Personal HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's my birthday so...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The ghost of wings

I'm walking away.

Leaving the black dogs behind in the blackened ashes of old schemes and failed ambitions.

Walking toward Jericho.

No, I'm not sure exactly what that means. Maybe nothing in the grand sweep of time. But maybe something more. Yeah, that's the mood I'm in.

It's not a bad mood. Not a dark mood. More of a reflective one.

My New Year starts Tuesday. My birthday. Another year of life. More failures. More adventures. More successes.

More life.

What more could I ask from this world?

What more could I want?

I feel the breath of a changing wind.

I feel the ghost of wings on my shoulders.

I feel my world open up.

And above ... the endless welcoming sky.

Covers

Over the past few years, I've designed several book covers for me and other people. Here are my favorites.

Another proof for "Murder by the MIle"

A few minor changes, mostly on the back. I think it's getting there.

Proof of cover for "Murder by the Mile"

This is a proof of the new cover for Murder by the Mile. I like it a lot. It's more stark and dramatic. I also like the straight trunk of the tree better than the old tree.

This is the old cover, which we're not going to use. It was too ... pink. I thought the background was too peaceful, if that makes sense. And it was sort of pink in the actual printed cover. Too pastel.

 

Unchallenged

I made a mistake. I should have called someone on rude behavior. Instead, I'm fuming. Being rude to me IS not a way to remain my friend. It's one thing where a person is teasing -- I do enough of that myself -- but flatout rudeness is another. Because it was in a group, I kept my mouth shut. But that is a mistake. People who do that are bullies; I shouldn't have let the bullying stand unchallenged. But man, sometimes you just get tired. They wear you down.

The End of Diabetes

Right now, my blood sugar is 149. It's still 49 points higher than it should be and where I would like it to be, but here's the importance of this: I used to run around 200-240 after a meal with meds. This 149 is with no meds! By following the diet outlined in Dr. Fuhman's book The End of Diabetes, in two and a half weeks, I have achieved this. I even cheat on the diet: Fuhrman doesn't want you to eat cheese or eggs; I allow myself some cheese and egg whites. I am not hungry. Truly not hungry. I miss eating a few things, but they were bad for me, anyway.

For breakfast, I had yogurt (no sugar added, low fat) sprinkled with sunflower seeds. Surprising tasty and filling. For lunch, I had a mushroom, cheese, bacon omelet, and a spinach and tomato salad. For dinner, ribs from Rib Crib, a salad, a few fried okra, and green beans. I don't have bread, milk, sweets, white potatoes, and excessive amounts of fruits. That's the entire restrictions. Yes, there's still a lot of carb counting. And the diet is high on fiber. But I can have all the non-starchy veggies I want. And I want a lot.

One last thing: Since starting this, I've lost 17 pounds as of today. I find that amazing because I've not put a lot of effort to do this. So ... do I recommend the book? I think I do. It really does work. It might be right for everyone, but so far, so good. I'll let you know how it goes.

I'd like to point out that I'm on oral medication. I think if I were on insulin, I'd be very careful about going off my meds or reducing the dosage. I test frequently and have been watching my readings diligently. In other words, if you buy the book and follow the diet, do so without shutting down your intelligence and caution. And you should make sure your doctor knows what's going on.

Now, whether or not I can follow this diet for my entire life ... well, we'll see. I've certainly tried other diets before that eventually I couldn't follow anymore. I'll keep you updated.

Amazing!

What? Two post in a row? How can anyone blog at this rate of speed? It's unnatural... I hope you hear the sarcasm in that. I know many bloggers who post daily. Sometimes several times a day. I've done it in the past. Maybe in the future when I get this book done.

I made significant progress today on Murder by the Mile. I passed the 80 percent mark on it. We're on the down home stretch. Just have to keep plugging along and sometime this month or early next month, we will have a book. By we, of course, I mean me. I wish I had a collaborator at times. I could just hand some notes to him or her and say, "Here, write something brilliant here." Wouldn't that be nice?

I think I can finish this book. I'm finally beginning to believe it. After all this time, I had doubted my ability. But slowly and surely, the words are coming. The scenes are gelling. I'm not quite certain yet, but...I think I can see the end approaching.

I'm beginning to get excited about it. And I've been waiting for that feeling for a long time. Sometimes it seems I've been waiting forever. It's going to be a grand moment when I finally reach the end. I can't wait.

A post, a post! Alert the media!

Let's post something, shall we? And by we, I mean me since, after all, this is my blog, and don't usually let other people post on it. But maybe I should.

So how are you? Are you there? I've not been diligent here lately. I've been writing/not writing on Murder by the Mile, the third book in the Measurements of Murder(tm) series. It's been taking all my energy. ALL. It's a vampire book, I tell you, a vampire! Sigh.

Anyway, I'm still here. Still writing. Still plugging along. Hope you are, too.

Happy July 4th!

Happy Fourth of July! 

Have a safe and happy holiday!

The Declaration of Independence
IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

The 56 signatures on the Declaration:

Column 1
Georgia:
Button Gwinnett
Lyman Hall
George Walton

Column 2
North Carolina:
William Hooper
Joseph Hewes
John Penn
South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge
Thomas Heyward, Jr.
Thomas Lynch, Jr.
Arthur Middleton

Column 3
Massachusetts:
John Hancock
Maryland:
Samuel Chase
William Paca
Thomas Stone
Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia:
George Wythe
Richard Henry Lee
Thomas Jefferson
Benjamin Harrison
Thomas Nelson, Jr.
Francis Lightfoot Lee
Carter Braxton

Column 4
Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris
Benjamin Rush
Benjamin Franklin
John Morton
George Clymer
James Smith
George Taylor
James Wilson
George Ross
Delaware:
Caesar Rodney
George Read
Thomas McKean

Column 5
New York:
William Floyd
Philip Livingston
Francis Lewis
Lewis Morris
New Jersey:
Richard Stockton
John Witherspoon
Francis Hopkinson
John Hart
Abraham Clark

Column 6
New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett
William Whipple
Massachusetts:
Samuel Adams
John Adams
Robert Treat Paine
Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins
William Ellery
Connecticut:
Roger Sherman
Samuel Huntington
William Williams
Oliver Wolcott
New Hampshire:
Matthew Thornton

A few thoughts about "Atlas Shrugged"

I don't mind Atlas shrugging all the time, but I hate it when he smirks. That's annoying.

Sure, Atlas shrugged, but can he put his right foot in and take his right foot out and put his right foot in and shake it all about?

I read Atlas Shrugged when I was 13. There's a good chance that I needed a few friends at that time of my life.

Apparently there's a porn parody of Atlas Shrugged. It's called Atlas Shagged. I regret to say that I'm not making that up.

My favorite criticism of "Atlas Shrugged" is this: “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.” ― John Rogers.

And that's enough about that.

Bitter

Sometimes I get bitter. Angry. At myself. For my past decisions. For all things I did and have yet to do. The blind mistakes that hurt people. The loves I lost for not loving enough or loving too much.

After a while, you begin to doubt yourself. You become afraid of doing anything because you can't see beyond your actions; the unintended consequences branch out of control.

It's an illusion, you know. Control isn't possible. We have such power, but not the wisdom or the foresight to use it safely.

Eventually you end up motionless. Paralysed by the unknown. You can plan. You can scheme. You can hope. But ultimately you cannot know what comes next. Only the fools rush in. Or those blinded by their desires. And you no longer have the comfort of blindness.

That old saying. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It carries more wisdom than we want to acknowledge.

So we sit, powerless. Perhaps complaining. Perhaps in ignorance. Perhaps in sorrow, but we sit. Trying to see our way clear of the morass of bitter knowledge.

Don't you ever wish you didn't know what you do? Do you ever long for those blissful days where you strode through your life as if you owned it? When doom seemed so unlikely that it never ended into your mind? When it seemed like the sun would forever shine on your innocent heart?

I do. God, how I do.

Summer

I remember summer as a child. How the sun felt against my small bare body as I jumped into the small pool near my house and how the cold water, coming from artesian well, was always ice cold. Chasing fireflies across fields on the hill above my house. How the hot, humid days lasted a year and a half. How the stars burned in a black sky. Running across the alfalfa with my arms outstretched like I was flying.

I remember sneaking out of the house at midnight just to wander the pastures under the  moon. I was never afraid of the dark. I thought I was the most dangerous thing out in the night.

But when I got older, I learned some snakes hunted at night. I learned someone shot a bobcat near my house. I learned bears still roamed the hills. There were rabid skunks and drunken hunters who spotlighted deer and could easily mistake a child for an animal.

The night stopped being my friend. As I grew older and moved into town, it became even threatening. Burglars and drug dealers, gangs and drunk drivers. Like everyone else, I mostly huddle in my house at night, lock my doors, and sleep with a loaded .357 near.

Still, sometimes I find myself wandering up the street in my neighborhood after dark. I carry a flashlight and a stout cane, but if I’m lucky, for a few minutes, when the wind rises and the moon is right, it feels like it did when I was child, when summer lasted forever and the night welcomed me under the million and one far away suns.

Depressing

Wow. I don't understand people at all sometimes. I do a fair amount promotion for my books and the books published by my little publishing company. It takes up a lot of my time. Yet I'm often approached by people who want me to promote their product for free.

You know what?

Their "good feelings" toward me won't buy a thing at WalMart or put gas in my car. I don't understand why they can't understand this.

I guess they choose not to.

A bit of panic

It's strange. When you start a book, it seems impossible that you're going to fill the pages. But the further you get into the story, the more it seems that you won't have enough pages to tell the story.

Ordinarily the Measurements of Murder Mystery™ novels come in about 200 published pages. Murder by the Mile may be longer. There's still a lot of story to edit and re-write and put in place.

I feel a bit of panic...

A problem with research

A few weeks back, I was hard at work on Murder by the Mile when a friend dropped by for a visit. While he was here, he kept staring at my kitchen table where I had piled source material and research. I figured he was interested in the book. We were talking about other things, though, and I never explained about the papers and books.

After he left, I went into the kitchen and realised what he was staring at: an open wedding album displaying the wedding announcements of several different couples. I needed an example to write one for the book; I wasn't stalking newlywed brides.

I promise!

System

Driving around the other day in heavy traffic, I thought about how intricate the road system is and how it grew incrementally. No piece of the system is particularly difficult to understand -- drive on the right side of the road, stop at stop signs, signal when you turn, faster vehicles to the left lane in a four lane, yield to the vehicle on the right at a four way stop if you both reach it at the same time, and so on -- but when you put all the pieces together, the total effect is mind-bending.

Of course, systems fail. Extremely heavy traffic and rule-breaker drivers can cripple a system, but it will recover eventually. Pieces can falter, but the system continues.

If you were an alien fresh to Earth, you would look at our highway system and think a genius had put it together, but it was only time and codified convention. Life is like that; it grows and becomes more complex. The trick is to keep track of the parts that matter, the ones that you can control. The system is too big for overall control, but the bits and pieces are definitely within our grasp.

Ripples

Like a pebble dropped in a pond.

The things we do.

We are so powerful, but we have no foresight. We can't see the consequences of what we do. We intend one thing to happen, and it doesn't. Or if it does, it's slightly different than we expected. The changes spread beyond what we can see. The ripples of our actions travel across the waters of our lives.

When I younger, I was arrogant. I was powerful. I was willing to interfere in people's lives because I obviously knew best. But ... of course ... I soon learned that being able to do things doesn't mean you should do them.

I learned how things could hurl out of my control.

I learned how people could break.

I learned how love could turn to hate.

Now I choose to be powerless. I refuse to shoulder the burden of power and the guilt of unintended and unexpected consequences. I choose to be free. I choose to be innocent.

But sometimes I'm tempted. Sometimes I hunger for that feeling of power. Sometimes I want to stretch forth my hand and drop a rock in the pond and ride the ripples to hell and back.

Sometimes.

It could happen

Excerpt from Return of the Floozy

Someday soon, you might be chased by a huge reptile, a huge fish, huge cockroaches, huge prehistoric birds or a huge land shark that has genes of a human. This happens to people all the time, as evidenced by the endless number of movies produced by the SyFy Channel. Here are a few important survival tips should such a calamity occur.

First, your chances of survival are much greater if you have both a first and last name. When introduced to anyone, make sure to say both. Insist everyone call you by both. Because if you're referred to as Private Simmons or simply Nurse, you will be eaten by a strange alien beast. If you're just "Hey, you," you might as well shoot yourself immediately. Likewise, if you're beautiful and/or handsome but not the heroine or the hero's girlfriend, you're simply there to heighten suspense so wander off to take that hot, steamy shower and make it easier for the alien to dine on your doomed bones. If, however, you are the Brawny Shy Scientist (male) or the Brainy Frigid Scientist (female), the odds of your survival go up.

Second, try to be the only person of your skin color or ethnicity. If there are two blacks or Hispanics or Native Americans of an unknown tribe never discriminated against by the Bureau of Indian Affairs or whatever, only one of them will survive. So if you see someone like you, kill him or her as soon as you can.

Unless, of course, that killing changes you into a Crazed Military Man or Evil Corporate Toady. Then the alien will kill you terribly, but you will have a lot of fun bedeviling the hero and his blonde scientist girlfriend before the alien sucks out your brain through your nose.

Third, if you are called on a mysterious mission to a mysterious military complex located on a mysterious island, in a mysterious volcano, at the mysterious North Pole or under the mysterious ocean, don't go! Leap out a window, head for Latin America, and never look back. But if you have to go, make sure you're divorced and that your former spouse has to go with you, even though your ex vowed to insert pencils in your eyes if he/she ever saw you again. It helps if you are still secretly in love with your ex underneath all those layers of seething hatred and disgust, because you will end up falling in love again before the danger is over.

Fourth, after you shoot the monster or cut off its head or drop a car on it or gas it to death, go over there and cut its head off! If you don't, you can count on it rising again to menace you. Just pretend it's a budget produced by Congress and keep hacking away pieces of it until the budget balances or it's dead, whichever comes first.

Fifth, genetic tampering ALWAYS produces a monster. As soon as someone mentions it, immediately start planning to face a hideous creature with superhuman strength and an insatiable appetite for human flesh. You'd think scientists would learn, but right now some highbrow is mixing the genes of an innocent bear with the genes of Anthony Weiner or some other horrible creature.

Sixth, radiation will also always produce a monster. And if you throw in some alien DNA or other genetic tampering, you've got real trouble. It's well known that most of the contestants on American Idol are the result of just such experiments.

Seventh, never go off alone. Unless you've always had a hankering to find out what it feels like to be dismembered. If you must be alone, take your portable stereo along and play Celine Dion's Greatest Hits. Monsters will either flee from you or decide that you'd make a lovely bride. Either way you're alive, although if the latter happens, you might not want to be.

Eighth, most aliens want to devour us. Beware them. Yes, I know it seems strange to travel across hundreds of light years just for a snack, but humans are the galactic equivalent of potato chips. We're just dang tasty as most of us know.

Ninth, watch out for the so-called friendly aliens. A relationship with them will only end in heartache for all concerned. The "friendly" aliens will cause a lot of death and suffering, be imprisoned by the military and/or secret government agency, be tortured, and then leave and/or die in a all-consuming explosion without giving us any of their amazing technology. For advanced beings, you'd think they'd do a bit of research on us before landing. Just watching one reality show should give them plenty of reasons to stay a few stars away.

Tenth, never ever ever wear a red shirt. This is a death sentence.

Following these tips, it's entirely possible that you might survive the ordeal. I regret to inform you that if you do, you'll suffer a fate worse than death -- you'll be asked back for the sequel.

(Copyright 2013 by Stephen B. Bagley. From Return of the Floozy. All rights reserved. No copying of any kind permitted. Thank you for reading.)

Mother's Day

I warn you. This is a harsh post for Mother's Day. Feel free to skip it.

Even though this is Mother's Day, I've just been reminded during a phone call with a friend that some mothers mistreat their children in terrible ways. I was very blessed with my mother who made her children a priority in her life. My prayers and thoughts are with those children who are not and were not as fortunate as I was. If you're a mother who loves her children more than herself, then may God bless you and reward you richly. He is proud of you. If you're not, then I promise you that there will be a harvest of sadness and sorrow that you will reap. If you mistreat your children when they are young, you will not be their friend or even loved when they are adults. Why would you expect them to act otherwise?

Everyone seems familiar with "honor thy father and mother," but are you as familiar with Ephesians 6:4? It starts:
"And, ye fathers." -- This is directly addressed to parents and then gives two duties that parents must do for their children.
First duty:
"Provoke not your children to wrath." -- Unreasonable rebukes and furious scoldings, bad and cruel language, broken promises, neglect or cruel usage will rightly cause resentment on the part of your children. The Bible doesn't say that you can justify such behaviors. In fact, it's quite plain: You have a duty as a parent to "provoke not your children to wrath." No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you mistreat your child, God will not be pleased because you are not following His instructions. This doesn't mean there shouldn't be spankings or punishment, but that you are to remember that your children are precious and to cherish them.
Second duty:
"But bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." I see many parents who don't bring their children up in church and don't provide moral instruction, then are seemingly amazed when their children take drugs or steal. Yes, children have free agency, but they will do as you have trained them to do. If you cuss, cheat on your taxes, lie, behave badly, take drugs, drink to excess, then your children will do as you do and not as you say.

It seems that some parents base their love on conditions. I love you if "you make good grades," "you clean your room," "you excel in sports," and so on. Some parents try to make children into their slaves or their clones. Those parents are breaking their children's hearts. And they are committing sin. They should remember God's example: although He expects and requires certain behaviors from us, He always loves us. There are no limits on His love or on His forgiveness.

I've been talking with a friend whose parents were alcoholics and drug users when he was young. There were many times when he and his brother didn't know if they would get breakfast or supper, but thank God for a federal program that saw to it that they would get lunch. Now his mother -- who has reformed -- thinks he should allow her to live with them. But he won't do it. He remembers those childhood days -- and although he tries to forgive her -- he can't. He doesn't want her around his children. I believe in the power of forgiveness to heal, but I can't fault him. She sowed a crop of neglect and cruelty -- she never spoke to him without a scream when he was young -- and now she is reaping the harvest.

He does need to forgive her for his own sake, but forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It also doesn't mean trust. I support his right to protect his children from her -- even if she is no longer the woman she once was. If she wants to buy a house in the same city and be available to his family so that trust can be built, great, but otherwise it's unfair to expect him to open his home to her -- particularly since she does have enough money to live on her own. She shouldn't expect "son" behavior from him now when she didn't show "mother" behavior to him then.

This is a harsh post for Mother's Day, but my loving and wise mother never minced words. She called them as she saw them, and I think she would like this post. Children are precious, and they grow up. Cherish them while you can. Love them while you can. Because if you wait, it will turn out to be too late.