HSCC IV

And here's another quick and tasty recipe from my older sister. This is perfect for a holiday get-together.

Graham Cracker Cookie Treats

1 box of graham crackers
2 sticks of butter
1 packed cup of brown sugar
1 cup of finely chopped nuts
1 teaspoon of vanilla

Line rimmed cookie sheets with foil. Then lay out rows of graham crackers on the cookie sheets. Mix together butter and brown sugar in pan. Bring to boil over medium heat. Boil for two minutes. Add finely chopped nuts and vanilla. Pour over the graham crackers. Place cookie sheets in a pre-heated 350 degrees oven for ten minutes.

Christmas Facts
(Some Of Which Might Be True)

Kissing under the mistletoe dates back to a 17th century English kissing game. Back then, a berry was removed from the mistletoe every time a kiss was made, which meant no more kisses when all the berries were gone, and then everyone would just laugh and laugh. Yeah, I know, but you have to remember that they didn't have TV so they had to fill their time as best they could. Mistletoe, by the way, was used by the druids in their secret ceremonies. The druids, a cheery group, used to place mistletoe wreaths around the necks of their victims before the victims were sacrificed by having their entrails nailed to an oak tree. You don't see that on a lot of Christmas cards, do you?

Christmas trees started in Germany in the 16th century. On Christmas Eve, Martin Luther was walking home under a starry sky, which was so beautiful that he wanted to recreate its beauty for his children. He decorated a large evergreen with lit candles. He followed his creation of the First Christmas Tree with the development of the First House Fire Caused By A Christmas Tree.

Since 1947, the people of Oslo, Norway, have given a Christmas tree every year to the city of Westminster, England. The gift expresses Norway's gratitude for Britain's help during World War II, despite the fact that the tree is never on Britain's Christmas list. Britain would prefer a gift card.

The first president to decorate the white house Christmas tree in the United States was Franklin Pierce. This is the only notable thing Pierce did while in office and as such should be remembered, but not by me. I've already cleansed it from my memory.

Traditionally, Christmas trees are taken down after Epiphany or whenever the husband has been nagged beyond endurance.

"The Nutcracker" is the most famous Christmas ballet and was used by the Chinese to break the wills of political prisoners. It is outlawed by the Geneva Convention as is the playing of "Jingle Bells" more than 1,754,322 times during the holiday season.

If you received all of the gifts in the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas," you would receive 364 presents, none of which you could return. By the way, why are there so many birds in that song? Doesn't it seem rather fowl?

Holly berries are poisonous, which does explain why holly berry cookies aren't popular even though there was a heavy marking push for them during the 1950s. It joined the ranks of other failed food products: stone ground hemlock bread, foxglove fajitas, poop pie, and of course, green tea.

In 1843, "A Christmas Carol" was written by Charles Dickens in just six weeks. Many of us feel he should have taken more time with it and added some spaceships and several hot alien females.

The first state to recognize the Christmas holiday officially was Alabama. Afterwards, Alabama had to lie down and wasn't able to recognize other things for years, which is one of the reasons they lagged so far behind in civil rights.

Christmas became a national holiday in America on June 26, 1870. When the news was announced, many retailers swooned, but got right up as their floors were dirty.

Coca Cola was the first beverage company to use Santa for a winter promotion. This would be the beginning of a lucrative career as Santa signed endorsement contracts for all sorts of products, including gardening tools (Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!), pies (Whole, Whole, Whole!), dynamite (Hole, Hole, Hole!), and even laser removal of facial disfigurements (Mole, Mole, Mole!). And no, we're not going to do a Viagra joke here.

The government actually banned a Christmas tree decoration. Tinsel was once made of lead. (It's now made of plastic.) The tinsel maker's jingle of "Decorate your tree with a silver rain; You'll be laughing as you damage your brain" was remade into a hip-hop hit in the 90s.

"Rudolph" was created by Montgomery Ward in the late 1930's for a holiday promotion. The rest is sheer greed and marketing history.

The Christmas card was started in England in 1843. Louis Prang, a Massachusetts printer, printed the first Christmas card in the United States in 1875. There’s more to the story, but I got bored. Feel free to look it up. Merry Christmas!

Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

HSCC III

Green Tea & Christmas

(Dedicated to Kirsten and Michelle)

The little green tea people are after me because I made some unkind remarks about their elixir of life, their beverage of the gods, their cure-all for any and all ills including baldness and the dreaded creeping earlobe fungus. So I thought I'd send them into a stupor with a long discussion about the various teas. I'll also explain how green tea embodies the spirit of Christmas. On the edge of your seat, aren't you?

Tea is basically the dried and processed leaves of one plant species called camellia sinensis. (Herbal teas are not really teas, but simply dried flowers and/or herbs. They are more correctly called 'herbal infusions.' Remember that. It will be on the test.) Even though all teas come from only one species, there are three major varieties: the China, the India (or Assam) and the Hybrid. All have a slightly different taste. Americans are most used to the India or Hybrid teas, both of which are easier to grow than the China variety. (Which is why China teas are more expensive. Please note, though, you can grow the China variety in other places than China, but that seems sort of silly.)

You will find four main types of tea on the shelves: white, black, green and oolong. The difference in them is mainly in processing and, of course, how they're spelled. Basically, processing is taking the raw green leaves and deciding how much oxidation (or fermentation) if any should take place before drying them out. (This is not unlike what AA does for its members, but they stress the drying out portion and discourage the fermentation.)

Tea leaves have enzymes in their veins. Don't be shocked. They're supposed to be there. When the leaf is bruised or crushed, the enzymes are exposed to oxygen resulting in oxidation. The amount of oxidation depends upon how much of the enzymes are exposed and for how long. Just trust me on this, and let's move on.

White teas are the least processed of any tea and therefore taste the most like fresh leaves or grass. Yummy. They also have the lowest amount of caffeine and most likely have the highest antioxidant properties. Tea leaves meant for white teas are immediately fried or steamed after letting them air dry for a short period of time. (The steaming and frying neutralizes the enzymes, thus preventing oxidation.) There is no rolling, breaking or bruising of the leaves. The tea police see to this, and violators are forced to drink coffee. Black. No sugar. While standing on their head and balancing a box of knives on their feet. The tea police don't fool around.

Black teas are the most processed of the four types of teas. They are the highest in caffeine, but still have antioxidant properties, just not quite as much as others. They are rolled, crushed, bruised and generally folded, torn and mutilated and then allowed to completely oxidize, thus giving the leaves their blackened color. You can find places that boast that their teas "age three months," but that really doesn't mean anything, as the oxidation is pretty much complete as soon as the leaves turn black. We'll let them keep bragging about that because frankly if that's all they have to brag about, who are we to rain on their parade?

Green teas processing is similar to that of white teas in that they aren't allowed to oxidize. They might want to so that they can get that rich, strong, delicious taste of black tea, but once again the tea police step in (and then step out and put their right foot in and shake it all around. The tea police are good dancers, but let's be honest, our brave members of the FBI are much better.) After the leaves are plucked, they are laid out to air dry (or wither or Bushized) for about 8 to 24 hours. This lets most of the water evaporate. Then the leaves are steamed or pan-fried (or Clintonized).

Oolong teas are the hardest to categorize, despite having the most fun name to say. I often go into stores and ask the clerks if they know where the oolong tea is at. Oh, the look on their faces is simply priceless, I tell you, priceless. Man, I need a life. Anyway, oolong tea requires only a partial oxidation of the leaves. After the leaves are plucked, they are air-dried for about 8 to 24 hours. Then the leaves are tossed in baskets in order to bruise the edges of the leaves. Much rejoicing is heard from the happy leaves who never get to play in the fields. But it does leave them bruised. This bruising causes the leaves to partially oxidize because only a portion of the enzymes is exposed to air. Next, the leaves steamed in order to neutralize the enzymes and stop any more oxidation for happening. Oolong tea can have varying degrees of oxidation. Some are closer to black teas, and some are closer to green. Some would like to be orange or even purple, but they are whisked away by the tea police and never seen again, although I'm sure you've heard the rumors.

Now hopefully the little green tea people are safely asleep and won't take me away in their spaceship. But if they do, and you never hear from me again (although if the evening news starts featuring reports about someone running wild, naked and free through the suburbs and shouting, "The success of any serious relationship depends on complete honesty, true compassion and lots of duct tape," you'll know I'm still out there, watching and waiting and scratching) let me say right now that I love all green teas equally. I'll let you work that one out for yourselves.

You're probably asking at this point what green tea has to do with Christmas? But I can't answer all your questions. You need to do the research yourself so that you can grow as a human being and embrace your potential. (Hint: You can actually have peppermint and pine cone tea. No kidding. You really can. I won't, but you can.)

TEST

1. Isn't oolong a great word? Use it in a sentence in which you make it into a verb. For instance, I want to oolong with you.

2. Do you believe in alien abduction? Have you ever been probed for your genetic secrets? What are your genetic secrets? Come on, tell us. We know you have them after seeing your six toes.

3. Have you ever been herbally infused? Really? Did you feel used afterward?

4. Did you read the question number 2?

5. What about question 3?

6. How about this one?

7. Discuss the Boston Tea Party and why they didn't have any of those delicious almond cookies.

8. Are you dating anyone? I mean, in real life, not another of those creepy Internet things where you send fake photos back and forth and talk naughty and then meet and discover your netpal was Jabba the Hut's older, less mannered sister and get all upset even though your photo was of Brad Pitt that you PhotoShopped your head on, but enough about my life.

9. Would you like to date anyone? Say, someone that collects explosives and comic books? Why not?

10. I'm lonely. And I have lots of duct tape. Why does that seem to upset people, particularly the police? Answer true or false.

Time's up. Pass your papers to the front. Now, let's all take a break and have a nice cup of orange juice. I like orange juice.

Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

Harbor Street Christmas Celebration II

Warning: Christmas Crafting may be hazardous to your health

      It was a few days before Christmas last year, and I was talking to Linda on the phone. "Do you want to come over and help me with my Christmas crafts?" I asked.
      "Good heavens, NO!" she shouted. "I'd rather strip naked and run through a rose garden that's been sprayed with lemon juice."
      "What time will you be here?" I asked.
      "I'd rather to be strapped to the speakers at a bagpipe concert," she said.
      "Is that yes or no?" I asked. "I don't understand."
      "You're not trying to," she said. "Rather than crafting with you, I'd sit through the presidental debates again! Sober!"
      "I'm beginning to get the odd feeling that you might perhaps be reluctant," I said. "Why is that?"
      "Because it's dangerous," she said. "People get hurt when you do crafts."
      I sighed. "Is Adam complaining about his eyebrows again?"
      "Stephen, they fell off!"
      "Actually, they peeled off," I said. "And I told him not to stand over the chemicals when we were etching glass. Well, I meant to tell him."
      "And about Cynthia?"
      "That was an accident," I said. "I had no idea enough paint fumes had accumulated to explode. But she'll be out of the bodycast in a couple of month. Personally, I think she's enjoying the rest despite her threats and the attempts to have me snuffed."
      "Yes, there's nothing more restful than having nurses turn you every hour and orderlies feed you through a straw," Linda said.
      "So you'll come over?" I asked.
      "Not that I'm agreeing, but what exactly are you going to be doing?"
      "Just papercraft," I said. "There's nothing dangerous in papercraft. We'll be tearing up paper and mixing the pieces with water and a few chemicals, most of which aren't toxic."
      "Well, I guess ... What do you mean most?! she snapped. "No, no, NO! Papercraft is out."
      "We could make Christmas candles," I said. "Those make good gifts."
      "Didn't you have a wax explosion a couple of months ago?" she asked.
      "No one was seriously hurt, and my kitchen has already been repaired," I said. "If I could find my cat, everything would be fine. I tried to follow the smoke trail she left, but the wind was high and I lost her around Oak Street."
      "No candles," she said firmly. "Don't you do wooden projects?"
      I used to," I said. "But the police took away my electric saw after that regrettable incident when I was trying to help those nuns repair a pew and I sneezed."
      "Oh, yeah, I forgot," she said. "Do you still get hate mail from Sister Mary Margaret?"
      "Just hate postcards now," I said. "I think she's getting over her anger. I hope so. It can't be good for her spiritual growth."
      "What about painting?" she suggested. "I mean, watercolor painting. Yeah, watercolors are safe. I couldn't get hurt doing watercolors."
      "Okay, we'll do that," I said happily. "Come on over."
      Later that night as we huddled under a blanket provided by the fire department, she glared at me. "How oh how did the watercolors catch fire?!" she asked.
      "Well, I thought they looked a little thick," I said. "So I thought I'd try thinning them with alcohol."
      She didn't say anything.
      "I think short hair is a good look for you," I said brightly.
      Fortunately they were able to pull her off me before she could finish choking me. Because she's a friend, I didn't press charges.

Copyright 2008 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

MBTA on Amazon.com

Murder by the Acre is finally on sale at Amazon.com! Wahoo! Just barely in time for Christmas. And it's priced at $17.95 instead of $18. I can't figure that out since Lulu.com has it for $18 and told me that it had to be $18. Whatever. I'm just glad it's on sale period! Now I'll be watching Barnes and Noble to see when it turns up there. (The hardcover remains exclusively on Lulu.com and won't ever be on Amazon.)



Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover from Amazon.com.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover from Lulu.com.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover from Lulu.com.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

Harbor Street Christmas Celebration

And now we start our Harbor Street Christmas Celebration 2008 with a quick and delicious recipe from my older sister.

Microwave Fudge

1 lb. box of powdered sugar
1/2 cup of cocoa
1 stick of butter
1/4 cup of milk
1/2 cup of chopped pecans or crushed peppermint and 1/2 teaspoon peppermint flavoring
1 teaspoon of vanilla

Prepare an eight inch square pan by lining with foil and then buttering the foil. In a microwaveable container, mix the sugar and cocoa. Place butter on top of the powdered sugar/cocoa mix. Pour in milk. Microwave on high for two minutes or until the butter is melted. Stir and mix well. This mixing process will take a few minutes. When it begins to thicken, add chopped pecans and vanilla. (This recipe can be adapted using crushed peppermint instead of nuts and adding 1/2 teaspoon of peppermint flavoring.) Pour mixture into pan and let harden.

*

Things went okay at the doctor today. He couldn't rule out cancer, but he thinks it's unlikely. We'll know for sure after I have another test. So that was good news. As for the problem itself, he thought it might be a chronic infection in my lungs. This could be caused by a fungus, some disease process, etc. We'll know more after the test, but I feel better after having seen him because he really seemed know what he was talking about. He spent a lot of time with me and answered every question I could think of and some I hadn't thought of. I feel more optimist about this, something I haven't for a while. So it was good.

After the doctor visit, I met Erudite Redneck for lunch. We hadn't seen each other for over 20 years. We had a lot to talk about. He was as interesting and funny as I remembered, and that was very cool. It was a good lunch, over too soon. My roomie -- who drove me to OKC for the doctor's visit -- took a photo of ER and me together outside the restaurant. And here we are:



What good looking men! :)

Be back tomorrow with another installment of the Harbor Street Christmas Celebration.

Contest postponed

The Murder by the Acre 10+1 Contest is officially postponed until after the first of the year due to lack of participation. The contest was meant to publicize MBTA, but everyone is too busy to participate. So apologies to those who were participating, but I simply can't afford to have a giveaway where only two people are competing. And maybe it was a bit too hard. I like puzzles and have tendency to think everyone likes puzzles. Anyway, that's that until after the New Year. I'll hang onto the prizes, and we'll see what happens then.

Not much else to tell you. I go to a heart and lung specialist Tuesday next week in Oklahoma City. We'll see if he can figure out what's going on with my cough. I know I sure am tired of having one. I hope he gives me a magical pill, and then it will be all right, kinda like the way McCoy was on Star Trek. Wouldn't that be nice?

I've been attempting to work on Christmas. I put up my Christmas tree and Christmas village. I have a few lights outside. I think that will be it for the decorating.

I have started ordering Christmas presents. Yes, I know it's a bit late, but so far everything seems to be working out. I hope nothing is out of stock. That would be unfortunate.

I'm off this afternoon. I have to go to the eye doctor, the hospital, the library, the bank, the car wash, and finally back home to do laundry, clean the kitchen, and, I hope, take nap!

This weekend I plan to finish the December family newsletter as well as work on my Christmas cards. I'm late, but that's okay. I enjoy getting cards, and I enjoy sending them. It's all good.

Coming soon, I'll start the Christmas Celebration here on 51313 Harbor Street. Recipes, jokes, songs, photos, prizes, humor, and a few surprizes to help make your holiday brighter.

I think that's all I have to say right now. I hope your day is going well and that your holiday preparations are allowing you time to take a deep breath or two. Talk to you later.

Code 4

I have all this stuff to give away in the 10+1 Murder by the Acre Contest ... and only two people are trying to get it ... That's sad. Over $150 of books and merchandise is up for grabs, but only two people are participating. I didn't expect hundreds of entries -- although that would be nice -- but I was hoping for several more than two.

All this could be yours!

1 signed hardcover EndlesS,
1 signed hardcover Murder by Dewey Decimal,
1 unsigned hardcover The Ruby Key by Holly Lisle,
10 Murder by the Acre bookmarks,
1 Murder by the Acre kitchen magnet,
1 large Murder by Dewey Decimal t-shirt,
1 large Murder by the Acre t-shirt,
1 package of EndlesS postcards,
and one CD sampler of classical music.

Notice how the list gets longer each day. Don't miss out. Solve the Codes, although they're really puzzles rather than Codes.

Don't let me think I'm smarter than you! 'Cause I'm not. Put me in my place. SOLVE the Codes and enter the drawing!

And here's Code 4.

TAER GS IE RCAE HT YBRE DR UM

Have fun!

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

Alternate MBTA 10+1 Code 3

The crossword puzzle proved too difficult, except for a couple of people, so here is the Alternate MBTA 10+1 Code 3. Gloria Williams, by the way, solved the original Code 3 first and will be receiving a hardcover of The Ruby Key by Holly Lisle. Good job, Gloria! You can purchase your own copy of The Ruby Key from Amazon.com here and from Barnes & Noble here.

Here's the Alternate Code 3:

Unscramble the words. (Hint: Five letters will be left over.)

emdbharreytruecopski

Good luck!

And here are the prizes so far for the big drawing:
    1 signed hardcover EndlesS,
    1 signed hardcover Murder by Dewey Decimal,
    1 unsigned hardcover The Ruby Key by Holly Lisle,
    10 Murder by the Acre bookmarks,
    1 Murder by the Acre kitchen magnet,
    1 large Murder by Dewey Decimal t-shirt,
    1 package of EndlesS postcards,
    and one CD sampler of classical music.
There will be more prizes as I accumulate them.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

5 cents & The Ruby Key

I've been working on getting Murder by the Acre published on Amazon.com and other online retailers. If you check Amazon for it, you will discover a listing that says the book is out of print. That should change, apparently sometime after the New Year. Sigh. No one has given me any real explanation on why this taking so long, but it means MBTA will not available for Christmas sales.

Another thing I've received no explanation for is why the price got raised by a nickel. MBTA will be $18 instead of $17.95. When I asked why, I was told: "The publishing process requires it." Huh? The help desk could give me no better explanation or wouldn't. I know it's just five cents, but when I worked so hard to keep the price down, I'm annoyed that they raised it without my consent.

Code Three in the 10+1 Murder by the Acre Contest has garnered no solutions. Accordingly, I'm going to post an alternative Code 3 tonight. However, I'm going to give a price to the the first person who solves the Crossword Code 3 and Unscramble the two Words and then emails me his or her results. The first person do that will receive The Ruby Key by Holly Lisle, hardcover, unsigned! The Ruby Key is a great novel, written for Young Adults, but enjoyable by everyone. It would make the perfect Christmas present. Here's my review of The Ruby Key as published on Amazon.com:

Last night I finished The Ruby Key, the new book by Holly Lisle. What a great book, perfect for any young person -- or adult -- looking for a good fantasy. Genna's world is a place that I hope Holly Lisle will return to time after time.

Here's the basic plot: The world is divided into day and night, day ruled by humans, night by the nightlings. Genna and her brother Dan discover that their "uncle" has made a horrendous deal with the lord of the nightlings: He has traded the lives of the people of their village for immortality. Genna and Dan make their own deal with the evil nightling lord and start off on an impossible quest to locate a child and return him to the nightlings. Along with them travel an annoying cat -- which is both more than and less than a cat -- and a young, bright nightling.

But naturally things aren't what they seem. Genna soon learns that the world is different than she had always been told and that her quest has far-reaching consequences. There are monsters and moonroads (you'll have to read the book to discover what those are) and villains and heroes. You will be both surprised and pleased at how it all turns out.

The Ruby Key reminds me of the best of Andre Norton. Genna has resources and bravery that she doesn't even know she does, and this book is the beginning of her journey. I'm looking forward to the next book.

By the way, The Ruby Key is gorgeous with a wonderful cover and neat flourishes throughout, a handsome addition to any library. Add it to your library today. You can order The Ruby Key from Amazon here and from Barnes & Noble here.

A sandstorm has kept those of us Walking to Jericho in our little camp, but I think the clouds are clearing. I hope to be posting mileage again soon.

And finally the always interesting Adam has started a new blog. Check out 530Creative.

Talk to you later!

Hint-Filled Saturday

A few people have struggled mightily with the yesterday's crossword, so I've decided to give some hints. After all, I want to reward your efforts. Here are a few hints on the ones that seem to be the most baffling.

Hints:

ACROSS
1 The Nelsons own this
13 Real estate agent
DOWN
7 Priest
10 Lawrence

And on the scrambled words, here's a vowel to help you.
_ A _ _ _ A _    _ _ _ A _ _ _

I've spent most of this weekend sick. I'm sure tired of this. I was able to do a little housework today, and that make me feel a little less useless. I hope your weekend is going well. Talk to you tomorrow.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

MBTA Crossword 10+1 Code 3

If you haven't bought Murder by the Acre yet (Naughty you!) you can still solve this crossword by consulting Murder by Dewey Decimal, the excerpts from MBTA published on this blog, this page on Lulu, the preview offered by Lulu, and the back cover of MBTA shown on Lulu and on this blog. (A special note for my wonderful proofers: Your copies of MBTA did not have the final changes on them so a couple of the crossword answers may have a different answer than what your proof copy shows, depending on when you received your proof. If you have the book, use it. If not, consult the above mentioned sources.)



ACROSS
1 Expensive gifts
5 Millie works here
9 Bernard's nickname
11 Lisa's nemesis
13 Tattoo sees a floor covering
14 Bernard's sport
15 Purrfection
16 Where Viet rules
DOWN
2 Lisa's middle name
3 Happy blank Place
4 Woman with dark powers
6 Right hand man
7 "Padre"
8 Ladies' man
10 Almost a toymaker
11 Aunt "star"
12 MBTA location

The blue squares will spell out two words when unscrambled. The two words are _ _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ _. The two words are your answer to 10+1 Code Three. Have fun!

(Oh, we will be using this crossword again, so hold onto your answers to it!)

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

No Code Thursday

I intended to scan in a little puzzle for y'all tonight, but my scanner is refusing to function. I'm going to have to find the install CD and install it again. So check back Friday afternoon or evening. We'll see if we can tax the little brain cells then. For now, I'm going to call it a night. I went to the Christmas Parade this evening and got thoroughly chilled. I'm ready for bed. Night!

MBTA 10+1 Contest, Contest Code 2

Merry Christmas! Okay, it's still a bit early for that, but I thought I'd share some good news with you that does involve gifts. Or really prizes.

I started the Murder by the Acre 10+1 Contest yesterday. Hidden in yesterday's post was a code of sorts. Solve it, and write the answer down. You're going to need 10+1 answers, and that's the first. Ms. Roen has already solved it; have you? If you get all 10+1 answers to the MBTA Contest Codes, you'll get a chance to win over $100 of books, MBTA merchandise, and other items.

List of prizes so far: 1 signed hardcover EndlesS, 1 signed hardcover Murder by Dewey Decimal (I only have a handful of these left, and you can't presently purchase one anywhere), 1 unsigned hardcover The Ruby Key by Holly Lisle, 10 Murder by the Acre bookmarks, and 1 Murder by the Acre kitchen magnet, and 1 large Murder by Dewey Decimal t-shirt. There will be more prizes as I accumulate them. By the way, we'll be talking more about The Ruby Key by Holly Lisle soon.

Like the contest? I thought you would.

How is this going to work? Everyone who sends in the correct 10+1 answers will be entered in a drawing, and one lucky and smart person will win.

Oh, come on, it's not that hard. The codes will require no special knowledge, just cleverness.

Usually my contests are easier, but some very smart people read this blog. Time to test those eyes, ears, and wits. How smart are they? I'm curious to find out.

Seek the 10+1 answers, my friends. The MBTA Contest codes will give you the answers, but the questions won't come until the end. Clear as mud, eh? Don't worry about the questions now. Just concentrate on the answers.

Every answer has something to do with Murder by the Acre so a copy of that will be helpful, but not necessary. Now get to decoding. You won't want to get behind. Talk to you tomorrow!

Meme from Trixie & Contest Code I

I've been memed by the lovely Lady Trixie. And to share the misery -- uh, fun, I'm tagging Adam, Kristen, Jean, and anyone else who wants to suffer -- play, too!

1. Five names you go by:
a) My real name
b) Tech
c) Issac Skye
d) Reeverah (WoW)
e) That's all my aliases, except for the secret ones that you have to take a blood oath to know.

2. Three things you are wearing right now:
a) A dark blue long sleeve shirt from Lands End
b) White socks, white briefs, leather harness, sword belt, knife sheath
c) Flame retardant, bullet resistant, metal fibered blue jeans

3. Two things you want very badly at the moment:
a) To be healthy, dang it!
b) To sell a few -- any -- copies of Murder by the Acre

4. Three people who will probably fill this out:
a) Don't know. I hope all of them will, but I know December is a busy time, particularly for Kirsten who has moved to a new place very recently and Adam who has just completed his first hyper-atomic razor.
b) See above for answer
c) Again, see above for answer, and stop being so pushy!

5. Two things you did last night:
a) Worked on the family newsletter and started printing it
b) Watched Chuck and Boston Legal, the two best shows on television

6. Two things you ate today:
a) Oatmeal, my morning gruel
b) Milk, 1 percent, to take my meds

7. Two people you last talked to on the phone:
a) Crystal
b) Kent

8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:
a) I hope to get some more drugs from the doctor
b) Mail November newsletter, and start on December newsletter

9. Two longest car rides:
a) My family drove to Colorado and then to New Mexico when I was very young. I don't remember much about it.
b) I don't travel much -- or very well, if truth be known -- so maybe from Weatherford, Oklahoma, to Muldrow, Oklahoma.

10. Two of your favorite beverages:
a) Root beer. I prefer Barqs. Over ice in a glass or a frosty mug.
b) Cherry Sierra Mist, mixed by a local hole-in-the-wall drive in near my office.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

A brief moment of your time

Ahem. Excuse me. Just wanted to drop you a note to let you know that I'm still alive. I've been sick again. Sigh. Yes, yet again. I was somewhat better today and went to work, but was exhausted by the time the day was over. Story of my life lately. I sure could do with some miraculous healing right about now. I have a lot to do, and being sick is slowing me down in a major way.

Have you bought Murder by the Acre yet? I think it's a good book. I'd like to know what you think. We'll be having our first MBTA contest later this week. Well, I think the bookmark contest was the first one, but this will be the first major MBTA contest. More details later. Oh, I still have some bookmarks left. If you'd like to receive one, email me your snail mail address, and I'll send one right out to you.

And I think that will be all for tonight. I hope your day went well. If not, chin up. Tomorrow's another day. We do better then. Night!

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

Note

Giving thanks

I'm thankful that I'm still here. That despite all the endless health problems, I'm still kicking. Maybe not as vigorously as I once did, but there's still a two-step or even a -- if I'm lucky --
pas de deux left in me.

I'm thankful that my problem is over-eating and not starvation. The grim fact is most of the world doesn't have enough food. I suffer from a lack of willpower and not a lack of substance.

I'm thankful that the good guys still outnumber the bad guys in the world, despite all the press coverage given to the villains. Each day millions of us get up and go to work and love each other and do the best we can. We keep the world working. We are the true heroes.

I'm thankful that Americans are the most generous people in the world. Yes, we're wealthy and certainly spoiled, but we give more money to the less fortunate than any other country in the world. We fight poverty, starvation, ignorance, and disease, and we pray and hope people find better lives and sometimes we stumble in our eagerness, but we try.

I'm thankful that books have always been a part of my life. I have spent most of my live in worlds that don't exist and living lives that could have never been mine. I'm thankful for all the wonderful authors who have touched my life: J.R.R. Tolkien, Terry Pratchett, Stephen R. Donaldson, Mary Stewart, Holly Lisle, Glen Cook, Susanna Gregory, Jim Butcher, Jack McDevitt, James Rollins, Clive Cussler, Rita Mae Brown, C.S. Lewis, Neal Stephenson, Caroyln Hart, Tony Hillerman, Mary Brown, David Brin, Robert Jordan, Robert Asprin, Lindsey Davis, Arthur C. Clarke ... The list goes on and on.

I'm thankful that we can remember to laugh even when we don't feel like it. Humor is an uniquely human quality. I'm thankful for humorists, such as: Bob Hope, Dave Barry, Jean Kerr, Patrick McManus, Mark Twain, Ellen Degeneres, Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Don Knotts, Tim Conway, Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Eddie Izzard, Elayne Boosler, Dawn French, and many others.

I'm thankful for my readers, those of this blog and my books. Their feedback and support makes the writing flow easier. Many times I'm discouraged and think I should give up, but then I'll get an email or comment or someone buys a book, and I keep putting those words on paper.

I'm thankful for science. Admittedly, it has made horrible mistakes, but it has given us amazing things and opened the universe to us. It's humbling to look at all the things I don't know and exciting to think of all the things I can learn. We can use technology to make our lives and environment better. All things are possible, and science helps make those possibilities into realities.

I'm thankful for my family and friends. Without their love, I don't know what I'd be or where I'd be, but I suspect I wouldn't like it. They enrich, exasperate, excite, and exalt my life. I wouldn't have it any other way even if I could.

I'm thankful for my faith, my many blessings, and my connection with God. Life is good, despite its problems or maybe because of them. Life's ironies and surprises keep my interest as nothing else can. I hope I live a long time. I hope you live a long time, too. Let's grow old together, and be thankful for our long years.

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made:

Our times are in His hand

Who saith "A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!"

Robert Browning

Press conference

Hello. I'm Stephen B. Bagley. Thank you for coming to this press conference. Today we're going to be talking about the recent release of my latest mystery novel Murder by the Acre, the sequel to last year's Murder by Dewey Decimal. In the new novel, librarian Bernard M. Worthington and reporter Lisa Trent stumble on the body of a local jeweler and ladies’ man in an underground house. As the young couple and Police Chief Donaldson investigate, they find themselves drawn into a confusing mystery of lies and alibis that involves the upper crust of Ryton, Oklahoma. Questions abound: Who killed him and how? Why doesn’t the widow care that her husband is dead? Why doesn’t his mistress? What does the mysterious Aventura Corporation have to do with the murder? What is the corporation hiding? Soon events spiral out-of-control as the killer strikes again and again. As the three dig for the truth, they upset powerful, vengeful people. The chief might lose his job, but Bernard and Lisa could lose their lives. We'll open the floor for questions now.

Will it keep zombies away?

Uh ... what?

Will it keep zombies away?

Sure. Whatever. Next question.

What about evil aliens from distant stars?

What? Yeah, of course.

Does it come with a guarantee?

Of what?

That it keeps evil aliens away.

I don't ... Why don't we move on?

On the zombie question, I'd like to follow up. Why do zombies always want to eat brains?

Good question!

Thank you. I felt like it needed to be asked. Livers, sure. Kidneys, certainly. But brains?

I really have no answers on any zombie questions. Murder by the Acre is not horror or science fiction. It is a murder mystery set in a small town in Oklahoma. Let's stay on course. Does anyone have a question regarding my book?

Yes, I do. Why is there so much sex in the book?

Sex? There isn't. I mean, there is some adultery because of the nature of the mystery, but it's not a ...

So when you think sex, you think adultery.

... sex book. No, that's not what I said. Did you read the book?

I find reading the book only confuses the issues.

Exactly.

Oh, good point.

I'd really like to get the zombie question settled.

I do find it interesting that he never answered it.

"They" probably got to him. The military/secret service. The men in black. Don't expect any answers from him. I pity him.

Is there anyone who has a question about my book? Anyone?

I was probed once.

How exciting! Was it the greenies or the grays?

Anyone? I'm beggin' you.

My second cousin knows a man whose brother's wife's uncle's son was probed. It changed his life. He became a free-range Methodist.

I once dated a Methodist. Don't they wear those skullcaps?

You're thinking of Northern Baptists. They wear skullcaps?

The beings who probed me wore skullcaps. Could they be connected to the Northern Baptists?

I guess we'll close. You can order Murder by the Acre below. I need an aspirin.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
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Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

Cold

I have a terrible cold. Can't hardly breathe. Drowning in snot. Coughing up various organs. The usual aches and pains. Sigh. At least I have Thursday off. That will be nice. Hope things are going well for you. I just have to make it through work tomorrow. Talk to you later.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
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Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

Photos from the Muldrow book signing

Several people attended the Muldrow signing, including three of my aunts and three classmates from high school. I had a good time visiting with them. I sold 21 books -- Murder by the Acre, EndlesS, and even a couple Murder by Dewey Decimal. Still in the hole, but not as deep as I was. I appreciate the Muldrow Public Library and Stanley Tubbs Memorial Library hosting me, and I appreciate my friends and family for helping me launch Murder by the Acre.

















Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
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Sallisaw book signing

Here I am at Sallisaw. Just me, a bunch of books, and an empty room. That's right. No one has shown up. Nada. I thought I'd be more upset because I do have a lot of books to sell -- I'm in the hole about $900 at this point -- but I'm rather calm, all things considered. I only sold six here last year, and apparently those six aren't back for seconds.

I was actually born in the hospital in this town. Just a few blocks from where I'm typing this is where I entered the world at. Of course, I was raised in Muldrow, which about eight or nine miles farther down the road.

One of my dad's lady friends stopped by just then to see me. She hugged me, asked how I was doing, flipped through a book, wished me luck, and was gone. After my mom passed away, my dad dated a few women; she was the first. Unfortunately, we children weren't kind to her. I've always regretted that. I might regret it more if she had bought a book.

Now it's just me again. They have a coffee maker in the room that makes a terrible noise every now and then. It's sort of comforting. Now a train is going by. The library at Sallisaw is the old railroad depot building. The train is making the whole building tremble. The building has a lot of character and charm, but it needs some repairs done as well as some maintenance.

Lots of books, of course. Nothing has quite the aroma of old books. It's musty with the overscent of old glue and paper. New books have a scent all their own.

The Ada librarian told me about a few people who had poorly attended book signings. Apparently they took it badly. I'm doing okay other than the occasional suicidal impulse. The Sallisaw librarian just bought a book -- a pity sale, but hey, pity money spends just like regular money. It's going on the library shelves so maybe someone will read it here. Or not. You can only let your baby go into the world. You have to have faith in the story and your talent.

At this moment, I still have faith. I know the book is better. I know the story is stronger, the characters better defined, the dialogue sharper and funnier. That's all I ultimately am responsible for. Well, I guess the publicity, too, but I did all I could do within the limits of my budget. That has to be enough. Or not.

My roomie came down here with me. He's concerned about how I'm taking this, which I appreciate. I have had enough losses in my life, however, to not let this one do more than ... well ... depress me a little. This is my life, and I have lots of blessings. Apparently not book sale blessings, but blessing nonetheless. Tomorrow I'll have another signing. Another day.

*

Mary Ann, a good friend of mine, stopped by. She bought two books, and we had a wonderful conversation. We hadn't had a chance to really talk in years. She redeemed the book signing for me. An unexpected and appreciated blessing.

I hope things are going well for you. Talk to you tomorrow!

Taters away!

I’m living a nightmare. A terrible nightmare. What’s so sad about this is that I chose this nightmare. As I lay awake at night struggling with these terrible urges, I tell myself I chose this. But it’s cold comfort when I’ve got the shakes and need a large order of French fries now!

Yes, I’m attempting to give up potatoes. I’ve started the 7-Day Potato Famine. Seven long days with no potatoes. And this gets worse: although seven days start the famine, I’m supposed to give up potatoes forever. No French fries, no baked potato, no hash browns, no scalloped potatoes, no sour cream and potato soup, French onion potato chips … Pardon me while I weep.

Of course, the problem with potatoes is they’re loaded with carbs. Delicious fat-producing carbohydrates. (Why can’t lettuce be delicious?) Even medium-sized potatoes have 33 grams of carbs, and that’s before you add all the tasty toppings: the melted butter, the cloud-like sour cream, the savory bacon bits … Makes your mouth water, doesn’t it?

And that’s what I’m giving up. For my health. Whee. I can contain my excitement. I’ll live longer, of course. Without potatoes. Sigh. Although I’ve done it so far. With almost no complaints or none to speak of if you know what’s good for you.

The Potato Famine isn’t even the worst of this diet I’ve placed myself on. The Soft Drink Drought is coming. I dread that more than I do a root canal. Listen, I dread that more than I would listening to another political speech!

And I haven’t started talking about Walking to Jericho, in which I, a few other people, and some irritable camels attempt to walk from my town to Jericho. Six thousand eight hundred and eighty-four miles. Only 6877.5 miles to go. Yes, it’s sheer madness. Almost as mad as giving up potatoes forever. (See the Great SlimDown for details and progress reports on our fantastic journey.)

When I’m thin, I will have a potato again. Once in a while. But that’s a hundred pounds off. That’s right. Not a single potato will pass my lips to end on my hips until I’ve lost 100 pounds. And if, God forbid, I die before then, please see to it that my coffin is filled with Idahoes.

Of course, you’re reading this while eating potato chips. I can hear you chewing. No, it’s too late. You can go ahead and swallow. I won’t hurt you. Much. I’ll even give you a head start. Now put down the bag and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Copyright 2008 by Stephen B. Bagley

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
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Photos from Ada book signing

Most of the photos from the book signing didn't turn out, but I wanted to share these three. Everyone who attended was really nice, and we had a good time, and I sold some books! The sugar-free refreshments provided by Librarian Jennifer Greenstreet and the Ada Public Library were especially appreciated. I wish y'all all could have been there.







Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
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Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

Press release on next signings

SEQUOYAH COUNTY — Author and Muldrow native Stephen B. Bagley will sign copies of his newly released humorous mystery novel Murder by the Acre at the Stanley Tubbs Memorial Library, 101 East Cherokee Street, Sallisaw, Friday, November 21, 3 to 5 p.m., and at the Muldrow Public Library, 711 West Shawntel Blvd, Muldrow, Saturday, November 22, 10 a.m. to 1 p.m.

In the new novel, librarian Bernard M. Worthington and reporter Lisa Trent stumble on the body of a local jeweler and ladies’ man in an underground house. As the young couple and Police Chief Donaldson investigate, they find themselves drawn into a confusing mystery of lies and alibis that involves the upper crust of Ryton, Oklahoma. Questions abound: Who killed him and how? Why doesn’t the widow care that her husband is dead? Why doesn’t his mistress? What does the mysterious Aventura Corporation have to do with the murder? What is the corporation hiding? Soon events spiral out-of-control as the killer strikes again and again. As the three dig for the truth, they upset powerful, vengeful people. The chief might lose his job, but Bernard and Lisa could lose their lives in this suspenseful sequel to Murder by Dewey Decimal.

Advance reader Gloria Williams of the website Wry Words said the book was “…even better than Murder by Dewey Decimal. Funny, surprising, and exciting. I can’t wait for the next one.”

“This book was especially enjoyable to write because the story constantly surprised me,” Bagley said. “The characters went places and did things I didn’t expect. It was a lot of fun.”

Also available at the signing will be EndlesS, a collection of poetry by Bagley published this summer. Murder by the Acre is the second novel in Bagley’s Measurements of Murder Mystery™ series. The third book in the series, Murder by the Mile, will be released 2009. Murder by the Acre, Murder by Dewey Decimal, and EndlesS will be available for purchase at the signings.

Bagley also wrote the full-length plays Murder at the Witch’s Cottage and Two Writers in the Hands of an Angry God and co-wrote Turnabout. His poetry has been published in Byline Magazine, Prairie Songs, Free Star, and other publications. He co-authored two one-act plays -- "Hogwild" and "There’s A Body In The Closet" -- that were published by Dramatic Publishing Co. His articles and humorous essays have been published in Nautilus Magazine, OKMagazine, Pontotoc County Chronicles, Your Country Music Magazine, various Oklahoma newspapers, and other publications.

Bagley graduated from Oklahoma State University in Stillwater. For more information about Bagley’s books, plays, poetry and essays, visit his website 51313 Harbor Street at www.51313.blogspot.com.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
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Review of "Murder by the Acre"

(Reprinted by permission)

By Gloria Williams

I always approach sequels with a certain amount of trepidation, particularly if I enjoyed the previous work. Rarely does the author improve upon his original vision, and much of the joy of discovery is gone. I’m delighted to say Stephen B. Bagley’s new mystery novel, Murder by the Acre, is a happy exception. It’s even better than Murder by Dewey Decimal, the first novel in Bagley’s Measurements of Murder™ series.

In Murder by the Acre, most of the original characters from the first book return. Bernard, Lisa, and the chief are back as well as the chief’s strong-minded wife Maggie, the efficient Lt. Sims, the annoying Hyatt family, the ever politically minded Ryton Mayor Otis Brunson, and many others. If you’re a cat lover as I am, you’ll be glad to hear that Obsidian, Lisa’s black cat, is also back and has a larger role this time around, although not as large as Obsidian obviously deserves.

Ryton, Oklahoma, expands in this book. We meet many of its citizens, most of whom have something to hide. Ryton is a small town of gossip, romance, adultery, secrets, and intrigue. It’s the Peyton Place of Oklahoma. It’s not a surprise some of these secrets lead to murder; what is surprising is more of them don’t! There are several characters in this book who would drive a sane person to homicide if you had to spend a lot of time with them and knew what is finally revealed in this book.

Bagley juggles many minor plots in this book and never drops a one. I was impressed by his ability to conclude all of them in satisfactory fashion. In fact, he brings two minor plots to a surprising and clever conclusion on nearly the last page of the book. I didn’t even realize the two plots were connected until the revelation.

As for the murders, they are baffling and terrible. I actually figured out who was responsible halfway through this book and then changed my mind when I misinterpreted a clue later on. Bagley plays fair with the clues, but figuring out which clue points to which person is a real challenge. He is also clever in the way he hides clues in plain sight. When every clue comes together at the end, they make perfect sense. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but I will give you a hint — “how” is just as important as “why” in this book and will eventually lead you to “who,” although it’s a hard path to follow.

I finished Murder by the Acre in one sitting and wished the book had been longer. (It is longer than Murder by Dewey Decimal.) Not because Bagley didn’t finish the story, but because I was enjoying visiting Ryton so much I hated to leave.

As always I enjoyed the relationship between the chief and Maggie. Their loving marriage of many years rings true. Bernard and Lisa’s relationship faces several hurdles this time around, but those are the perils of any love affair. Lisa’s past and her insecurity may complicate their future together, but I hope they will work things through. I want to see how things turn out between these two young people and look forward to reading more about them.

Bagley is especially talented in his portrayal of the minor characters. With a few deft sentences, he brings the smallest of characters to life. I know what Lisa’s brash cousin Lorene looks like and how she acts even though we never “see” Lorene in the book.

And I mustn’t forget the one-liners. Thankfully, Bagley can’t resist a good zinger, and several of them are laugh-out loud funny.

If you pick up Murder by the Acre, you won’t be disappointed. It’s funny, surprising, and exciting. I can’t wait for the next one.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
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Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

BOOK SIGNING TODAY!

I and some friends went to see classical guitarist Peter Fletcher last night at a free concert at the Ada Library. Awesome! I was very impressed. I purchased two of his CDs. You can hear snippets of his work at www.peterfletcher.com.

My book signing for Murder by the Acre is TODAY at the Ada Public Library from 4-6 p.m. Drop by if you can. I'll be in the main part of the library. I'd love to see ya, and you can register to win over $100 in Measurements of Murder books and merchandise. In fact, the signing is less than two hours away so I've got to do some more preparation work. Talk to you later.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

Newspaper story

They cut the press release quite a bit, but the important facts are there so I appreciate the publicity.

From the Ada Evening News, Sunday, 11-9-2008

Local author to sign copies of his new book

ADA — Local author Stephen B. Bagley will sign copy of his new mystery novel “Murder by the Acre” at Ada Public Library Friday, Nov. 14, from 4-6 p.m.

“Murder by the Acre” is the sequel to last year’s “Murder by Dewey Decimal.” In the new novel, a young couple stumble upon the body of a jeweler/ladies man in an underground house. As Bernard and Lisa and Police Chief Donaldson investigate, they find themselves drawn into a confusing mystery of lies and alibis that involve the upper crust of Ryton, Okla. Questions abound: Who killed him and how? Why doesn’t the widow care that her husband is dead? Why doesn’t his mistress? What does the mysterious Aventura Corporation have to do with the murder? What is the corporation hiding? Soon events spiral out-of-control as the killer strikes again and again. As the three dig for the truth, they upset powerful, vengeful people. The chief might lose his job, but Bernard and Lisa could lose their lives in this next entry in the Measurements of Murder Mystery series.

The novel will be available for purchase at the book signing. The softcover will be priced at $17.95.

Prayer request

Frenzied Feline's dad passed away unexpectedly this morning. Please remember her and her whole family in your prayers.

Overhaul, etc.

I started my Complete Body Overhaul yesterday. Go to the Great SlimDown. You’ll be hearing more about the Overhaul here, but the Great SlimDown will be the main source of information.

I've been mailing out the Murder by the Acre bookmark, designed by the talented Frenzied Feline, and everyone who has received it -- and I do mean everyone -- have raved about how nice it looks. My older sister said it was one of the nicest she had ever seen, and as a librarian, she receives a lot of bookmarks from authors and publishers. Perhaps FF needs to start a career as a graphic designer. I bet she would be great.

Speaking of the MBTA bookmark, one can be yours in the Win A Bookmark contest. Just 1) comment in comments that you want one and 2) send me your snail mail address (mailing address), and I'll get one right out to you while supplies last. I have 44 bookmarks left for this giveaway.

I spent today doing housework and working on the September (!) family newsletter. I finished it. I'm printing it now. I started the October newsletter and hope to finish it this week. Then I'll do the November one before end of the month. I hope.

I wrote the following humor column for the September family newsletter. I thought I'd share it here.

The joys of getting older and other lies

I celebrated my 47th birthday in July. Well, not really celebrated. Mourned might be the better word. Not that I minded getting older. In fact, other than cold sweats, weeping, wailing, sudden fits, and gnashing of teeth, I was quite calm about it.

Just think: the world has endured – uh, enjoyed 47 years of me. This does explain a few things, doesn’t it? Global warming, environmental degradation, those CD cases that are impossible to get into without a cutting torch — I had nothing to do with any of those so why are you blaming me?

What really annoys me about getting older is how my body is wearing out. You’d figure after all this work I’ve done in avoiding work in any fashion, I’d be in better shape. I mean, why would my body be wearing out? It hasn’t had to do anything in years!

But my eyes are going bad, my back wants to fold up like a Republican’s conscience, my waist is expanding faster than a Democrat’s budget, my hair is departing my scalp and moving into my ears, and my brain is forgetting things I didn’t even know I knew.

Speaking of my brain, the other day someone asked me some question and I was trying to remember something when someone else came by and maybe asked the same question and I told another someone about how that first someone was always asking something about something, if you know what I mean.

I’m not saying I’m over the hill, but the view is awesome from where I’m at. I can see for miles and miles and miles, or I could if I could find my glasses. Oh, they’re on top of my head. Who put them there? Someone’s been sneaking in and moving things around my house. Probably those pesky Methodists again.

I blame my siblings for my advancing age: my older sister gets older and she pulls my older brother along, and he pulls me along, and my younger sister pushes me from behind! It’s no wonder I’m not as young as I used to be! If my older sister would just stop, this senseless aging would be over. I’m sure my other siblings wouldn't. But she has up a head of steam, and if I know my older sister — and I do, despite her claims that she’s never heard of me — she’s not going to stop until we all reach our 90s. Or older.

Well, there are worse things than being only 37. Shut up now. No one needs your math.

And now I'll close. Night! Talk to you tomorrow.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.
Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

MBTA items

I've been playing over at Cafepress.com and put together these new items on the Murder by the Acre merchandise page. They're goofy cool, I think. Feel free to order something. What great Christmas gifts they would make! Ahem.


The mug for your green tea and/or beverage of your choice.


A pillow for your weary head.


Longsleeves to keep you warm this fall.


And a box to keep your precious things.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

And have you requested your FREE Murder by the Acre bookmark? All you have to do to get one is 1) comment in comments that you want one and 2) send me your snail mail (USPS) address by email, and I’ll mail a lovely Murder by the Acre bookmark direct to you while supplies last. This bookmark, lovingly designed by the talented Frenzied Feline, can be yours by 1) commenting in comments that you want one and 2) sending me your snail mail (USPS) address by email. I have 44 bookmarks left for this giveaway. Trixie, Frenzied Feline, Adam Huckeby, Roen, Michelle, and PowerSleeper have all been mailed their mark for books. Join them in bookmark bliss. Be one of the Fab 50 and claim your bookmark today!

When more people have the book, I'll be running a couple of contests where you can win MBTA merchandise. Cool, eh?

Not much else happened today. I was off this afternoon and spent it in housework and errands as well as working on Murder by the Mile. Yes, I've started the next one. I said there would be at least three, and three there will be at least, barring acts of deity and nature.

And now I'll close. I hope things are going well for you. Take care, and buy Murder by the Acre. My creditors would appreciate it. Night!

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.

Shameless promotion

The election is over -- thank the good Lord for that -- so now y’all can concentrate wholeheartedly on Murder by the Acre … Fine, have a life. See if I care.

Except I do care. BUY MURDER BY THE ACRE!!! Go HERE or HERE and buy your copy now! I SAID NOW!!! Get them while they’re fresh! Don’t be left out! Be the first in your neighborhood! Flaunt your new shiny book! I SAID FLAUNT!!! And maybe some strutting, too.

Enough of this shameless selling, this endless nagging for you to BUY MURDER BY THE ACRE. Did I mention I need money to pay for an operation for my aged aunt? Poor auntie … sweet elderly aunt … who needs you to BUY MURDER BY THE ACRE!!!

And why haven’t you requested your FREE bookmark from me? WHY? All you have to do to get one is 1) comment in comments that you want one and 2) send me your snail mail (USPS) address by email, and I’ll mail a lovely Murder by the Acre bookmark direct to you while supplies last. This bookmark, lovingly designed by the talented Frenzied Feline, can be yours by 1) comment in comments that you want one and 2) send me your snail mail (USPS) address by email. I have 45 bookmarks left. Trixie, Frenzied Feline, Adam Huckeby, Roen, and Michelle have all requested and been mailed their precious bookmarks. Join them in bookmark bliss. Be one of the Fantastic 50 and claim your bookmark today!

WE INTERRUPT THESE COMMERCIAL MESSAGES FOR SOME CONTENT:

So how are you? Survived the election, I hope. Whether or not your candidates won, I hope you enjoyed being part of the process.

Hey, this is cool: Classical guitarist Peter Fletcher will perform at Ada Public Library Thursday, Nov. 13, at 6 p.m. The performance is free and open to the public. (This is the night before my book signing for Murder by the Acre.) He’s a world-class performer and has been on TV and radio. Naturally he’s won tons of awards and been featured in many music magazines. He has a couple of CDs out. Very cool that he’s coming to Ada. I’m going to be there. Join me!

I’ve been reading a very interesting book called Anticancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber. He espouses a nutritional approach to cancer prevention. (He supports both nutritional and medical treatments if you have cancer.) Not sure how much of this will be eventually proved by studies and research, but he makes a great case for drinking green tea, Kirsten and Michelle! It’s interesting reading whatever you might think of his conclusions.

My books arrived this afternoon! Finally I get to hold them in my hands. Publication seems nebulous until I hold the finished product. These books are for my book signing at the Ada Public Library, next Friday, Nov. 14, 4-6 p.m. I hope to see you there.

And now I'll close for the evening. You take care. Night! Oh, and BUY MURDER BY THE ACRE!

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

1st MBTA contest modified

EDITED ONCE AGAIN TO ADD: Guess who's going to get a box of his book tomorrow? Yeah, me! That's right. Fed Express is scheduled to deliver a box of my books tomorrow sometime. I will hold my baby in my hands. I'm so excited! Wahoo!

EDITED AGAIN TO ADD: To get a bookmark, 1) comment. Then 2) send me your snail mail address by email. I have this nifty program that will grab your snail mail address out of your email and make it into a label. I'm lazy. I don't want to type. I am sending a bookmark to: Trixie, Adam, Michelle, Frenzied Feline, and Roen. Surely you'd like a bookmark, too? We have 45 left. Come on, you know you want one. They're pretty cool.

EDITED TO ADD: Trixie has sent me her snail address so a bookmark will be snailing its way to her tomorrow. I should have mentioned if you want a bookmark, say so in comments and then send me your snail address. Yes, I want comments. Yes, I'm giving away bookmarks for comments. Me bad.

I have been told the Win A Bookmark Contest is too hard. That my creative and intelligent readers are having trouble figuring out legal, cheap, and reasonable ways for me to publicize Murder by the Acre that I hadn't already thought of and listed in yesterday's post.

Fine. I find that hard to believe, but fine. I'll modify the contest. Send me your snail mail address by email, and I'll send you a bookmark, one per address per request. The contest will still end Nov. 30, 2008 if not sooner because I'm only going to allot 50 bookmarks for the contest. When those 50 are gone, the contest be over.

Winners so far are:

Adam Huckeby
Frenzied Feline
Roen

Although I don't know if any of those three have sent me their snail mail address yet. (Yes, I know I have your snail addresses already, but send them anyway!) That means we have 47 bookmarks left, always assuming these three send their snail mail addresses to me.

By the way, at the book signings, each book has a bookmark with it. So come to the book signings! Also at the signings, you can register to win over $100 in MBTA, MBDD, and EndlesS merchandise. Is that cool or what?

Subject change: I continue to wrestle with health issues. I wish the doctors would figure out what's wrong. I've been attempting to take better care of myself. Vitamins, rest, healthy food, controlling my blood sugar, etc. I figure that such care couldn't hurt and should help.

My brother-in-law had another seizure and fell at church while taking up the offering. His glasses cut one eyebrow to the bone. He's doing okay, but the doctors have yet to tell them what's going on. They go back to the doctor for test results tomorrow. Keep him in your prayers.

127 people lost their jobs at our local hospital last week. Many of them are my friends and/or customers. Keep them in your prayers, too. For most, it was completely unexpected. 127 may not sound like much to you, depending on where you live, but for my little town, it was a hard economic blow. It accounts for over six million dollars in salaries lost, and that ain't chicken feed.

I read Ted Dekker's Blink the other day. The book is Christian fiction with a thriller/science fiction slant. (Did you see the movie Next? It has similar elements in it.) I liked the book and recommend it, but at times, I could feel it straining at the constraints placed on it by its genre. (An example: at the end of the book, our hero confronts one of the villains and calls him a "chump." It didn't ring right.) And there are couple of places where the religious discussion seems forced, but the action keeps moving, the characters are appealing, and it raises some interesting questions about free will and the nature of God. Check it out.

I started writing on Murder by the Mile. It's actually my novel for National Novel Writing Month, which is going on now. I'm in Nano, but not sure if I will get 50,000 words before month's end. I'm still enjoying all the writing and being part of the event. That's enough for me right now.

And now I'll close. You have a good day. Vote. Buy Murder by the Acre. Talk to you later.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

60 days & 1st MBTA contest

After Murder by Dewey Decimal was published, I was asked several times by other self-published authors why the book sold so well -- for a self-published novel, that is. Some of its success, I hope, was that the book told a good story. The rest of it was my commitment to do 60 days of publicity for MBDD.

During those 60 days, I did something each day to let people know about MBDD and how to buy it. This ran from sending out emails to telling someone in my office about it. I made some mistakes last time. I won’t repeat those this time, but will probably make some new ones with the publicity for Murder by the Acre.

Here are my publicity ideas for MBTA’s 60 Days.

1. Email announcement on the day it was published. Done.
2. Sign on the window at my office. Done.
3. Give links each day on blog. Done so far, although I didn’t post yesterday.
4. Announce book on Facebook. Done.
5. Announce book on MySpace. Not yet.
6. Send out invites for book signings. I have 50 invites ready for the Ada book signing. I will mail them later this week. I need to put together a list of 50 names for the Sallisaw and Muldrow book signings and get those invites ready to mail next week.
7. Promote MBTA merchandise, such as t-shirts, boxes, etc. Not done much of this yet. Will soon.
8. Mail postcards to Oklahoma libraries. I will do this as soon as MBTA shows up in Books in Print so they could actually order it.
9. Print bookmarks for book signings and for giveaways. Done with help from Frenzied Feline who designed the front of the MBTA bookmark and did a great job.
10. Tell at least one person a day about the book. Done so far.
11. Solicit book reviews for online retailers’ sites. Weeell, I’ll do this if the book shows up there. Doesn’t look likely for Amazon at present. We’ll have to wait and see.
12. Post excerpts on blog. Will do.
13. Run contests on blog. Will do.
14. Print sales info labels and put on back of all mail sent out. Been doing this for a while.
15. Wear MBTA clothing around town. Haven’t don’t this yet, but will do.
16. Do book signings. Have three scheduled and am looking around for more.
17. Send press releases to newspapers, radio stations, TV stations, etc. Not yet, but will do.
18. Posters around town. Not done and not sure if I got any response from them, but maybe.

Well, that’s what I’ve thought of so far. What can you think of? That question leads us into our first contest.

Win A Bookmark

1. Think of something that I can do to get publicity for MBTA. (It has to be legal, cheap, and reasonable. By reasonable, I mean something possible that I could reasonably do.)
2. Post it on this blog on this post.
3. Email your snail address to me. Then you’ll get a nifty MBTA bookmark (one per request) while supplies last. (I have several hundred so your odds are good.) Contest ends November 30, 2008.

And now I’ll close for the evening. I have to work on those invitations. Have a great night. Talk to you tomorrow.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

Bookmark this!

Both versions of Murder by the Acre -- softcover and hardcover -- are now on sale. A great weight has been lifted from me. I feel ... weird and strangely disconnected. I'm always this way after a project ends until a new project claims me. Of course, I have to start work on all the publicity for MBTA. Speaking of which, Frenzied Feline designed the front of the giveaway bookmark for me. Here it is:



And here's the back:



The faint green and blue lines on the bookmark will not print. They're part of the publishing process. I had the bookmarks printed by PrintPlace.com. They did a good job. I've very pleased with how they turned out. Of course, Frenzied designed an excellent front so they had good material to work with.

I have a busy day planned so I'm going to get to it. Have a great day!

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in softcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre in hardcover.

Click here to order Murder by the Acre merchandise.

FINALLY!!!

MURDER BY THE ACRE ON SALE NOW!!!

Here's the link to buy Murder by the Acre in softcover. The hardcover link will go up sometime tonight. (I hope.)