Been a hectic past few days, both physically and emotionally. The gray days are wearing on me. Work is wearing on me. I'm just worn. Can't seem to get enough sleep these days. Oh well, that's life, don't you know? Can't let the black dog take anything without a fight.
Sometimes as I look around at other people, I wonder if they have this constant battle to get out of bed, go to work, keep moving. Some of them seem like they've never been touched. Maybe they hide it better. Maybe they don't whine. Maybe they're better than me. Maybe they can drown on swamp water. Slowly.
Heh. I can always count on the contrary part of me to kick my butt when I need it. It rises up and looks around and says, "Hey, get up. Don't let them see you falter. Make them sweat, buddy boy. We're a match for anything. Anything." I can't tell if it's stubborn or stupid. Probably both.
Going to call it a night now. Hope life is treating you well. If it's not, smile as you reach out, grab it by the throat and choke the living crap out of it. Night!
13 comments:
Very visual tonight, eh?
I think we've all got it. Through my work at church I've seen people I thought for sure had "it" all together only to find out that the story behind the scenes is much different.
Would you like me to come out there and slap you silly? ;)
Yup, sounds familiar--being contrary definitely gets me out of bed when little else will.
And those folks who never hear the black dog yapping at their heels are most certainly not better than those of us who do. They're just oblivious. ;-)
Tech, I'm with you. Sometimes contrary is all we can muster. Thankfully it and God has kept me going. You're in my prayers.
I'm with Jolene. Frequently, the story behind the scenes is far different from the face presented for public viewing. What you're feeling is very normal -- especially with things going on in your life. Mind you, it doesn't make it much easier to deal with. In fact, sometimes it bums me out to realize this is just life. How depressing is that!
I'm thankful to be breathing without gurgling. That's an improvement from last week. You can do it. Keep choking that adversity. It's earned it.
This is from my blog: "Life can change in the breath of a moment. Solitary moments have the power to swell advantage or rip apart an era. They give life and take away life. Living a purposeful and deliberate life has it's place, but life is as fluid as water pouring over pebbles; it's a gift - every single day is a gift."
The point is, life changes. Despite all our planning, life just marches on. I read a quote the other day that I absolutely loved...and it kind of addresses that adversity you speak of. It goes like this, "We must go slowly, there's not much time." Put another way, don't put off happiness for the pursuit of a goal - love the journey and savor it.
I have to say, while you bathe in your challenges and adversity, I wish you victory, but at the same time it's oddly nice to see someone going through it all just like I am - and I think everyone does.
Here's where that quote came from; if you're interested: http://changingcourse.com/archives/issue175.html
Why, Jolene, I was just thinking I wanted a married Mormon woman to come slap me and now you offer! No, wait, I wanted Pam Anderson to come and spank me ... Well, it's almost the same thing. :)
Kirsten, there's a lot to be said for being contrary. You'd think more people would praise it.
Thank you for the prayers, Gloria. They are muchly appreciated.
I'm glad you're feeling better, Jean. And yes, I realize that many people hide their despair well, but there also seem to be people who aren't bothered by depression. Or at least not weeks of it at a time. I envy them.
"Joy in the journey" was one of my mother's favorite songs, Adam. There's a lot of wisdom in that. As I've discovered in publishing MBDD, the process has to be enjoyable also.
Okay, weeks of it? Could be the holidays. It does that for a lot of people. I'm rethinking how I want to approach the holidays from now on. No matter how I try, I always seem to get down and that makes meeting expectations that much more difficult. You've a rough few months. I'm ready for the day-to-day to get back to the day-to-day.
I'll overlook the Pamela Anderson comparison, but just this once. That woman...ugh!
Now, time for a new post! :)
You've a rough few monthsshould = You've had a rough few months.
Sheesh! I can't seem to type today!
Actually the holiday cheer me up, Jolene. I'm off work. I get to see family and friends. I get presents! What's not to like? :)
The battles with the black dog have been going on most of my life. I'm better now than when I was younger. Too much passion and anger then. I'm calmer now. More sure that I'm going to survive the black dog's bites. In the past, it almost did me in a couple of times. But now I know that nothing lasts forever, not even pain and sorrow. All I have to is keeping living, keep moving, keep breathing, and eventually I outpace the darkness and break into morning.
"...break into morning"
Yes! Yes! Yes! :)
Yes, Gloria, yes. And even if we can't see the morning, it will come. As long as we do our part and keep moving forward.
The holidays--probably different for women than men, and moreso for moms. We imagine all the expectations for all our loved ones, and girls are just programmed (by nature and/or environment) to care (too much) about what happens. Not that I'm trying to trivialize the male perspective, but I just think it's different.
It doesn't help that I have difficult family members. Sigh.
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