HSCC: The Twelve Days of Christmas

Welcome back to HSCC 2009. What follows is a piece that made the email rounds a few years ago. I wish I had written it! Enjoy!

The Twelve Days of Christmas

December 14, 2009

Dearest Dave,
I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised or pleased darling!
With truly the deepest love,
Agnes

December 15, 2009

Dearest Dave,
Today the postman brought me yet another of your sweet gifts. The two turtle doves that arrived today are adorable, and I'm delighted by your thoughtful and generous ways.
With all of my love,
Your Agnes

December 16, 2009

Dearest Dave,
You've truly been too kind! I must protest; I don't deserve such generosity. The thought of getting three French hens amazes me. Yet, I am not surprised -- what more should I expect from such a nice person.
Love,
Agnes

December 17, 2009

Dear Dave,
Four calling birds arrived in the mail today. They are truly nice but don't you think that enough is enough? You are being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes

December 18, 2009

Dearest darling Dave,
It was a surprise to get five golden rings! I now have one for every finger. You truly are impossible darling, yet oh how I love it! Quite frankly, all of those squawking birds from the previous days were starting to get on my nerves. Yet, you managed to come through with a beautiful valuable gift!
All my love,
Agnes

December 19, 2009

Dear Dave,
When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are dear, but where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I am unable to sleep with all the racket. Please stop dear.
Cordially,
Agnes

December 20, 2009

Dave,
What is with you and those stupid birds!? Seven swans a-swimming! What kind of sick joke is this!? There are bird droppings everywhere! They never shut up, and I don't get any sleep! I'm a nervous wreck! It's not funny you weirdo, so stop with the birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes

December 21, 2009

O.K. wise guy,
The birds were bad enough. Now what do you expect me to do with eight maids a-milking? If that's not bad enough, they had to bring their cows! The front lawn was completely ruined by them, and I can't move in my own house! Just lay off me or you'll be sorry!
Agnes

December 22, 2009

Hey loser,
What are you? You must be some kind of sadist. Now there are nine pipers playing, and they certainly do play. They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here! The cows are getting upset, and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. The neighbors are getting up a petition to evict me, and I'm going out of my mind!
You'll get yours!
Agnes

December 23, 2009

You rotten scum,
There are now ten ladies dancing! There is only one problem with that! They're dancing twenty-four hours a day all around me with the pipers upsetting the cows and the maids. The cows can't sleep, and they are going to the bathroom everywhere! The building commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause as to why the house shouldn't be condemned! I can't even think of a reason! You creep! I'm sending the police after you!
One who means it!

December 24, 2009

Listen you evil, sadistic, maniac!
What's with the eleven lords-a-leaping?!? They are leaping across the rooms breaking everything and even injuring some of the maids! The place smells, is an absolute mad house, and is about to be condemned! At least the birds are quiet; they were trampled to death by the cows. I hope you are satisfied -- you rotten vicious worthless piece of garbage!
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes

December 25, 2009

The Law Offices of
Badger, Rees, and Yorker
20 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois

Dear Sir,

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers-fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, one Agnes McHolstein. The destruction of course was total. If you attempt to reach Ms. Mcholstein at Happy Daze Sanatorium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.

Please direct all correspondence to this office in the future. With this letter, please find attached a summons for you to appear in court and answer these charges.

Cordially,
Badger, Rees, and Yorker

***

Blood sugar is holding its own. I'm past the first week of great results and have entered the slow results. I'm hitting in the middle 100s. I hope by January to be in the low 100s and then maybe by February in the 90s. Wouldn't that be cool!

A new blog for you to check out by EJ, who is a commenter on my Facebook and here. It's EJ's Ramblings. It's address is dragonsroost.blogspot.com. I'm so jealous of her cool web address!

Very cold here. We had rain yesterday, but no snow and the skies are mostly clear. Today is the town's Parade of Lights. I'm intending to go to it, but it's so cold I might change my mind. I no like cold.

Christmas tree is up, Christmas village is up, house is fairly clean. Next project is to complete the December family newsletter this week and complete my Christmas cards. Then next week is Christmas shopping until it's done!

And now it's time to start another day. I hope yours goes well. Be talking with you tomorrow as the HSCC continues!

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