Dear Driver in the Black Truck,
Riding my bumper in traffic in no way makes me go faster. I couldn't even if I wanted to go over the speed limit because there were three cars in front of me. It does occur to me that perhaps your truck was making advances on my car; if so, inform the nasty brute that my car is a respectable church-going Baptist and isn't that type of car.
Sincerely,
Me
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