Best laid plans are often thwarted by computer trouble

It's been an exhausting and frustrating week. Getting my data over to my new computer and installing programs I needed on it has been a major undertaking. Especially frustrating was discovering several of my programs won't run on Windows 7, and that those programs had no upgrades for me to purchase, even if I had the money to purchase them.

Well, there you are. Best laid plans are often thwarted by computer problems. I always knew that someday my computer would die and I'd have to start up the dreaded upgrade path. And I knew it would be sometime this year, but I was hoping for a few more months. For the sake of my budget and sanity.

But today I was finally able to do some actual work on the new computer. It performed well. I used it to enter corrections into a book and to design four covers for that book. And now I'm using it to post this.

I haven't named it yet. It needs a good name. I'm thinking Claudia. Or possibly Maxine. I don't know anyone who has those names. Which do you prefer? Claudia or Maxine or ... Boudica. Yes, Boudica! That's it. My new computer's name is Boudica.

And on that note, good night!

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Alien

It's one of those days. When I'm out of step with the world. I'm either behind or ahead or somehow isolated from everything that happens around me.

I'm used to this feeling, but I don't like it. It's quite lonely in this isolation. I do require a certain amount of isolation. I get tired of people being around all the time. I need some quiet. Some calm. But this isn't that feeling.

It's feeling like everyone else is in on the joke. Everyone else understands something that I never will. Everyone else knows how to love, how to laugh, how to live in ways that I can never comprehend.

It's like being an alien.



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Happy July 4th!

A busy day today. Spent the early part of it cleaning house and cooking. Then my friends Kyra, Gail, and Jennifer joined my roomie and me for a cook-out and swim. We had a good time, talking, eating, and laughing. I blew my low carb diet, but not as badly as I could have in the past. And such food: hamburgers, grilled chicken breasts, Greek salad, macaroni salad, strawberry trifle, fruit salad, chips and salsa, and more. Delicious with plenty of leftovers.

After they left, I watched A Capitol Fourth on PBS. I always watch the yearly celebration from D.C. It's a holiday tradition for me. A good show with great music.

I didn't work on the computer today. I needed a break, but I'll be back loading programs and looking for documents tomorrow.

Hope you had a great Fourth of July!

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A few Tweets

Computer war continues. One step forward, one program loaded, one group of documents downloaded and installed, then one program refuses to load, one folder can't be found, one step back.

To give you something to read while I fight with my new computer, here are a few of my recent Tweets.

Back from the gym, and I must say I feel great, except for my whole body which feels like it was run over by a big truck twice.

It's important to remember, dear, when I say it's not you, it's me. I really mean it's you. Oh lord how it is you! #moderntruth

Rob one bank to finance a death ray and suddenly everyone's all like, "He wanted to build a death ray! He's bad!" Pffff.

Oh, like you haven't wanted to destroy a large portion of the world in a mad grab for ultimate power.

Sometimes I hate my brain. It can't let things alone. I figured out someone lied to me. Often the truth sets you free to be disappointed.

If you don't have anything nice to say, keep quiet. You can blog about it later. #moderntruth

Every time I see a particular person, she says, "Oh, I'm going to buy your book." After the 1000th time, I poisoned her. Well, not really.

Ever have one of those moments when someone is sharing their deepest thoughts and you realize you don't care? #caretankempty.

Once upon a time, a long long long long time ago, there lived an honest Congressman ... #fairytale

Have a great night. Or not as you prefer.

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Still fighting

Still fighting with my computer, new and old. Trying to get documents over to the new system. Spent all day loading programs into the new computer. Some work, some don't. So far, everything essential seems to be making the transition. Thank goodness. I couldn't afford to buy a lot of new programs.

It should be a rule that every system is backwards compatible with the programs that ran on the previous system, but naturally they don't do that because they want you to buy the newest versions. Jerks.

Oh no. One of my programs isn't making the transition. Crap. Got to go and work on that. Talk to you later. I hope.

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Machine afterlife

Been an interesting couple of days. And by interesting, I mean gut-wrenching. There's a long story behind this, but basically my desktop computer -- the one I use to edit books and make covers and live my life on -- begin to die. And die hard.

I reloaded drivers and the operating system and took expansion cards out and talked to four different technicians and paid over $200 to do so. But nothing worked. My seven-year-old system was "outdated," my operating system (XP) was "outdated," the computer's motherboard and BIOS couldn't be updated because it was "outdated." All the techs acted amazed that my system was still limping on. I felt like telling them that it wasn't steam-powered.

So ... yesterday I went to Staples and a bought a Windows 7 desktop computer. It's pretty basic, but it will run Photoshop Elements and my other graphic programs, and it does have Word and Publisher. I'm back in business.

My old system is still sitting on the kitchen table. I'm going to raid it for as many components that function as I can. Then I'm going to try to convert it to a Linux system. I always wanted to try to do that, and I hate losing the old system completely. And it did last long enough for me to move the majority of my data to USB drives and to cloud storage. I'm very attached to that old system -- yes, I know it's a machine, but it served long and well -- so I'm going to try to give it an afterlife.

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Don't open that book ...

Forbidden

By Stephen B. Bagley

There are stories we shouldn't tell.
All the wise men know this.
There are lies we shouldn't hear.
All the wise women have learned this.
There are hearts we shouldn't break.
All the angels weep when they see this.
There are souls we shouldn't touch.
All the demons smirk at this.

Walk down there
The hallway grows dark.
Stop over there.
The shadows shift.
Rest yourself there.
The earth takes you.

Some knowledge burns the bearer.
You were warned.
Some secrets can only harm.
You didn't listen.
Some love brings only ruin.
Everyone warned you.
Some tears can't be avoided.
Into every life, blood must fall.

I wish I could save you.
The clock ticks.
I wanted to spare you.
Why wouldn't you listen?
I can only watch.
Fate steals your breath.

In the end,
the wise men say,
we choose our doom.
I leave you to yours.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express prior permission. Thank you for reading.

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Bagnold quote

“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”
—Enid Bagnold

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Steam Powered Giraffe - Me and My Baby (Saturday Night)

Another great song from this steampunk inspired group.



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Steam Powered Giraffe - Honeybee

An awesome band. The video grows on you, but the song is great.



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Test results

The doctor's office called my test results to me this afternoon.

My A1c has dropped from 8.8 to 6.7, which is a great improvement. I need to be below a 6 for my diabetes to be considered under control. I'm getting there.

My cholesterol was 153 overall, 35 on the good and 98 on the bad. Still good. Need to watching eating so much red meat, though. Grilled chicken and fish, here I come.

Liver and kidney function was good. Good organs, good.

Blood count was good. Good blood, good.

However, micro-albumin levels are slightly high. So I'm going on a medication to combat that. Basically this means the diabetes has done some damage to my kidneys, but nothing dangerous yet. The medication will help prevent further damage as I continue to lose weight and exercise to a healthy weight.

Overall, it was a good report, praise God! I appreciate everyone's support as I continue toward better health. Your encouragement helps me through bad days.

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So will I

Back from the doctor. Always discouraging to go. Their scales show less weight loss than my scales. Doctor wants to put me on cholesterol drugs and blood pressure medicine, although both are only a couple of points higher than normal. Cost me $210 for that info plus what I'll pay for my prescriptions. Well. There it is. Nothing to do, but to deal with it. Dang, I'd sure like to go for once and hear some good news. But I'd probably drop dead from shock if I did.

Very discouraging, though. Seems like I've been working hard on my blood sugar, and now I'll have something else to fight, too. 

And I beat myself up. I could have exercised harder. Ate less. Slept better. Do more healthy things. 

From there, I spread out. Should have a job. Should be writing more. Should be doing more publicity. Should be nicer to my friends. Should do more for charities. Should do more for the church. Should be better.

Should, should, should be a different person. A better person.

Sometimes I think about running away. Going somewhere new. Leaving all my debts behind. Leaving all my troubles. But I know better. I know my health problems with go with me. I know my debts will find me. I know these things.

I carry my burdens. I try not to whine. I try to be funny. I make people laugh. I keep my house clean. I contribute to my writers group. I write the words I can. I walk. I try to eat right. I drink green tea. I eat more salads. I do what I can.

There's not must else to say. Life is what it is. Life goes on no matter what we wish. There is comfort in that, in knowing that people laugh and cry and mate and dance and rejoice and weep and pray and sing and the whole thing goes on and on.

And so will I. So will I.

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Wide awake

Sometimes you can't love a person enough.
Sometimes they won't love you back.
Sometimes you can't work it out.
Sometimes you have to face the fact.
You've been in a dream.
Time to wake up.
Wide awake.
You have to walk away.
Never been good at this.
Never knew when to go until it was blindly obvious.
Always held on too long.
Hoping you have any pride left.
You sure won't crawl.
Your head held high.
You sure won't fall.
You've been in a dream.
Now you're wide awake.
Wide awake.
Looking around at the world.
Seeing the possibilities.
A lot of love left to find.
To give. To share. To live.
The waking world calls.
You're walking in the sunshine shining through the trees.
You're wide awake.
I'm wide awake.
Wide awake.

Massive Attack - Paradise Circus

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My Darkest Days - Perfect (Lyric Video)

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The Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm

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Katy Perry - Wide Awake (Lyric Video)

Steven Pressfield quote

“If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.”
― Steven Pressfield, author of The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles

Red Hot Sinner Man, 6

From Red Hot Sinner Man

Vicki knew Richard wanted her. She could tell. The way he looked at her. The way his eyes not only undressed her but threw her on the red leather couch in his neo-Spartan office and made her scream glories until she was hoarse. How his hand would rest on her shoulder, just a brotherly pat, a touch of friendship, but his long, slender fingers would linger as if they longed to press themselves deep into her flesh until they left dark violet marks of his passion.

She had sat at her desk and watched him through the glass wall that divided his office from hers. Once she had sliced her finger on a piece of paper and pressed the welling cut to her mouth. She looked up and caught his eyes focusing on her lips before he looked away. She knew he wanted her.

But he never crossed the line. She waited for it. Had waited for it these past five years as his secretary. Waited for that thrilling moment when his desires overcame his restraint and courtesy. When he would ask her out or steal a kiss or run his hand down her back. The thought made her breathe harder. For a moment, she imagined that encounter and where it would lead. She knew what she wanted. She knew how to get there if only he would take the first step.

And she imagined the aftermath -- his delicious horror -- when she sued him for sexual harassment until he bled. When she threw him and his company down and took them for every dollar they had stolen from her father. Vicki remembered what Richard's father had done to hers. And the devil be her witness, she was going to make every member of the Gallant family pay.

Such a shame Richard seemed so nice. Was so handsome. Inhabited her dreams doing things she had only read in books. Was so nice to her. Listened to her. Took her seriously. Remembered to send flowers on her birthday and Executive Assistant's Day. Gave her generous bonuses for her excellent work. Work that had been excellent at first so that he would have no reason to suspect her motives and couldn't be used against her in court, but lately, she found herself working harder for ... for him.

Oh daddy, she thought. This isn't how this was supposed to go. But I will make them pay. I will. No matter what.

She took a deep breath. She looked around the office. She turned back to her work. The report needed to be on Richard's desk today. She didn't know why her eyes were watering.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without prior express written permission. Thanks for reading.

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Red Hot Sinner Man, 5

From Red Hot Sinner Man

Alex wasn't what she'd been looking for. Abby hadn't been looking for a guy at all. She had joined Gallant and Sons to build a resume. She needed to rise above the rank and file and she needed to do it yesterday.

She hadn't been able to finish college. She applied for grants and loans and worked two part-time jobs, but the money wasn't enough to pay for school and to take care of her younger brother and sister. So she quit school and worked days at the local Taco King and weekends at Gilbert's Git-N-Going convenience store. In what time she had left, she tried to be mom and dad to her siblings. It wasn't enough, but after a rough two years, Davie was making better grades and Alissa had stopped crying over every disappointment as if her heart had broken.

It would have been easier if her parents had siblings or any close relatives, but their only living relative was a cousin who moldered in a nursing home and another cousin who lived halfway across the country. At eighteen, Abby became the head of their little family. A couple welfare workers had scared her by talking of taking Davie or maybe little Alissa, but Abby's fierce protectiveness and the fact the workers had too many children they had to rescue from abusive homes to worry about two orphans who were clean and well-fed. Occasionally someone would drop in and check on them, but the kids knew the drill.

Last year the insurance company finally settled the suit from her parents' accident. Enough money to allow her to quit the Get-N-Go and look around for a better job. One that might let her earn more money and be a way to an even better job.

Her official title was Customer satisfaction Representative. From 8:30 to 5:00, she took phone calls and answered questions from The Gallant's customers. Some of those calls she handled; others had to be bumped on up. It hadn't taken her long to realize that the number of calls dropped some each month as the Internet help system became more sophisticated. Soon management would look around to make cuts, and as the newest CSP, she had only job insecurity.

So during her breaks, she had taken to wandering the halls, trying to find a place that she could move to. She smiled and said hi and networked, networked, networked. She made copies and ran errands for other departments. She had a ton of "If I hear of anything, I'll buzz you immediately" and lots of "I wish they had hired you to do that job instead of whoever."

That's what she had been doing when Alex threw up on her shoes.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without prior express written permission. Thank you for reading.

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