Yes, buy my books!

EndlesS
By Stephen B. Bagley
Poetry - Enjoy more than 50 sensual & moving poems, including the award winning "Non-Communion," "Torrent," & "Endless."
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Lulu

Floozy & Other Stories
By Stephen B. Bagley
Humor - Laugh at more than 80 hilarious tales from the author's decidedly different life.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Murder by the Acre (Second Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! New expanded edition. 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Lulu
Buy on Amazon

Murder by the Acre (First Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble

Murder by Dewey Decimal
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the librarian? 1st in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Tales from Bethlehem
By Stephen B. Bagley
Inspirational - Have you ever wondered about everyone else in Bethlehem on the night of the Nativity? These charming and touching Tales will tell you their stories.
Buy on Lulu

Riddle 8

The more of this there is, the less we can see it. What is it?

Answer in comments if you can.

Riddle 7

Inside a green house outside a white house outside a red house that holds many children. What am I?

Answer in comments if you can.

Riddle 6

What runs but never walks, sometimes gurgles, never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?

Answer in comments if you can.

Riddle 5

It's said to be greater than God, but more evil than the devil, too. The poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die. What is it?

Answer in comments if you can.

Riddle 4

White box, yellow treasure, when used, often measured. What am I?

Answer in comments.

Riddle 3

Black within, red without, if you know what I am, give a shout.

Answer in comments.

Riddle 2

Although it goes up and down, it never actually moves. What is it?

Answer in comments.

RIddle 1

Although it's always before you, you can never see it. What is it?

Answer in comments.

Idle thoughts

Just finished Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow by Jerome K. Jerome. I can't recommend it. There are a few mildly amusing moments in it, but a lot of the essays were quite depressing and sad. Three Men in a Boat also had some somber moments in it, but not so melancholy. I was quite disappointed in IDIF. The essays are out-dated for the most part, and the humor is lacking. I don't think I will read the sequel, either.

Three Men in a Boat

Finally read Three Men in a Boat and Three Men on the Bummel by Jerome K. Jerome. Although both are dated, they still had places in them where I laughed out loud, Three Men in a Boat more than Three Men on the Bummel. Considering they were published in 1889 and 1900 respectively, that's quite an accomplishment. Particularly since society has changed so much.

I recommend both books. You can find them at your local library. Online, you can find several places that offer them free, the copyright having long since expired. Here's the ebook offering from the Gutenberg project: Three Men in a Boat. Enjoy!

Twitter truth

It may be true that "the love of money is the root of all evil," but let me tell you that being poor ain't no walk in the park, buddy. 

Weird weather

I just stepped outside and enjoyed the weather for a few minutes. A cool breeze, but not too cool. Sunshine. Weird weather for January, but enjoyable. I do hope we get more rain soon. The lakes and ponds still have a ways to go before they're filled.

I crave rain. I crave moisture. I'm so tired of the dead trees and grass and, Lord, I want spring, and I want it now.

Disconnect

Disconnect
By Stephen B. Bagley

We don't connect in any way.
No one speaks your name.
No romantic pictures stain the walls.
Years stand between you and me.

But I see the way of walking
of a complete stranger
and my traitorous heart leaps,
hopeful breath catches in flight.

Do you think of me at all
during the endless tasks of day?
Or in the darkest hours of night,
do you too lie awake and wonder?

You were my first lover,
and you said I was yours.
You nearly were my last,
but I wasn't yours.

With all that stands between us now --
years, words, new loves, and lovers --
still you lurk in the shadow places.
A final disconnect is what I need.

So old lover, ancient broken heart,
memories from a dream of another life,
tormentor and remembered sorrow,
time for me to let                        go.

January 2013

(Copyright 2013 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express prior written permission. Thank you for reading.)

Dirge Without Music

DIRGE WITHOUT MUSIC
By Edna St. Vincent Millay (1893-1950)

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, – but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Buy My Books!

EndlesS
By Stephen B. Bagley
Poetry - Enjoy more than 50 sensual & moving poems, including the award winning "Non-Communion," "Torrent," & "Endless."
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Lulu

Floozy & Other Stories
By Stephen B. Bagley
Humor - Laugh at more than 80 hilarious tales from the author's decidedly different life.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Murder by the Acre (Second Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! New expanded edition. 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Lulu
Buy on Amazon

Murder by the Acre (First Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble

Murder by Dewey Decimal
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the librarian? 1st in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Tales from Bethlehem
By Stephen B. Bagley
Inspirational - Have you ever wondered about everyone else in Bethlehem on the night of the Nativity? These charming and touching Tales will tell you their stories.
Buy on Lulu

The only way

I wish I knew an easier way to do whatever you want to do: write a book, run a marathon, rekindle your relationship with your spouse, achieve your dream ... but the only way I know is by work. Working unceasing and giving up that which doesn't advance your goals. Life is about choices, and each choice we make closes the door on another choice. It's regrettable, it's hard, it makes me want to howl at times, but in the end, you have to believe that the sacrifice is worth it -- even if you fail.
From At Cross Purposes by Stephen B. Bagley

Best advice in a while

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Another discard

Still slow and steady on Murder by the Mile. Adding new material and discarding old. Speaking of which, here's another discard.

He had taken a terrible chance this time and nearly got caught because of it. He wanted to get this over with. The old woman had shaken him. So he had stalked the old man yesterday and found Merriman Smith lived alone. The house had been easy to get into; the back door wasn’t locked. Once there, he had waited quietly for the old man get home.

      He knew how to wait. It seemed he had done that his whole life. Waiting for joy, waiting for happiness, waiting for closure, waiting for his life to be different, waiting for a sign. A sign of what he was to do. It all started with that story in the Tulsa World. A simple story on the financial page, but he had seen Cyrus Fowler’s name. He read it, not understanding the financial terms, but getting the gist of it. Fowler was winning an award from a professional organization.

      He felt his world spin as he looked at the photo of Fowler, a man who was nothing more than a murderer winning an award. How could they? How many people had died because of Fowler? What justice was there in the world if a man such as that could win the approval of his peers?

      When he read future and saw that Fowler still lived in Ryton and still worked for the same bank, the first inklings of what he needed to do finally came to him. Not that he started planning yet, but slowly he understood why his life had stalled. He couldn’t move on until what started all those years ago was finally finished. Justice would free him. Then his life would finally begin.

      Oh, how he longed for that release!

      He couldn’t enjoy the killings. He saw that now. His glee over Cyrus Fowler had been wrong. He was doing only what was necessary. He was doing the right thing. While in the long run, the world would be better, he had to recognize that innocent people would be hurt. He regretted that, but he had to take the long view. He could see more clearly than they what the results would be.

      Naturally since the other people didn’t have his vision, they couldn’t help opposing him. He had to be strong and smarter. Obviously the police were his enemies. And perhaps that librarian. How had this Bernard Worthington happened to show up before he could finish? He had thought he had chosen Worthington by chance.

        He had forced Fowler to walk through the woods, and by that time, Fowler had started to understand this wasn’t a kidnapping. He regretted now he hadn’t explained to the banker why this was necessary.

      Fowler had tried to run, forcing him to knock him out. Then he had to drag the banker closer to the road. He could have hanged Fowler anywhere, but when he learned about the Many Mile Marathon – where people pretended that what they did actually helped other people – he decided it would make a statement. That the statement was unclear was no one’s fault, but his own.

      He had to complete this. Only their deaths could justify his actions. He hoped the old man would die in the hospital. He would rather hang Merriman Smith, but if he couldn’t, it would work out. It wasn’t the method that was as important as the deaths themselves. Six people had to be brought to justice. Two had been. If Merriman Smith died, he would be halfway to peace and freedom.

      He would be more careful next time. But he had to keep moving forward. Time was his enemy and the friend of his enemies. He had been careful, but the longer it took to accomplish the murders, the more chance there was that the police would finally connect them and warn the remaining targets.

      And what of this librarian? Had contrary fate chosen Bernard Worthington to oppose him? That made sense. What good purpose hadn’t generated opposition? He must be wary of the librarian and be ready for opposition.

      He must be ready to kill Worthington at all times. For now, he could afford to wait, but if Worthington showed up again unexpectedly, then he would know the librarian was his opponent.

      And he would end Bernard Worthington’s life with no regrets.

Slow and steady

I didn't get much done on Murder by the Mile, but I did get some progress made despite how the rainy weather made me want to curl up in bed and sleep, sleep, sleep. No sun today, but I'm not complaining. We need the rain here desperately. We're still in the middle of a drought and ever bit of moisture helps. I wish it would rain slow and steady all week.

And that's how I'm working on MBTM: slow and steady. Just like the rain I want. I am committed to make progress on the book every day. Maybe not great progress, maybe not ten or 15 pages, but progress. And by the way, it will be done.

I guess I'm dining on an elephant if you know that story. (How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And probably with a sauce of some sort.)

Bon appetit!

A MBTM discard

I stayed up late last night working on Murder by the Mile.

Here's a quick update on what happened to the story. Originally when I wrote the first draft, I wrote about 25 percent of the book from the murderer's viewpoint. Then I realized it was a mistake. For one, I didn't enjoy being in the murderer's head, a thoroughly nasty place to visit. Two, I had to play coy with the reader and withhold names and information, which made the writing stilted. And three, I realized that the murderer had to be a different person than I had first thought and so I had written a fifth of the book that had to be discarded.

Well, that's what I've been doing -- discarding words. It's been painful, but the story is clearer and narrative cleaner. I am regaining my enthusiasm for the story. But I thought you might like to see some of what I had to discard. Here's the first scene from the murderer's viewpoint. Or who used to the murderer. This will not be in the book:

He thought hate would carry him through this. 

Certainly the first murder hadn’t bothered him. He had even enjoyed it. But this old woman had been tough on him. She looked like the picture of every kid’s storybook grandmother. Her eyes were so soft and gentle. And she smelled of powder and cinnamon. 

 He had told her what she did in an attempt to keep his hate strong, but she only looked baffled. Said she didn’t remember, pleaded with him to let her live, and pointed out the pictures of her children and grandchildren. 

 He was tempted to let her live. Perhaps not all of them were equally guilty. But she had seen his face. When he advanced on her, she tried to run and then tried to fight. He killed her as quickly as he could, strangled her aged throat. He had to turn his face away and not watch her die. 

 Now as he stood over her lifeless body, he felt guilty. And sad. If only they had done the right thing all those years ago, none of this would be necessary. It wasn’t his fault. It was theirs. They were reaping what they had sowed. He had to believe that. He had to hold on that, the truth behind all the lies. 

 If hate couldn’t propel him forward, then justice would. 

Just four more to go, and then he could see what else the world had to offer besides justice and sorrow.

Another direction

Currently I'm printing another draft of Murder by the Mile. Tomorrow is a MBTM day. At least that's the plan. I have a lot -- A LOT -- of rewriting to do. And unfortunately, I have to cut a really good scene. I hate losing words. It feels like I'm going backwards, but I have to. I took a wrong turn, and I must retrace my steps and go another direction.

What a writer needs

Another question I'm supposed to address in the online presentation is "The Most Important Quality A Writer Needs." Creativity, of course, springs to mind, but I'm going with Discipline. I know several people who are more creative than me, and they're always saying they're going to write a book someday, but they start and then abandon the project or never start. Having the Discipline to continue is the only way to get a project done. It's not easy to sit in your chair in front of your computer after day after day after day, but that's the only way to get the words, scenes, chapters, books.

And equally important is Belief. You have to believe in your words. If you're just writing for yourself -- say, a journal or diary -- then maybe belief isn't as important. But if you're writing for publication, you have to believe you have something to say that other people will want to read. That belief has to be strong enough to carry you through setbacks, criticism, writing blocks, and other disappointments.

My best writing advice

I was asked to do an online presentation for a writing group on "My Best Writing Advice." I thought a lot about it, and I think while "Write What You Know" is good advice, I think it's more important to "Write What You Enjoy."

If you don't enjoy writing, you won't continue. Desire for money or recognition or validation can carry you only so far. (And writing only for those is, I think, a good way to be miserable.) But writing what you enjoy, then your work can give you pleasure even as you wrestle with it.

Cuppa

I'm about to have a cup of coffee. It's been several days since I've had one. I thought I might give it up completely. But then today rolled around, and I realized I needed -- NEEDED -- a cup. But I can quit any time I want to. I just don't want to.

My books! Buy! Buy! Buy!

EndlesS
By Stephen B. Bagley
Poetry - Enjoy more than 50 sensual & moving poems, including the award winning "Non-Communion," "Torrent," & "Endless."
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Lulu

Floozy & Other Stories
By Stephen B. Bagley
Humor - Laugh at more than 80 hilarious tales from the author's decidedly different life.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Murder by the Acre (Second Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! New expanded edition. 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Lulu
Buy on Amazon

Murder by the Acre (First Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble

Murder by Dewey Decimal
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the librarian? 1st in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Tales from Bethlehem
By Stephen B. Bagley
Inspirational - Have you ever wondered about everyone else in Bethlehem on the night of the Nativity? These charming and touching Tales will tell you their stories.
Buy on Lulu

Old and New

It's that time to look at my goals for the new year. I should look at my goals from 2012, but I'm afraid they will blind me with their arrogance. Perhaps I will take a peek later, but for right now, let's talk about what I accomplished.

- Published and promoted Tales from Bethlehem. That is one of the best things I did last year. There were more headaches with the publishing and writing process than I expected or planned for, but overall, I'm quite proud of it. And while it hasn't outsold any of my mysteries, it's holding a comfortable third position on my sales chart. Since it's seasonal -- and I can update it -- I hope for more sales next year. 

Tales was my fifth book. Murder by Dewey Decimal, Murder by the Acre, EndlesS, Floozy & Other Stories, and now Tales from Bethlehem. I've read that you have to have 11 books published (in the self-publishing world) before you can start making a decent living from your writing. I guess I'll see if that's true.

- Published Creations 2012 by Ada Writers. Although it doesn't carry my imprint, this truly was the first Many Rivers Harbor book. It's the one that gave me the idea of publishing other people's books.

- Published Secret of the Pack Rat's Nest by Martha Rhynes. The first official Many Rivers Harbor book. I learned so much contracts, deadlines, working with authors, etc., and even made a little money to boot. A definite win.

- Published On Target: Devotions for Modern Life. The second Many Rivers Harbor book. Still learned a lot, but the process went much smoother, and it's a lovely book. 

- Was elected president of the Ada Writers writing group. My term started January 1. We'll see how this goes. I'm to guide them through the publishing process for Creations 2013. Looking forward to that.

- Continued to publish the monthly family newsletters. The subscribers continue to support its publication. It's even grown a bit. And I'm no longer losing money on it. That's a win.

- Read 119 books. I'm counting this is a win because I wanted to read 100, but still, I should watch that. When I consider the number of magazines, newspapers, websites, and posts I read ... Reading has always been my drug. Maybe I need to try to interact with the Real World more. No, I should. Really.

Well, let's look at my goals from last year and see how I did.

Writing

1. I will finish and publish Murder by the Mile. To this end, I have committed to writing one page per day five days a week. I hope to do write more, but that's the baseline. Did not do.

2. I will publish Tales from Bethlehem. Mostly I just have to be pull it together, write two more Tales for it, and create a cover. Did.

3. I will continue to work on Debt Free At Last! A Beginner's Guide to Money Management. I'd like to publish it this year, but it's not as high a priority as the other two are. Did not and abandoned the project.

4. I will continue to add Christmas cards to Oakleaf Harbor on Cafepress.com. I'd like to have 50 card designs available before November next year. Did not do.

5. I will add a birthday card selection to Oakleaf Harbor on Cafepress.com. I'd like to have 50 card designs available this year. Did not do.

6. I will continue to send Dragons Gather and Darkness, Oklahoma to agents and publishers. Because each rejection moves me closer to an acceptance. Did. Garnered two more rejections for Dragons and one for Darkness.

Health

7. I will walk at the gym 4-5 days a week, depending on health and holidays. Did although stopped walking at the end of October because I hurt my ankle. And I only walked three days a week.

8. I will improve my diet and eat more veggies and low carb foods. Did and did't.

9. I will arrange for a colonoscopy. I have to figure out how to pay for it, but with the cancer history in my family, I need to do this this year. Did not due to lack of money, but have plans for it this year.

10. I will continue to look at holistic health solutions and ways of life. Did.

Declutter

11. I will remove 50 books from my book collection and sell or donate to the local library. Did.

12. I will have two garage sales. Had one.

13. I will remove 50 items from my closets and sell or donate them or trash them. Did.

14. I will try to remove an item when I add an item to my house. Tried.

Misc.

15. I will continue to seek a job, full time or part time, even though I'm very discouraged about this. However, as my health improves, other jobs that I can't physically do now will be possible. I can do this and will. Did and suffered some crushing rejections. This one just about sunk me.

16. I will read 75 books this year. Oh, I thought the goal was 100. Well, did.

17. I will continue to read the New Testament and finish it this year. I will also read Psalms and Proverbs. Did. Read all three and most of the Old Testament.

18. I will pray daily and give thanks for my blessings. Mostly did.

19. I will remember that honesty can cause pain and remember that I can never completely know what another person is going through and thus should not judge. In other words, I will keep my mouth shut when my opinion hasn't been asked for -- and sometimes even when it has been. Slipped a few times, but mostly I did much better.

20. I will try to be more forgiving of myself and others. We're human and frail in many many ways. We all need a break. Did as best as I could.

Really, I did better on the list than I expected. Surprising. And pleasing.

GOALS FOR 2013

Writing

1. Finish and publish Murder by the Mile. It's past time.

2. Take up daily walking again. Got to do this for my health.

3. Participate in the 2013 National Novel Writing Month.

4. Blog at least one a week on three of my blogs.

Health

1. Walk at least three times a week.

2. Watch the diet and concentrate on more veggies and low carb foods, even when I eat out.

3. Go to the doctor for a check up and schedule a scope. Also, go to a dentist.

4. Seek more holistic information.

Declutter

1. Give 50 books to the local library or to friends.

2. Remove 50 items from my closets and donate or discard as needed.

3. Organize my files and discard and shred old financial records as needed.

4. Donate or discard kitchen pots never used.

Employment

1. Keep my eyes open for possibilities.

2. Look into going back to college.

3. See if Continuing Education would let me teach some poetry classes again.

4. Pursue more contacts on Linked In.

Publishing

1. Publish three books from Many Rivers Harbor.

2. Publish Many Rivers Harbor's first traditional book. Probably a poetry book. More on this as it develops.

3. Continue to seek new clients.

4. Purchase ISBNs for MRH so that it shows as the publisher rather than Lulu or Amazon.

Misc.

1. Pray daily and give thanks for my blessings.

2. Remember that honesty can cause pain and I can never completely know what another person is going through and thus should not judge. 

3. I will try to be more forgiving of myself and others. We all need a break.

4. Battle the black dog until it whimpers to see me. 

Well, that seems to be a good lists of goals. I hope we all reach our goals,or if not, we achieve other things that are even better. Happy New Year and Many Blessings on You and Yours!

2013!

You know the drill!
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Barry Manilow: It's Just Another New Years Eve

My first theme song for 2013

The song is really speaking to me, especially after a pep talk today from my friend Stacy.

40 percent off!

Hey, Happy 2nd Day of Christmas! And here's a great deal! Lulu is offering Tales from Bethlehem at 40 percent off today only! Use coupon code 26DEC at checkout! Here's the link: Tales from Bethlehem.

(Here's the fine print from Lulu: Enter the coupon code listed above at checkout to redeem this promotion. Sorry, but this offer is only valid in US Dollars and cannot be applied to previous orders. You can only use this code once per account, and unfortunately you can't use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes. This great offer expires at 11:59 PM PST, so don't miss out! While very unlikely, we do reserve the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so.)

"Gaudete"

Latin

Gaudete, gaudete! Christus est natus
Ex Maria virgine, gaudete!
Tempus adest gratiæ
Hoc quod optabamus,
Carmina lætitiæ
Devote reddamus.
Deus homo factus est
Natura mirante,
Mundus renovatus est
A Christo regnante.
Ezechielis porta
Clausa pertransitur,
Unde lux est orta
Salus invenitur.
Ergo nostra contio
Psallat iam in lustro;
Benedicat Domino:
Salus Regi nostro.

English

Rejoice, rejoice! Christ is born
(Out) Of the Virgin Mary — rejoice!
The time of grace has come —
what we have wished for,
songs of joy
Let us give back faithfully.
God has become man,
To the wonderment of Nature,
The world has been renewed
By the reigning Christ.
The closed gate of Ezekiel
Is passed through,
Whence the light is born,
Salvation is found.
Therefore let our gathering
Now sing in brightness
Let it give praise to the Lord:
Greeting to our King.

An explanation of sorts

Recently someone at a Christmas gathering asked me how I consistently came up with these hilarious, intelligent, wise, heart-warming, inspiring, cheery and witty posts. (I'm just quoting.) I will tell you right now that I am simply gifted. If you buy that, then I will also sell you a few expired lottery tickets.

Truthfully I suspect my output -- such as it is -- is connected to the warped way I look at the world. My mind is given to literal fantasies, if you can follow that, but if not, don't give up. An example follows so calm down.

For instance, suppose someone tells me that his or her heart raced like mad. For most people, that would simply mean that the person speaking was excited. But my mind instantly imagines a heart riding on a horse, the reins held by its little veins and arteries as it spurs its horse to the finish line. Then I have to wonder what it's wearing its spurs on. And what weirdo would make the spurs for a heart, anyway? And spurs need boots ...

I can while away hours doing this, hours that I should be spending losing weight, cleaning my car, stalking Lucy Lawless, cataloging my belly lint collection, etc., all the fairly normal activities of someone who was dropped on his head just a few too many times when he was a baby by his jealous siblings, but that is another story and is neither here nor there, but somewhere around Albuquerque.

Another factor is that I like language, particularly funny words. Like halibut. Now, that is a funny word. Just say it over and over to yourself. Halibut, halibut, ha-li-but. Come on. You're not doing it. Halibut, halibut ... We're not going to continue until you do. Okay, that's better. Isn't that a great word? Tomorrow, say, "Merry Christmas and Happy New Halibut to you and yours!" Next week at work, just say, "Good halibut," instead of "Good morning," and when people ask you how you are, just answer, "Perfectly halibut." Your whole day will be filled with joy, topped off by getting a nice, white coat that will button in an delightfully odd way.

It also helps that we live in a funny world. Well, peculiar is probably the word I should use there, but funny works. You can find humor in most things non-Republican, and even Republicans have been known to crack a smile when an endangered species finally croaks. I find that you have to laugh at some things or you will spend all your time weeping and wailing. Frankly, sackcloth itches, and ashes only get in your eyes, and you can quote me if you are so inclined and wish to send me money since this post is copyrighted 2012.

As for the number of ideas, those come because I read a lot and am interested in almost everything that you can legally be interested in. Right now, I am reading a book on hyperspace, a Southern Sisters murder mystery, a computer book, a book on Biblical archaeology and a book on how to have a second date when the police got called on the first one. This gives me a lot of fodder for humor cannons.

I am also somewhat a klutz in the way that President Clinton was somewhat a liar. I can trip over lint in the carpet and have even stumbled due to the pressure of air molecules. This leads to those wonderful experiences that make great stories afterwards -- Remember the time I fell on the large nun who has holding her pet cat and she threw it in the midst of all those preschoolers who were eating chocolate ice cream? -- but are painful when they happen.

I also have the rare talent of being able to insert both of my feet in my mouth and occasionally have needed to borrow the feet of passing strangers just to fill up that cavernous space that persists in embarrassing me. And no, I will not print any examples. There are enough stories wandering around about me as is.

And finally it helps that my family is made up of such strongly individualistic people. Not only do we march to a different drummer, but we have often marched to an entirely different band than the rest of the world, a band made up of flutes, kazoos, tubas and perhaps a halibut or two.

 From Return of the Floozy, Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express prior written permission from the author and publisher. Thank you for reading.

Merry Christmas!

★*˚°。°*。°*。★*˚°。°*。°˚°★*˚°。°*。°*★*˚°。°*。°*★
° * _██_*˚°。°/♥ \*˚°。°*。°*★*˚°。°*。°*★*˚°。°*。°*★
˛ . (´• ̮•)*. 。*/♫.♫\*˛.* ˛ _Π_____*˚°。*。°*❤*˚°。°*。°*★
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.* (.. '•'..) *˛ ╬╬╬╬╬˛°.｜田田❤｜門｜╬╬╬╬╬*˚°。°*。°* ♥
★*˚°。°*。°*。★ *˚°。°*。°*。★*˚°。°*。°˚°★*˚°。°*。★
★*˚°。°*。°*。★ *˚°。°*。°*。★*˚°。°*。°˚°★*˚°。°*。★

Back

Sorry I've been away. Always assuming anyone still reads Harbor Street. Hard to tell. This is the first year since 2002 that I haven't posted any Christmas Celebration posts, but no one has mentioned it to me. Reminds me of how I'd work so hard to create a family calendar each year, but when I got ill one holiday and didn't make it, not one family member asked about it. The gift I thought was so valued turned out not to be, so I never made another one. To this day, no one has ever asked me why I stopped making them.

It's been a wild year, filled with both tragic and joyous events. And it was the year that supposedly the Mayans predicted would be the End of Days. Or not. The world was supposed to end December 21, but of course, it didn't. We're still here.

We have this fascination about ancient civilizations and often attribute them with scientific and mystic knowledge beyond ours. We should ask that if they were so awesomely powerful, why aren't they around now? Of course, their descendants exist, but none of them hold the power their ancestors did. I guess. After all, our modern appliances and gadgets would seem very god-like to such ancient peoples.

Anyway, I'm back. The world's still here. All our problems and joys remain. We still remain. And that's a good thing.

Review: Warpaint

Warpaint by author Holly Lisle continues the story began in Hunting the Corrigan's Blood, which is Cadence Drake's quest to rid the universe of vampires.

This time the stakes are much larger; the vampire plague is spreading at a terrifying rate. This may be humanity's final days as a free species. Darkout is the term for this extinction event, and Cadence and a brave group of friends throw themselves against the rising tide.

This is not a mindless vampire adventure story. Cadence and her team have to be wise, clever, and fast to stop Darkout. Many of their solutions are twisty and surprising.

I especially enjoyed the discussion and debate about their actions. It's rare to find characters who truly question their actions and the possible repercussions. Cadence and the team read as real people and behave accordingly.

Hints of a possible future romance are in this story, but the story mostly focuses on this fight to the death -- or maybe fight to the undeath. Cadence is carrying a heavy burden, and her desire for vengeance propels her toward a horrifying choice.

Buy this book. Read this book. You'll be pleased.

Disclosure: I received an advance PDF copy of this book.

Bing Crosby - What Child Is This ? the Holly and the Ivy (Christmas Hit)

You're invited!

The second book signing for Tales of Bethlehem by Stephen B. Bagley is today (Thursday, Dec. 13) at the Ada Public Library, 4:30-6:30 p.m. There will be cookies, appreciation prizes, registration for a drawing for more than $100 of books and merchandise, and, of course, books, books, and more books!

Here's what's in the drawing:
EndlesS by Stephen B. Bagley,
On Target: Devotions for Modern Life by Kelley Benson,
Floozy & Other Stories by Stephen B. Bagley,
Fashion reading glasses with metal case from Dr James Kevin Cunningham of your Ada Vision Source,
Murder by the Acre (Second Edition) by Stephen B. Bagley,
Creations 2012 by Ada Writers,
Norman Rockwell 2013 Calendar from State Farm,
Murder by the Acre kitchen magnet,
Music sampler CD from Christian artist Doug Matlock,
Europa pocket notebook by Eccolo,
Designer bookmarks,
Christmas mug with salt water taffy,
Water bottle with pens from Vision Bank inside,
CD of Christmas music,
and chocolate kisses!

Reception for TFB

Stephen B. Bagley at the reception and book signing for Tales from Bethlehem held November 29 at Karen's Art & Framing, 108 East Main, Ada.

Book signing!

Here's the story that my local paper ran on the upcoming book signing for Tales from Bethlehem at the Ada Public Library, Thursday, Dec. 13, from 4:30-6:30 p.m. There will be table prizes, registration for a drawing for more than $100 in books and merchandise, Christmas cookies, and books! What more could you need?
 

Tomorrow!

The first book signing for Tales from Bethlehem is tomorrow (Thurs., Nov. 29) at Karen's Art and Framing, 108 East Main, downtown Ada, Okla., 4:30-6:30 p.m. Food, door prizes, drawing registration for the grand price of more than $100 in books and cool merchandise, and of course, autographed books that make fantastic Christmas presents for your friend and family and you! 

Hope to see you there!

You're invited!

YOU'RE INVITED!

Yes, you and you and you! You're all invited to the first book signing for Tales from Bethlehem this Thursday, Nov. 29, at Karen's Art & Framing, 108 East Main, Downtown Ada, 4:30-6:30 p.m. 

There will be door prizes, registration for the big drawing, autographed books, and lots of delicious eatables! 

Come and see me! Even if you've already purchased TFB, come by and register to win and lift a cup with me! 

Your smiling face will make my day!

30 percent off!

Right now, you can save 30 percent on Tales from Bethlehem at Lulu.com! Here are the details: United States only. Valid Nov. 23-27. 30% off! Use code DELIRITAS in all caps. One use per account. Here's the link: Save 30 percent on Tales from Bethlehem!

Six things budding authors should know

It recently occurred to me that people do foolish things all the time. Even now someone is thinking about running for president in 2014, which is doubly silly since no sane person wants that job and the next presidential election is in 2016. But be that as it may, I was thinking about those people who wake up one day and say, “I’d like to publish a book!” And even though that only leads to madness and worse, off they go.

I speak from experience. I’m in the middle of publishing a book right now. It’s been nearly three years since my last publication, mostly because it took me that long to recover. However, my creditors were hounding me again, and I embarked on another publishing voyage somewhat similar to that undertaken by the Titanic, but more tragic since it involves me.

The first thing I’d like to say to those people considering publication is this: Don’t. For the sake of your sanity and that of your loved ones, don’t. Please, please, please don’t. Just don’t. Don’t.

However, “those whom the gods would destroy, they first make writers” may be a paraphrase of Longfellow (and others), but it’s true. So writers blithely ignore the disasters that befall their fellow writers. They think, “That won’t happen to me.” This type of thinking is why women marry men who have been previously divorced three or four times for cheating.

The second thing I would say to budding writers is don’t, but I’ve already said that and you aren’t listening. So the second thing is to write everything down. Make notes and write out schedules so you can realize how far behind you are and how you missed your deadlines yet again. These notes will also be important for your state-appointed psychotherapist.

The third thing I’d tell someone thinking of publishing is, of course, don’t, but should they proceed anyway, I suggest getting a pharmacy discount card. This will save you much on the medications prescribed by your state-appointed psychotherapist.

The fourth thing (don’t) is to take a deep breath and remind yourself that it’s not really life or death. Neither of those statements ever helped me worry less, but I thought I’d throw them in here just in case you’re the type of person who is comforted by platitudes.

The fifth thing to remember that even though your book is vitally important to you — even though you’ve sweated and worried and rewritten the thing forty times and given up sleep and wrecked your health — other people, including some of your nearest and dearest, won’t have the same regard for it. In fact, they will treat it with such indifference and general unconcern that the only thing you can do is WRAP YOUR HANDS AROUND THEIR THROATS AND SQUEEZE MIGHTILY!

No, no, no, that’s not right. Is it? My state-appointed psychotherapist says it’s not. So I guess it’s not. No, you should simply remember that when you’re rich and famous, you can have your bodyguards beat them up and toss them out to the curb.

No, wait, the shrink says that’s not good, either. He’s annoying. Apparently the right advice is to forgive them and remain cheerful. Yeah, I don’t see that happening.

Anyway, the sixth thing I’d tell them is for them to buy my book. Yes, yes, yes, that’s the best advice of all.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. From Return of the Floozy. No copying without express written permission by the author and publisher. Thank you for reading.

I can see you. Can you see me?

I used video chat for the first time in August, and while it’s lots and lots of fun — particularly since I was talking to my marvelous nieces and sister — it does have a few serious drawbacks.

First, you have to comb your hair. Bethia buzzed me for a video chat, and I sat down to do that. Fortunately my monitor camera came on before it connected to her, and I was able to see that my hair looked like a rat’s nest — with the rats still there. I turned my camera to the wall, ran my hands through my hair dislodging a couple of pencils and a raffle ticket, and then turned the camera back around, revealing my tousled attractive hair to the camera. I bet the boyish gleam in my eyes was really charming.

Second, your house needs to be clean. Fortunately, my camera only captures a small corner of my house and entrance way, thus I don’t have to worry about the rest of it. I mention this as I look across my living room, which has two piles of laundry to be folded on the chair, several files and six stacks of paper on the coffee table, a box of computer parts and cables and a computer on the couch, and a Mouse Trap game on the floor, left there from when Eric’s grandchildren visited us a week — no, two weeks — ago. I will have to speak sternly to the maid, although Eric keeps telling me that I don't have a maid, and what’s up with that? 

Third, the connection can play tricks on you. I’m MUCH better looking in real life than on video. No, really. Everyone says so, particularly when I’m carrying a sword and pistol, and I usually am. And the audio and video can get out of sync so you look like a character in one of those old Japanese martial arts movies — your mouth moves, but the words don’t start until the middle of your sentence. And finally the connection will drop so just when you’re about to hear the awful truth about Cousin Sid’s fifth wife and the cable man’s cousin and what really happened at the Methodist Church’s Harvest Festival Hayride, the screen goes black.

Fourth, you have to wear clothes. This isn’t a problem as I’m basically a modest person — I’ve been told I was born middle-aged — and even wear clothes in the shower, but a friend of mine decided to use non-video chat to talk to one of her clients. Unfortunately for her, she accidentally hit the video button, and before she could shut it off, her client was treated to a picture of her in her underwear. She was embarrassed beyond belief — even though the client renewed his contract for another three years. Naturally her compassionate and supportive co-workers and family have told this story to everyone they can.

Of course, video chat does have advantages, too. It feels more like being there without all the travel involved, and you can share facial expressions so that people will know when you’re being sincere or rolling your eyes in ways that would get you slapped if they were near you. You can also use it to visually teach someone how to do something — say knitting or how to properly mix rocket fuel — although I don’t know anyone who does that, but you could.

A friend of mine who used video chat for a couple of months finally decided to return to the “old-fashioned” way of communicating. He went back to calling people on his cell phone.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. From Return of the Floozy. No copying without express written permission by the author and publisher. Thank you for reading.

Save 20 percent!

Through tomorrow, you can save 20% on "Tales from Bethlehem" at Lulu.com! Use the coupon code VETS2012. The offer ends Tuesday, Nov. 13. Remember to tell me when you've ordered one so that I can send you an autographed bookplate! Here's the link: Save 20 percent on Tales from Bethlehem!

"Tales from Bethlehem" arrives

Here are the boxes. They're sturdy.

The publisher guarantees safe delivery so there are
 sturdy inner boxes,also. 

The books are divided into groups of ten and then
shrink wrapped  in the enter of cardboard stiffeners

Here's one out of its protective covering!
Isn't it lovely!

My new business card

Error

Over on Facebook, a friend of mine posted a picture of four bushels of green tomatoes from her garden and I posted "I love green tomatoes. I wish I lived closer to you! I'd beg you until you gave me some."

Except what I actually posted -- a typing error -- "I love green tomatoes. I wish I lived closer to you! I'd bed you until you gave me some."

I immediately corrected my error, but no one is letting me forget it.

The long election is over

Okay, take a deep breath. Say a prayer. Believe in God and His plan. Believe in the goodness of ordinary Americans who work beside you each day. And remember this nation has survived wars overseas and wars domestic. It has survived depressions and recessions, it has seen race riots and peace marches, it has marched through history bringing a light to world and a dream of freedom. Yes, it has made mistakes. Yes, it's not perfect. Yes, we all have complaints -- and the freedom to voice them. On whatever side you voted on, remember that we remain Americans, a proud people in the greatest nation on earth. This nation remains ours. We're going to be okay.

Bells

"Bells," one of the poems in Tales of Bethlehem was inspired by "Ring Out, Wild Bells" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Naturally I don't presume to think I reached the mastery of this poem. It's one of my favorites. Read it aloud and feel the rhythms that propel this powerful poem forward to its triumphant conclusion.

Ring Out, Wild Bells
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out thy mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

If you'd like to read my poem "Bells," here's the link to purchase Tales from Bethlehem.

Perfect Christmas gifts!

Christmas is just around the corner! (Yeah, I know.) Here are some suggestions for the readers you know. And remember, I'll mail autographed bookplates to you for the books you purchase when you request them. At the top of the list is the just released Tales from Bethlehem. With the Nativity as its theme, this book is sure to get you into the spirit!

Tales from Bethlehem
By Stephen B. Bagley
Inspirational - Have you ever wondered about everyone else in Bethlehem on the night of the Nativity? These charming and touching Tales will tell you their stories.
Buy on Lulu

EndlesS
By Stephen B. Bagley
Poetry - Enjoy more than 50 sensual & moving poems, including the award winning "Non-Communion," "Torrent," & "Endless."
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Lulu

Floozy & Other Stories
By Stephen B. Bagley
Humor - Laugh at more than 80 hilarious tales from the author's decidedly different life.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Murder by the Acre (Second Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! New expanded edition. 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Lulu

Murder by the Acre (First Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble

Murder by Dewey Decimal
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the librarian? 1st in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

'Tales from Bethlehem" is here!

Until midnight tonight (Thursday, Nov. 1) you can save 20% on my just released Tales of Bethlehem at Lulu.com! I'm so excited by this book! Use the coupon code BRAINFOOD to get the discount. Here's the link: Tales of Bethlehem Sale!