I simply don't have time to have adventures anymore. Either I'm at work or I'm at a book signing for Murder by Dewey Decimal or blogging about Murder by Dewey Decimal or mailing press releases for Murder by Dewey Decimal or making web widgets for Murder by Dewey Decimal or making trailers for Murder by Dewey Decimal or begging people to buy Murder by Dewey Decimal or mentioning the title over and over until you buy the book out of simple self-defense or doing other publicity for Murder by Dewey Decimal. It has taken over my life, and frankly, I want to start seeing other books.
This is not to say that I don't still love Murder by Dewey Decimal because I do, but its sequel Murder by the Acre is beckoning and it's new and unknown and quite lovely and I'd like to get to know it better. Does this make me fickle?
I'm not abandoning Murder by Dewey Decimal. Its national release will be soon – when it will be available for ordering on Amazon.com, other online retailers, and local bookstores, just in time for you to order it for Christmas gifts, hint, hint, hint – and then a whole new round of publicity (postcards, press releases, etc.) will kick off. I will be busy with Murder by Dewey Decimal for the foreseeable future.
I'm not complaining, mind you. MBDD has been fun, but MBTA needs my attention, too. And then there's Floozy and Other Stories, my collection of humor pieces. And let's not forget Dragons Gather and Darkness, Oklahoma, books that need to be finished so that they can rejected by stupid, short-sighted publishers who probably can't even read above a first-grade level, not that I'm bitter about previous rejections and I'd like to say that I had absolutely nothing to do with those odd accidents that wiped out the entire editorial staff at Random House. Anyway, I want to be with all of those books and MBDD, too. Let's face it: Apparently I am an author with definite Mormon tendencies.*
(The * denotes a footnote, by the way, in case you didn't know and even if you did. So go to the end of the article and read the footnote and come right back here. We'll wait for you.)
Okay, now that you're back, let's continue. My point is — and I do have one — that I don't have time to have those horrible misadventures that make truly funny posts. It's been months since the police even checked with me about anything. Two of my neighbors have actually purchased cats again, which is sort of sad since I intend to resume my chemistry experiments soon. Everything has settled into a boring routine.
It's like I told Father Jacob as we chased those fake nuns who stole his golden goat, him on his unicycle and me on my electric skateboard. "Nothing exciting ever happens to me these days," I told him, tossing him the sausage roll that contained the secret message from the De Brotherhood ala Penguin. He agreed right before the ninjas attacked.
What? You want to hear about the Mystery of the Golden Goat? I wish I had known. I have to go now. Maybe some other time if I don't forget.
Footnotes:
*The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons) did away with polygamy in 1890. Just a helpful historical note and an apology to any Mormons (my roomie) who might be reading this. Which reminds me of an uncle of mine who once asked in a tone of disbelief, "Who could stand more than one wife?"**
**My uncle was kidding! Just a helpful note and an apology to any of my wonderful aunts who may be reading this.***
***For cash, I will tell which uncle it was. Also for cash, I will keep my mouth shut. Let the bidding begin!
Copyright 2007 Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. Yes, this means you shouldn't download it or copy it unless I give you written permission.
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7 comments:
Truth be told, it was probably more than one uncle. Most men express that opinion on a regular basis. Women, on the other hand, wonder how they put up with even one husband, so don't worry. It all evens out.
LOLOLOL, Jean!
Just look at it as training for publicizing MBTA. What you learn on MBDD will be second nature when you get to that point with MBTA. You can have a life then. ;)
okay. i go away for a few months and discover you changed your name (who's "Stephen"?) and you're a published author. And you never told me.
I'm...hurt. After all those e-mails we shared! *sob*
I on the other hand. Could almost see why men need more than one wife. Right after I married some 12 yrs ago.
I anounced to my new husband that we needed a wife.LOL It is just to darn hard to keep up with everything. We needed the one with all the organizational skills. I so desperately lack. One for all the cleaning skills, I find so hard to use. I would take care of playing with all children and husband.
Looking back this might be one of the reasons I am now divorce.
Jeannie Diane
Ok I agree with the more than one wife thing. And I am not divorced. I have always told hubby that more than one was fine I would love to have someone else to boss around. I have even given him a list of qualifications quite simular to the ones listed by JD. But it seems he thinks he can not afford the one he has, so we are single eer double still. I do not count the kids as I have yet to figure out how to train them.
roen
LOL Tech! Very funny.
No comment, Jean! I know when to keep my mouth shut. :)
A life, FF? What's that?
Stephen is me, Joel. And obviously you haven't been reading my blog because I've bored everyone else into comas taking about MBDD endlessly! :)
Wives will do that, Jeannie? Man, we all need one.
Roen, your hubby may be a wise man ... I'm not commenting!
Thanks, Gloria!
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