Recently, I tried those compression walking shorts that supposedly help your muscles stay relaxed and energized. I felt and looked like a bratwurst sausage.
There was a physics problem of trying to place too much of me into too little of the shorts. I couldn't solve it and was only able to remove the garment with the aid of WD-40. At least the fire department didn't have to cut me out of them.
Again.
(Excerpted from the forthcoming book Floozy Goes Forth, copyright 2020. All rights reserved.)
Sunday, May 24, 2020
Saturday, May 23, 2020
Lies & More Lies
There's a certain logic behind some lies. By that, I mean a person who lies for advancement or profit or protection has an understandable motive. You may disapprove, but you can understand why the person lied. Perhaps even in certain situations be willing to lie yourself for whatever reason you deem sufficient.
But what about someone who just lies all the time? Lies as easily as talking. Lies upon lies. So many that you begin to wonder if the person really knows what the truth is. Pathological lying. So many lies that the person can't keep them straight, and neither can anyone else. And the motives are unfathomable by anyone, perhaps even by the person telling them.
In times past, people would say a "lying spirit" had taken the person. That the person had lost hold on reality. That they had gone mad. Such people would be put away quietly to be studied by doctors and professors.
These days, we elect them to Congress.
But what about someone who just lies all the time? Lies as easily as talking. Lies upon lies. So many that you begin to wonder if the person really knows what the truth is. Pathological lying. So many lies that the person can't keep them straight, and neither can anyone else. And the motives are unfathomable by anyone, perhaps even by the person telling them.
In times past, people would say a "lying spirit" had taken the person. That the person had lost hold on reality. That they had gone mad. Such people would be put away quietly to be studied by doctors and professors.
These days, we elect them to Congress.
Friday, May 22, 2020
Forest for the Trees
How are you this Friday? I've been busy the past several days finishing a monthly newsletter that's a month behind! The process is not necessarily hard, but it's long and somewhat complicated. Well, not really complicated, but...lots of steps to do in order. No step is particularly hard, but they have to be done in order, and they all have to be done. Maybe it is complicated.
Things often are when you look at a whole project rather than breaking it into steps. Looking at the forest can keep you from seeing the trees. And vice versa, of course.
Many people claim that seeing the forest is more important than seeing the trees, forgetting that the trees as a group are the forest. You can lose one tree, obviously, and still have a forest, but how many can you lose before the forest is no more? One tree is not a forest. Nor is two or three or even 10. How about 100? 300? 1,000? There's not a true definition of a forest. We simply know one when we see one.
That brings us back to the importance of a single tree. If you lose enough single trees, then you don't have a forest anymore. So every tree has to be important because, without it, the forest is diminished. Always beware of someone who is willing to sacrifice a tree or two for the sake of the forest. They're ignoring what a forest truly is.
And no, I'm not really talking about trees. I'm actually talking about government and how politicians sacrifice individuals--us--to benefit the greater public, even though each of us actually is a part of that "public."
Politicians talk about making the hard decisions, but have you ever noticed their hard decisions never impact them? They hold themselves apart. They're not part of the public. They're the overseers, the rulers--the sacrificers, never the sacrifices.
Make no mistake about this: If you're a Republican or Democrat or any other political party, you're supporting people who will claim--with pride--that they can make the hard decisions for us, that they know better than the individual, that sacrifice is necessary for the greater good.
They're protecting the forest, you see? The forest is more important than a tree, right? And it's only after a forest is clear cut that people realize something vital has been lost. Fortunately, at that point, our overseers will exhort the values of an empty land. We are so lucky.
Aren't we?
Things often are when you look at a whole project rather than breaking it into steps. Looking at the forest can keep you from seeing the trees. And vice versa, of course.
Many people claim that seeing the forest is more important than seeing the trees, forgetting that the trees as a group are the forest. You can lose one tree, obviously, and still have a forest, but how many can you lose before the forest is no more? One tree is not a forest. Nor is two or three or even 10. How about 100? 300? 1,000? There's not a true definition of a forest. We simply know one when we see one.
That brings us back to the importance of a single tree. If you lose enough single trees, then you don't have a forest anymore. So every tree has to be important because, without it, the forest is diminished. Always beware of someone who is willing to sacrifice a tree or two for the sake of the forest. They're ignoring what a forest truly is.
And no, I'm not really talking about trees. I'm actually talking about government and how politicians sacrifice individuals--us--to benefit the greater public, even though each of us actually is a part of that "public."
Politicians talk about making the hard decisions, but have you ever noticed their hard decisions never impact them? They hold themselves apart. They're not part of the public. They're the overseers, the rulers--the sacrificers, never the sacrifices.
Make no mistake about this: If you're a Republican or Democrat or any other political party, you're supporting people who will claim--with pride--that they can make the hard decisions for us, that they know better than the individual, that sacrifice is necessary for the greater good.
They're protecting the forest, you see? The forest is more important than a tree, right? And it's only after a forest is clear cut that people realize something vital has been lost. Fortunately, at that point, our overseers will exhort the values of an empty land. We are so lucky.
Aren't we?
Thursday, May 21, 2020
A Quickening of the Winds
I wrote a column today that I'm quite proud of. Not that I haven't written better ones with more laughs. No, it's because I wrote it when I didn't feel like I could. It's nearly a month overdue so today I planted myself in my chair and told me to write anything as long as I filled up that space. And I did. All the recent stress has taken the wind out of my sails, but today I felt a breeze.
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