So I was at the doctor’s office, shivering in a hospital gown so revealing that Britney Spears would be embarrassed to wear it, when I overheard this conversation taking place outside my door.
Female patient: “Doctor B., why is it so cold in here? Surely you can afford heat with what I’m paying you.”
Me, too, I thought. From my wallet alone, you could afford your own nuclear power plant.
Doctor B: “I don’t touch the thermostat. It’s controlled by Debbie.”
Debbie, the office manager: “Yes, I’m sorry, but I have to keep it cold because I’m going through The Change.”
Female patient: “Into what? A polar bear?”
The doctor laughed and laughed. Debbie, however, was not amused.
But that explained why the office was so cold that you could hang meat in it. Of course, I’ve complained about doctors’ offices being cold before, although rarely when I’m there because my spit has frozen my jaws shut, but I’ve started to notice that other places are colder, too. The slogan for our local Wal-Mart this winter was “Lower Temps Every Day.” Restaurants started putting smoking sections back in so that people could huddle around their lighters.
All this thermostat lowering was caused by the high price of natural gas and heating oil this winter. Companies needed to save money, and one way to do that was lower the heating costs. Companies started to call meetings just so employees could huddle together as well as do nose counts in case anyone had succumbed to the cold. A lot of people think Sarah Palin ran for the White House just because she wanted to get warm.
So I’m ready for summer. I’ve mentioned before how much I like heat. It gets 85 degrees, and I’m happy. Ninety degrees, and I’m delighted. I’ve always been that way.
Summer is my favorite season. Summer is long days, sunshine, lemonade, watermelons, swimming pools, kids out of school, vacations, farmers’ markets ... No other season has anything like it. If Christmas was moved out of December, winter would have nothing in it for us to enjoy, and the only good thing you can say about spring is that it means winter is over. And I can’t like fall because it means summer is over. Although fall does have Oklahoma State University football, so I guess I will tolerate it.
If I absolutely have to.
Copyright 2009 Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.
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