Monday, July 20, 2015

Mormons AKA LDS

(Sometimes I'm just in a mood to offend everyone...)

Mormons are a cult. That's what all the major Protestant denominations say. Same goes for the Catholics. No one likes the Mormons. Not in our neighborhood, people said when the Mormons wanted to build a temple in Oklahoma City a few years back. The Mormons did, and so far riots haven't happened. They still could, though. Stay alert.

Mormons are a cult. Say the word with me. "Cult." Conjures up images of dark rituals and bloody knives, mass suicides, and vicious murders. (Although to be fair, "Congress" does that to me, too.) You just know that Tabernacle choir is up to something as they give those sinister Christmas concerts.

Mormons are a cult. But they're a peculiar cult. They support having a strong families fanatically. They preach the Ten Commandments. They care for their members and keep them off of welfare. They practice a conservative approach to finances and tell their members to keep a year's supply of food and water for emergencies. In case of a zombie attack, find your Mormons. They got food.

Mormons are a cult. My fellow Baptists say so. You'd think the Mormons would preach against all the other faiths considering what the other faiths say about them. And the Mormons -- like all other faiths -- believe they have a lock on heaven, but they're very vocal in supporting the rights of people to worship in any faith. The Mormons have been attacked so much that they have a live and let live attitude toward other religions. Except during that pesky Mormon Militia era. And sometimes they use bribery and blackmail to make you vote for things that would make Satan blush ... no, wait, that's Congress again.

Mormons are a cult. A rich cult, some say. The church is very conservative in its spending. It invests its tithes in various corporations and then takes those earnings and invests them back in their programs. It also helps that they don't pay salaries to their leaders. That's right. It doesn't pay its preachers or those missionaries who you see on bikes or going door to door. That's one of the reasons I don't turn on my water sprinkler when I see them. Anymore.

Mormons are a cult. Knowledgeable people say so because the Mormons accept other books as being inspired by God, not just the Bible. The main one is the Book of Mormon, which is the account of Jesus ministering to the people of the Americas, supposedly interpreted by Joseph Smith from plates of gold. That always interests people, except the plates were lost so don't go digging up Utah. Unless you just like to dig. Whatever makes you happy.

Mormons are a cult. Actually they prefer to be called Latter-Day Saints now. The whole title of their church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It's easier just to say LDS. They would actually like to be called Christians, but let's not get crazy.

Mormons are a cult. They used to have multiple wives, but they did away with that in 1890. Oh, there are still some who practice it and call themselves Mormons just as there are people who bury their neighbors in the backyard and call themselves Methodists.

Mormons are a cult. But they're a large cult. They have 6.2 million members in America and 14.7 million worldwide. According to the National Council of Churches, they are the second fastest growing church in the U.S. Naturally you're going to find some jerks in a church that size. Maybe even some evil people. Don't send me your stories about Mormons attacking you, although I will accept stories about alien abductions unless they involve probing. Don't want to hear about probing, okay?

Mormons are a cult. They pay taxes, raise families (not always large despite the stereotype), help their neighbors, pray a lot, work a lot, laugh a lot, and generally behave like decent people should.

Mormons are a cult, aren't they?

Copyright 2015 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

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