Today I had to speak to someone who is untrustworthy. It was an interesting experience to watch him attempt to be clever. He quickly made me tired. I doubted every answer he gave. I caught him on several lies, and as I sat there, I thought, Hey, at least lie to me better! Put some effort out. Show me that you respect me enough to lie well. But of course, he didn't.
It's difficult to trust people again after they have broken their word. I don't really know how trust is regained. I know there are people in my life that I trusted, they let me down, but I trust them again. And there are others who have done the same, and I don't think I will ever give my trust to them again.
It might have to do with their reasons. If they break their word for some purpose other than their own selfish gain, maybe I'm more inclined to give them a second chance. I don't know.
Trust doesn't come easily or naturally to me. Even as a child I was always cautious. Then it was instinct; now it's experience. Perhaps I'm simply cynical. Or maybe smart. I don't know.
I have a curious quirk: I rarely make promises. I don't because if I do, then I have to keep that promise. No matter what. That quirk has cost me dearly at times so I'm cautious about putting myself in that situation. I'll say that I'll try or that I'll do my best, but I won't toss off promises as if the words are easy. That might seem honest, but sometimes I wonder if it's simply an excuse to fail, i.e. I won't promise because then I have to follow through and I won't want to pay the price. Or I want the option of not paying it.
Yes, I know this is meandering and not going anyway. I'm tired. The past several weeks have weighed on me heavily. All my righteous anger has deserted me, leaving me feeling old and tired. The world is too much with me lately, to paraphrase a much better poet. At this point, I usually say something like tomorrow is another day, I'm the bump-n-go boy, blah, blah, blah. I know the drill. You know the drill. Let's just pretend we did it and go to bed. Night.
Oh ... well, tomorrow is another day. And I am the original bump-n-go boy. And someday we will rise to greet a new wondrous world. Good night.
7 comments:
I attended the ordination of one of my closest friends tonight. The bishop preached for this service and it was amazing. The title was "No Deposit, No Return," and the gist was that in life, we get back what we put into it. We can draw on our accounts, but we have to make deposits to that account first. Even in our faith, we have to make the deposit to write a check. (Faithwise, we make the deposit when we get down on our knees to pray and when we dig into the Bible for study.)
I think that's behind the reluctance to make promises you can't be sure of keeping. You have to know you can afford to write the check.
Same about trust. When someone loses your trust, their check bounces, so to speak. It's really hard to believe that some people can make good on their bounced checks, knowing full well that others have no intention of it.
Here's hoping your future is filled with people who deal in cash!
I don't think promises should be given so lightly. I look at them just like the words "Always", "Never" and "Forever". They are definites and suggest absolute permanence. They are used often without the conviction behind it and so lose their value.
For me, I don't make promises unless I know without a doubt that I can follow through. Not because I don't want the commitment or sacrafice, but because I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of one broken.
I hope tomorrow finds you feeling lighter.
You know you have had quite a lot to deal with lately ... if only you could give yourself a break and take a holiday. How about a holiday at home? Take the phone off the hook, pull the plug on the computer, don't do anything you normally do at home and just rest and recharge for a couple of days?
Trust is a hard thing these days. The world shows itself daily to be lacking in basic values. Companies steal from their investors, politicians break promises for re-election money, and ministers use their office to fleece their congregations. My only answer to this is to keep my faith in God. He is the only One who will never break His Word. Sometimes we misunderstand His answers, but He is faithful and just. I cling to Him, trusting someday to finally be in His presence.
Definitely sounds like you need time off! Keep your chin up, a smile on your lips and a beer in your hand
I know who you're talking about in this entry, and I don't think you should let that person get you down. I know that's easy to say and hard to do, but you should try. Life is too short to allow jerks to run your life. You're a good, decent guy, worth about 1000 of that person. You can quote me!
You're talking to much. Go to sleep.
Post a Comment