A few tips to a new director

      It occurs to me that you might have taken leave of your senses and volunteered to direct a play. If so, I suggest you ask for Room 421 at the hospital. The padding on the walls is soft, and it's near the elevator so you get your meals swiftly.
      I've directed over 30 plays, and while that doesn't make me an expert, I thought I could share with you a few tips that might save your sanity or at least make the descent into madness more pleasant.
      First, understand that you're not going to get exactly the actor you want for a part. Meryl Streep and Harrison Ford just aren't as available as they should be. In fact, sometimes what you saw in your mind for the character will be so removed from what you get to cast that it's like the difference between jetting over the mountains compared to crossing the Continental Divide by pulling yourself along with your tongue. When this happens, take a deep breath and remind yourself that Rome wasn't built in a day. Since you're not doing anything remotely like building an Italian city, that doesn't really apply, but it's something to think about. Just cast the thing and move on because you have plenty of other problems to confront and we can't waste any more time. Hurry!
      Feel rushed? Get used to it. You won't ever have enough time to get everything done no matter when the play opens. I make a checklist and mark off each item as they're completed. I've never directed a play where I didn't have at least 10 or more items undone at opening. You have to make sure that you have the important things done, such as costumes, make-up, set, lighting, sound, blocking, special effects, etc., etc., etc. Are you making a list yet?
      Understand, too, that unless you're in professional theater -- and if you are, why are you reading this? -- you're going to have to work around the schedules of your actors. If you're lucky -- and I have been -- you will get a core cast who willingly give their time to the production. If you're not lucky, you will end up juggling schedules and rehearsals in a manner that would drive an air traffic controller to drink.
      Have I mentioned the set? You will need to make sure you have a set that has enough entrances to get your cast on and off stage. The more, the better. And you will need to decorate the set, too. Or supervise who does. Put that on your list. Right after casting.
      Next, we will have to worry about costumes. You may like Victorian drawing room plays, but it's hard to find corsets and paper collars these days. Stick with plays set anywhere in the past 25 years. Trust me. Did you put costumes on your list? Put it right after casting.
      Also, you'll need to make sure your actors have sufficient lighting to be seen by the audience. Audiences take a dim view of a pitch black stage. Put lighting on your list after casting.
      No, wait, put sound on your list after casting. The audience needs to hear your actors and the sound effects. That's very important. Special effects are important, too. Put them on your list after casting.
      We can't forget publicity. People need to know when the play is scheduled so that they can set their VCRs or DVRs to tape Desperate Housewives. You can't neglect that. Put it on your list right after casting.
      We've not even got started, but I don't want to overwhelm you. Most importantly, don't forget to reserve Room 421. Put that on your list. Right after casting.

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