Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Tomorrow!

The first book signing for Tales from Bethlehem is tomorrow (Thurs., Nov. 29) at Karen's Art and Framing, 108 East Main, downtown Ada, Okla., 4:30-6:30 p.m. Food, door prizes, drawing registration for the grand price of more than $100 in books and cool merchandise, and of course, autographed books that make fantastic Christmas presents for your friend and family and you! 

Hope to see you there!

Monday, November 26, 2012

You're invited!

YOU'RE INVITED!

Yes, you and you and you! You're all invited to the first book signing for Tales from Bethlehem this Thursday, Nov. 29, at Karen's Art & Framing, 108 East Main, Downtown Ada, 4:30-6:30 p.m. 

There will be door prizes, registration for the big drawing, autographed books, and lots of delicious eatables! 

Come and see me! Even if you've already purchased TFB, come by and register to win and lift a cup with me! 

Your smiling face will make my day!


Friday, November 23, 2012

30 percent off!

Right now, you can save 30 percent on Tales from Bethlehem at Lulu.com! Here are the details: United States only. Valid Nov. 23-27. 30% off! Use code DELIRITAS in all caps. One use per account. Here's the link: Save 30 percent on Tales from Bethlehem!


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Six things budding authors should know

It recently occurred to me that people do foolish things all the time. Even now someone is thinking about running for president in 2014, which is doubly silly since no sane person wants that job and the next presidential election is in 2016. But be that as it may, I was thinking about those people who wake up one day and say, “I’d like to publish a book!” And even though that only leads to madness and worse, off they go.

I speak from experience. I’m in the middle of publishing a book right now. It’s been nearly three years since my last publication, mostly because it took me that long to recover. However, my creditors were hounding me again, and I embarked on another publishing voyage somewhat similar to that undertaken by the Titanic, but more tragic since it involves me.

The first thing I’d like to say to those people considering publication is this: Don’t. For the sake of your sanity and that of your loved ones, don’t. Please, please, please don’t. Just don’t. Don’t.

However, “those whom the gods would destroy, they first make writers” may be a paraphrase of Longfellow (and others), but it’s true. So writers blithely ignore the disasters that befall their fellow writers. They think, “That won’t happen to me.” This type of thinking is why women marry men who have been previously divorced three or four times for cheating.

The second thing I would say to budding writers is don’t, but I’ve already said that and you aren’t listening. So the second thing is to write everything down. Make notes and write out schedules so you can realize how far behind you are and how you missed your deadlines yet again. These notes will also be important for your state-appointed psychotherapist.

The third thing I’d tell someone thinking of publishing is, of course, don’t, but should they proceed anyway, I suggest getting a pharmacy discount card. This will save you much on the medications prescribed by your state-appointed psychotherapist.

The fourth thing (don’t) is to take a deep breath and remind yourself that it’s not really life or death. Neither of those statements ever helped me worry less, but I thought I’d throw them in here just in case you’re the type of person who is comforted by platitudes.

The fifth thing to remember that even though your book is vitally important to you — even though you’ve sweated and worried and rewritten the thing forty times and given up sleep and wrecked your health — other people, including some of your nearest and dearest, won’t have the same regard for it. In fact, they will treat it with such indifference and general unconcern that the only thing you can do is WRAP YOUR HANDS AROUND THEIR THROATS AND SQUEEZE MIGHTILY!

No, no, no, that’s not right. Is it? My state-appointed psychotherapist says it’s not. So I guess it’s not. No, you should simply remember that when you’re rich and famous, you can have your bodyguards beat them up and toss them out to the curb.

No, wait, the shrink says that’s not good, either. He’s annoying. Apparently the right advice is to forgive them and remain cheerful. Yeah, I don’t see that happening.

Anyway, the sixth thing I’d tell them is for them to buy my book. Yes, yes, yes, that’s the best advice of all.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. From Return of the Floozy. No copying without express written permission by the author and publisher. Thank you for reading.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I can see you. Can you see me?

I used video chat for the first time in August, and while it’s lots and lots of fun — particularly since I was talking to my marvelous nieces and sister — it does have a few serious drawbacks.

First, you have to comb your hair. Bethia buzzed me for a video chat, and I sat down to do that. Fortunately my monitor camera came on before it connected to her, and I was able to see that my hair looked like a rat’s nest — with the rats still there. I turned my camera to the wall, ran my hands through my hair dislodging a couple of pencils and a raffle ticket, and then turned the camera back around, revealing my tousled attractive hair to the camera. I bet the boyish gleam in my eyes was really charming.

Second, your house needs to be clean. Fortunately, my camera only captures a small corner of my house and entrance way, thus I don’t have to worry about the rest of it. I mention this as I look across my living room, which has two piles of laundry to be folded on the chair, several files and six stacks of paper on the coffee table, a box of computer parts and cables and a computer on the couch, and a Mouse Trap game on the floor, left there from when Eric’s grandchildren visited us a week — no, two weeks — ago. I will have to speak sternly to the maid, although Eric keeps telling me that I don't have a maid, and what’s up with that? 

Third, the connection can play tricks on you. I’m MUCH better looking in real life than on video. No, really. Everyone says so, particularly when I’m carrying a sword and pistol, and I usually am. And the audio and video can get out of sync so you look like a character in one of those old Japanese martial arts movies — your mouth moves, but the words don’t start until the middle of your sentence. And finally the connection will drop so just when you’re about to hear the awful truth about Cousin Sid’s fifth wife and the cable man’s cousin and what really happened at the Methodist Church’s Harvest Festival Hayride, the screen goes black.

Fourth, you have to wear clothes. This isn’t a problem as I’m basically a modest person — I’ve been told I was born middle-aged — and even wear clothes in the shower, but a friend of mine decided to use non-video chat to talk to one of her clients. Unfortunately for her, she accidentally hit the video button, and before she could shut it off, her client was treated to a picture of her in her underwear. She was embarrassed beyond belief — even though the client renewed his contract for another three years. Naturally her compassionate and supportive co-workers and family have told this story to everyone they can.

Of course, video chat does have advantages, too. It feels more like being there without all the travel involved, and you can share facial expressions so that people will know when you’re being sincere or rolling your eyes in ways that would get you slapped if they were near you. You can also use it to visually teach someone how to do something — say knitting or how to properly mix rocket fuel — although I don’t know anyone who does that, but you could.

A friend of mine who used video chat for a couple of months finally decided to return to the “old-fashioned” way of communicating. He went back to calling people on his cell phone.

Copyright 2012 by Stephen B. Bagley. From Return of the Floozy. No copying without express written permission by the author and publisher. Thank you for reading.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Save 20 percent!

Through tomorrow, you can save 20% on "Tales from Bethlehem" at Lulu.com! Use the coupon code VETS2012. The offer ends Tuesday, Nov. 13. Remember to tell me when you've ordered one so that I can send you an autographed bookplate! Here's the link: Save 20 percent on Tales from Bethlehem!

Friday, November 09, 2012

"Tales from Bethlehem" arrives

Here are the boxes. They're sturdy.

The publisher guarantees safe delivery so there are
 sturdy inner boxes,also. 
The books are divided into groups of ten and then
shrink wrapped  in the enter of cardboard stiffeners

Here's one out of its protective covering!
Isn't it lovely!

Thursday, November 08, 2012

My new business card


Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Error

Over on Facebook, a friend of mine posted a picture of four bushels of green tomatoes from her garden and I posted "I love green tomatoes. I wish I lived closer to you! I'd beg you until you gave me some."

Except what I actually posted -- a typing error -- "I love green tomatoes. I wish I lived closer to you! I'd bed you until you gave me some."

I immediately corrected my error, but no one is letting me forget it.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

The long election is over

Okay, take a deep breath. Say a prayer. Believe in God and His plan. Believe in the goodness of ordinary Americans who work beside you each day. And remember this nation has survived wars overseas and wars domestic. It has survived depressions and recessions, it has seen race riots and peace marches, it has marched through history bringing a light to world and a dream of freedom. Yes, it has made mistakes. Yes, it's not perfect. Yes, we all have complaints -- and the freedom to voice them. On whatever side you voted on, remember that we remain Americans, a proud people in the greatest nation on earth. This nation remains ours. We're going to be okay.

Saturday, November 03, 2012

Bells


"Bells," one of the poems in Tales of Bethlehem was inspired by "Ring Out, Wild Bells" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Naturally I don't presume to think I reached the mastery of this poem. It's one of my favorites. Read it aloud and feel the rhythms that propel this powerful poem forward to its triumphant conclusion.

Ring Out, Wild Bells
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out thy mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

If you'd like to read my poem "Bells," here's the link to purchase Tales from Bethlehem.

Friday, November 02, 2012

Perfect Christmas gifts!

Christmas is just around the corner! (Yeah, I know.) Here are some suggestions for the readers you know. And remember, I'll mail autographed bookplates to you for the books you purchase when you request them. At the top of the list is the just released Tales from Bethlehem. With the Nativity as its theme, this book is sure to get you into the spirit!
Tales from Bethlehem
By Stephen B. Bagley
Inspirational - Have you ever wondered about everyone else in Bethlehem on the night of the Nativity? These charming and touching Tales will tell you their stories.
Buy on Lulu
EndlesS
By Stephen B. Bagley
Poetry - Enjoy more than 50 sensual & moving poems, including the award winning "Non-Communion," "Torrent," & "Endless."
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Lulu

Floozy & Other Stories
By Stephen B. Bagley
Humor - Laugh at more than 80 hilarious tales from the author's decidedly different life.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Murder by the Acre (Second Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! New expanded edition. 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Lulu

Murder by the Acre (First Edition)
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the ladies man? Bernard, Lisa & the chief are back! 2nd in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble

Murder by Dewey Decimal
By Stephen B. Bagley
Mystery - Who killed the librarian? 1st in Measurements of Murder series.
Buy on Amazon
Buy on Barnes & Noble
Buy on Lulu

Thursday, November 01, 2012

'Tales from Bethlehem" is here!

Until midnight tonight (Thursday, Nov. 1) you can save 20% on my just released Tales of Bethlehem at Lulu.com! I'm so excited by this book! Use the coupon code BRAINFOOD to get the discount. Here's the link: Tales of Bethlehem Sale!