Valentine's Day 2010

Today is Valentine's Day! Or as I like to call it, Passover ...

I'm sure you're having a great day, all snuggled up to the love of your life, enjoying champagne and chocolate. And I'm so very pleased for you that I will regret keying your car ... later.

No, no, I won't key your car. I'm happy that my friends are happy. So I'm sorry about texting your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends that you want to see them immediately and they should bring whipped cream.

It's a strange holiday. Apparently it's so we can remember St. Valentine, a saint who went around dressed in a diaper and shooting arrows at innocent people before giving them chocolate and roses and eatable underwear ... Hmm ... Seems unlikely, but after all, Bush was elected, and a world that can do that probably has room in it for a man in diapers and a hunting bow. If you'd like to try it, you can probably get a show on the Hunting Channel right after that fishing guy who baits his hooks with his own flesh.

Valentine's Day is also when we remember that terrible massacre where a bunch of gangsters killed another group of gangsters, which upset a lot of people, although I don't see why. I would think gangsters killing gangsters is a sport we should encourage. In face, I've been thinking we should arm both sides in Congress and seal the doors and let them fight it out! Then as the survivors come out, we feed them to rabid batweasels.

Truly the legend of St. Valentine is inspiring and wonderful or so I assume since I'm not taking the time to look it up, but you don't become a saint if you don't do something like that, so it's a safe assumption. Actually, I think I remember it had to do with him marrying a young couple after a ruler passed a law saying no one could marry. Naturally this got him and couple killed, because nothing says Happy Valentine's Day like a state-mandated execution.

Anyway, I hope you're having a great day if you're with someone or alone. Just remember to keep your chin up, particularly if you're eating soup, and you'll be okay. So I'll close with telling you, "Happy V.D.!"

Copyright 2010 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

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