The topic of discussion

       "Murder by Dewey Decimal is all you talk about these days," Lori said as I sat down at the table with my lunch group.
      "Utter nonsense," I said. "You're talking like a Republican."
      "Really she's not," Kevin said. "For instance, she hasn't been involved in a scandal all week. But you do talk about your book all the time."
      Dolores nodded. "It's true. It's Murder by Dewey Decimal this, Murder by Dewey Decimal that. You work Murder by Dewey Decimal into every conversation. You repeat the title over and over and over. Murder by Dewey Decimal here, Murder by Dewey Decimal there, Murder by Dewey Decimal everywhere."
      "Everyone is proud of your book," Kevin said. "Just maybe you should sometimes let us talk about something else." I looked at him. He raised his hands. "Don't hurt me," he said. "Or my family."
      "Review the past few days,” Dolores said. "And don't hurt Kevin or his family. You'd feel bad about it later." I looked at her. "But rather him than me," she said. "I never liked his wife."
      "But I don't talk about it all the time," I protested. "Sometimes I let you talk about it. For instance, you could share that it can be purchased right now at www.lulu.com/content/881558. Don't try to sneak off, Kevin. I know where you live." He got up off his knees.
      "You don't let us talk about anything else," Lori insisted. "Like yesterday I was talking about my mother, and you said she was just like Agatha in your book."
      "Didn't you agree?" I asked. "Which, when she reads the book, is not going to make your mom very happy. I sure hope I don't let it slip that you thought so, too."
      "Eek!" Lori squealed. "You wouldn't."
      "Wouldn't I?" I said with an evil glint in my eyes.
      "Evil glints can be removed with Visine®," Dolores said. "Notice how I used the registered trademark symbol in my comment."
      "You don't have to stop talking about the book," Kevin said. "Just let us talk about something else sometimes."
      "Don't get us wrong," Dolores said. "We all think your book is the greatest thing since sliced bread."
      "Even greater," Lori said. "As great or greater than chocolate."
      "Chocolate?" Dolores said doubtfully. I looked at her. "Greater than chocolate could ever be, I meant to say," she said. "Stop looking at me like that!"
      "I was fixing your face in my memory," I said. "I don't know why you think I'm picturing you strapped to giant stereo speakers as Barry Manilow sings the rap version of 'Mandy.'"
      "Manilow?" Kevin said, aghast. "Rap? 'Mandy?!' What kind of fiend are you? Someone has to stop you!"
      "Are you crazy?" Delores hissed at Kevin. "Don't make him mad. Remember what happened to his neighbor? I don't care that the police say it was an accident. Rockets don't go that far off course! And what happened to all the witnesses? They were never found!"
      "Later we will all look back on this and laugh," I said. "At least I will. As for talking about something else, you can read the first letter of each paragraph of this post and get your answer." I walked away from the table as my robot monkeys descended on them.

Copyright 2007. All rights reserved.
 
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