I realized something about my book tonight. It explains a lot about how hard this has been. To wit: I don't want the book to end. Not because I'm so in love with the story, but when it's finished and edited, then it has to be sent off to various agents and publishers. And some of them are going to reject it.
Dragons Gather is my best writing to date. In it, I finally found my voice. I've felt my writing skills grow. I've grown. I feel like I can say "I'm a writer" and not be a fraud. And at the back of my mind is the thought that if this is rejected, where do I go from here? I've written three books already. They're out there getting rejected even as I write this, but somehow it didn't seem hard to send them out. Sure, the first rejections stung, but none of them kept me from writing the next book.
This one is different. I'm not sure if I can get much better than what this book is. I'm pushing myself further, and I might be reaching my limits. I'm not saying I am or that I can't continue to grow, but a doubting voice whispers in my ear in the quiet.
So sometimes, when the words are hard or when I just seem to lack the willpower to apply myself to the keyboard, it might be that I'm trying to not finish this book. Because as long as it's unfinished, I don't have to face those rejections.
I guess this is where I discover if I have the guts to be a published author. Because one thing is certain, if I don't sent it out, it never will be published.
2 comments:
Thirteen publishers turned down William Kennedy's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, "Ironweed."
Rodin was turned down three times for admission to art school -- his father said "I have an idiot for a son."
Robin Williams was voted "least likely to succeed" in high school.
Anthony Burgess, author of "A Clockwork Orange" and dozens of other books, constantly thought about giving up writing because of the debilitating fear that his work wasn't good enough. He thought every book was a failure from the moment the first sentence was written.
An agent refused to circulate Tony Hillerman's first Navajo-based mystery for fear it would ruin her reputation.
Isabel Allende had to publish three novels before she felt comfortable putting "writer" rather than "housewife" in the space for occupation when filling out a form. "WRITER" is such a big word, she explained.
"Every time I write a book, every time I face that yellow pad, the challenge is so great. I have written eleven books, but each time I think, 'Oh, they're going to find out now. I've run a game on everybody and they're going to find me out'" -- Maya Angelou.
Madeleine L'Engle's "A Wrinkle in Time" was rejected by dozens of publishers.
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You may be a car that's stuck in the mud, but how do you know you're not a Rolls Royce????
"One hundred percent of the shots you don't take, don't go in." Wayne GretzkyBounce and go Tech.
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