iTunes

My books are now available on iTunes! You can find Murder by Dewey Decimal, Murder by the Acre, Floozy and Other Stories, and EndlesS there now. Go buy them! Let me know how they look on your i-device of choice. I'd like to know.

Talk to you tomorrow!

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This picture made me laugh

I figure the cat killed its owners soon after the photo was taken.

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Saturday happenings

Felt better today, but the IBD is lingering. Very annoying. Still, got some things done including -- drum roll -- writing on Murder by the Mile.

Otherwise, spent the day doing errands and hiding from the overwhelming heat. Went to writer's club in the morning at the library. It was enjoyable. Things about the club still make me wonder, but it was an enjoyable and fun hour or so.

Didn't go swimming today. Meant to, but didn't work it in. My pool isn't quite sparkling, but you can tell it's not a pond now. The rest will come over the summer.

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And remember I'll send you special bookmarks for any of my books you purchase. You can even buy autographed books from me. Just contact me for purchasing information.

That's the post for tonight. Hope you have a great tomorrow. Talk to you then! Good night!

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Not as good

Not that good a day today. My IBD flared in the morning, and I spent most of the day dealing with that. Yeah. Good times. But I felt less tired than the past few days so I'm hoping I will continue to regain my energy.

Need that energy. I need to be writing and publishing. My unemployment is going to run out very soon, and then I won't have a net anymore. My slow financial decline will become a drop off a cliff. And what's waiting at the bottom isn't pretty.

You can help! Buy my books! Enjoy my books! Tell your friends! Buy them for birthday gifts! Buy them to give to your local libraries!

And remember I'll send you special bookmarks for any of my books you purchase. You can even buy autographed books from me. Just contact me for purchasing information.

The next big project is to finish Murder by the Mile. Which will conclude The Measurements of Murder™ series for a while. I'd like to start a new series that's a bit more light hearted. Still, I'm very fond of Bernard and Lisa, so who knows? I guess it will depend on sales and on what murders continue to happen in Ryton, Oklahoma.

Anyway, it's late, so I'm going to bed now. Hope life is treating you well.

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Small victories

Writing that you're blocked and can't write ... is actually writing.

Yes, it's a small victory, but if we win enough small victories, they can add up to a large victory.

So I think we should rejoice in small victories and revel in them until at least we win the war.

Don't you?

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Into the night

I don't know why I'm not writing. I seem to be paralyzed creatively. Makes me both confused and angry. I've never ever EVER run out of words. You can't shut me up -- in the past, but now I find silence attempting to smother me. I'm sure there's some deep reason for this, but frankly, I'm tired of me. Tired of analyzing my failures and tired of trying to fix things. Don't want to do anything, and maybe that's the reason I'm not able to write.

Anyway, thought I would drop in here. Don't even know if you're still out there or even who "you" are. Just throwing some words out into the night, listening and wondering if I'll hear when they land.

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Coffee

Got a coffee the other day with a friend of mine. Well, actually I had unsweetened iced tea, but he had a coffee.

The beverage is unimportant.

What was important was he told that he's leaving his wife of 15 years. Got himself a young girlfriend. Of course, he was all torn up about how he was hurting his family and children, but he couldn't help himself because the love was just so strong. He was so earnest when he said it that I nearly beat him with a chair.

After he finished, we sat there quietly.

He asked, "Well, what do you think?

I looked at him. "Really? You really want to know what I think? After all these years of knowing me, you want to know what I think?"

He looked at me and then looked away. "I guess not. You don't understand."

"Let's see," I said. "You're leaving your wife for a girl half your age who is your employee whom you seduced and courted even though you're married to a woman who nursed you through cancer and helped keep your business going while you were sick and who's raising your children? I think I understand that. What I don't understand is why you're attempting to justify it to me or to anyone else."

"You're right," he snapped. "I don't have to justify it to anyone."

I shrugged, feeling my face flush. "Then why do you feel like you should try?"

He muttered a swear word. "I thought you were my friend."

"I am," I said. "A good enough one that I won't let you lie to me."

After about five minutes, he nodded. "True enough. You're always been an honest bastard."

Again I considered beating him with a chair, but before I could decide, he finished his coffee, tossed a twenty dollar bill on the table, and left with a curt goodbye.

I paid the bill with his twenty, left a dollar tip, and kept the rest.

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A good day

Today was a good day. I got a lot done. Maybe the Vitamin D is finally kicking in. I sure hope so. I was tired today, but not so tired that I couldn't press on through it. So what did I do?

• I vacuumed my house.
• Dusted the living room.
• Loaded up and took the recyclables to the recycling. This took two trips.
• Watered the flowers.
• Washed the dishes.
• Wrote out some bills and went to the post office to mail them.
• Steam mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors.
• Washed, dried, and folded three loads of laundry.
• Worked on the pool, adding clarifier, changing the filter, and skimming it.
• Emptied the trash cans.
• Cleaned and shined the kitchen and bathroom sinks.
• Washed my car at the car wash.
• Filled up my car with gas. (Ouch!)
• Walked two miles at the fitness center.
• Scrapbooked four pages.

No writing, but otherwise, I was a blur. A good day. I hope you had a good one, too. Talk to you tomorrow.

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This & That

I woke up with a huge list of things to get done today. Instead I watched movies and floated in my pool. A little housework, a little filing, a few phone calls, but that's it. Let's see if I can think of anything else to talk about.

Well, got my test results back from the doctor on Thursday. They were mostly good, but my blood sugar was way up, my blood pressure was slightly up, and my Vitamin D level was way down. Sigh. Well, I can fix those. More dieting, more exercising, more time in the sun, and taking a few supplements. At least that's what the doctor has prescribed. If my results aren't better by my next doctor's visit, it means a lot more meds, including insulin. So ... got to do better. And I will.

Anyway, nothing else to share about today. Hope things are going well for you.

Here's a poem from EndlesS for all my friends out there. Love ya!

This & That

I’ve been thinking of friends

and how they come and go

and how I enjoy knowing

you

I’ve been thinking of games

and how we all play them

and how no one ever

wins

I’ve been thinking of love

and how it’s a bastard

and how it’s what we live

for

I’ve been thinking of the future

and how it keeps coming

and how we try to hold it

off

I’ve been thinking of joy

and how it likes to surprise

and how all the old clichés are

true

But mostly I’ve been thinking

how life isn’t perfect but good

and how I love it and love

you

Excerpted from EndlesS. Copyright 2008 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the publisher and author.

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The truth men dare not utter

By Stephen B. Bagley

I’ve been thinking recently about my failures with relationships with women, and I think it boils down to this: Women are universally insane.

Yes, now you know the truth that no man dares utter. At least he doesn’t dare if he intends on having a date any time soon, but since I’m traveling through the Desert of Romance riding my camel Clarence and leading a train of surly Republican mules right now, I feel fairly safe in my utterance, although, of course, I will deny ever having said it should my dream girl appear in real life.

Women are bonkers. Do you understand? They’re loony tunes. Nuts. Several bricks shy of a load. A bunch of bananas from the crazy tree. Mad as hatters. Batty as bats. Steeples without bells. Bells without clappers. Clappers without hands. Hands without fingers. Fingers without prints. Prints without ink. Ink without cartridges. Cartridges without guns. Guns without triggers. Trigger without Roy. Roy without Dale. Dale without a valley. Valleys without a river. Rivers without water. Water without wet. Wet without a suit. Suits without a tie. Ties without a knot. Knots without a rope. You get the point, right?

What? You need evidence? Just a few days ago after church, I was talking to a married couple I know, and the wife asked why I wasn’t the lesser half of a twosome. I told it was because women were crazy.

“If women are crazy, men drive us there,” the wife said. She proceeded to tell me all things that her husband said and did to drive her around the nutty bend in the road.

He suffered silently, but gave me a look that said I was going to get a beating first chance he got.

And I gave him a look that said he wasn’t big enough, but I was sorry I had said anything.

And he gave me a look that said it was okay, and he was looking forward to fall when football season started again.

And I gave him a look that said I missed football, too, but I hated cold weather and wouldn’t it be awesome if they played football year round.

And he gave me a look back that said yeah, that would be grand particularly if they also played baseball.

And my look said that baseball was okay, but I had never really enjoyed it the way I did football.

And he gave me a look that said one of us should be paying attention to what she was saying in case she wanted a response.

And my look told him that I had tuned in briefly and she was still going on and on about having to pick up his underwear even though the clothes hamper was only two steps away from anywhere in the tiny apartment that she was trapped in.

And his look said that she was the one who chose that tiny apartment when he had been content for them to keep living with his mother who had always taken good care of him and didn’t burn dinner the way his wife did.

Then his wife gave him a look that said that he’d be lucky to EVER see her in the kitchen again if that’s how he felt about it! Then she burst into tears.

They both moved off with her giving me an angry just-wait-until-you're-married-and-I-talk-to-your wife look and him giving me a trapped kill-me-now look and me giving them a you-should-see-a-marriage-counselor look.

But you’ve not heard the craziest thing about women, and to paraphrase a country sage, it’s this: I like ’em. I love ’em. I want some more of ’em.

It’s obvious that I’m perfect for them because I’m as bonkers — or even more — than they are. So what I’m really looking for, what I need, is a woman to be crazy along with me.

We could wear our clown suits as we skip happily through life, throwing pies, spraying seltzer water, tripping people with our huge shoes. We could have lots of kids and get one of those tiny cars and travel around the country spreading happy insanity as we go.

There are worse lives, you know.

Copyright 2011 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the author and publisher. Excerpted from Return of the Floozy.

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One of those days

One of those bad days when the black dog won't leave me alone. I get so tired of being down. Seems to take all my effort just to do the simple things, much less anything complex. I've got to figure a way out of this.

Let's see. What good things did I do today?

I walked 2 miles at the fitness center with a friend. I folded and put away a load of laundry. I went to lunch with a friend. I filed a bit. I washed my car. I prepared the envelopes for mailing the family newsletter for two months. I had a delicious ice cream sandwich.

I'm afraid that's it. And I've certainly had worse days, you know.

Well, tomorrow will be a better day. Talk to you then.

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Oakleaf Harbor

I've been updating my Cafepress store for the past few days. A new look, new products, general rearranging, etc. Stop by and have a look at it and tell me what you think. Here's the link: Oakleaf Harbor. I'll be letting you know as I add new products. Naturally, they are all products that I designed. Well, the graphic part of them, I designed.

Otherwise, my time today had been taken up with housework, errands, doctor's visit, etc. Nothing much to report.

Oh, I'm getting words on Murder by the Mile, too. Woohoo!

51,354 is my word count so far. Need another 24,000 or so. Wonder how long that will take. Trying to get 500 words a day. Sometimes that's quite hard.

Nearly midnight so I should get in bed. Talk to you tomorrow.

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Intermediate

I went to my second Excel class (Intermediate Excel) at the local technology center today. I didn't do as good this time. We rapidly got over my head. I had to ask for help several times. I think the instructor was somewhat frustrated at me, but when I stopped asking, other people started asking questions. Although I had taken the beginning Excel class, the material and instructor assumed more familiarity with the material than I had. Still, I got my certificate for taking the class and can add it to my ever growing resume.

My resume, by the way, may be my finest writing. I see a time in the future when it will hang in a museum, and people will come from around the world to marvel at its simple, clean beauty. The placard by the resume will read: The Resume. By Stephen Bagley. Early 21st century example of Post Modernism Resume. Unfortunately, Bagley starved to death while searching for a job so this is the only example of his work.  

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The Importance of Pool Maintenance - A Horror Story

Listen, I don't know if anyone is left out there, but I wanted to let the world know I was here. That I existed if nothing else. If anyone survives this nightmare.

It's been hours since the screaming stopped. Perhaps IT has sated its hunger for a while. No way for me to get out of my house now. When the house collapsed, something blocked the door. Perhaps a rafter. And the only other way out leads to IT.

There's just me now, and my cell phone. No one answers when I call 911. Just an automated system repeating the same emergency message. I think they're gone. Same for the fire department. For everyone. I'm using my phone to record this message in case anyone comes. Maybe my words will help them fight IT.

I didn't know what happened. Oh, I know the sequence of events. How we put up my pop-up pool too soon in the season, and then the spring storms came. How the pool turned green afterwards, but we thought we could put chemicals in and fix that. Maybe we waited too long. Maybe the rain carried this nightmare. Maybe IT was simply the result of all the poisons man has dumped into the environment. But the green cloud in the water fed on the chemicals. The pool began to bubble. Even then we thought we could simply drain the water. Send our problem down the sewer and start over. Maybe that would have worked, but we were busy. We didn't drain the pool. We ignored the problem. Waiting for the weekend.

How foolish we were.

It took me too long to understand. I noticed when we didn't get mail for a couple of days. The yappy dog next door stopped yapping at all hours of the night. One day the doorbell rang. When I answered it, there were only a few scattered religious pamphlets. But I didn't put it together.

Not until last night when I looked out the patio door and saw the pool was glowing. And then IT stretched forth a slimy tentacle and flowed forth to hunt.

I called the police. Naturally they didn't believe me, but they came, probably intending to arrest me for using 911 for a prank call. They rolled up, lights flashing, and walked to the door. I watched from the kitchen window. I yelled at them to run. I pleaded with them. But they just shook their heads at me.

One of the policeman told me to calm down. Those were his last words. IT flowed over the roof, engulfing them whole. I heard a couple of shots. Then silence. But IT didn't go back to the pool this time. ITs hungry aroused, IT swept through the neighborhood and then the town. I listened to the frantic reports until the radio went dead.

IT was huge now. A monster beyond a pool boy's imagination. I packed a few things, planning to run toward the north. Far north when the cold climate might hold IT off until scientists and pool service technicians could devise a plan to stop this horror.

That's when I heard IT returning. IT flowed over my house. I listened to the roof creak and the boards break and the windows shatter until the house collapsed under ITs immense weight.

I crawled to my living room to where the patio door once stood. Through a little crack, I could see IT pulsating, crouching over the popup pool which somehow still stood. I saw what IT was doing in that pool. I stuffed my hand into my mouth to keep me from screaming.

I crawled back here, to this little alcove in my entranceway, huddled against the unmoving door.

I don't know what will happen now. If the army can stop IT. Even if they even can. But they need to hurry and drop the atomic bomb or whatever they're going to do.

Because what IT was doing back there in my backyard ... the horror I saw ... small blobs dropping from ITS body ... IT's reproducing. Making copies. Soon there will be hundreds ... thousands of IT. And THEY will all be hungry. Oh so hungry.

Wait ... I hear something ... I hear ... oh no ... oh no ...

(Copyright 2011 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the author.)

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What now?

Reached 85th level on World of Warcraft tonight. Sort of anticlimactic. Got a banner across my screen, and my mage got another spell and some hit points. Sigh. Where is the parade? When do the dancing girls arrive? What about a victory feast? And once again, how do I find those dancing girls?

A friend of mine asked what players got when they reached 85th level, the highest currently allowed. I told him, "You get an email from the company that says: Think of what you could have accomplished in the time you've spent on here!" And that's somewhat true. I have spent hours in the World of Warcraft.

But ... considering what I paid for it and how much enjoyment I got out of it ... it's cheap entertainment.

So I ask: what now?

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Blog Announcement

We interrupt our regularly scheduled postings to tell you that Stephen is engaged in watching monster movies on Turner Classic Movies and thus will be unavailable for your reading pleasure this evening. TCM is featuring Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, and other men in monster suits crushing tiny towns. He realizes that you may think this shows an appalling lack of taste on his part. He can only reply in the immortal words of the King of Monsters: GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

We will resume our regular schedule tomorrow.

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Productive morn, afternoon slog

Had a productive morning, but my afternoon was a slog of exhaustion and sloppy work. Don't know what happened. I had a normal lunch, one I've had many times before. I don't understand what happened to my drive. I guess it drove away.

Anyway, finally got the March family newsletter mailed! Woohoo! Now I can start work on the April and May newsletters. Yes, I'm still behind, but I think I can catch up this month.

And speaking of months, can you believe it's already June 1? I'm amazed. It seems like the year is rushing by. I was supposed to be rich and famous by now. I'm running a bit behind schedule.

It's nearly midnight. That's all I have to say about today. Talk to you tomorrow.

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