Wednesday, October 27, 2010

November insanity

In November, I will be participating in an act of complete insanity. No, I’m not talking about wearing a ballerina tutu to Sunday School — where do you come up with stuff like that? — no, I’m talking about writing a 50,000 word book in one month as part of National Novel Writing Month 2010.

Yes, that’s right. Fifty thousand words, the average length of any IRS rule. That works out to about 1,667 words a day. And that is – figuring an average of 250 words per page – 6.67 pages a day. Doesn’t sound like much, does it? Well, you try it, bucko. You’ll soon find it’s as difficult as getting a Republican to give to a charity without him/her getting a receipt for the tax deduction.

Not impossible, just difficult. I’ve done it three times now. Particpate in NaNoWriMo, I mean. (I don’t try to get Republicans to be generous; that’s as hard as getting a Democrat to be moral.) I wrote Murder by the Acre, Tin Man Dark, and Darkness, Oklahoma during NaNoWriMo.

Notice that the emphasis during NaNoWriMo is for quantity, not quality. It’s words you want; editing comes later. For instance, Murder by the Acre turned out very well. But Darkness, Oklahoma has flaws I’m still trying to fix, and Tin Man Dark is as badly written as Obama’s healthcare plan.

I just noticed I’m being very political during this column. You can blame it on the myriad myriad myriad political ads playing on TV right now. I can’t wait until the November elections are over, and TV can get back to airing all those lovely constipation relief and male enhancement ads. Anything beats listening to lies, misrepresentations, and general all around bitterness. (Which is yet another reason you shouldn’t talk to any of my former girlfriends.) I think the worst part of the elections is that either of the parties has to win. I’d like to vote for a third party.

Anyway, I’m not the only one who participates in NaNoWriMo. Last year, over 165,000 people gave themselves over to literary abandon. This year, they expect over 200,000 people. If insanity it be, it be a growing insanity.

You’re welcome to join us. The more nuts in the bowl, the better. Perhaps you’ve longed to tell a story for some time, perhaps a lovely story where a young innocent teenager falls in love with a creature of the night who makes her into an evil creature of the night who runs for public office, but enough about Sarah Palin’s biography. If you like to know more (about NaNoWriMo, not Sarah Palin) go to http://nanowrimo.org where you can find out more information than you probably wanted to know.

You’ll also meet people there who will enthusiastically support your writing efforts and share with you many writing tips as well as their original plots about a young innocent teenager who falls in love with a werewolf, vampire, zombie, cyborg, alien, ninja and/or wizard. Stephenie Meyer has a lot to answer for.

I recommend NaNoWriMo to anyone who has a literary impulse. Even if you don’t reach 50,000 words, just the attempt and all the cool people you meet — people who thinking writing is not only fun, but even noble and uplifting — makes it worth the time commitment. So join up! I’d love to have you writing with me. Unless, of course, you make the 50,000 words and I don’t, in which case, you will be disemboweled. Which won’t hurt a bit. Well, it won’t hurt me a bit. You’ll be in terrible unending pain, rather like attending a Justin Bieber concert but not as bad.

So now you know what I will be doing in November. I will be pitting myself against the pitiless white page, or really the terrible blinking cursor on my computer screen. When you think of me in November — and you will because I’m in your thoughts always — think of my bravery. And send cash. Or cookies. Cash and cookies would be best.

Copyright 2010 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without prior written permission.

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2 comments:

Jean said...

Ahem. I'm not sure about Oklahoma, but down here, there are usually four parties on the ballot -- Democrat, Republican, Green, and Libertarian. Unfortunately, I've never heard of anyone actually getting a Third Party going. I hear lots of speculation, but for some reason, members of the Third Party seem to have difficulty finding the ballot.

Anonymous said...

I wish Oklahoma would let a third party on the ballot. It's the one thing you can count on Democrats and Republicans agreeing on in this state.

Good luck on NanoNano -- sorry, I can't remember the acronym, but you know what I mean.

--Gail