No jokes

Dear God,

My car died tonight. It nearly bought me home to see You by first dying in front of an oncoming truck. I'm only here because the driver swerved madly at the last minute. I think he was swearing. Forgive him for that. It was a close call, and I'm sure he was as scared as I was.

The car limped home, and now it squats in my garage. My roomie and I changed out the fuel filter. I hoped this simple fix would be enough, but it didn't help. The car needs a mechanic, and I don't know how I'm going to pay for it. Probably borrow the money from a friend. Or put it on a stinking credit card. I don't know what else to do.

I need the car for job interviews and running errands and all that other stuff that we have to do because America has never been pedestrian friendly and my town is no different. But when I think about what a mechanic will charge, I just want to cry.

Yeah, cry. I feel beat up tonight, Lord. The never-ending job search, the worries about bills, my health problems, the problems of my family and friends, the state of the nation, the sorrows of the world, it's all too much tonight. I'd like to run away, but I know that doesn't work. I'd like to hide, but problems will find the hiders. No jokes tonight because I can't find anything funny right now.

This is an open letter to You because I don't know how to carry on. I mean, I will, because that's what I do. I pick myself up, I figure out a plan, I blunder on, trusting that You will keep me from the hideous mistakes if I let You.

When I was a child, sometimes I'd fall asleep at church, curled up on a pew, my head on my mother's purse. I remember how peaceful it was to let the preacher's words flow over me and feel Your presence around me. How I miss that. How I miss the comfort of Your peace.

Of course, I know You're still there. Even tonight when I can't feel You. Tonight when I feel beaten, I know You're there.

If it's not too needy of me, I have a favor to ask for tonight. I wish I could feel Your comfort and peace. Tomorrow, the problems will be there, but tonight, I want to feel Your presence around me. I want to go asleep in Your arms of comfort.

Anyway, that's me for tonight. Thank you for my many blessings. Forgive me my many failings. I pray this in Your name.

Amen and much love,

Stephen