Some people can’t be helped. Agree or disagree?
I’ve come to the conclusion that some people won’t allow themselves to be helped. Plenty of help is offered, but they have chosen to be miserable. They keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result even though experience should tell them what they’re doing will never work. Until they choose differently, we can't save them or help them.
Some people are lazy and want someone else to do all the rescue work. Agree or disagree?
I’m out of the rescue business. Used to be that I’d throw myself into another person’s problems and hold their head above water and try to drag them to shore. That’s over. Oh, I still won’t let you drown, but you better be kicking your feet and moving your arms and trying to save yourself. We all need a little help in this world, but I’m not going to let you drag me to the bottom. And if I have to kick you in the face to make you let go, I will.
Some people would rather whine about their problems than take any positive steps to solve them. Agree or disagree?
Listen, I’ve been there. I’ve whined about my weight for years and years. That’s changed. I’m going to whine about exercise now. I’m going to tell how my legs felt after I walked a mile Thursday and Saturday. (Like they were going to fall off.) I’m going to tell you how much I ached the next morning just trying to get out of bed. I’m going to tell you how it takes time, precious time that I could be spending on my writing or other productive projects, but instead I’m at the park or on my street or at the fitness center putting one foot in front of the other and saying silently to myself, ‘Right, left, right, left, don’t forget to breathe, right, left, right, left, you can do this, right, left, right, left, it will get easier, right, left, right, left, oh Lord help me, right, left, right, left …” and repeat for thirty minutes or I reach a mile or have a heart attack. That's what I'm going to whine about now. My point, such as it is, is that I'm going to be whining about the solution instead of the problem. I think that's progress.
Some people have dined so long on negatively that they can’t recognize a feast when it’s set before them. Agree or disagree?
Been there, done that. Don’t want to be there anymore. When did the ability to be negative and snarky become the earmarks of intelligence? We’re good at tearing each other down. Maybe it’s time we learned better. I won’t ever be Pollyanna -- for one thing, I don’t have legs or curls for it -- but I don’t have to be Snidely Whiplash, either. Somewhere between, I expect.
Some people will take this as an attack on their lives. Agree or disagree?
Well, maybe they should. I don't have anyone in particular in mind, but if they can see themselves in it, perhaps it's for them. Mostly it's reminders for me. I have to take positive steps to change my life in a positive way. I need positive, encouraging people around me, people who believe in me and in themselves. We can make our lives better. Don't you want a better life? I know I do. And it's time to have it.
Some people haven't bought Murder by the Acre yet and they should. Agree or agree?
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8 comments:
Quit picking on me, you bully!
In order:
Agree. Long ago someone taught me that most people are exactly where they want to be. I doubted it at the time; no more.
Ambivalent. I think lazy people don't realize they are pulling others into the vortex. They might realize it more if they were left to sink until they recognize that things have gone awry.
Agree. Now shut up. No, not really. I'm sensitive to this because I have seen it in myself in full bloom and I'm trying very diligently to change it this year. Right now. No more whining -- that doesn't change a dad-blasted thing. I realize a co-worker and I have a really bad habit of repeating the same one-hour conversation about how bad our jobs are and how they have messed up our lives.
Agree. I see the glazed look in my co-worker's eyes when I challenge her to make a positive plan instead of complaining. I recognize it because I do it too, but now I'm fully aware.
Next. I told you to shut up, even though I lied and said "not really."
Lastly, of COURSE. I will as soon as my stinkin' job pays me enough to afford it, you! (LOL!) Actually, the fact that you are a frequently published author is a prime example of putting power into progress. Thanks for the stellar example!
By the way, the word verification is "letabled" --let abled. Let those of us who are able, DO. Forward march!
In general, I agree with you. I also agree with Trixie's ambivalent response.
Your good will can only extend so far. When it becomes clear the other person or persons don't really want to change and improve, you need to let them go. Devise a tough love statement when they start with you and stick by it. ("Tabitha, I'm sorry your boss keeps getting on you about being late every day, but we both know the only thing that's going to stop him is for you to devise and execute a plan to arrive at work on time or a little early. Until you're ready to do that, we need to discuss something else or end this conversation.") Don't let them drag you down.
Yes, we all do it to some point. I quit whining about my weight, because, clearly (to me anyway), I haven't been willing to do what I know I need to do to fix it, so why should I bore other people with my whininess? At least, I try not to.
Exercise, on the other, hand, I'm willing to do more of. I can comfortably walk a mile (which, for someone who used to run 8 miles a day is pathetic), and I'm happy doing it. After that, I get into all the whininess you mention -- it's takes too much time, blah, blah, blah.
Trixie,
You know I'd never pick on you ... 'cause you'd beat me up. :)
I guess I see some people who are lazy as being selfish so I do think they know what they're doing.
It's good to vent, and don't think I don't think people should. It's just that sometimes my venting never goes anywhere. I'm just ranting and not changing anything about life that led to the rant. Of course, I know there are things we can't change, but we should be attempting to change what we can.
Jean,
Your Tabitha statement is excellent, but I've known so many people who would react with anger when you said it. I have a friend who NEVER calls me with good news. Many times I duck his call just because I'm not up to listening to his complaints. When I've attempted to steer the conversation away from his never-ending problems, he gets offended. Why shouldn't his life be the most interesting thing in our world? And that's another point: People who complain all the time are only focusing on themselves. It is ultimately a selfish and self-destructive behavior.
This is an interesting complement to the bottom of my own post today. :-)
In what way, ER?
My post ended omn a whiney note. This post tells me to quit whining.
I hadn't read your post before I wrote this, ER, so you know I wasn't talking about you! Or was I ... :)
Caller ID can be a wonderful thing.
Years before we got married, my husband, after patiently listening to some of my gripes, suggested I'd be happier if I found something other than myself to focus on. Suggest your friends do this -- they can find a place to volunteer their efforts in almost any area where they have an interest, and maybe comparing other people's problems to theirs will help them gain perspective.
Even if they have legitimate problems, understanding they aren't alone can be a huge help.
If they become angry and don't act upon your advice or allow the subject to be changed, you may be their friend, but they aren't yours. It may be time to sever the ties -- at least for awhile.
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