A friend dropped by to see me today and brought us both Subway sandwiches for lunch. During our conversation, he remarked that I had to be frustrated by all these recent illnesses, particularly since I had so many projects going on that had to be put on hold.
And he's right. I'm frustrated, but not necessarily because of the projects. They'll all keep. The real source of my frustration is the lack of control, the failure of my will. Most of what I've accomplished in life has simply come about because I'm stubborn. When obstacles rise, I lower my head and push my way through. When I have to, I go around, but I keep my eyes on the goal. Many times I've reached it. Sometimes I don't, but I've always felt that I was in control.
But this illness, the surgery, the recovery, it's all been a huge exercise in patience. Not one of my virtues. Doesn't matter how much I will this to go away or get better, my body will heal as it heals. I'm hoping a positive mental attitude helps, but it doesn't help enough. I want to be well now. NOW!
And eventually I will be. it's like writing and other things in life. We do what we should -- I follow doctors' instuctions and take care of myself, in this instance -- and life gets around to rewarding us. We have to do our part -- put the words on paper, send out those submissions -- and things come together. I'm hoping things are coming together in your lives. Talk to you tomorrow.
4 comments:
The limitations of will let us know how strong ours is. It's a good thing.
Glad to see you posting and am still praying for complete, and speedy, recovery.
Honey, it only gets worse. Think of all these experiences as the ultimate trial on patience: children.
You're not the only one who feels this way, TECH. We all push against our boundaries. It's what makes us different from the rest of Creation. We should strive to be more. Someone once said that we should always be willing to give up who we are in order to reach who we should be. But that is easier said than done!
You remain in my daily prayers.
The failure of your will? Trust me, you're not sick because of a failure of will, nor is the speed of your healing based on that either. You are the most wilful person I know. :) You may not be able to control events in your life but you do an amazing job of dealing with them.
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