The Hype Channel

      So I was watching this show on the Discovery Channel, and the explorers had traveled through horrible jungle to explore unknown territory. Eventually they find this cave. It's a big empty gray cave. No animals or fossils. Just a huge space underground with some rocks.
      The camera focused on an explorer who said, "This is wonderful! We're standing where no one has stood before! This is the most exciting moment of my life!" He couldn't have been happier if he'd just won the lottery and bought the Playboy Mansion. I, as a viewer, wasn't quite that excited. I mean, it was a nice cave, but it didn't have bats or blind fish or monsters or a lost civilization with lovely cave women. Just a big, empty echoing space that reminded me of Cheney's head. (Yeah, hold on tight. We're going for the big time. There'll also be a Clinton joke -- but I repeat myself.)
      The Discovery Channel does a lot of hyping of their shows. The sad thing is the commercials for the shows often show everything interesting in the show. Most of the rest of the programs are filled with talking heads. Sometimes those heads are interesting, particularly if they discussing a subject I like -- physics, space travel, futuristics, etc. -- but frequently they're about as interesting as Styrofoam cups. The Discovery Channel knows this so they send the camera zooming around the room like the viewers riding an insane roller coaster. The Travel Channel is bad about this, too. They also use weird camera angles like we're looking through the eyes of caffeine-buzzed bee. It's annoying. I've often turned off a show because it was turning my stomach -- but enough about the evening news.
      Of course, the Discovery Channel is doing its best to make science interesting. And that's not easy. We Americans like noise, action and sex in our entertainments, particularly in Congress, and we hate to listen to an informative show because we might learn something and then our brains wouldn't have room to keep up on the latest happenings on America's Top Model. The Discovery Channel knows this and has stooped to providing us with such fare as "The Science of Sex," which actually made dating, love and sex less interesting than the cave.
      Not that it's just America. All of humanity is busy seeking ways to be a bit dumber than their fellow man, woman or whatever. Which reminds me of this old joke: A scientist is at the zoo with his son. He points to the monkeys and tells his son, "We descended from them." At which point, one monkey turned to the other and said, "How insulting! They're blaming us!"
      Maybe The Discovery Channel should let the monkeys program their schedule. I'm sure there would be a lot more shows about the etiquette of mutual grooming and the joys of flinging poop, but hey, it has to be more interesting than that cave.

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