Intervention

Let's go over this again because some of you didn't get the message:

I think it's time we have this out. I've tried to be nice about it, tried to avoid the subject, tried to be a peacemaker, but there comes a point where I have to make a stand: onions should be cooked until they are caramelized. Always. Soups, burgers, you name it.

I know you might feel differently. You might like them raw chopped up in your salad or in thick slices on your cheeseburger. God love you, you're wrong.

Now, this isn't a huge sin; you will still get into Heaven--I think--but it's important you understand how wrong it is. It's a gateway vegetable, and soon you will be mainlining raw turnips if you don't stop right now.

There. I've said it. I'm sorry if it hurts you, but sometimes people who love you--and I mostly tolerate you, which is in the same city as love if not the same neighborhood--have to step in and save you from you.