November 2015 issue of the Many Rivers Harbor Newsletter
Currents & Tides
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Big News! Undying by Stephen B. Bagley and Gail Henderson is now available on Amazon and other online retailers. We're both excited to offer this book of intense, funny, dark, sexy poems for you to enjoy.
Buy on Amazon by clicking here!
Tis the season for Tales from Bethlehem. You've heard the story a thousand times: glorious angels, lowly shepherds, brightly shining star, three Wise Men, and wee babe in a manger. But have you ever wondered about everyone else in tiny Bethlehem on that marvel of nights? What did they think? What did they do? In these funny and touching tales, you'll meet a stable boy, a serving girl, an honest spy, an astounding clerk, an empty innkeeper, a mighty ship of the desert, and many others as they share their amazing Tales from Bethlehem. A perfect gift!
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Maybe you like a bit of murder to season your holidays. In Murder by the Acre, Bernard and Lisa stumble on the body of a local jeweler and ladies' man in an underground house. As the couple and Chief Donaldson investigate, they find themselves drawn into a confusing mystery of lies and alibis that involves the upper crust of Ryton, Oklahoma. Questions abound: Who killed him and how? Why doesn't the widow care that her husband is dead? Why doesn't his mistress? What does the mysterious Aventura Corporation have to do with the murder? What is the corporation hiding? Soon events spiral out of control as the killer strikes again and again. As the three dig for the truth, they upset powerful, vengeful people. The chief might lose his job, but Bernard and Lisa could lose their lives in this suspenseful, fast-paced sequel to Murder by Dewey Decimal.
Buy MBTA on Amazon by clicking here!
Buy Murder by Dewey Decimal on Amazon by clicking here!
Big ebook sale! The Blackbirds Second Flight ebook is on sale for .99 cents until December 1 for your Kindle! Enjoy thrilling dark fantasy stories and chilling poems from Stephen B. Bagley, Wendy Blanton, Gail Henderson, Ken Lewis, Jean Schara, and Heath Stallcup, including a new Justina Grave mystery and a new sidhe story featuring the return of Maeve.
Buy for Kindle by clicking here!
Buy print version on Amazon by clicking here!
Need a laugh? Got two nuns and a goat? Do you enjoy Sabbath Night Fever? Or own a flying robot monkey army serving our Alien Masters? If you do - and even if you don't - Floozy and Other Stories is the book for you! Enjoy humorist Stephen B. Bagley's views of our world in more than 80 hilarious tales from his decidedly different life.
Buy on Amazon by clicking here!
The (un)True Story of the First Thanksgiving
By Stephen B. Bagley
from Floozy and Other Stories
I hope if you have to travel for Thanksgiving that you drive carefully. Or if you take public transportation, bus or train carefully. Remember only you can prevent forest fires. So stay out of the forest! The chipmunks don't want you there. They plot against you, they do.
Most people know the story of the Pilgrims and their long, perilous journey across the ocean. To tell something new about them, one would have to do months of hard research and consult learned scholars. Instead, I'm going to use an easier way that nonetheless is prominent among Congressmen: I'm going to make it up.
The Pilgrims left Plymouth, England, in 1620, crossed the ocean in the Mayflower and landed at Plymouth, America, two months later. How lucky is that? They left Plymouth and ended up at Plymouth.
The Pilgrims were fleeing religious persecution from the governments and churches in Europe. The European establishment was a bit looser about sin, considering the Ten Commandments to be the Ten Suggestions and the Sermon on the Mount to be a Chat with Tea. The establishment, however, was steadfast in its beliefs, burning heretics at the stake. What a happy time was had by all, not including the burnee, of course, who sometimes complained loudly.
The Pilgrims were led by John Alden or maybe Miles Standish. I'm a little unclear on this. It could have been Flappy Slapdashy. Look it up. On the trip over, several sailors died. This could have been seen as a bad omen, but the Pilgrims didn't believe in omens. They also didn't believe in baths. No, that part is true. They thought baths were sinful and should be taken only once a year -- say for instance when your undergarments were capable of walking to the water by themselves -- and you were never to enjoy the warm water splashing on your naked body. Sigh...
Some modern-day scholars have taken this to mean that the Pilgrims were dour, sour people, but this simply isn't true. In 1637, Warwick William "Willie" Wipingnose smiled in public at a Pilgrim gathering. He was immediately flogged and pilloried, but he did smile.
Soon after the Pilgrims arrived in the New World, they discovered, due to bad planning, all the supermarkets were in the Old World. Food got scarce. Several Pilgrims disappeared, but were found in various cooking pots in the Donner home.
The winter was cold, the wolves were gathering, and the pantry was bare. Disease struck the colony. The colony tried to strike back, but Disease was too quick and ran around town, skipping and singing Climb Every Mountain.
But help was just beyond the horizon, or actually just inside the woods. Chief Acornugger of the Whatchamacallit Tribe (names could be wrong) had met the Pilgrims some time ago. He hadn't liked them, finding them "stinky and dour." His medicine man Pokeineye (almost certainly the wrong name) had warned of the white man, saying, "They come in long ships to take our forests and our lands and will drive us before them. Do not let them. Invest in casinos. Grow tobacco and wacky weed on the side. Don't buy Enron."
For a while, Acornugger led his brave braves against the white man in daring raids, taking tools, clothing, and an entire case of moist towelettes.
Once he or some other chief captured several white men and were putting them to death by cutting off their heads. The last victim was a man named John Smith (possibly not his real name). They pushed Smith down on a tree stump and started to chop off his head when the chief's daughter Pocahontas threw herself on top of the captive. The chief was overcome by this display of emotion and ordered Smith released, although Pocahontas kept insisting that she had just tripped.
Anyway, Chief Acornugger saw that the white people were starving and felt his heart swell with pity, but it turned out to be just gas. A completely different tribe led by some other chief actually brought food, including corn and Twinkies®, to the famished Pilgrims.
The Pilgrims and Indians gathered for a goodwill feast, giving thanks for the food and friendship shared by all. The Pilgrims were so grateful that they didn't steal the land of that tribe until 45 years later.
And that's almost exactly not the story of the First Thanksgiving.
From Floozy and Other Stories. Copyright 2010 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. Thank you for reading.
And now, I will let you go cook your turkey and pumpkin pie, but be sure to get the traditional Twinkies. They make the holiday! Happy Thanksgiving!
