That buzzing sound you hear

(Edited to add: I thought I had posted this Tuesday afternoon, but apparently I saved it as a draft. Anyway, here it is.)

      Pool temp is slowly edging on up. I figure it will be in the middle 80s tonight. At last I will be able to swim without spit freezing my jaws shut. I hope the penguins don't leave, though. They're good company and so cute. Tasty, too.
      I didn't try to go swimming last night because a) I had too much to do, yes, I do, please help me, someone, anyone, I'm beggin' you! and b) the mosquitoes were swarming like they were starring in a SciFi Channel movie. I stepped outside for about five minutes and killed nine that decided to dine on me.
      It was perfect weather for them critters last night. No wind, not too hot, lots of moisture in the stream near my house. They're breeding like ... well, something that breeds real fast. Paris Hilton, for instance. And those little vampires find me mighty tasty.
      In fact, I am the mosquito equivalent of French food. My blood tastes rich, creamy, and delicious. When they bite me, they have such a blissful expression on their little insect faces. You can tell they're thinking, "Yes, oh, yes, this is what I've been searching for my whole life!" Sometimes they break into song: "Oh sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you ..." Then I squash them because they can't sing worth a dime even though the orchestra sounds good.
      They die happy, though. They had a taste of me. In a very creepy sort of skin-crawling way, it's sweet, even romantic, although if you truly believe that, please stay away from me.
      Speaking of the SciFi Channel, did you know it actually made and aired a movie about a man who transformed into a mosquito. It was called -- and I'm not making this up -- "Mansquito." No, seriously, that's what it was called. In the movie, a serial killer is transformed into a huge mosquito/human hybrid and seeks to transform a woman into a womansquito so he can mate. (Apparently, he was one of those people rejected by Match.com.) It ends badly for him, and the woman doesn't get any child ... uh ... insect support at all. After the movie is over, she goes on welfare, receives food stamps, goes back to college, gets her degree, and is a shining example of how the system helps those less fortunate, even those having insect babies. I think we can all learn from her story, don't you?
      We burn those insect repellent candles outside, but they don't seem to do much, other than help put the females mosquitoes in a more romantic mood. The male mosquitoes would like me to play some Barry White music, too, but even though the males don't drink blood, I still think they're creepy, and I'm not going to help them get their insect groove on.
      On that slightly deranged note, I think I'll close. Have a great day!