Loons & other things

      I've been thinking recently about my failures with relationships with women, and I think it boils down to this: Women are universally insane. Bonkers. Loony tunes. Nuts. Several bricks shy of a load. A bunch of bananas from the crazy tree. Mad as hatters. Batty as bats. Steeples without bells. Bells without clappers. Clappers without hands. Hands without fingers. Fingers without prints. Prints without ink. Ink without cartridges. Cartridges without guns. Guns without triggers. Trigger without Roy. Roy without Dale. Dale without a valley. Valleys without a river. Rivers without water. Water without wet. Wet without a suit. Suits without a tie. Ties without a knot. Knots without a rope. You get the point, right?
      Now here's the craziest, looniest, maddest, most insane thing of all: I like 'em. I want 'em. I gotta have 'em. It's obvious that I'm perfect for them because I'm as bonkers -- or even more bonkers -- than they are. So what I'm really looking for, what I need, is a woman to be crazy along with me. We could wear our clown suits as we skip happily through life, throwing pies, spraying seltzer water, tripping people with our huge shoes. We could have lots of kids and get one of those tiny cars and travel around the country spreading happy insanity as we go. There are worse lives, you know.

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      I've been working on the back cover copy for Murder by the Acre. What do you think of the following?

The librarian and the reporter are back! This time Bernard and Lisa stumble on a body in an underground house. As they and Police Chief Donaldson investigate, they're drawn into a confusing mystery of lies and alibis that involve the upper crust of Ryton, Oklahoma. Questions abound: Why doesn't the wife of the dead man seem to care that he's dead? Why doesn't his mistress? How was he killed and why? What does the Aventura Corporation have to do with the murder? Soon the mystery spirals out-of-control as the murderer strikes again and again. As the three dig deeper, they upset powerful people. The chief might lose his job, but Bernard and Lisa may lose their lives in Murder by the Acre.

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       Crystal and her son are enjoying the beaches of Florida this week. She's been calling and torturing -- uh -- giving me updates on their vacation. They're visiting family and generally having a great vacation. Someday I'll have a vacation again. Someday.

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       I will be traveling this Friday up to see my second oldest niece graduate from high school. I'm very proud of her. My whole family will be up there to see this milestone in her life. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone.

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      I've been attempting to use my recumbent bike again. My legs hate me. They're quite bitter about it. I keep telling them that it's good for us. They are not convinced. My arms make fun of them. My arms don't know that we're about to start using hand weights. Poor, silly arms.

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       I have a MySpace page now. It's www.myspace.com/harborstreet. Drop by and give it a look. I intend to keep blogging here, though. I'm going to use it for publicity for MBTA. We'll see how it goes.

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      And now it's time to get ready for work. Have a great day!