51313 Harbor Street: June 2012

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Don't open that book ...

Forbidden

By Stephen B. Bagley

There are stories we shouldn't tell.
All the wise men know this.
There are lies we shouldn't hear.
All the wise women have learned this.
There are hearts we shouldn't break.
All the angels weep when they see this.
There are souls we shouldn't touch.
All the demons smirk at this.

Walk down there
The hallway grows dark.
Stop over there.
The shadows shift.
Rest yourself there.
The earth takes you.

Some knowledge burns the bearer.
You were warned.
Some secrets can only harm.
You didn't listen.
Some love brings only ruin.
Everyone warned you.
Some tears can't be avoided.
Into every life, blood must fall.

I wish I could save you.
The clock ticks.
I wanted to spare you.
Why wouldn't you listen?
I can only watch.
Fate steals your breath.

In the end,
the wise men say,
we choose our doom.
I leave you to yours.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without express prior permission. Thank you for reading.

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Monday, June 25, 2012

Bagnold quote

“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”
—Enid Bagnold

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Friday, June 22, 2012

Steam Powered Giraffe - Me and My Baby (Saturday Night)

Another great song from this steampunk inspired group.

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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Steam Powered Giraffe - Honeybee

An awesome band. The video grows on you, but the song is great.

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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Test results

The doctor's office called my test results to me this afternoon.

My A1c has dropped from 8.8 to 6.7, which is a great improvement. I need to be below a 6 for my diabetes to be considered under control. I'm getting there.

My cholesterol was 153 overall, 35 on the good and 98 on the bad. Still good. Need to watching eating so much red meat, though. Grilled chicken and fish, here I come.

Liver and kidney function was good. Good organs, good.

Blood count was good. Good blood, good.

However, micro-albumin levels are slightly high. So I'm going on a medication to combat that. Basically this means the diabetes has done some damage to my kidneys, but nothing dangerous yet. The medication will help prevent further damage as I continue to lose weight and exercise to a healthy weight.

Overall, it was a good report, praise God! I appreciate everyone's support as I continue toward better health. Your encouragement helps me through bad days.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Back from the doctor. Always discouraging to go. Their scales show less weight loss than my scales. Doctor wants to put me on cholesterol drugs and blood pressure medicine, although both are only a couple of points higher than normal. Cost me $210 for that info plus what I'll pay for my prescriptions. Well. There it is. Nothing to do, but to deal with it. Dang, I'd sure like to go for once and hear some good news. But I'd probably drop dead from shock if I did.

Very discouraging, though. Seems like I've been working hard on my blood sugar, and now I'll have something else to fight, too.

And I beat myself up. I could have exercised harder. Ate less. Slept better. Do more healthy things.

From there, I spread out. Should have a job. Should be writing more. Should be doing more publicity. Should be nicer to my friends. Should do more for charities. Should do more for the church. Should be better.

Should, should, should be a different person. A better person.

Sometimes I think about running away. Going somewhere new. Leaving all my debts behind. Leaving all my troubles. But I know better. I know my health problems with go with me. I know my debts will find me. I know these things.

I carry my burdens. I try not to whine. I try to be funny. I make people laugh. I keep my house clean. I contribute to my writers group. I write the words I can. I walk. I try to eat right. I drink green tea. I eat more salads. I do what I can.

There's not must else to say. Life is what it is. Life goes on no matter what we wish. There is comfort in that, in knowing that people laugh and cry and mate and dance and rejoice and weep and pray and sing and the whole thing goes on and on.

And so will I. So will I.

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Saturday, June 16, 2012

Wide awake

Sometimes you can't love a person enough.
Sometimes they won't love you back.
Sometimes you can't work it out.
Sometimes you have to face the fact.
You've been in a dream.
Time to wake up.
Wide awake.
You have to walk away.
Never been good at this.
Never knew when to go until it was blindly obvious.
Always held on too long.
Hoping you have any pride left.
You sure won't crawl.
Your head held high.
You sure won't fall.
You've been in a dream.
Now you're wide awake.
Wide awake.
Looking around at the world.
Seeing the possibilities.
A lot of love left to find.
To give. To share. To live.
The waking world calls.
You're walking in the sunshine shining through the trees.
You're wide awake.
I'm wide awake.
Wide awake.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Massive Attack - Paradise Circus

Thursday, June 14, 2012

My Darkest Days - Perfect (Lyric Video)

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Katy Perry - Wide Awake (Lyric Video)

Monday, June 11, 2012

Steven Pressfield quote

“If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.”
― Steven Pressfield, author of The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles

Sunday, June 03, 2012

Red Hot Sinner Man, 6

From Red Hot Sinner Man

Vicki knew Richard wanted her. She could tell. The way he looked at her. The way his eyes not only undressed her but threw her on the red leather couch in his neo-Spartan office and made her scream glories until she was hoarse. How his hand would rest on her shoulder, just a brotherly pat, a touch of friendship, but his long, slender fingers would linger as if they longed to press themselves deep into her flesh until they left dark violet marks of his passion.

She had sat at her desk and watched him through the glass wall that divided his office from hers. Once she had sliced her finger on a piece of paper and pressed the welling cut to her mouth. She looked up and caught his eyes focusing on her lips before he looked away. She knew he wanted her.

But he never crossed the line. She waited for it. Had waited for it these past five years as his secretary. Waited for that thrilling moment when his desires overcame his restraint and courtesy. When he would ask her out or steal a kiss or run his hand down her back. The thought made her breathe harder. For a moment, she imagined that encounter and where it would lead. She knew what she wanted. She knew how to get there if only he would take the first step.

And she imagined the aftermath -- his delicious horror -- when she sued him for sexual harassment until he bled. When she threw him and his company down and took them for every dollar they had stolen from her father. Vicki remembered what Richard's father had done to hers. And the devil be her witness, she was going to make every member of the Gallant family pay.

Such a shame Richard seemed so nice. Was so handsome. Inhabited her dreams doing things she had only read in books. Was so nice to her. Listened to her. Took her seriously. Remembered to send flowers on her birthday and Executive Assistant's Day. Gave her generous bonuses for her excellent work. Work that had been excellent at first so that he would have no reason to suspect her motives and couldn't be used against her in court, but lately, she found herself working harder for ... for him.

Oh daddy, she thought. This isn't how this was supposed to go. But I will make them pay. I will. No matter what.

She took a deep breath. She looked around the office. She turned back to her work. The report needed to be on Richard's desk today. She didn't know why her eyes were watering.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without prior express written permission. Thanks for reading.

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Saturday, June 02, 2012

Red Hot Sinner Man, 5

From Red Hot Sinner Man

Alex wasn't what she'd been looking for. Abby hadn't been looking for a guy at all. She had joined Gallant and Sons to build a resume. She needed to rise above the rank and file and she needed to do it yesterday.

She hadn't been able to finish college. She applied for grants and loans and worked two part-time jobs, but the money wasn't enough to pay for school and to take care of her younger brother and sister. So she quit school and worked days at the local Taco King and weekends at Gilbert's Git-N-Going convenience store. In what time she had left, she tried to be mom and dad to her siblings. It wasn't enough, but after a rough two years, Davie was making better grades and Alissa had stopped crying over every disappointment as if her heart had broken.

It would have been easier if her parents had siblings or any close relatives, but their only living relative was a cousin who moldered in a nursing home and another cousin who lived halfway across the country. At eighteen, Abby became the head of their little family. A couple welfare workers had scared her by talking of taking Davie or maybe little Alissa, but Abby's fierce protectiveness and the fact the workers had too many children they had to rescue from abusive homes to worry about two orphans who were clean and well-fed. Occasionally someone would drop in and check on them, but the kids knew the drill.

Last year the insurance company finally settled the suit from her parents' accident. Enough money to allow her to quit the Get-N-Go and look around for a better job. One that might let her earn more money and be a way to an even better job.

Her official title was Customer satisfaction Representative. From 8:30 to 5:00, she took phone calls and answered questions from The Gallant's customers. Some of those calls she handled; others had to be bumped on up. It hadn't taken her long to realize that the number of calls dropped some each month as the Internet help system became more sophisticated. Soon management would look around to make cuts, and as the newest CSP, she had only job insecurity.

So during her breaks, she had taken to wandering the halls, trying to find a place that she could move to. She smiled and said hi and networked, networked, networked. She made copies and ran errands for other departments. She had a ton of "If I hear of anything, I'll buzz you immediately" and lots of "I wish they had hired you to do that job instead of whoever."

That's what she had been doing when Alex threw up on her shoes.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying without prior express written permission. Thank you for reading.

Buy the new edition of Murder by the Acre here!
2012 Oakleaf Harbor Christmas Cards now on sale!
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Friday, June 01, 2012

Red Hot Sinner Man, 4

From Red Hot Sinner Man

Richard had owned the world until now. Always been that way. In school, he made all the teams, made the good grades, got the hot girls, drove the best cars, attended the right parties, he was cool. College was the same. Oh, the parties were wilder, the classes harder, the girls more numerous, the cars more expensive, but the McConnell's little heir deserved the best and he got it. That's the way he had always lived. That's what he expected.

Now, the Gallant -- the company that had been in his family since the 1700's and that had paid for all that college, all those cars, all those girls -- was going down with him at the helm.

His grandfather and his father had made mistakes. They bought high and sold low too many times. They waited too long to moderize and didn't wait long enough to see if changes would help. Oh, success hadn't passed by the Gallant completely; otherwise, it wouldn't have survived, but too much red ink stained its pages over the years. And even though the mistakes of his predecessors caused the decline, he would be the one who would be blamed. The Gallant would go down on his watch.

The choices on his desk: Close the Gallant or sell it to Van de Meter and Horn. Either would make his father spin in his grave and his mother spit in his face.

He was beginning to think he didn't drink enough.

Copyright 2012. All rights reserved. No copying without express prior written permission. Thank you for reading.

Buy the new edition of Murder by the Acre here!
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Buy Floozy, MBTA & MBDD items and more at Oakleaf Harbor