I heard the Lord right." How come Pat wasn't certain? Was the Lord whispering? Does Pat need a hearing aid? Of course, this prediction is coming from a 76-year-old man who says that he leg-pressed 2,000 pounds on a weight machine when he was 73, so I'm not sure how solid any of his statements are. (He says his amazing strength comes from clean living and the protein shake that he invented. If only Samson could have chugged that shake, things would have turned out differently for Delilah.)
      Naturally Pat is giving himself some wiggle room. If bad storms and the tsunami don't happen, Pat can always say that he must not have heard the Lord clearly. I think he's fairly safe on the bad storms part since they get one or two each season, but I hope and pray that he's completely wrong on the tsunami part. No volcanoes either, please. Or plagues.
      Predictions have always been tricky things. Psychics seem to be successful largely because they give a lot of predictions and people only remember the ones they get right. The late Jeane Dixon gave thousands and thousands of predictions in her life, and a handful turned out to be correct. Which only goes to show the truth of the old adage: You can hit more birds with a shotgun than a pistol. (I guess because you could swing the shotgun like a baseball bat and have more reach than swinging a pistol. Although you have to wonder why the birds were attacking, unless, of course, they’re vampire birds. I’m sure there will be a docudrama on the SciFi Channel soon telling us all about those pesky vampire birds and how they prey on hapless teenagers who sneak off into the woods or are at some isolated camp near a lake.)
      I don’t want to be left out of this so here are my predictions for the coming years.
      1. The Republicans and Democrats will continue to fight until one day, after reading several Harlequin romance novels, they will realize that their anger is the expression of hidden hot passion and deep true love for each other. They will marry, but divorce soon after.
      2. Weather will continue to happen, except in Canada, which will outlaw it after discovering it can’t be forced to speak French.
      3. Brittany Spears will continue to have no talent, but will win a Grammy, an Oscar, an Emmy and a seat in the House of Representatives before being chosen as the first female pope.
      4. Several people will eat meals.
      5. Americans will continue to move to Mexico due to the low cost of living down there, and Mexicans will continue to move to America in hoping of having a higher standard of living. Eventually the whole populations will have switched place; then the process will start again. Canada will pass a law against this.
      6. Someone will land something on Pluto someday or maybe not.
      7. 51313 Harbor Street will win the Net award for being the Best Blog on the whole Internet. The author will be given the $10,000,000 cash award and will promptly disappear to an island with white sand beaches where he will be served fruity drinks in coconuts served by half-naked happy natives. Canada will pass a law against this.
      8. Canadian citizens will rise up in outrage and demand reform of their over-zealous government. Well, really, they got up to get something from the kitchen, but they're disgruntled, that's for sure. I sure hope they get their gruntles back soon, poor people.
      9. I predict this post will end after four more words. I got this one right ... oops.