Welcome to the 7th day of the 2010 Harbor Street Christmas Celebration! Today we'll have another excerpt from my book Floozy & Other Stories, a delicious recipe, and Christmas music from Kenny G. Let's get going!
CONTENTS
1. Danger during the holidays
2. Potato Cheese Soup
3. "We Three Kings" by Kenny G.
Danger during the holidays
By Stephen B. Bagley
It was a few days before Christmas last year, and I was talking to Linda on the phone. “Do you want to come over and help me with my Christmas crafts?” I asked.
“Good heavens, NO!” she shouted. “I’d rather strip naked and run through a rose garden that’s been sprayed with lemon juice.”
“What time will you be here?” I asked.
“I’d rather to be strapped to the speakers at a bagpipe concert,” she said, giving me a great idea for her next birthday party.
“Is that yes or no?” I asked. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re not trying to,” she said. “Rather than crafting with you, I’d sit through the presidential debates again! Sober!”
“I’m beginning to get the odd feeling that you might perhaps be reluctant,” I said. “Why is that?”
“Because it’s dangerous,” she said. “People always get hurt when you do crafts.”
I sighed. “Is Adam complaining about his eyebrows again?”
“Stephen, they fell off!”
“Actually, they peeled off,” I said. “And I told him not to stand over the chemicals when we were etching glass. Well, I meant to tell him. I got distracted.”
“What about Wendy?”
“That was an accident,” I said. “I had no idea enough paint fumes had accumulated to explode. But she’ll be out of the body cast in a couple of months. Personally, I think she’s enjoying the rest, despite her threats and the attempts to have me snuffed.”
“Yes, there’s nothing more restful than having nurses turn you every hour and orderlies feed you through a straw,” Linda said.
“So you’ll come over?” I asked.
“Not that I’m agreeing, but what exactly are you going to be doing?”
“Just papercraft,” I said. “There’s nothing dangerous in papercraft. We’ll be tearing up paper and mixing the pieces with water and a few chemicals, most of which aren’t toxic.”
“Well, I guess – Wait, what do you mean by most?” she snapped. “No, no, NO! Papercraft is out.”
“We could make Christmas candles,” I said. “Those make good gifts.”
“Didn’t you have a wax explosion a couple of months ago?” she asked.
“No one was seriously hurt, and my kitchen has already been repaired,” I said. “If I could find my cat, everything would be fine. I tried to follow the smoke trail she left, but the wind was high and I lost her around Oak Street.”
“No candles,” she said firmly. “Don’t you do wooden projects?”
“I used to,” I said. “But the police took away my electric saw after that regrettable incident when I was trying to help those nuns repair a pew and I sneezed.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot,” she said. “Do you still get hate mail from Sister Mary Margaret?”
“Just hate postcards now,” I said. “I think she’s getting over her anger. I hope so. It can’t be good for her spiritual growth.”
“What about painting?” she suggested. “I mean, watercolor painting. Yeah, watercolors are safe. I couldn’t get hurt doing watercolors.”
“Okay, we’ll do that,” I said happily. “Come on over.”
Later that night as we huddled under a blanket provided by the fire department, she glared at me. “How oh how did the watercolors catch fire?” she asked.
“Well, the paint looked a little thick to me,” I said. “So I thought I’d try thinning them with alcohol.”
She didn’t say anything.
“I think short hair is a good look for you,” I said brightly.
Fortunately they were able to pull her off me before she could finish choking me. Because she’s a friend, I didn’t press charges.
Excerpted from Floozy & Other Stories. Copyright 2010 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express written permission from the publisher and the author.
Potato Cheese Soup
By Michelle
5 lbs Potatoes peeled, washed and cubed
1 white Onion chopped
1/2 stick of butter
Milk
White pepper and salt to taste
Chicken bouillon to taste (I usually use 2 large cubes)
4-8 oz Velveeta (depending on how cheesy you want it)
Cheddar cheese
Parmesan
Saute onion in butter until transparent. Fill pot with potatoes and water just to cover. Add sauted onion, salt and pepper and bouillon. Bring to a boil and let simmer until potatoes are tender. Add Milk until broth looks creamy. Simmer for another ten minutes. Add Velveeta and Parmesan until melted. Add cheddar before serving (so as not to curdle the cheese). Serve with some fresh baked bread and a salad. Yum!
And now, Kenny G.
And we'll see you tomorrow!
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Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal at Lulu.com
Buy Murder by the Acre at Amazon.com
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Buy Murder by the Acre in soft cover at Lulu.com
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