Do you ever think that the fact that aliens haven't contacted Earth is the result of their superior intelligence? I considered that the other night when I was watching UFO Hunters on the History Channel.
If you’ve never seen UFO Hunters, the program always follows a simple format. The UFO investigators interview various people who say something like this: “Yeah, me and Mabeline was walking down a country road hunting for our prize pig Baby Doll Elvis when suddenly a bright light appeared and swept us away and it was big-headed aliens who did horrible things to us and then destroyed the earth then remade it exactly as it was except Mabeline don’t look like Daisy Duke no more and I lost all my tooths and my IQ is lower than a possum’s bottom.”
Then the investigators show the evidence that supports Billy Bob Joe’s story, such as marks on the side of the road that look like cow hooves but are really the footprints of the aliens, and photos that show what looks like a tin pie pan but is really a hyper-galactic craft capable of reaching speeds faster than a Democrat can spend money.
That’s the first 45 minutes of the program. The next 15 minutes is filled with doctors and scientists who not only refute every aspect of Billy Bob Joe’s story, but say that he should be fitted with a new white coat with those newfangled sleeves that fasten in the back and/or shot before he and Mabeline reproduce.
The show always ends with the announcer saying something like this: “There are the facts: Overwhelming evidence against Billy Bob Joe and Mabeline Hoffsteader’s story on one hand and unsubstantiated stories from self-admitted Republicans on the other hand. What really happened that fateful night? We may never know.”
Sometimes they show videos on UFO Hunters. The videos are shaky and unclear. In fact, they look like they were filmed by someone experiencing a grand mal seizure. The videos show a smudge that moves across the sky. It could be a bird, a plane, a hot air balloon, the Flying Nun, or an alien spacecraft. It’s impossible to tell, even though they show the video to you several times, first at normal speed, then at slow speed, then super slow, super super slow, freeze-frame, one-by-one, glacial, etc. Eventually it approaches the length of the entire The Lord of the Rings and is just as fantastic, but not as entertaining.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with believing in UFO’s. People believe in all sorts of strange and unreal things, such as Congressional balanced budgets, Obama’s candidacy, Rush Limbaugh, etc. If people want to believe that advanced civilizations travel unimaginably vast distances to snatch them up and probe their nether regions, then fine. The only scary part is that some of these people are probably registered voters.
Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
7 comments:
Great post Tech! So very true!
Funny!!! Although I was going to complain about the Democrat crack, but you shot at Republicans, too. You're fair in your snarkiness! :)
I'm glad you enjoyed it, TL.
Thanks, Gloria. And I try to be even-handed in my insults. :)
I don't think we would neccesarrily even know if we were visited by alien beings. Do the ants in an ant hill "know" when a man walks on top of it, or a person's lawnmower mows it down? I don't know. But probably not.
Oh, I also think that those who assume that "all these UFO sightings" are related are making a big assumption. Maybe. But when a lion takes down a water buffalo calf (say), does the lion know the other animals that take advantage of the kill are going to do so? I don't know.
Ha. Clearly, my ideas about alien encounters with earthlings tend toward violence. Not malice. But violence. Violence, whether intended or not, almost always attends the first and early encounters of any beings with less powerful beings. The powerful can't help it.
"...prize pig Baby Doll Elvis..."
*giggle*
And, heck, Daisy Duke don't look like Daisy Duke no more, either.
I always scan past that show, thinking that I might watch it. Usually something else catches my eye on history or NGEO. I kind of put the show in the same category as The Naked Archeologist (their glorified 15 mintues of fame mentality and trying to sensationalize something that has no real proof).
What I want to know is why the folks who are abducted by aliens are always the ones interviewed after tornadoes.
ER, you may be right. I'd like to think advanced aliens would be wise and kind, but wouldn't really expect them to be.
Glad you enjoyed the post, Michelle!
Good question, Kristen. I don't know. Maybe they like seeking out reporters. Or maybe tornadoes reduce people to that.
Post a Comment