Wednesday, April 02, 2014

B is for Bond

"Bond. James Bond." And with that iconic line, the original action hero introduces himself to people that he will be soon either be loving or killing and sometimes both. I grew up on the Bond films and even read the Bond books and short stories. I'm among that small crew that likes Roger Moore's Bond best, mostly because his movies were bigger and funnier.

But I confess here: I often found myself rooting -- well, not rooting -- maybe admiring the villains. After all, they build things: hovercrafts, lasers, solar ray satellites. Amazing things. One of them built an underwater city; one of them built a space station. Admittedly, there's that whole pesky destroy-the-world plan, but otherwise, they're doing great work.

Bond, on the other hand, just blows things up. You always know where he's been by the trail of destruction he leaves. Even Q only makes devices to destroy Bond's enemies. Where is His Majesty's Secret Space Station? Nowhere, that's where.

Bond villains, of course, always lose, mostly because they spend their time bragging about their plans instead of SHOOTING BOND ON SIGHT. If I were a Bond villain, the movie would go like this: "Bond. James--arggggh" And then I would proceed to conquer the earth.

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