Job wanted

I've been reading UFO Magazine, and apparently there is a worldwide, eons old, mysterious conspiracy that controls the world with its wealth and influence. The conspiracy includes aliens, CIA, NSA, FBI, PTA, the Unilateral Commission, the Illuminati, NAFTA, Free Masons, Priced Masons, and many more organizations whose names I didn't bother to read.

Apparently this New World Order group (not the wrestlers) has been subverting our freedoms to get us ready for 2012 when they will rule us openly and reveal their plans to live forever by growing new bodily organs and ingesting our lifeforce.

Yeah, I know. It surprised me, too.

After digesting this information for a while, I only have one question: where do I sign up? I'd like wealth and power. I could trample on someone's freedoms for the right price and a good health plan. Of course, I want weekends off and at least a week of vacation for each half year worked. It's not too much to ask, is it?

So send me a job application, Overlords! I'm ready and willing to be your lackey ... at least until I learn all your secrets and rise up and crush you beneath my booted heal! BWWAAAHHHAAAAA!

And on that mad note, good night, my future servants!

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